This
by Austwigirl
Summary: Jacob and Leah are having sex. But Jacob's imprinted on Renesmee Cullen. Leah knows better than to trust him: He doesn't have a choice but to be with his imprint, even if he wants the right to choose his future. Blackwater. Includes storylines of the pack as well. Nessie. Seth. Embry. Rebecca
1. Mine

**THIS**

_Summary:_

_Jacob and Leah are having sex. But Jacob's imprinted on Renesmee Cullen. Leah knows better than to trust him: He doesn't have a choice but to be with his imprint, even if he wants the right to choose his future. _

The characters of this short story belong to Stephenie Meyer, no copyright infringement intended.

ONE

MINE

JACOB

"This has to be the last time, Jake."

I take a deep breath and hold it for five seconds before releasing it slowly. Instead of answering her I reach for my phone and activate the screen with my thumbprint.

I have three missed calls from Nessie and the time is later than it should be.

Fuck.

I resist the urge to call her back and make up some apology. Instead I turn it off and place it screen down.

I knew it was a risk meeting Leah tonight, but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity with Seth and Sue being up at the Makah Res for the weekend. She'd made the first move, something she hardly does anymore.

I figure that's because I haven't given her a moment's rest in a while, maybe I've been wanting too much sex. Maybe she's tired of me already.

Whatever it is, I know we need to talk about it, but now that I'm with her, I just want to bury my face between her thighs.

I want her pulling my hair and cursing as she comes hard on my face.

I want to smell her.

I want to be balls deep between her fucking thighs.

I look down at the pole that is tenting the sheet that barely covers my junk and Leah rolls her eyes at me and growls.

Fuck.

Clearly we're not going for round five. And clearly I'm addicted to the pussy.

"I said this has to be the last time Jacob! Didn't you hear me?" She stands in the doorway and waves her arms around like a crazy person, gesturing to my rock-hard penis, then goes back to vigorously rubbing a towel through her hair.

I grunt in response.

Yeah I heard her, but what the fuck am I supposed to say to that? My body is saying "Hell NO!" to that right now, and so is my brain.

"Jacob Black, answer me dammit! You keep pretending like this is real but it's not. And I can't do this anymore knowing that it's never going to leave these four walls!"

I sigh. We had this conversation the first time we fucked and I got her to change her mind with sex. The annoyed vibes radiating from her face right now are dashing any hope of that trick working again. "I'm working on it, I told you." I tell her, not hiding that I'm a little annoyed with her too, for the record.

"I don't think I can wait Jake, and I'm starting to get paranoid."

"Paranoid?" I watch as she crosses the space between the doorway and the bed. She perches at the side of the mattress and I immediately slide my large hot palm against her thigh. Leah feels so soft, so perfect. Just marveling at the wonders of her skin has me twitching beneath the sheets.

"Jake, you're not paying attention to me."

"I beg to differ, baby." I give her leg a squeeze for emphasis and she slaps me. Hard.

"Ouch woman!" I rub at the spot dramatically, hoping she'll loosen up and drop this madness.

"Stop messing around, I'm trying to talk you." She sighs and her face drops into a sad, achy frown and I just can't stand the sight of her in pain. I hurt her as much as I love her, even though I'm not trying to do either. Shit just keeps happening with no explanation.

I pull her long legs over on the bed, adjusting so that she'll stretch her body out and against mine. I kiss her forehead tenderly and inhale the natural lavender scent of her skin. She burrows her nose into my broad chest and does the same. We are both now calm and ready to talk.

"What are you so paranoid about?" I whisper.

"I think Sam knows…"

I tense for a moment then take a breath. "Did he say something to you?"

"No, it's more of a look."

"He's obsessed with you, he'll always want to know who or if you're fucking. And your scent has grown more potent since we started this. He's an Alpha just like me so maybe he smells me on you – maybe he's noticed that there's something different about you…"

"Different how?" she looks up at me with those big dark eyes. My immediate response is to smooth the wet hair away from her face.

"You're…ripe."

Now she stiffens, and her questioning eyes turn deadly in a split second. "Ripe? What the fuck am I? Fruit?"

I chuckle. "Sorry honey, I don't know how else to describe it. You're just so…..attractive and beguiling without even trying. Your scent is like - you're just…oozing sexy lately. I can't explain it."

Her mouth falls open and she shakes her head. "Please tell me this is a joke."

"I swear, I'm not joking. I think that's what got us in this mess to begin with, you just…I couldn't…help myself."

I have no idea what the fuck I'm saying right now.

"Why didn't you tell me? And all this time I'm thinking once I take a shower I'm good!"

"It helps but it doesn't take it completely away. I literally bury myself in you Lee, if he didn't catch on eventually, I'd think something was wrong with his sniffer."

"So the others know too?" I know she's worried Seth will find out. He'll take it really hard. We both know how he feels about Bella's family and what happened to his sister with Sam and Emily. I hate lying to everyone as much as she does, but my guilt isn't stronger than my desire for the one thing I can't rightfully have.

I shrug, pulling her close again. "I guess if they hang around you they will. Embry knows but Quil doesn't."

She pushes up to sit and glares down at me, her irises turning gold for a split second, letting me know the wolf will attack me without hesitation if I say another stupid word. "HOW DOES EMBRY KNOW! AND HOW LONG? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!" she grabs a pillow and smothers my head. "YOU GET ON MY DAMN NERVES JACOB BLACK!"

I allow her a moment to think she's actually dominating me, then grab the pillow and tuck it behind my head against the wall. "Simmer down Lupa, he phased in at the wrong moment, that's all. I was running alone and he just phased in to ask me a question. It was an accident and I'm sorry."

She growls in frustration and throws her hands hand up in the air. "SEE! I TOLD YOU! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!"

"Shh shh shhh. Come here." I pull her to my chest despite her protestations. When she finally simmers, after more than a few choice words, I begin to stroke her back.

"I'm not ashamed of us Leah. I want everyone to know, okay? I promise, I'll find a way to make this real. I'll have you outside of these four walls soon, one way or the other."

I know it's a huge risk I'm taking, making such a lofty promise, but it's what I want, and so, I have to believe in myself. Or else…I'll be stuck and without Leah.

She doesn't reply, and we end up just lying there quietly for another ten minutes. I'm freaking out a little over what's going on in her brain. The moment couldn't be more awkward.

It's her who finally breaks the silence.

"I don't think you can hurt her Jake. That's the real reason why I need this to stop before anyone else finds out. That will just make what we're doing so much dirtier…and I don't want to feel that way about _this..."_

It pains me to hear it, but she has a point whether or not I like it. And I don't want anyone thinking bad of her again like they did before. "Leah, me telling her about us is not going to hurt her! She's going to understand. I've never made any promises of marriage or anything to Nessie. That's not what our relationship's like."

"But she thinks you belong to her, she always has. One day she'll want more than a best friend and she'll expect you to be there. You won't be able to reject her, that's what I'm trying to say. I believe you when you tell me that you want this, but let's just be realistic instead of fooling ourselves. You _can't."_

"She lives in Paris, she's enjoying her life there. She's becoming her own woman without me around, so it won't come to that. When I see her for her birthday, we'll talk. She knows you and I are close as it is Leah, I don't think it will be a shock."

"Her thinking that you and I are packmates and finding out that you've been fucking me daily for almost two months now are two _very different_ things. She's not going to like it, the possessive instinct of the imprint will kick in and suddenly, you'll be a couple, then engaged, then married. Just like Sam and Emily. Then what? You and I could never survive that in any capacity. I'd have to leave the pack."

"You can't go back to him," I growl possessively, my grip on her tightening a little.

Leah growls back and rolls away from me to sit at the bottom of the bed.

"I won't go back to him," she whispers but I can hear the promise in her voice.

I don't know what to say. My immediate reaction is to deny what she believes, but then I'd be lying. I've seen it with Paul and Rachel so many times; with Sam and Emily, Quil and Claire too. Nessie has a right to own me, to force me by simply declaring her own innocent desires, and it's exactly why I can't be with her. Hell, that's why I hate imprinting! It's why I'm fucking scared to be around her too much now that she's "grown up" by her own special standards (the fact that she's only seven still rubs me the wrong way).

How could I ever trust that she'll not take advantage of me?

Fuck that, how can I sleep with my first love's daughter?

How do I make a life with a half-vampire?

No one's got a clue on how _that's_ going to work.

And I don't want to spend the rest of my life, hundreds of years, phasing. I want to grow old and experience all the stages of being a man as a chief should. I want to be here on my land and carry on the Black name with little black headed, honey-skinned babies. When I think about my future it's here. I don't want to hide, I don't want to leave my people to think I died young.

Leah knows all of this. She's the only one I've told everything to. She's the one who understands and doesn't think that I should just fall into the imprint like the others. She doesn't think it's a bad thing that I disagree with Quil who just thinks he'll marry Claire one day, just because they imprinted. I thought Dad would get it but he's too steeped in traditions and making my life into a new legend or some shit. He's romanticizing the hell out of the wrong things, thinking I'm lucky to be bound to a seven year old for life.

I look over at her. Her head is bent and she's picking at the skin around her nails. "I know what I want Lee, and it's you. I won't give up on us. I'm not scared. I'm going to spend my life with you."

If I say it enough times, it'll come true.

It has to, even if selfishly for the sake of my sanity.

"You can say it all you want, but when she changes gears your words will change too. It's about what SHE wants and needs, Jake. I know you remember that."

This is what infuriates me, this side of her that's just too fucking "on the nose."

I suck my teeth in frustration and push off of the bed. Leah watches me pace up and down with a cocked eyebrow, and I know she's got some shit to say. But as my Beta, she at least knows I need a minute without talking.

I don't want to argue. But she hurt me. She just _has_ to call me out on my greatest fear without any kind of sensitivity.

And what's worse is that she has no faith in _me_ at all, only the imprint.

I stop in front of her and point to myself. "I am strong enough to know what's in my heart. You make it sound like she'll just hypnotize me into forgetting about you. But I'm not a puppet, Leah. No matter what I have to do, it's not going to change what I feel."

Leah snorts at me. "Well that's exactly what's going to happen Jake! Don't fool yourself into thinking that what you _feel_ will make any difference!"

"I'm NOT fooling myself okay! Not about THAT at least!" I shoot back, grabbing my boxers from the floor and slipping them on.

"What are you talking about?"

"YOU!" I shout. Now it's my turn to gesture like a mad person. "You don't really want _this._ You don't believe me when I say that _you're_ the one I'm going to be with!" I take a few deep breaths to break out of this hissy fit, then I meet her eyes again. "I can work something out with Nessie, Leah. Just have a little faith."

"Jake - " she bites her lip and shakes her head. Her eyes suddenly turn glassy as they fill with tears. She looks away from me and shakes her head again. "You should know why I can't believe you no matter how much I want to."

Her voice quivers and I watch as Leah rushes out of the room. I hear the bathroom slam shut across the hall.

I run my hands over my face.

Fuck.

Yeah. I know.

Sam.

I tap lightly on the door and open it without her consent. She's sitting on the toilet lid blowing her nose.

"Leah, baby don't cry."

I pull her up to stand then place her to sit on the sink so that we're more on eye level. I push her hair away from her face and cup her jaw in my palms. I lean in and kiss her softly with a light nibble on her lip. Her arms slide around my waist as she opens her mouth to me. Our tongues dance as our hands explore one another's chests. I finally pull away her robe thingy she says is a "kimono," so that I can trail kisses across her shoulder, then I dip and take her nipple into my mouth. Leah arches back and wraps her legs around my ass. The scent of her arousal hits me full on and I groan with need.

How do I explain to her that she's _mine?_

She's _Jacob's,_ not the wolf's or anyone else's.

I control my own destiny.

I make the decisions.

I take what's _mine._

I don't have time to fucking doubt myself, or this right here in front of me. I can't afford to let her think that I'm not choosing her.

I want to put Leah Clearwater first. I already do, but no one – not even her – fucking sees it because all my love for her is confined to the dark.

I can't let this go on and she needs to know that _this_ is worth fighting for.

Leah tugs on the waistband of my boxers, her hands taking hold of my dick and pumping me slowly, coaxing me to submit to her. I buck my hips into her hands and she quickly responds, directing me straight to her slick, pulsing heat.

I push hard.

I show no mercy.

I pound her so hard that she better get the message:

Never question my commitment to this relationship. Or what will be a relationship.

"Say you're mine," I growl, as my teeth graze her neck. The timbre of the Alpha wants to escape but I hold it back, just barely. Jacob the man would never force Leah Clearwater to do _anything._ Especially not this.

"I'm yours," she chokes out and I feel a weight lift from my shoulders.

It doesn't take long for Leah to orgasm. This one comes fast and hard because I've already made her cum for me multiple times in the last hour and a half. I quickly follow her, giving her ass a firm slap in satisfaction.

Leah moans and pulls my lips back to hers. She kisses me leisurely, taking her time to enjoy how my lips melt perfectly into hers. She whimpers my name as I cup her thighs and press into her body, reminding her that we belong together.

I don't see how I could ever want anything beyond this.

Me and her, _we're_ the fucking magic.

LEAH

ONE WEEK LATER

I can't believe he's really pushing for this, for us. He's gone to the Cullens to talk to Bella and Edward first, before Renesmee. It's a good idea to give them the heads up about his plans…but I can't help but worry that they'll react badly to the news. I mean, I think Deadward would be fine with finally getting Jacob out of his perfect little family; but Bella will want to hold on. She's never been good with letting him be, unless he's done something to piss her off of course (namely, insulting her coven). She wants him to always be her daughter's protector, she's paranoid that the Volturi will come back again. But Jake isn't a guard dog, and I hate when they treat him like one.

When they left for Europe it was because their precious spawn wanted to see the world. Jacob of course tagged along because he wanted to see it too, and hell, I don't blame him. But he was miserable the whole time. Being around vampires 24/7 was killing him slowly. Imprint or no imprint, his wolf couldn't handle it. And he felt like he was just along for the ride as the designated Manny. So he left them in Spain and came home…and somehow fell straight into my arms instead.

I still don't quite know what happened. I just know that he finally came back home after being gone for sixteen long months, and it was like finding water after sojourning the desert. When we saw each other, something just _clicked._ We just…mutually combusted. I'd never really admit it, but I'd missed him so much. I was probably a bit jealous too…jealous that he could leave and have an experience that was all his own without the packs. But after I laid eyes on him and felt a stirring in my vajayjay, I realized that it was something more…that I was jealous of _her._

Jacob's not just my Alpha, he's my rock. He keeps my head on straight and is the only soul alive who can make my temper simmer down. I need him around as much as my wolf does. And I don't like the fact that he's not mine for the taking. All I can ever own is his virginity.

"Well, this was easier than I thought it would be."

I'm never so lost in my head that I let a vampire sneak up on me unawares…well, that one time after the newborn battle doesn't count…I was fucking tired.

I look up into the golden eyes of Rosalie Hale. She doesn't even wait for me to respond, she just slides her cold body into the seat across from me. My hand tightens on my coffee mug, and her eyes catch the movement.

"Relax, don't cause a scene. I just want to talk."

I take a deep breath – which I instantly regret because of her foul smell – and sit back in the chair.

"I came to Forks to think, and to get a break, not to talk to dead people," I tell her coldly. Jacob had given me a spare key to the Rabbit to use anytime. Driving around always helps me feel like I'm actually sane. I can find peace for a little while when I'm alone with my music and the endless road.

"Well, you're in a public café, that means, we can talk now. And I really don't have time for this, wolf."

"What do you want then, _leech?"_

Rosalie smiles menacingly and leans across the table. "Are you fucking Jacob Black?"

My eyes widen and my heart immediately starts to race.

"I take that as a yes then," she replies, sitting back, all smug with her perfectly coiffed self.

"It's none of your business."

_"Au contraire._ I heard your lover's admission not too long ago. Seems he called Bella here to tell her he won't be pursuing a romantic relationship with our Nessie."

I forget sometimes that she's declared herself Nessie's second mother. So whatever involves her, involves Rosalie as well. She's a huge part of the reason why Jacob had such a pissy time away. I benefitted from the leech making Jacob so miserable that he came back home, but I hate her for always being such a nasty bitch to him.

"Aren't you glad?" I ask. "Don't you want to see the dog go?"

"Of _course_ I'm glad he wants to go, but Renesmee won't be. And what hurts her is a problem I have to fix."

"What are you saying?" My heart skips a beat as a cold feeling creeps over my skin.

"I'm saying that this won't work. Nessie's changing, she's maturing and it's only a matter of time before it clicks that Jacob's her perfect mate."

"She might not want that," I say, only because I don't want her to know that I already agree with her theory. Or maybe I say it because Jacob's said it so many times that I'm starting to believe him.

"And she might. She has the right to choose what she wants. Jacob imprinted on her and I simply won't allow him to walk away and break her heart. Not after seven years of her being obsessed with him!"

"He says she's happy in Paris, living her own life, finding herself," I argue, weakly.

"That's what she tells him because she doesn't want him to know that she misses him. She wants Jacob to live his life as he wants to. But it's hurting her for him to be away, Leah. If he gets into a serious relationship with you it will crush her."

Here I am, innocently sitting alone, waiting to hear word that this stupid notion of us being together might actually be possible…and in comes a vampire to slap me back down to earth. I hate myself for being so stupid, for believing for a few moments that I'd win the guy this time around. I'd be the worst person in the world if I really go through with this. I already am, because I fucked someone else's property.

"I never wanted to hurt her," I reply, defeated. Tears are stinging my eyes but I blink them away. I'd quicker poke them out with a fork than let this leech see me cry.

"Thanks for the saying that Leah."

I can't help it, I have to ask. "Does he know what you told me?"

The vampire's facial expression softens as much as it can and Rosalie looks at me with pity.

I nod once to relay that I get it, and avoid eye contact, hoping she'll leave now. But a black leather Chanel purse appears in front of me on the table. I look up at her then. "What's that?"

"A bag full of money, for you."

THIS MOTHERFUCKING HO-

"Before you get your panties in a twist, you don't have to take it if you don't want to. I'm not trying to buy you off or anything," the vampire says quickly.

"Then what the fuck is it for then?" I snap. Cause I think I know a bribe when I see it.

"It's a gift, woman to woman, because I know you don't really have anyone who can actually give you what you need _most."_

The nerve.

"And what is that exactly?" I ask, with as much attitude as the thirteen-year-old version of myself (which is bad, trust me. My tantrums are legendary…killers in fact). The thought of my dead father pierces my heart for a second and I am reminded of all the reasons why an out would be the perfect solution to my troubles.

"If you wanted to get away Leah…if you needed a little _vacation_ to…get over all the drama…then I'd like you to take it. I don't think that any of this is easy for you Leah. You've been through so much since you phased. Some time away might be a good thing for YOU, don't you think?"

I look down at the purse, biting my lip.

I can't help but feel relieved.

She's right. She's fucking right.

The only thing I want more than Jacob is to GET OUT.

And if I _have_ to lose him, I don't want to be around to watch him walk out of my life forever.

It's better that I walk out of his.

**AN: Thanks for reading another one of my mediocre Blackwater pieces! I actually have a story idea for this which would explain a few hints in the story, but I'm still plagued with writer's block. So I don't know if or when I will expand it. Fingers crossed ya'll! I'm trying.**


	2. WTF

TWO

JACOB

WTF

EARLIER, SAME DAY (before Leah sees Rosalie at the cafe)…

"Bella, say something." I look over at Edward, who grimaces and shakes his head. I can tell he's alright with the news but clearly Bella won't be so easy to win over. And it's what I expected because I know she hates Leah.

"Maybe you should give her some time, I'll talk to her," Edward offers.

At Edward's reassurance, Bella seems to snap out of her vampiric coma thing that she does whenever she's lost in thought, "Don't you think this is a little too soon? I mean think about it Jacob, the legends say that the imprint is a mating bond, so what are you doing? Why are you going against your own traditions?"

I shake my head. If she remembered anything about _me,_ Bella would know that one my personal mottos is "fuck everything else" when I really want something – or someone. The irony of it all however, is that I _am_ actually trying to keep my traditions, and live my life as a Quileute, rather than run off to hide around the world for the rest of my life. "The imprint's not going anywhere, Bell. It's just not that kind of bond for me and Ness okay, she's a child and I'm a man. I will never see her as anything more than your kid. As a _Kid_ – _period!_ I love her with all my heart, but it's just not that type of love. Quite frankly, I thought you'd be happy to hear that considering that you nearly tore my throat out when you heard about the imprint. You didn't want my wolfish shit anywhere near your precious baby, remember?"

Edward chuckles quietly and I know he's reliving that particular moment in his mind. He loves it when Bella turns on me. Ass.

"If it were the other way around I am sure you'd feel the same," Edward says, reminding me that he's always got that fricken open window to my thoughts.

"Get out of my head, leech!" I growl back.

"Oh just quit it, will you!" Bella snaps at us both. "I'm serious Jake. You should wait, give it time. Don't jeopardize my daughter's future happiness for _her._ She's not the person who deserves you."

"You can't say that Bella," I caution, heat rising up my spine as my temper steadily builds. Digs at Leah are off limits. Bella's the last person to know anything about what Leah deserves.

"Calm down Jacob," Edward warns.

"I _am_ calm," I insist.

"Renesmee's grown now Jake, she is NOT a KID. Stop being silly - this isn't a regular situation, she is supernatural and that makes her different to normal children who really are seven. If I'm alright with it, and Edward, then why aren't you? What are you so scared of now? Isn't this what you've been waiting for ever since she was born?"

"Are you KIDDING ME?" I yell. Bella is my best friend but times like this, when she chooses to be so fucking bull-headed about the wrong thing, I want to strangle her for the words that come out of her mouth. "Bella, you're basically saying that I've been a pedophile for the last seven years!" Even Edward looks disgusted at her insinuation. He and I both know I'd be dead already if I'd ever had one inappropriate thought about Ness.

Bella back peddles with a stammer, her little fists clenched at her sides, which always happens when she gets flustered. "No- that's not what I meant, obviously! I-I just mean that you've always expected that one day she'll want something more from you. She won't want a _brother_ or a best friend! She'll want a lover. A…ah… a _Man."_

"Oh God," Edwards grimaces and bows his head, shaking it in disgust while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Bella, love, _please."_

Bella chuckles nervously and dips her head. If she were human her face would be beet red by now. "Sorry Edward, trust me it's weirder being the one to say it. But there's no other way to say it! They were meant to be together. That was the whole point of us being best friends! And for the imprint! Jacob's role is to _always_ be what she needs through each stage of her life, and the next stage IS coming. Renesmee is a woman now."

"She's SEVEN years old, Bell!" I yell, throwing my heads up in frustration. She was just NOT listening! "I'm never going to see it different to that!" And it was always easy for her to say that Nessie was the reason for her and I being so close at one point - because Bella never loved me the way she loves Edward. But I _refuse_ to belittle the feelings I had for _her,_ feelings which had _nothing_ to do with her having a daughter with a vampire. Nothing to do with the supernatural at all. I was just a boy, in love with a girl who fell down the rabbit hole, and who went tumbling after her. Now she didn't want me to crawl my way back out.

Edward frowns and looks up at me and I snarl, daring him to comment about what he shouldn't be listening to in the first place. "Look, Jacob, Renesmee hates to be compared to that number and it simply isn't fair to her. Renesmee acts and thinks nothing like a seven-year-old. She is fully grown physically, she's mature and extremely intelligent. While I do understand your feelings on the matter - and trust me, this isn't as easy for me as it seems to be for my wife - I have to stand with Bella on this one. I think you should go to her, and spend time figuring things out. I would like to see you show my daughter the respect she deserves as a young adult."

Edward moves to stand next to his wife and wraps his arm around her. They are both dressed in matching blue sweaters and designer denim and boots; looking as immaculate and porcelain as ever. I don't think I'll ever get used to it, and I am grateful that Nessie is a little more human than these two weirdos. Edward cocks a brow at me and I roll my eyes and shake my head.

I am no fool. I know just as well as they do, that when I talk to her about the other aspects of the imprint, the mature part to the protection and companionship, that it will potentially change how Renesmee feels about me. It would be like activating the romantic switch of the imprint, in her brain. Telling her everything will not be easy, and all I can think about is what I could lose. I'm desperate for an out. "Will you back me up? I need your word that you will encourage her to keep living her life and doing her own thing."

"We can only promise to do what's best for Renesmee, Jacob," Edward answers.

"That's not good enough _leech,_ and you know it!" I snap.

"I don't understand what you're so scared of." Edward rolls his eyes as if _I_ am the one who's being a righteous prick right now. "You _are_, Dog!" he hisses then gets all up in my face, forcing me to take a step back as his stench burns the back of my throat. "It's as if you have no common decency! You've betrayed her! You have NO honour! And you're... ABSURD, Jacob Black! You don't even deserve my daughter, so it's fine! Run along back to your den! I'll be sure to tell Nessie _exactly_ what bullet she dodged!"

"Edward!" Bella gasps, completely scandalized by her husband's behavior.

Honestly, I am stunned too. The bloodsucker is always the King of Composure. He always makes sure to be on his p's and q's whenever I'm around so that when I open my loudmouth, I'll always look like the real monster.

"You ARE a monster!" Edward shouts right in my face before leaving the room at vampire speed. I hate when they do that, it always stirs up their scent. I sneeze and my wolf squirms in my chest. Gross.

"I've gotta go," I tell Bella, before the wolf gets the better of the man. Edward and I both know that if we see each other's faces again right now, there will be a fight. Fucking leech. My wolf yearns for the satisfaction of tearing him limb from limb, a desire I haven't felt since Nessie was born.

Where the fuck does he get off calling ME a monster?! He's the one who fucking slept with Bella when she was nothing but a fragile human girl. She DIED right there in front of me because of what he did. And I am the monster? I am the fucking _monster?_ He showed up out of nowhere and stole her human life away, and mine!

My breaths are shallow and hard now and it's a wonder that I haven't phased and gone after him. I wonder sometimes if I'll ever get over the havoc that the Cullens brought to our lives those years ago when they moved back to Forks.

Bella tugs on the sleeve of my shirt, pulling me out of the bloodlust. I blink a few times to clear my head and my vision which was slipping into wolf mode. But the action only buys a short time because the wolf is awake now and there's no suppressing the need to phase when a vampire is right in front of me. "Bell, I can't stay, your husband's going to end up leech barbeque if I do."

"Jake wait, please, don't do this okay? Just go to her, go to Ness and do what's right. Please. Just talk to her. If you need a ticket just let me know, you know I'd gladly foot the expense."

"I'm not promising you to change my mind, just like you won't promise to give me your support."

"Jacob I have to think of my daughter first."

"And I've got to put _myself_ first for once. You're telling me to do what's right but what's right is for me to be true to myself, Bell. You want me to lie to your daughter, but I can't. I've dedicated my whole life to you and your family Bella, you _do_ realize that right, don't you?"

"Jake! You were happy with us."

"No! Not all the time! I wasn't happy living by vampire rules. That's why I had to leave because I was dying inside Bella! You don't see anything past Edward's sparkly skin! You just want me to fit into _your_ world and always be your safety net, but I _can't._ Now it's my turn to think about me. And you know what? If you won't support me, consider us _done."_ I turn on my heel and exit the room.

Bella calls out to me but does not try to stop me, and I am grateful. I don't want to fight her. Edward's reaction has me shook, has me feeling like maybe I am making a little too light of the situation with Nessie. But it also has me angry, indignant. I am not some kid or pet that they can order around. The days of the Cullens controlling my life ended when I moved back to the Res; when I looked at Leah Clearwater and realized that she was the only thing that made sense in my world.

I stomp down the stairs to the bottom floor and out of the mansion. But as I am about to open the door to my truck, Blondie zooms in front of me. I growl instinctively, even more annoyed that another leech stench is in my nostrils. I'd kill for some fresh air, literally. "What do _you_ want?" I spit through clenched teeth.

Rosalie smiles at me, but the way she does it is anything but friendly. "You really got Edward good! I think he almost said a bad word, poor thing. But you should listen to him, Black. Talk to her."

I roll my eyes. "Stay out of my fucking business, Dumbelle."

The vampire bares her teeth with a growl. "Nessie IS my business! And I'm not going to let you hurt her!"

"I am NOT going to hurt her!"

"You think you know what you're doing but you're wrong! She doesn't feel what you feel, Jacob."

"What are you talking about?" I feel my blood start to cool in fear of what is going to come out of her mouth next.

"Renesmee wants you."

I shake my head and step away. "I don't believe you." My heart picks up speed and I find myself stumbling backwards. What the fuck is she saying?

"She talks about these things with _me,_ not Bella. I know she cares about you a lot, and she misses you. It's lonely in a way that she struggles with, because she thinks her feelings are wrong – to have feelings for her mother's friend. I was going to tell you this before you left to visit for her birthday. It really is time to tell her the whole truth so that she understands why she feels that way. She's confused."

I shake my head as if the action can somehow make my world stop falling off its axis. "Don't fuck with me, Blondie." Nessie is suffering? Missing me? Wanting me?

FUUUUCKKKKK.

And it doesn't help that the wolfish part of me, after hearing what Blondie said, just wants to be on the next plane out to Paris. The need to protect and comfort the imprint is rearing its inconvenient head. "This doesn't make sense! Whenever we talk she's all happy and chipper. I would know if something was wrong." I'm grasping at straws, my mind working in overdrive to make heads of this sudden revelation. I thought she was happily dating and making friends!

"I'm not lying, I swear on my eternity that it's the truth. Nessie's been hiding it from you and the coven because she knows you're happier with the pack. That's why she said she wanted the year to herself without anyone around. No one knows but me how down she's been lately."

"But Paris…"

"She is enjoying her art studies and her friends and travelling, yes, but that has nothing to do with you and her, Jacob. Don't look for excuses that are not there. The separation is taking its toll in spite of all she does to distract herself."

I can't listen to one more word. My stomach churns and I _need_ that fresh air. With a quick shove I push the leech out of my way and climb into my truck. I tear down the gravel driveway so fast that rocks and grit go flying everywhere. I head up the backroads that would take me to the coastline and press the gas. I need to think, I need to clear my head and figure out what the fuck I'm going to do.

How can I face Leah or Nessie?

How can I NOT give either of them what they want more than anything?

For the first time I truly question just how in the hell I'm going to pull this off.


	3. Honesty

THREE

HONESTY

JACOB

I spend some time driving then walking on Rialto Beach to clear my head. I still fight the phase because I can't trust the wolf not to do something stupid, like force me to give in to the imprint and go to Paris tonight. When Leah's phone doesn't pick up, I decide to head to the Clearwaters'. I need to see her and finally talk this through. Trying to figure things out on my own has gotten me nowhere because I still haven't spoken to her yet. One thing is for sure, I need her now more than ever.

I mount the porch stairs two at a time and knock on the old oak door. Seth yells for me to come in from the other side of the wall.

"Your sister home?" I ask, looking around the place as I step inside.

"No. She went for a drive or something."

I had hoped she'd wait here for me, but if she's gone for a drive in the Rabbit, that means she's anxious. Fuck, this is going to be a really hard conversation to have.

Seth is busy studying at the table, his engineering books litter the entire surface. He, Colin and Brady are finishing their degrees in Port Angeles and the pack is so proud. They're the first to attend college.

"Test coming up?" I ask, trying to think about anything else.

"Yeah, finals for summer school man. Then I'm outta there. Graduating."

"Oh yeah, fuck," I had forgotten this summer was their last stint. "So you decided on what comes next yet?"

Seth shrugs. "Who knows where I'll end up. I'll send out some resumes."

I envy his nonchalance about the future. Life is so uncomplicated without an imprint. Paul, Sam, Jared, Quil and I have no choice but to consider other people first. Today has made that abundantly clear to me, now. I have no choice but to face that reality and stop fooling myself that I can just simply choose a life outside of the imprint and everything will magically fall into place. There are certain things that not even an Alpha as strong as me can do. Now that I know that Nessie is lonely, my wolf is pushing me to drive to the airport and go see her. But the part of me that loves Leah just wants her to hold me and tell me that we'll find a way out of this mess. That she'll be there, that she won't run away.

I'm literally fighting two desires at once, but I cling to what grounds me, what makes me happy. I need to go find her, NOW. I suddenly realize that I'm terrified, maybe even desperate for her. "Alright I'll leave you to it then."

"Did you need something?" Seth asks. "You seem anxious."

"Nah it's okay. Just, when she gets back please tell her to call me."

Seth nods, and I can tell he's concerned. "Hey um, when you have time to talk, I need to discuss something with you."

"What?"

Seth smiles and shakes his head. "When you and me both have time, Jake."

I nod, realizing he's right then wave him off and head back to my truck. I have no idea where to find her but I have to go looking. Maybe she's with Rachel visiting with the baby.

I head over to Paul's but there's no sign of the Rabbit nor do I catch Leah's scent in the air. I'm about to reverse up the road when Rachel appears at the front door and waves me in. I decide to turn off the truck and see what she wants.

As soon as I walk in, I let her know that I can't stay.

"Didn't you come for a visit?" my sister asks, having returned to the task of feeding her daughter Lotus Lahote (years ago Rach got heavily into the New Age stuff as her way of fixing Paul's temper, hence the name. But we all think what finally cured Paul's bad temper was in fact, Lotus.)

My niece reaches out for me with a pumpkin-covered smile and I can't help but lean over and kiss her forehead. Her little fists beat my thigh excitedly and I pull her up out of the seat so that we can properly greet one another. Her excitement to see me lifts my spirits. "Hello my princess." I inhale her sweet baby scent and for a moment I am calm as I hold her little body close. What I feel for her reminds me of Nessie as a baby and it's reassuring that I can win the battle.

"She's so happy to see you Jake. She's clearly got a favorite uncle!"

"Well, she can smell the blood. Can't you sweetie?" I give her a tickle and am rewarded by a fit of giggles. I swear, she is the sweetest nine-month-old on the planet.

"Ba!" Lotus responds and begins gnawing on her rubber spoon, vigorously attacking her itchy gums to the back of her mouth.

I set her back into her chair and Rachel promptly hands her a bottle, turning to me. "Is everything okay? I'm feeling a vibe coming off of you." Rachel looks me over seriously, and I know she thinks she's reading my aura or whatever.

"I'm fine, Rach. I just have something to do."

"You're not fine, I live with Paul, don't you think I know what an agitated wolf looks like? Did something happen?"

I take a deep breath and press my fingers into my eyes. Suddenly I feel so weary. This whole thing makes me just want to scream and cry at the same time.

"Here, take a seat Jake. Let me get you some cold water and a plate. When was the last time you ate?" My sister guides me over to the kitchen table and I sink gratefully into the wooden chair. I really have been running on fury, so it's past time to fuel the wolf or I'll lose it at the wrong place and wrong time.

"I don't know, this morning?"

Rachel tuts and goes to fridge and collects the water jug. "Well no wonder you're off. You know the wolf needs to eat!"

Lotus pops her bottle from her mouth and hold it out to me with a smile. When I reach to take it, she pulls it back and giggles, giving me this mischievous smirk that I know all too well. "Hey!" I chuckle in surprise at her antics, and tickle beneath her chin. Lotus looks like my sister but she's definitely got Paul's expressions.

"Oh that's her new little game she likes to play with Paul."

I can't help but laugh as I accept the glass of cold water. "She's gonna be a terror I hope you know this."

"Please! Don't remind me!" Rachel scolds as she heads over to the stove. I am instantly bombarded with the scents of lamb, rice, vegetables and grilled potatoes. My mouth waters. Rachel uses a lot of our mother's recipes so I always enjoy her meals when I can.

Rachel takes Lotus to clean up and have a nap while I eat and nurse a cold beer. I tremble with the nerves that return at the thought of facing the one and a half women in my life. I know that I can only be honest with them both, and pray that each of them wants the same thing I do. I'd be the luckiest man on Earth if it works out the way I want it to.

But even as I have my own desires for my future, I know that my happiness is not as important as theirs.

"So, what's going on now, tell me." Rachel interrupts my thoughts as she comes back out carrying a basket of baby clothes instead of the baby. I can smell the detergent and sunshine on them.

"I can't."

"Yes you can. Female problems?"

I nod. "But I can't discuss it Rach."

"Is it Nessie?"

"Don't." I warn.

Rachel rolls her eyes and waves me off, as she sets the basket down and starts the task of folding up Lotus' clean clothes. "I'm still your big sister, and that means that I'm still the boss of you."

I roll my eyes at her and she slaps me around the head with a onesie. "Okay okay!" I growl. She arches a brow at me, and I sigh in exasperation. "One of the coven told me she's having separation issues."

Rachel's eyes widen. "The imprint?"

I nod, feeling the guilt weighing heavier on my shoulders. I won't last much longer without calling Nessie to see if she is okay.

"So why haven't you gone to see her? Is it money?"

Just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse. I don't know how my sister will look at me after I tell her the truth. "Well, yes and no…I am seeing someone else," I admit with a deep, nervous sigh.

"What?" Rachel drops the onesie and just looks at me, as if to check that I am not joking. "How is that possible?"

"Well, Nessie was a baby when I imprinted on her Rachel. Do you honestly think I should now have romantic feelings for her when she's technically still a kid?" I try not to snap at her but it's futile.

Rachel shakes her head. "I'm sorry. I forgot. She doesn't look or act like a kid."

Great! Someone else to side with the Cullens.

"Well, that's easy for you and everybody else to say but for me it's not. No matter how grown she appears to be, I _just…can't._ The feelings I have, they're intense yeah, but not romantic. I just…don't want that to change. It doesn't seem right to feel something like that for Bella's kid and I…" I throw my head back in exasperation. The imprint is making the words stick in my throat. Just thinking about Nessie, my whole body just tunes in to _her._ Times like this I hate myself for not having as much control as I want to think I do. The only comfort I have is that while my body might stray because of the wolf, my mind doesn't. I know who I want and as long as my mind remains clear on that, I'll be okay. _We'll_ be okay.

"Jacob, you wouldn't be so torn up if you weren't in love with this person, either that or the sex is really good. Who are you seeing?"

I meet my sister's wide and hopeful stare. I take a deep breath and just let it out. People are going to find out now anyways. "Leah."

Rachel's jaw drops but it takes her a good few seconds before a sound comes out. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No, I'm dead serious."

"But I thought you two barely tolerated each other!"

I shrug and laugh. "Yeah, we still get on each other's nerves." Leah threatens to kill me at least twice a week. But that's what I love about her, that fire.

"But, I mean, it's pack! No one has said anything! How could you possibly keep that a secret?!"

"Embry knows…it's only a matter of time before Sam finds out."

"All this time, you coming over to see Lotus when Leah was here? You two were fucking?"

I raise my hands and stand immediately. "Okay, this conversation's officially over now. I am not talking to you about that, Rachel."

"Now I get it."

"Get what?"

"Why she's been so different, less miserable. I thought it was just being around the baby that lifted her spirits, but it was you."

I shrug and look away. There's a warmth in the pit of my stomach at the memory of Leah smiling happily with the baby. She would be a great mother someday. "It has a lot to do with Lotus too. She really loves her. We both do, hence why we come to visit, Rach. You know how Leah feels about children, it's good for her, it makes her feel like she has purpose. And you're her only friend, so stop being silly." I kiss Rachel's head and tussle her hair, reassuring that she and her daughter were not part of some ruse.

"I'm worried for her! What are you gonna do Jacob? After the whole mess with Sam and Emily, do you think this is wise? Sam had no choice! Neither did Paul, or Jared or Quil. Quil is saddled to Claire for the rest of his life. You're going to hurt her, or both of them! And what about yourself? This might destroy you and your standing with the packs as well."

"Thanks for laying out all the worst-case scenarios, sis! Like I haven't thought about them a million times!" My teeth are on edge and my wolf responds to the anger. I close my eyes and breathe for a moment to calm it down. I've been denying the beast all day and time is running out before I have no choice but to go run it off.

"I'm sorry Jake, but I can only be honest with you. This is a really fucked up situation! I don't want to see any of you get hurt!"

I nod my head and offer a smile in truce. "I know. But I need to go find Leah now."

"I haven't seen her today. Are you going to tell her about Nessie?"

"Yeah, but honestly, I don't know how. She's always expecting me to end things between us, and I just don't ever want that to be true."

"Don't go looking for Leah to make a promise you can't keep Jacob."

A stab of guilt slashes through me as my sister calls me out. I huff, showing her my disdain for her blunt comment. She and Leah are too much alike.

"She deserves to live in truth, just as much as you or your imprint. Don't go trying to hold on to her when you know you can't."

"You think I should just go to Nessie instead don't you? Not even try with Lee?" I feel betrayed and pissed that my sister is not supportive. But I can tell by the stubborn scowl on her face that she doesn't give a rat's ass about my feelings. She's disappointed in me too.

"Yes, because I know it's pointless to try to fight it. I wanted to give my wolf his space because I felt guilty for the imprint. I tried to go back to Seattle and live my life, but I couldn't function Jacob. I had to come back and just put all the reasons why I left, aside. We needed to be together and find a way to make it work in spite of our differences. You're not going to be any different. Sam couldn't fight his need for Emily despite his love for Leah. You should have known better Jacob."

"The heart wants what it wants," I mutter, not very convincingly.

"I'm sorry this wasn't what you wanted to hear. But you need to be honest with yourself, okay? Take some time to think things through. Visit Nessie and hear what she has to say. She deserves that."

I hear her loud and clear but I don't bother to say anything in response to that. "I have to go, thanks for the food."

"Anytime you need to talk, just come by, I'm here."

I raise my hand in reply as I exit the front door.

When I climb into my truck, I pull out my phone and dial Leah's number again. It goes straight to voicemail. Fuck. She's either turned it off or it's dead. I have no idea where she could be, but I'll search all day and all night until I find her.

The only one who can force me to give up is her.

**A/N Thanks for joining me on another journey of Blackwater. I know how necessary it is to have a little something to take your mind off of the pandemic that is terrorizing our world population right now. Fanfic is truly an escape. Please be safe out there and stay home as much as you can. Thanks for all the reviews thus far! They inspire me to keep going. I'm currently on chapter 20. And just so you know, Leah and Jacob are going to be apart til about chpt 18 or 19. I know! Seems like really far away, I agree, but I didn't even realize myself til it was too late lol. So please bear with me until then. Most of the story is from their points of view but I have a few other POVs here and there because there are other angles I am working on with other characters as well. I really hope you enjoy reading This.**


	4. Run

FOUR

RUN

LEAH

I have no idea where I am going to go but I have to go.

I drive the Rabbit back to Reservation, but I park it at the convenience store and leave the keys inside with Embry's mother, Tiffany. She'll make sure Jacob gets it back safely.

I have a small window of time to get back out before Jacob finds me. If I see him, I'll be too weak to leave. And me staying would only mean confronting him about what Rosalie said, and I just can't right now.

Or ever.

"Where's the fire?"

Embry's voice startles me, my wolf senses temporarily inhibited as I am lost in my head and trembling with nervous energy. I turn to him and shake my head, "I have to go."

"Go?" his brow raises with the question and I know he wants me to elaborate but I don't. I start walking towards the bus stop that will take me out of town.

"Leah? What's going on?" He follows me and grabs my arm, pulling me back and forcing me to face him. I hiss and wrench my flesh out of his grasp.

"Fuck off, Call."

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

I suck my teeth in annoyance and try to move around him, but he blocks me. "It's none of your business, okay?"

"Like hell it is! Did Jake do something?"

I hesitate for a moment, because the answer is both yes and no. I opt to shake my head. "I've got somewhere to be okay? Just mind your business, Embry." Clutching the black purse full of money, I take a deep breath, realizing it's now or never. Embry finding me makes it all the harder to leave now.

"You're running aren't you?" He says in this knowing tone that's both judgmental yet concerned.

Biting my lip, I sigh again and turn to meet his questioning gaze. "I've got something to do Embry, that's all I'm going to say. You just need to fall back."

"What do I tell our Alpha when he comes trying to find you, then?" he snaps, not bothering to hide his disapproval. He's the first person from the pack to know about us and his attitude is all the more reason why I should leave before this whole thing gets out of hand. When they hear that Nessie wants Jake and that I'm the reason he doesn't want to go back to her, they'll crucify me. Sam will dance over my grave.

"Tell him whatever you want Embry, or nothing at all."

"See? This is why you _never_ should have gotten involved. I _knew_ this would end badly!"

"Mind your own damn business! No one asked for your opinion!" I snap. I don't need a lecture, I just need to get gone and if he doesn't get out of my way, I'll _make_ him.

"I can't believe this…you love him, don't you! That's why you're running."

That's all he needed to say for me to sock him in the mouth. "I said, _fall back,"_ I warn, shaking the pain from my knuckles as Embry wipes the blood from his lip.

"You know I can't, I care about you, you're my family."

I scoff. Oh, _now_ he wants to talk about family? After all this time? "I'm not your problem and I don't need you to fix me or my life okay?"

"So you expect me to just stand by while you do this to yourself? You should have known better Leah! After that mess with Sam and Emily? How could you trust him? There's no way it would ever last. I thought you were smarter than that."

"Look, not everything is about him okay? We were just fucking," I growl back. I don't know why I say it but I'm already in self-preservation mode and Embry looking down at me in disgust forces me to say anything that will save me some kind of face.

"Then why are you running?"

"BECAUSE, EMBRY!" I yell, shoving his chest so that he gets the point. I'm NOT talking about this with him. I'm done with it ALL. The rumble of the city bus coming up the road makes my heart leap and now more than ever I just want to bail.

"Leah, wait, come on, where're you gonna go? What about Seth and your mother?" Embry shouts behind me as I make a mad dash across the road, flagging down the driver. I climb on board, pay the fee and make my way to the back of the bus. I don't look back to check if Embry's still there.

I don't look back at my home.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

I buy a ticket for a bus to Seattle. My gut is telling me to go to Rebecca in Hawaii. She's literally the only person I know outside of the Res; and if I _have_ to leave home alone, it's best to go where at least one person knows my name. It sucks that she's Jacob's sister and it would be wrong to ask her to not tell anyone I'm there, but I'm counting on her estrangement from her father and brother. I figure she won't say anything because she knows what it feels like to need space.

I've always envied the Black twins for getting out of the Res early, exploring a life for themselves. Now it's my turn. As much as it's hurting to leave Jake and my family, maybe the vamp bitch was right. This is just what I need to do for myself. I need to start over and get my shit together. I'm so tired of being this pathetic version of myself.

It takes about five hours to get to Seattle and the first thing I do is deposit $5000 of the money into my account then I keep the rest for my plane ticket and pocket money for cab fare. I had called Rebecca from the bus station and she had agreed immediately to host me for my trip, screaming excitedly in my poor ears.

For the first few hours since getting on the bus, it's easy to push Jacob out of my mind as I focus on getting myself to a safe place. I'm so used to being on the Reservation all the time, and always being with the pack, at home or with Jake that it's disconcerting to be alone in the city. I've also got to be on my guard for vampires, as they love to prowl around these parts.

When I finally get myself settled at the departure gate for my flight, I decide to call home.

"Hello?" Sue answers, and I immediately register the panic in her voice.

"Mom, it's me."

"Oh my God! Leah! We have been so worried! Where are you!? Why didn't you call earlier! Embry said you took a bus to Forks. Jacob has been worried SICK! He's been-" My mother's voice cuts off and I hear muffled voices. "Leah? Where are you honey?" she calls back into the receiver.

"I just called to tell you that I'm okay and not to worry," I say quickly, knowing I can't let anyone else get on the line.

"What? Leah what do you mean? Where are you?"

"I'm at the airport, about to get on a plane."

"What? But how? Leah where are you going and what happened?"

She's completely freaked but I can't tell her, not just yet. Because there're wolf ears listening. And because it's still too fresh. I'm still _living_ through the worst day of my life. I just can't tell her yet. "I'm going to call you soon and tell you where I am Mom. But just know that I'll be okay. I love you. Tell Seth I'll be okay. I just need some time alone to think and…get my life together."

"Leah did something happen?" My mother whispers.

Tears burn my eyes and I shake my head before telling her that I just need some time to myself.

Defeatedly she sighs into the phone. "Alright Leah, but please, call me. I won't sleep tonight, I'll be so worried."

"I'm a big girl, I promise I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, you're the strongest woman I know. I love you too."

I smile and then end the call before she manages to change my mind. My cell immediately starts to ring and Jacob's face appears on the screen. My eyes instantly tear up as I stare at the face I love more than anything. I want to ignore him but a part of me knows I have to take the call. I can't hurt him anymore than I already am right now by being here, instead of in his arms.

"Jake," I whisper as soon as the phone touches my ear.

"Lee! What's going on? Why are you at the airport?" He's trying to be calm and pleasant, but I don't miss the strain in his voice. It's obvious he's in front of Mom and Seth and trying to be Alpha rather than lover for their sake. I know him like the back of my hand, and I can tell he already feels that something is wrong for us.

"I have to go Jacob."

"Where? And Why? Lee I need to see you, we need to talk about what happened today. You said you were going to wait for me, what happened?" His voice is a whisper now, and my wolf ears pick up his heavy footsteps. He's likely going somewhere private to talk.

"Jacob, I know that Nessie wants to be with you, and I need you to just _not_ fight her okay, or me for that matter. Just go with it. Give us both what we want."

"How did you know? Wait, I don't understand Leah, are you telling me that you _want_ me to be with _her?"_

I nod, silently wiping the tears that are flooding my cheeks right there in the middle of the departure gate. "Yes," I choke, and the lie tastes so sour in my mouth. In that moment, I honestly hate myself for doing this to us both.

"No…Leah, NO," He challenges and then there's a choking sound and he takes a deep breath on the line. "Why? Leah _why_ are you giving up?" Jacob beseeches me in the softest child-like voice and I know I've broken the piece of him that I've been lucky enough to have in the first place. I squeeze my eyes shut and rub furiously at my face, because it's literally the only thing I can do. I can't scream, I can't phase…and I can't go back to him.

"I…I've been through this before Jake and I know how this ends. It doesn't make sense dragging it out." It's not even a lie, but until today I was willing to ignore the inevitable.

"But what if she's okay about us? Will you come back to me then?"

I grunt and shake my head, keeping my head down because I don't want to know how many people are listening in to my conversation as we wait for the flight to call. "What if she's _not_ okay? Then what?" I bounce the question back. Cause that's still the part of all this that really matters. What do I mean to him when she decides she's not okay? Jacob just doesn't understand how I'm trying to protect him from becoming Sam. He'd rather die than be like Sam.

"I'll fight for us, for _this._ I love you honey, _so_ much. I just need you to come home Leah, _please._ Don't leave me." I know it's not as hard for him to beg, as it is for me to hear it, knowing that it changes nothing. He's never told me he loves me before and I wish that he hadn't chosen now to say it. Neither of us want to put the other in this position, to ask for something that we know is just too damn costly to our sanity. But I want us to stop pretending or we'll kill each other at this rate.

I toss my head back and groan in frustration. The sound comes out a bit more animalistic than it should have though, and I don't miss the flinch of the old woman who smells like Vicks VapoRub two seats away from me.

But who cares right now if I sound like a dog? My heart is burning with need for him. I close my eyes and take another deep breath. I can practically conjure the feel of him: hard muscles under smooth skin, pillow soft lips… I can taste that sunny smile.

It takes everything in me to stick to my decision.

"Just let me go, Jake," I whimper right before I press end, followed by the power button. Right before he can even think to call me again.

I stick my phone back into my bag and root around in my seat until I am comfortable on the shitty plastic. The wolf wants to be free and for a second I'm not so sure I can even get on a plane. Fuck, it would have been much safer to go by bus because I could always make the driver pull over. I start biting my nail, contemplating the pros and cons of getting on the plane in my current state. I have no fucking clue what to do.

"Excuse me young lady, are you okay?"

It's the old lady two seats away. In shock I look over at her, realizing that she isn't as old as I'd imagined.

"Are you okay?" she asks again when I forget to answer. "You're a bit sweaty."

Oh gee thanks. But you'd be sweaty too if you ran a temperature of 105 every damn day!

"I think I might be having a heart attack," I deadpan. But the lack of movement that would indicate that I am actually under duress, inspires her not to panic.

"Oh dear…I see," she chuckles and then holds up her hand to me as if to stop me from going somewhere. Apparently, my rudeness did nothing to scare her off. Slumped over in my seat, I watch in a trance as she slowly digs around in her huge travel bag, wondering what the thing she is looking for so ardently will be. I hope she doesn't think that whatever it is will cure this pain that I'm trying not to feel. With a proud smile she finally produces a pill and a Snickers bar. "Go ahead it's a sedative. It'll calm you down for the flight."

I'm pretty sure she means the pill and the chocolate bar together are the sedative and I'm pretty sure she's right. "Thank you," I tell her, forcing a gloomy smile as I accept the offering. I devour the chocolate bar but keep the pill until we are in the air and then, pushing aside my reservations, I swallow it with some water. With a blanket and pillow I curl up into my first class seat, (because if I'm gonna run away from home with only a purse of cash, then I could as well travel in comfort for my long-ass legs) and let the drugs take control.

xxxxxxxx

When I finally get to Oahu, Rebecca is waiting for me outside, leaning against a cool little white jeep with no roof. She's more tanned than usual and her raven hair is glossy and long and flowing. She is the picture of a Hawaiian native not a Quileute princess. She is summer and ease and beauty in her denim shorts and crocheted halter top. She's thicker than the teenager I remember, with soft curves in all the right places. Rebecca smiles and waves when she sees me and I can't help but return the excitement. Now that I'm here I just feel relieved to be on solid ground.

I made it.

I'm doing this and it will all be okay.

"Oh my god! I can't believe you're here! Aloha!" Rebecca squeals as we embrace, laughing.

"Me either!" I cry, still in shock myself.

"Where's all your stuff?" Rebecca asks, looking behind me, miffed.

I hold up the handbag and shrug. "This is it, I have to go shopping."

Rebecca is now suspicious. Her face scrunches up at me and one hand comes up to sit on her hip. "What the fuck does that mean? You ran away? Are you pregnant?" she practically demands with narrowed eyes.

I snort at the "pregnant" part. She has no idea how impossible that would be. "I ran away, okay? Relax." We both get into the jeep and Rebecca pulls out from the curb. "We can talk about that after I eat and sleep. How's Solomon?"

"He's fine, miserable because he's hurt and can't surf for a month."

I chuckle. "He's bored and restless huh?"

"And driving me insane. I'm so glad you're here because now I have a reason to keep my clothes on. He thinks me riding him on the couch is now the best thing ever to pass the time. My legs hurt, if I wanted to be so fit I'd join the gym. It's too much of a workout and I have a life."

I can't help but snicker again and Rebecca joins me. Her laugh is like the twitter of a bird, reminding me of how fond she'd always been of the creatures when we were kids.

She gives me a once over and raises her brows. "You clearly have been working out though, and since when were you ever so fucking tall?"

I grunt and shrug. "I jog a lot," is my answer. "It clears my head." And it isn't a lie. I run all the time as a wolf. It's something that I'll miss. There doesn't seem to be any forested areas near enough to phase daily and it's obvious that I'll have to keep my temper in check so that I don't need to shift at any point. Plus, I don't want to talk to any members of the pack…if our connection would even work this far away. Nerves run through me at the thought of exposing our secret with an accidental phase and I bite my lip.

Spirits, please don't let me fuck this up. I _need this._

Hawaii is officially now all that I have that won't remind me of Jacob – Becca excluded.

I focus my attention back on my old friend, my sister. "I missed you sissy," I tell her, reaching over and patting her leg.

"Me too sissy-bear. And it sucks that you're here because now I'm gonna be homesick for everybody. How's Dad? And Rach? And Lotus! And Jake?" she gushes along excitedly and I am excited too right up until she calls her brother's name.

"Lotus is the sweetest little flower. She's seriously the most adorable baby. She's got us all wrapped around her little finger. And Rach is a great Mom. She's so much like Aunt Sarah."

"Really?" Rebecca looks over at me with a mournful smile. "And I'm missing it all. She doesn't even know her Auntie Becc."

"You video chat every week, what are you talking about?" I nudge her.

"It's not the same."

I nod, because it's not. She has no idea what Lotus smells like, how her little laugh vibrates from her little tummy. She has no clue how she loves to roll around in the bed at night, giggling and tousling and bestowing wet kisses, before snuggling down for a story. Shit, _I'm_ gonna miss that little girl. Whenever Paul has night patrol I stay over and help with wind-down time. Aside from Jake it was the highlight of my week.

I know that I've been living vicariously through Rachel and at first I thought maybe Sam's pack would think that I was being weird, or shun me for getting too close. But Rachel made me Lotus' godmother and it gave me a reason to stay close, and then Lotus and I bonded. "They miss you so much. I know Rachel wants you to meet the baby. If you want to visit, I can pay Becc."

"What, did you rob a bank? Is _that_ why you're out here?" she goads me while making a left turn into a parking lot.

"I did not rob a bank. I just came into some money okay? And I needed a vacation, for once." The smell of seafood fills the jeep and I moan. God, food. My stomach rumbles loudly with anticipation.

"Everything back home is fine though, right? No one's hurt?" she inquires again, and I reassure that everyone's fine, just probably pissed at me for running off without saying anything. "I just needed to get away. It was time for a change of scenery. Thanks for letting me crash for a while. I'm thinking of getting a job, so I can help out with everything." I know it's too soon to just invite myself to stay, but the reality is that I have to. By saying it out loud, I'd have to stick to the plan and not run back to La Push with my tail between my legs. This is my chance to really get my life together, but now that I'm actually here, the weight of my sudden decision hits me like a ton of bricks.

This is it.

"Seriously? So this is not really a vacation at all then! What you really wanted was to _escape,"_ Rebecca muses as we get out of the jeep. Of course she's right. "We've all been there, Lee, don't worry. Welcome to your new life." Becca giggles and gestures to the scenery before of us, taking my hand and pulling me right into the mix.

The Surf Bar and Grill is busy and slow reggae music blasts into the street. Millennials are dressed in swimwear, all eyes covered in dark glasses, their joints are lit, they're laughing, eating, sharing. One blonde guy has a guitar and he's singing softly for two girls who stare at him like he's their Jesus. I am mesmerized by the atmosphere, the freedom of it all. It's like living in two worlds at once. On one side there's the big city, and on the other, the aqua waters glisten in the sunlight, begging you to chuck the 9 to 5. It's the eternal summer, Paradise.

We get a huge seafood platter and a couple beers, as Rebecca informs me that we still have over an hour's drive to her place. Rebecca and Solomon live in a surfing town called Haleiwa, on the North Shore of Oahu. He teaches surfing and co-owns a surf shop with his friend Palo, while Rebecca is the school nurse at the local elementary school. As we eat, she tells me about their life and how happy she's been with the laid-back lifestyle.

"Do you plan to ever visit home though?" I ask, because it's something we all have wanted to know for a long time. She was to come that time when Rachel visited and Paul imprinted; but at last minute had bailed. That was over six years ago.

Rebecca shrugs and focuses her attention on shrimp, signaling to me that the topic is closed for discussion. Maybe one day she'd finally confess what has her so scared to go home.

After dinner we head over to a shopping plaza and I am able to pick up all my clothing essentials: sweats, towels, underwear, toiletries, jeans, shoes, a suitcase and tons of swim wear. I even snag a cute denim jacket and a couple sundresses and kaftans at a thrift shop. Because of my surprise at the fair prices, Rebecca whispers to me that most of their clothes come from the lost and found at various hotels and resorts around Hawaii. They make a killing on selling over lost high-end fashion. It's genius.

I feel like a kid at Christmas and for once, the fact that it's Rosalie's money doesn't grate my nerves. I deserve to be pampered, to feel like a woman again rather than a furry four-legged creature. That was her intention, wasn't it? For a moment, just a moment, as I hand the money over, I don't hate the leech.

When we get to Rebecca's house, which is perfectly settled in a little community near the beach, I am amazed by how peaceful I instantly feel. As we get out of the car, I turn in a slow circle, taking everything in. There is no chill in the air and it totally lacks the gloom of constant grey clouds. The yard smells so good, so fruity and floral, so fresh. The breeze which still carries the scent of salt over to the houses, caresses my skin like the softest silk.

"It's perfect." I tell her. "Just what the doctor ordered."

Rebecca smiles and leads me inside to officially meet her husband.

**AN_ Thanks for sticking with me! This one was pretty long cause I just wanted to get Leah settled. Next up, a very dramatic, heartbroken Alpha Jake. Stay safe and healthy! xoxo**


	5. Disowned

FIVE

DISOWNED

JACOB

I can't believe she left me.

She's gone.

She didn't even let us talk, she didn't even want to hear the promises Rachel warned me not to make.

She didn't even say "I love you" back.

I'm at a loss for words to properly convey the level of shock I'm in.

Leah decided to leave. No one knows where she's gone. Not Rachel or Seth or Sue. She said nothing. She just upped and left without a warning.

Over and over in my head I think, "She gave up on us." She left me so that I wouldn't leave her. I know that's what she's done, and I understand why, but it kills me that she saw this as our only option.

Her phone's been off since she told me to let her go. I've left at least a dozen messages begging her to talk to me, to just give us more time, but I have no idea if she's even gotten them.

I'm in the garage at home fixing a car for one of the neighbors when I feel a member of my pack approaching. It's Seth. I wipe my hands on a piece of cloth and wait for him to reach the door. He looks worn, haggard. I can imagine that both he and Sue are just as cut up as I am. I haven't slept a wink.

"Jake," Seth nods as he comes in. He goes to the mini fridge and serves himself a bottle of water.

"How's Sue?"

Seth throws me a withering glance and I raise my eyebrows in response. "She'd be a whole lot better if she knew what happened to her daughter."

"I don't know where she is. Her phone is off."

Seth comes to stand in front of me, looking me in the eye. He's a little shorter than I am by a few inches. "Jacob, do you know why Leah left? I heard you talking to her on the phone, it sounded like you were really upset, like more than a friend would be."

I see that he's not really asking if I'm with his sister. He's pretty much figured it out and he's blaming me for her disappearance.

But I am to blame, aren't I?

I sigh and give him an affirmative gesture with my head. "We've been seeing each other for a little while...since I came back from Spain."

Seth snorts and mutters under his breath. "And somehow you thought the best thing was to keep it a secret from us? Who else knows?"

"Embry, but only because he heard my thoughts."

"Unbelievable," Seth places his hands on his hips and shakes his head repeatedly. "I've been so busy with school and other distractions that I haven't really been around much. I had no idea she was seeing anyone, I just thought she was finally feeling better."

"She was, Seth, because she had me to talk to. And I had her."

"Do you _love her_?" Seth's eyes are wide and mistrustful, and I don't know how to feel about the fact that I've likely lost his respect.

"I do."

"Does Nessie know about this?"

I shake my head. "I was planning to tell her when I go for her birthday party."

Seth says nothing. I know that he and Ness are friends, and Bella and Edward. I know he is protective of them, has always been since the early days when Bella was pregnant. I respect him for that. I watch him closely as he walks around the small space and finally turns back to me. "Why would you do this to her? Why would you…she's been through enough with Sam and Emily, don't you think?" His voice has risen by the last question. He's disappointed in me, like Rachel, like Bella, like his sister.

I roll my neck and pop the tension from my spine, then my shoulders to shake off the threat the wolf registers wafting over from its subordinate. "Seth, I don't want to hurt Leah, I want to be with her. I want us to have a future together. If I had my way, she'd be right here with me, not run off to God knows where." Just thinking about her being alone and vulnerable makes me sick to my stomach. But even I know that Leah's only emotionally vulnerable, not physically. She can take care of herself whether or not any of us like it.

"But you have Nessie, Jake. I don't understand."

"Nessie and I are not in love. It's not like that for me. I thought you of all people would know that Seth."

He seems surprised. "I _know_ that you're just friends, yes. Of course. But I thought…So you're not planning to be with _her…eventually?"_

"What do you mean? Like be with Leah now and move on to Nessie later?" I'm honestly a little hurt by the assumption, the same one his sister made when she got scared.

"Yeah, because the imprint, the other guys…I always thought that one day when you considered her old enough, that you'd claim her as your mate…" he continues to flounder, the topic too uncomfortable for him to broach. It is for me too, for obvious reasons.

"I know. I get it Seth. But I'm not like Quil. He's made up in his mind that that's what he wants. Waiting for things to change is the plan that works best for him. But it doesn't work for me Seth. I'm already in the position that Quil will be in, in another ten years. And I still can't see my feelings changing just because Nessie's older now. I just want your sister." And I wish everyone would believe me when I say that.

Seth thinks for a moment before nodding. "Okay, I guess I have no choice but to take your word for it – even though I think that _maybe,_ your feelings in the future are _still not_ something that can be predicted."

I snort because I don't expect anything but doubt from all ends. "I know what I want. And I know that the wolf doesn't have the right to control that."

"But it does, Jake. It imprinted. You can't reverse it."

I clench my jaw and release it a few times. I'm pissed but Seth is one of my closest friends. He's Leah's brother, and he's my pack mate. He's always made me feel stronger than I probably am, because of his faith in me and his "can do" attitude. His support in this means something to me so I've got to find the right words even if it gets on my nerves.

"The others want to submit to their imprints and that's fine. It's tradition. And I am happy if they are happy. But tradition stopped when it came to me, Seth. I just know that if I had been given the choice, it would not have been _Bella's daughter_."

Once upon a time, when I was an immature sixteen-year-old, I believed that the only girl I ever wanted to imprint on was Bella herself. And when that didn't happen, and when Quil imprinted on Claire, I realized that it had been for the best that I never did. Having your free will is more important, for the man and for the imprintee. No one deserves to be forced into anything. To have the rest of their life mapped out from point A to B with no room for exploration. I wanted the right to choose Bella and for her to choose me.

Seth stiffens and his nostrils flare. "Nessie is honestly one of the _best_ people on this planet, Jake. She doesn't deserve to be spoken of like she's nothing."

I step back, affronted. "That's not what I mean Seth, and you need to _watch it_."

"You're so lucky and _so_ ungrateful," he spits bitterly, as if the sight of me disgusts him. "I can't believe you sometimes Jake, honestly."

"Seth-" I growl, but he holds his palm up _to me_.

"The only thing I want you to tell me right now, is why my sister left."

I pull my shorts higher on my hips and lick my lips with a loud smack. I know that Seth knows that he's stepped his paw out of line, and that I am one breath away from kicking his ass. But his question deserves an answer. Even if I don't really have one. "I'm still trying to figure it out. I told her I was going to talk to Bella and Edward – I'd made the decision to start telling everyone about us. She was to wait for me to meet up after so we could talk about how it went. That's why I came looking for her yesterday while you were studying."

"So she left before you talked?"

"Yeah. She assumed the worst, I think. On the phone she told me to just go to Nessie without letting me say anything."

Seth grimaces. "So what did they say?" In other words, had she been right to assume the worst?

I take a deep breath and crack my knuckles before revealing what happened. "Nothing positive. They want me to be with Nessie. Edward has basically written me off. Said I have no honor and decency. Basically I'm a monster and not good enough for his daughter anyway."

I can't help the dejected tone that comes out. I can't stand him half the time, and his opinion shouldn't matter so much, but it's gotten under my skin that Edward thinks so little of me. I guess over the years we learned to respect one another in our roles as protectors of Bella and Nessie. But I had left them in Spain and ran back home to the Res. And then I flipped the script on him again by being with Leah, and it was all unacceptable in his eyes. No one could be better than his girls, and I guess he thought I'd always agree with him on that; that it would be the one thing we'd always have in common: putting the two of them first over everything.

"I guess I'm not surprised," is Seth's response. "You really thought it would be okay with them?"

"I told Bella that if she doesn't support me in this, that she and I are done for good."

Seth seems thrown, as his eyes widen, and brows converge on his forehead. ""So when are you going to tell Nessie about all of this?"

"I don't know. But I _do_ need to call her, she's probably wondering why I've been so distant lately. With everything that happened I just haven't been sane enough to call." Or rather, I've been scared out of my wits. Leah's request for me to give in to the imprint haunts me.

Seth nods and looks around the shed once more time before slowly backing up through the door. "I guess I'll leave you to it then."

"Wait," I stop him, and Seth looks up at me with an almost offensive stance which I don't quite understand. He's agitated over Leah obviously, but he's also skittish somehow. "Look, Seth, I just want your support on this situation with Leah. If you can figure out where she's gone, please try, for my sake. I just want her back and safe."

Seth bites his lip in a way that reminds me of his sister and I almost think he will do as I say, until he frowns and shakes his head. "I want her back too, but honestly, if Leah wants to be gone, I'm not going to tell her she should come back, Jake. With all that my sister's been through, I know that she wouldn't have done this if it wasn't really necessary. So if you really love her, let her be…and if you really care about Nessie, tell her the truth about the imprint."

I growl at the overly authoritative tone he uses with me, but Seth doesn't back down. He just turns and walks back out towards the tree-line.

It's clear my earlier feeling was founded: he's lost respect for me. And the more I think on it, the more I can't deny that his lack of empathy is predictive of what I will get from the rest of the pack and Sam's as well. There isn't one person I can think of, that will be in my corner. Not even Embry, because he'd sooner be neutral than choose sides again. Maybe it's wrong to always expect him to choose me.

The only thing I'm certain of is that I don't care for the judgment of others. The Alpha wolf in me doesn't allow for humility much. None of them understand what I'm going through, this war that continues to rage between my two natures. And I refuse to continue making excuses for my feelings or decisions.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I decide to head back to the house for something to eat. The wolf does need its fuel after all, even though I'm so worried about Leah and the outcome of my decisions, that for once my appetite is mute. Billy's at the kitchen table, having already served himself a bowl of the stew that Rachel sent over with Paul earlier. She keeps us fed whenever she can manage it, and we both appreciate the effort. Dad and I know that it's her way of making up for the years of absence.

I ladle myself some of the beef and veggie stew too, in a serving dish rather than a bowl, and crumble a handful of crackers on top. There's a loaf of garlic bread as well, and I snag a couple pieces of that too.

"Any word?" my father asks, finally looking up from the newspaper, over the top of his reading specs.

I shake my head before taking my first bite. "Seth doesn't seem worried, he says to respect Leah's privacy and let her be." That's the nicer translation, at least.

Billy nods slowly. "I agree. Sounds like the right thing to do."

"You would say that, you don't like her," I mumble, annoyed already at where this conversation is headed.

Billy chuckles in a rather condescending manner, which only infuriates me more. "I like her fine, I just wish she'd made better choices to handle the things happening in her life. She's always been a source of tension in the pack and at home. Poor Harry-"

"Dad! You cannot blame her for what happened! She had no control over the phase!" my blood boils at the mere thought that my father would blame Leah for her father's death. Harry had been irresponsible with his health for years, the heart attack would have come eventually, at any time, according to the doctors. An artery in his heart had been clogged. Not even Sue would agree with Billy as she herself had tried for _years_ to get Harry to eat healthier and to stop drinking Old Quil's moonshine.

It had taken Leah a long time to stop blaming herself for that lazy fool's death, and I'd be damned if anyone else spewed such nonsense in my presence.

"If she hadn't been so difficult, stirring up trouble, always trying to find out what Sam was up to, they wouldn't have argued, and she wouldn't have phased! She should never have phased."

And there dropped the other proverbial shoe. No wonder Leah was so fucked up: not only had she "killed" her father, but she was also a female. The Council elders – the men – had been scandalized that a female had entered the sacred, secret wolf club. It was fucking archaic the way they regarded her, and it was because of them that Sam had been so indifferent, forced to just shut off his feelings and let the Alpha in him dominate. As rightful Alpha I should do the same. They demand it of me. And that's why I know that telling my father will not go over well. But since I already started with Seth, there is no time like the present.

"First of all, she was going through the change and NONE of you saw Leah's behavior for what it truly was! You turned up your nose at her actions, but it was alright for Seth or me or Quil? And if Harry hadn't been such a drunken _slob_ and _exercised,_ he might not have died. HE like certain other PEOPLE, didn't LISTEN to their doctors when they were WARNED."

"You have no right-!"

"I have EVERY RIGHT because we're tired of taking the blame for your mistakes! All of you, Dad!" Almost every pack member had some fucked-up relationship with a father: Sam, Paul, Embry too.

"None of us would have turned our backs on Leah if we had known!"

"Harry should have known! He should have been sober!" He should have known a lot of things.

"Don't disrespect your elder, Jacob. I'm warning you." Of course he would stick up for his friend, because he refuses to believe that Harry was a drunk and that he had fathered Embry and never came forward and claimed him. Anyone with two eyes could see the resemblance, but none of us have ever said a word. And I certainly am not going to be the first.

I snort and throw my head back. "Here's what Dad: I LOVE _HER,_ okay? FYI. And I say you know _nothing_ about Leah Clearwater, if that _bullshit_ is what you believe."

Billy stretches his neck backward to look me over with that scrutinizing gaze of his. His mouth drops and closes and he gestures to me without words. His reaction gives me satisfaction and I continue to eat, letting him ruminate on the bomb I just dropped.

"Jacob, what are you saying? You and Leah?"

I nod, relishing the strain in his voice. I give him credit for being a little calmer than I thought he would be. But then Billy slams his fist onto the table, making everything jump, and I realize that I've spoken to soon. "You can't be serious!" he literally hisses, his eyes narrow and sharp and threatening.

"Dad, come on," I try to reason, because in the end, I don't want to argue with him and I just want his blessing.

But he furiously waves his hands in my face to shut me up. "I don't want to hear it. You shame me! You are imprinted! You are duty-bound to that girl!"

His words immediately tick me off again. Now it's my turn to slam a fist down. Mine has a much greater impact, in fact it sends my father's empty bowl crashing to the floor. "I will never shirk Nessie if she needs me, I will _never_ turn my back on her, but I will not marry her Dad, I can't look at her that way!"

"You are _choosing_ not to look at her that way! You and I both know that you are fighting your nature to stay away from that girl! Now I know why! That she-wolf has been filling your head with nonsense! She never liked the Cullens-"

"Neither did you! Can you honestly say that you want me gone, Dad? Do you really want that kind of life for me, living in the shadows? Did you like it when I wasn't here to help out?"

"She's not a full vampire, you won't have to hide."

"Oh yeah? And what happens when people realize she's not normal? That's she too smart, too perfect – that she's not aging? Or me? Then what? I'll be running for the rest of my life. _Pretending."_

Billy shakes his head at me and sucks his teeth. "No imprint has ever been broken Jake, there's no precedent for such a thing. She's your mate for life, you can try all you want but you are only going to end up one place, and that's with her. There is no place for Leah Clearwater in your life. You need to accept the full bond with Renesmee so that you can finally be happy."

"There's no precedent?" I cry, incredulous. "Where's the precedent for a wolf having a half-vampire imprint? Humm? Where in your _precious_ books, does it talk about a wolf dating the enemy?"

"Is that how you see Nessie? She is not your enemy Jacob. The Cullens have been very gracious and kind to you, to the pack."

I can't believe the words coming out of the old man's mouth. I feel like my ears are bleeding. "The Cullens ruined everyone's lives by coming back here!" I yell.

"Says who? Do you think Paul, Jared or Sam agree with that statement? They are happy with their mates."

"Oh right. Yeah of course, take their side!"

"The imprint knows what's best. It knows who your true love is."

He is so adamant about the one thing that I could never believe to be true for me. "I am not some character in a fairytale. And this is not some love story, why can't you understand that?"

"You were always an Alpha Jacob, from a boy you were headstrong… But… haven't you learned your lesson by now, what happens when you don't listen to me?" His tone is low and positively glacial, making it abundantly clear that he expects me to submit to him because he's my father and the chief.

Ha. So he went there, did he? Just when I thought this conversation could not get any worse! Pinching the bridge of my nose, I take a few breaths with my eyes closed in an effort not to lash out at my father. But I have to address him, I have to have my final say before I end this conversation for both our sakes. I look him in the eye and level my shoulders, just like a Quileute son should look upon his father.

"Every day I regret not listening to you, when you told me to stay away from Bella after she got pregnant. But I can't listen to you now either Dad. I should have then, because THIS is what happened because I didn't. THIS. And I'm fucking MISERABLE! So you were right then, but _not_ now. I'm sorry, but you don't get to tell me to make lemonade with Nessie. I make my own rules for my life."

And I am True Alpha and technically, I am Chief.

"So be it then, Jacob," Billy answers coolly, his leathery skin taut around his thin, wide mouth.

And just as I am about to stand with my empty dish, taking his final words as the official, blessed pause to this ongoing war; my father looks over at me from his chair and shakes his head. It's the look on his haggard face, the raw tumult of disappointment and certainty flaming in his eyes, that lets me know what's happening before he even utters a word.

"But you are no longer my son."


	6. A Bully and a Fool

SIX

JACOB

A BULLY AND A FOOL

I've been staying at one of the older vacant family properties from my maternal side, a house that was left to my mother, then to me and the twins with her death. I'm lucky to have the option since my father basically threw me out of the house for my crimes of betrayal, disobedience and negligence. The wooden house sits at the back of a small field with two other places on each side further up, forming a U-shape of sorts.

It's in dire need of extensive repairs, but it's got a fairly good roof and a couple rooms that are livable, and the toilets and plumbing work now that I've changed a few parts. I don't need the heat on, which is a plus. And instead of a fridge I use a cooler to keep some drinks cold. I've done a bit here and there to fix it up for now. Even slapped on a coat of dark green paint to boost it a little. I've cleaned up the old furniture and dusted the rooms out because my nose is too sensitive to allergens. It's good enough for receiving visitors – if anyone cared to stop by. Who knows how long I'll be here anyways, but it's better to be comfortable.

Making it a place to rest my head is all that I have invested in this place. But each night when I'm forcing myself to fall asleep, I try not to wish that Leah was lying next to me in bed. It's the hardest part of the day.

Her absence follows me everywhere. I see it in everything. The mug she doesn't grab to make coffee, the towel she doesn't use to wrap her hair up after a hot shower. The empty drawers where her things could have been. She haunts me.

Rachel invites me over for lunch most days when Paul isn't home, because he's none too happy with me either. It seems everyone knows now because my father blackballed me. Literally.

Rachel keeps me up to date with all pack news while I try my best to stay out of everyone's way. Apparently Paul shares the same opinion as Seth, that my mind can always change because of the imprint bond. He thinks it was wrong of me to take advantage of Leah. They get along these days, and he finally acknowledges her like a sister. The imprints feel bad for Nessie, because she deserves "to have what they have."

My stomach roils at the thought. "And Sam?" I query, because I notice that she conveniently has not called his name in any of the gossip.

"You know exactly how Sam feels about it, Jacob, don't play. It's a wonder he hasn't tracked you down yet."

I know full well that he will. I expect it to be soon.

"You know the best thing to do is call an official general meeting and talk about it, right?"

I scoff at the suggestion. "What is there to talk about? Leah and I were involved and now she's gone. Dad kicked me out for loving the wrong girl. No - Sorry – for being a disgrace to the Black bloodline. The packs hate me. I'm fucked. What else is there? It's done." I grab my beer from the coffee table and take a long gulp. I need to do something with my hands or I might smash a hole in the wall. Talking about the shitshow that my life has become each day with my wannabe-psychologist-of-a-sister, is both therapeutic and soul-crushing at the same time.

Rachel, who was just about to stuff a cracker layered with tuna salad, pauses with her mouth agape, and looks over at me. "There's still Renesmee! You forgot to mention that you still have to make things right with Renesmee – which by the way, is probably the only way you can get back into anyone's good graces. You need her to prove that she doesn't feel that way for you too, for them to accept that the imprint is just not the same."

"It was never the same because she is not fully human," I counter with as much snark as I can pack into it. "And please don't start, Rach. You know I need time to lick my wounds. It's not like I won't see her soon anyways, Bella's already got my flight booked, I'd bet."

Rachel huffs with her mouth full, and gestures to me with annoyance. "You are just not right Jake."

"What?" I sigh, feeling a little defensive and defeated at the same time.

"The things you say about that girl, you don't act like an imprinted wolf! And the more you hang around here and share what's going on inside that head of yours, the more I'm seeing things from your side and quite frankly it's freaking me out!"

At least all this "sharing" has finally paid off. With a groan I cover my face, letting my head fall against the back of her wine-coloured sofa. "I don't mean to sound like a dick. I care about Ness, she's great. I just wish it didn't have to be some supernatural thing forcing me to. Under any normal circumstance, she would just be Bella's kid and I wouldn't be a huge part of her life."

"But that's just it, it's not normal, and maybe forcing this is just making things worse. You can't love her and hate her at the same time."

"I don't hate her, I just….hate imprinting. It's in my way."

Rachel falls quiet, and fidgets with the napkin under her glass of cranberry juice. "You mean she's in your way."

I scowl. It really DOES sound bad. I feel so guilty but at the same time, it's the truth.

"I heard that Leah and Sue have been talking. That Leah's got a job now."

My body perks up with that sliver of information. A job is good news, that she's taking care of herself. But it also means that she's really planning to stay gone for a long time. "But they won't say where she is?"

"No."

I try not to show how much it upsets me. Sometimes I still can't believe that this is really happening. She's starting over somewhere out there without me. It's a hard pill to swallow. Honestly, I haven't felt like myself since she disappeared. There's this constant ache in my chest because all I want is to hold her, to smell her. Leah always grounds me in a way the imprint never has. It's a wolf thing between us, separate from the imprint. Maybe because she's my Beta, I don't know. It's just a bond that's stronger than the ones I have with Embry, Quil and Seth.

"You're a mess, Jake," Rachel rakes her fingers through my floppy hair. "You need a cut and a shave. You look like a caveman."

"I don't care Rach. Nothing matters."

She tuts and starts to gather our lunch dishes on the coffee table. I lean over and help, my movements almost lifeless. Rachel pauses and turns to me with a sad smile. "I'm sorry this is so hard on you Jake."

"I'm sorry too. I never meant to cause so much strife in the packs. I never meant to make her go. I just fucked everything up."

xxxxxxxxxxx

When I phase in for a run I meet Embry and Quil who are on patrol. Today is Black Pack day for running the perimeter.

"Everything good?" I inquire.

"Sure."

"Yeah."

Come their quiet and somewhat cold, responses. I mentally fortify myself for what likely is coming next.

"We need to talk," Quil tells me, and shows me where they are. Taking off with speed, it takes me only a few minutes to find them. They're stationed at some boulders far out in the woods, headed south. We all phase to your human forms, pulling pairs of shorts quickly up to our waistlines.

"So now you wanna talk?" I scoff. Just as I open my mouth, Quil comes at me with a raised fist. With my keen senses I manage to dodge it by the skin of my teeth, but he circles back and clips me at the back of my head.

"Fuck, Quil!" I growl at my cousin. Rubbing the sore spot I stand straight and look my two best friends in the eyes. Oh yeah, this isn't going to go well.

"You've been hiding like a real pussy." Of course Quil gets the ball rolling with his big mouth.

"Why?" follows up Embry, who, as usual, is the calmest out of us three.

I shake my head and crack the knuckles in my hands, a nervous habit. "I haven't been hiding, I've been finding a new place to live." Quil shifts impatiently and folds his arms across his bare chest, indicating that they're waiting for me to answer the question properly. "I've been...fucked up over Leah…I just couldn't deal with the outside judgments while I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she took off and I have no idea where she is, or how she's doing. She won't return my calls."

Embry's face shows surprise but Quil's frown deepens.

"Of course not, you dumb fuck! Her common sense finally kicked in!" Quil spits. "Both of you should be flogged! You should have known better!"

I snort. "Flogged? Really?" I'd like to see someone try to flog ME. Or Lee for that matter. The thought makes my nostrils flare.

"Quil, cool it man," Embry, sensing my anger levels rise, hits his pack-brother on the arm. He comes closer to me and for a moment I think he's offering a hug but he doesn't. "What happened that she would leave like that?"

"I wish I knew, Em. I went to tell Bella about us. The plan was to start telling the pack, the Cullens and Nessie. When I got back to the Reservation she was already gone. She was suppose to wait for me so we could talk about how it went."

"You were going to tell everyone what?" Quil demands, even though he already knows the answer. I know why he's making me say it out loud. And I understand his pain, his misguided feeling of betrayal.

"That Leah and I were together, Quil. What's your problem?" Now it's my turn to fire off rhetorical questions to get under his skin too.

"How could you do that to Nessie? Huh? What kind of sick dog are you?"

"Quil!" Embry admonishes.

"No leave him Em. Let him keep flapping his gums and see where he ends up."

"We didn't come here to fight. Leave the fighting to Sam." I glance over at Embry, interested in what he knows. "Don't be surprised if he finds you tonight. The only reason why he hasn't already is because Emily's been begging him not to stir up trouble between the packs."

"Sam has no right to come at me with anything. What Leah does is none of his business."

"This isn't some pissing contest Jake, you broke the law. And someone needs to drag you down a peg or two."

"OH and is that going to be Alpha Uley, Quil?" I scoff. "Get the fuck out of here!"

"It's not a joke Jacob. We're all disappointed in you."

My brows raise with his bold declaration. "Embry you've known for like a month now, we talked about this." I don't want to show it, but a part of me literally hurts that my closest friend is not on my side. I hadn't wanted to believe it. But the fact that neither he nor Quil had sought me out before now, is enough evidence that our friendship is damaged.

"I was never okay with it, I just minded my business. I knew it was going to end badly. So did Leah."

Without thinking I lunge and grab my best friend in a choke hold. "What did you say to her!" I growl. It had been bugging me, the reason why she just left to randomly. Someone had clearly gotten to her. To find out it's Embry brings on a rage that feels like poison in my veins.

"Jake! Let him go!" Quil starts pounding on my back, forcing me to release Embry. It's a wonder that we're all still in human form. For a fleeting moment, a memory of us fighting as boys comes to mind, back when the most important thing was whose turn it was with the new comics or toys.

Stepping back from them both, I realize that there's only one way to fix this situation – this, problem with my pack. I know it might make my brothers hate me more, I know it might only drive us further apart, but I am doing my best to save our pack. And the Black Pack will never be whole again if Leah stays gone. I will never be whole again.

Allowing my Alpha eyes to come forward, I size them up individually and slowly step two paces closer.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO LEAH?" I roar, and the timbre in my voice shakes the ground like rolling thunder.

The Alpha command rocks both of them so hard that Quil and Embry drop to their knees before me.

"Fuck you," Quil hisses, because no one likes a fucking Alpha to exercise just how easily he can make you his bitch.

Embry sniggers and shakes his head. "Fine, fine, it's always your way anyway, right Jake? Since we were kids you always get your own way, Prince Jacob."

"I will not ask you again, Embry."

"I wanted to make sure she was alright, I asked her what happened between you two and she said she had something to go do, to mind my business. She brought the Rabbit to the store and asked Mom to give it back to you. She was upset that I caught her just before she got on the bus."

"WHAT? You saw her leave and didn't tell me anything? I could have easily followed her to Forks had I known right away! You had a right to tell me as soon as she got on that bus EMBRY!"

"She punched me when I tried to stop her! She didn't want me involved Jake! She didn't want you to know!" he shouts, glaring at me. "You know how Leah can be, we can't deny her when she commands us."

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated beyond words. I know he isn't lying. I know better than anyone how Leah is with the pack. She is capable of so much with or without me.

"Serves you right! You deserve her leaving. At least she was smart enough not to have real feelings for your sorry ass," Quil adds.

I roll my eyes, refusing to let his stupidity add fuel to my internal fire. "You don't know what you're talking about Quil, so shut the fuck up!"

"Well he's not wrong!"

"Meaning what?" I turn to Embry now, resisting the urge to butt their big heads together for talking to me like this.

I can tell he doesn't want to answer, by his grimace. "That it was just sex...to put it nicely."

I don't know if to believe him. But he can't lie to me, not when under command. "She said we were just fucking?" Embry nods and his frown softens to pity. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I'm the one who's weak in the knees and I fall to my ass on the forest floor.

Quil chuckles quietly. "She's not as stupid as I thought she was. She was just using you for some Alpha dick since she couldn't have Sam's."

I snarl and bare my teeth, but Embry slides between us and puts his arms out. "Stop! No more fighting! Seriously."

I push him away from me and turn my back on them both. They have no idea how humiliated I feel. So many things click into place and it's obvious that I've been fooling myself all along. There were so many times when Leah had been frank with me, like the conversation we'd had just before I went to the Cullens…she had tried to end it and I had pushed and insisted that I was going to Bella. I wouldn't let her end us, I'd shushed her with sex in the bathroom. That day she said we wouldn't last, that I'd have no choice but to be with Ness - the imprint was too strong, it could not be broken. She'd told me that it was the last time we'd be together and I never listened, I never even attempted to believe her because I was so confident and cocky that she'd want to fuck again. I was sure that everyone would be fine with us together because that's what I selfishly wanted.

My body shudders. I truly AM the reason she's gone. I wouldn't listen when she tried to save herself from me. It was just sex the whole time. There were no dates. I had no right to be angry with her or Embry for saying what was true.

Sex had a HUGE part to play, it wasn't a lie. Our wolves are very dominant around each other and the urges between us were hard to ignore after I got back from Spain…Sex between us happened without much thought or planning. It was a physical need that simply had to be fulfilled, that could only be fulfilled by the other. I had to have her and she had to have me, no questions. We didn't have an explanation for that need, so it was better to keep it a secret. We both worried about what everyone would say, but we just couldn't stop.

But by the time Embry found out, it wasn't just sex for me. I didn't want to stop, ever. I had learned every curve, nook and line of her body and I was addicted. By that time we cuddled and talked, and laid together in bed. By that time we kissed and touched each other leisurely. We'd allowed ourselves to feel something more, something that was just ours, that had nothing to do with the rest of the world. It wasn't just fucking by then.

My mind flits once again to the last time we made love – or _fucked_ – in the bathroom, but as I replay the scene I am horrified by my actions. When she'd told me she was mine… Had she just said what I wanted to hear? Had I forced her? I had…I fucking had. Hadn't I? If I hadn't let the Alpha's need for her wolf's attention… her complete submission…to dominate my actions, would she have been strong enough to say no?

She never said she loved me back on the phone the last time I spoke to her.

As all the memories slowly slide into place, painting an entirely different picture from the one that I had been carrying around in my head for months, I know that it's over. It's over and I fought hard, and lost my home, and the respect of my father, for nothing but 'fucking."

A cool sinking feeling of dread creeps across the crown of my head, and descends on my neck and shoulders, making me tremble more.

All along, I had been a bully and a fool, and Leah was right to leave me.

**AN; Thank you so much for the reviews! That last chapter was definitely something else, Honestly, I had no real plan for Billy's reaction! It's just what came out of the character at the time! So I've spent some time writing in another chapter that will clarify more of Billy's point of view - whether or not we agree lol. He and Alpha Jake definitely have stubborn characters in this fic. Still need to get to writing lots more chapters so I wont update daily like I usually do (posting before my story is complete is really not my bag becuz i hate writer's block and it happens a lot). I hope you all are staying safe and healthy! Good health is the ideal way to beat covid 19. turmeric, honey, apple cider vinegar, garlic, ginger, cayenne pepper in water make a good immunity booster you can take daily!**


	7. Confessions

SEVEN

LEAH

CONFESSIONS

Rebecca and Solomon's guest room is decorated in aqua and white with splashes of dark blue. There's a clear beachy theme throughout their home, with trophies and framed photos of Sol riding waves, or posters of past events. The vibe is clear: Surfing is Life. There's not much of Rebecca anywhere and I wonder why that is, but I figure it's in the sheets and the towels and all the womanly touches that are distinct from guys with their dirty socks and drawers all over the place.

It's very different to my old room back home, which is darker and filled with photos and posters; and I try not to feel like a stranger. After sleeping the first three days away, hiding my depression and homesickness under the ruse of fatigue, I venture out into the world in search of a job. I don't want to just live off of the money Rosalie gave me. Instead, it's the start of a nest egg for me to decide what comes next.

By the end of my first week, I land a job in a clothing and souvenir shop not too far from the house. The usual salesgirl had run off with a guy she met on the beach. I think it was pretty ballsy and a bit romantic, but her mother, Miss Kona, the shop owner, is beside herself with grief. To the point where she's constantly lamenting loudly about her beloved Naia.

It doesn't help matters that Miss Kona reminds me of my own mother – not in her behavior but her emotional state. The irony is not lost on me that I am one runaway daughter replacing another. My own mother grieves my absence too. But since I started calling, she's calmed down a bit. I even told her where I am, and that has served to put her mind at ease, knowing I am safe and with Rebecca. She's still baffled about where I got the money, but that's a secret for another day. I feel like I constantly have to remind her that I am in fact twenty-nine years old and capable of living away from home and making my own decisions – whether or not they are mistakes; but I know it's the lone wolf part that worries her.

What she's really miffed about however, is my dalliance with Jacob and that I had been so good at hiding it. She's disturbed that I would be so stupid as to be with an imprinted wolf. Not rubbing salt in my wounds or anything, Sue hopes I've "learned my lesson now," and can focus on getting a career.

As if. What career can I get without an education beyond my GED? I intend to focus on getting all-human first. Do I really have to spell it out that the wolf takes priority? I'm never going back to the pack, there's no doubt in my mind. The beast needs to go.

And yes, I have thoroughly learned my lesson. The result is that I am alone now, maybe more alone than I was before when Sam left me without an explanation. But I don't regret Jake - even if it was all in the shadows.

Mom had played that card, talking about how he was hiding me, and ashamed of what the pack would think of him cheating. _Cheating._ I corrected her of course, insisting that I was hiding him too – and it was not cheating if there was no relationship to betray, but then she laughed at me. That kind of pitying laugh. Said that I was sugar-coating it.

I am not usually a sugar-coater. I lack the gene, just like my mother apparently.

It's nothing I haven't said to Jacob before, though. Cheating is exactly what it felt like sometimes. But there were so many other times where all I felt was fulfilment, and peace and belonging just by being in his arms. I've never fooled myself about the right and wrong of our situation. What we did was wrong on some level, because Renesmee is in the dark about certain things. And yeah, we were sneaky. But regardless, I feel justified because I support what Jacob wants as my Alpha. I am firm in my stance that it's wrong for Jacob to be forced into something that he, the man, doesn't want.

Sue, Billy, the Council…they see the wolf as the man but it's not. It's a _temporary_ part of the man, that frankly, has been given too much control, too much reverence for its meddling in our lives. Even if Jacob had gotten involved with someone else instead of me, I still would have supported his desire to choose. Just like I would have preferred Sam choosing to stay with me, his fiancé, rather than leaving me for my cousin whom he didn't even know that well from before.

Ultimately, love is love. An imprint shouldn't mean automatic romantic love between two adults, and that's all that Jacob and I wanted to prove. It's just the principle of the matter, and imprinting violates that with its blatant disregard of the man's personal desires. It, at its core, is _destructive._ It burns everyone down and rebuilds on their ashes, a perfect little world centered around one woman. How fucked up is that? And the sad thing is that I remember how I used to long for it, for the release from Sam. I'm so glad it never happened. And I hope it never does.

The elders don't know how it feels to have your entire life side-tracked because of a supernatural creature. Since I phased, I've been on one roller-coaster ride after another. Losing Sam, losing Sam to Emily, suffering from depression and violent outbursts, phasing and killing my father, finding out the truth about my anger issues, about Sam and then having to submit to him and Emily as the heads of the pack, not fitting in with the pack, being blamed by the Council for Dad's death, leaving the pack to follow Seth and Jacob, losing Jacob to the imprint, getting him back, making peace with everything that came before that, then, my favorite of the bunch…choosing to leave.

Fuck, how am I still living and breathing and carrying on?

I'd say because I cry in the shower. And, over the last few months I've learned how to pretend and hide, even from myself. I've used Jake as a shield.

In an attempt to stifle the pain and the desire to shift as a stress-reliever, I keep busy. I spend my days at the beach when I'm not working or helping around the house, or hanging out with Becca, Solomon and their friends who come over almost every day for a drink, smoke and a chat. The community vibe is close here, like back home, but they don't squabble over everything like the boys do. The vibe with Becca is more mature even if laid back, and I find myself really relieved to feel like an adult in a calm, supernatural free environment.

On the whole Haleiwa is totally different to Washington, it lacks the gloom because even the poverty and imperfections here are beautiful. It's not broken and aimless like the Reservation can sometimes feel. This place is the opposite of bleak. The sun is actually hot and serving a purpose, and no clouds linger over the water to ruin a perfect day for swimming. The sea is calm and shimmering, not choppy and foreboding. There's no graveyard of trees only rows upon rows of flowers. I've fallen in love again but this time with Paradise.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rebecca joins me on the back step that leads to their small yard. I've just done a load of laundry and for some reason it has me emotional. The clothes are on the line where they will dry in the cool breeze, and I've been sitting here lost in my thoughts, thinking about everything that has happened, and, missing Jake. I still haven't listened to his voicemails. Too scared to hear his voice, too tired of holding on to his promises when I know better. The jig is up. I just can't fool myself any longer, no matter how much I want to hear how much he wants us to be together. Not matter how much I want to believe that it could happen.

"Hey, whatchyou thinking so hard about?"

I know it's her subtle way of asking me to put her out of her misery. I know she really wants to know why I'm suddenly here.

"I just needed to get out of there, or I would have died." My confession makes my throat burn with tears that I refuse to shed. It's not that I'm ashamed, it's that I just don't have the strength it takes to be so vulnerable right now. I long to find enough peace that I can remember the good days with Jake, and not fall apart.

Rebecca wraps an arm around me and sighs, putting our heads together. She's smells like sea salt and rose water - she believes it's the secret to perfect skin. "I know the feeling, believe me. And I understand that whatever it is that made you leave, it's not just that either. It's never one thing is it? It's a whole bunch of little things that just add up one after the other…And the weight of them all on your back is so heavy that if you don't run, you'll break, and there would be no fixing."

I glance at her from the corner of my eye. What she says is right on the nose, and I can't help but wonder what her back-breaking, little things are. Parental death was definitely one that we had in common.

"I feel like if I tell you even one thing, I'll completely fall apart," I confess again, and it makes my body feel heavy, weary, and I lean on Becca a little more. She rubs a circle on my back then grips my arm again.

"When you get out, talking about it is the last thing you want to do. It took me months just to tell Solomon _one thing_ about my past. When we met it was purely physical, we didn't really know each other before I just upped and left La Push."

A smile briefly tugs on my lips in appreciation. And it makes me want to try. "My world just fell apart. Literally. Sam, Dad…" Jacob… "I lost everyone I loved. I lost myself."

I lost myself to a beast that uses my body to kill vampires.

"Well, I've lost something I never had…I can't have children," Rebecca whispers, just as my bed sheets billow and snap in the wind. I pull back and watch her face, which is pointedly looking away from me in a poor attempt to hide her inundating eyes. I gently grip her chin with my fingers, and turn her head so that we can see each other. I know how hard it is to say, to admit your biggest failure and heartbreak. And I think she is brave.

"Neither can I," I spill, and watch as her gaze turns from astonishment to curiosity and settles on sadness.

She takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "God, we're pathetic."

She meets my concerned eyes again and then smiles. Then she giggles, and then we both burst out laughing.

"Oh man!" Rebecca cries, wiping her eyes. "I can't believe this. So we _both_ ran away, and we're _both_ barren? We could start our own reality show."

"You have no idea," I smirk. And she really doesn't.

"Sometimes, Sol feels like my kid, and I've got my hands full at the school…and my other shifts at the hospital and clinic. But then I watch the little ones come for their first day of school, and I see their mothers and dads cry to let them go, and I want that so badly…"

I sigh, and think of how often I watched Rachel breastfeed with envy. Sometimes I'd imagine Lotus is mine and I'd rock her and get lost in that feeling of nurturing another life. It's the best feeling in the world. "You should adopt," I tell her, with a nudge. "There is a little Samoan girl or boy somewhere who needs a lovely home like this."

Rebecca smiles, but it's with reservation. And I understand why. And after a moment, it occurs to me then that we both probably feel the same way about Rachel and her beautiful baby girl. Maybe that's why visiting the Res is still so hard for Becc.

"Let's get dinner started before Solomon gets moody with boredom and a severe case of munchies." She hops up from the step and dusts off the back of her floral maxi dress.

One thing I've noticed about that guy: he's really attached to his bong.

"How about homemade pizzas?" I recommend. Suddenly I've got a hankering for hot tomato sauce and thin crust and basil. Yum. Food becomes the only thing on my mind, and my belly rumbles loudly between us.

"Having a craving are we?" Becca kids, poking me in the midsection. "If you hadn't just told me you're barren, I'd really start to believe you were pregnant. I swear Leah, the amount that you eat, it's just not normal. Just like that high temperature of yours."

I forcibly laugh off her suspicions as I do every time she mentions my weirdness.

That word barren rubs me the wrong way though, because I believe that one day, when the wolf is gone, I'll get my periods again. But how do I explain to her that my incapacitation, I hope, is only temporary? It only reinforces how little I can really share with her, because it is all supernatural. Even my issue with Jake, and why we can't be together is wrapped up in the wolves. Still, I know I should tell Rebecca that it was her brother that was the final push for me to run. It's just that finding the right words seems impossible when just thinking about him rips me apart.

Solomon gets excited when he hears that pizza is on the menu for tonight. Rebecca prepares the dough to rest while I get to chopping all the fresh vegetables and seasonings. Sol volunteers to slice the garlic, but only if he gets to use a razor like in the movie Goodfellas. I'm amused by how he's always itching to try something new and fun and a little bit risky. He's got tons of stories about his adventures in the ocean, mountain climbing, camping, fishing, backpacking. You name it, Solomon's done it. He even loves to garden, as does Rebecca. They've got this really neat kitchen garden with herbs, tomatoes, peppers, zucchini, summer squash, watermelons and salad greens of all kinds.

Not only have I taken up Solomon's chores helping Becca outside – since I'm naturally stronger than she is; I've found myself gravitating to their freshly prepared meals that are not laden with meat as was my usual custom. (Although while I'm at work I do buy burgers and fries and milkshakes because, well, I just gotta have em.) There's something about the earth to table experience that is both humbling and vitalizing to the body. My body feels different, alive in a new way. The wolf has been pretty quiet these last week too, as if she's finally resting, not worrying about vampires now that we don't have to patrol. It's been a relief.

"What's the craziest, wildest thing you've ever done on the Rez, Leah?" Solomon asks, after he begins to work the razor on the pungent flesh of the first clove, replacing the scent of his last toking session in the air. Rebecca has him set up on the couch with a cutting board over a tray. His bum leg is up on the coffee table next to his blue glass bong. I love how she indulges him, getting a kick out of watching him "Live Life" as he calls it (as is his personal motto, even painted on the wall by his own hand).

"Uh…cliff-diving I guess," is my answer, simply because I can't say "Dismember a leech."

"Seriously? That's crazy man. I've done it a few times in Jamaica."

"It's the best rush, that first time you break the water, and then all over again when you come back up."

Solomon laughs and nods excitedly. "Exactly! Right on!"

"I've never gone cliff-diving! It's so scary with those rocks below and that water is like ice! I can't believe you've done that, Leah!" Rebecca says disapprovingly.

"Just go when the tide isn't too rough and the weather is clear," I bestow the trade secret that every kid in La Push knows. Boys of ten and twelve cliff-dive more than the wolves in summer. Most times we go up there to monitor them rather than have our own fun. "The boys and I jump from the tallest cliff now." I realize my slip-up as soon as I say it.

Rebecca, as if on cue, looks over from her spot at the sink where she's washing dishes she is finished with. "Boys? Like who?"

Shit. I shrug. "You know, Seth and his friends."

"Do you and Jake hang out too?"

Her question is not unusual, but it's so invasive that I stiffen. "Uh, yeah."

"Sounds like our brothers have been bad influences on you Lee!"

And I quietly exhale in relief.

"You just gotta have faith babe," Sol adds. "You just gotta focus on the positive energy in the experience, never think that something can go wrong, it ruins the vibe."

"Totally," I add, smirking at her across the kitchen island. Her husband loves to say that for everything. Knowingly, she giggles and flips the kitchen cloth at me in mock warning.

Moments like this, I wish Jake was here to see what life after pack could be like.

If I could have one wish, if I could go back, it would be so that I could have _this,_ with him.

**AN: Thank you for your reviews! It is terrible what's happening. I dunno, my characters just seem to want to gang up on Alpha Jake and Leah in this one. And yes we have plenty more angst to follow but no worries it will all be fixed. Thank you for staying with me on this ride. I'm battling a bit of writer's block to continue the rest but I decided to post today because it's time you all hear from Leah. Next up, Rachel Billy and Jacob have a family meeting.**


	8. Lie In It

EIGHT

LIE IN IT

RACHEL

The situation between Jacob and my father has gone too far. Disowned? How could Dad disown his only son, my brother, the True Alpha? It's unacceptable! Paul told me I shouldn't worry, that everything will work itself out, but I can't just sit here and let it get worse. And plus, meddling is what I do best.

Paul brings Dad over to our house on his lunch break, and I quickly settle Lotus on his lap to get him in a chipper, more receptive mood. She's such a happy baby, and his first grandchild, and I know he won't be able to resist Lotus' charms.

"She's growing so fast, Rachel. I wish every day that Sarah was here to see her, to see all of our future grandchildren. She would have doted on them all."

I smile at my father and agree. Everyday my heart aches for the absence of my mother, and my twin.

After midday comes and goes, I get worried that Jacob won't show. I didn't tell him our father would be here, because he'd never come for sure. But I can't keep Dad waiting too long past his meal time because of his diabetes. Just when I'm about to give up and serve lunch, I hear heavy footsteps on the porch. I rush to the door and yank it open, just in time to catch my brother turning away. Damn wolf ears. "Jake! Stop dawdling and get in here," I order him, before he escapes.

He hesitates for a moment, but slowly walks inside, giving me a look that details exactly how he feels about the stunt I've pulled.

"Why am I here?" he grumbles.

"Having a family lunch."

"I'm not part of this family anymore, remember?" he snaps, loud enough for Dad to hear.

"Of course you are, Dad was just upset," I swat at him, ushering his bulky frame to the kitchen, to which he responds with a sneer.

"Lotus! It's Uncle Jake!" I sing to my daughter as she happily bounces on her grandfather's knees. Just as I knew she would, Lotus looks up at her uncle and emits a shriek of glee.

"Hey! There's my flower girl!" Jacob coos and reaches down to pick her up. Lotus reaches for him too and immediately starts to giggle as Jake holds her high in the air then plants loud and wet kisses on her neck.

Securing the baby against his chest, my brother turns his attention to our father. "Billy," he grunts.

"Jacob," he answers just as gruffly.

I roll my eyes at them both, mirror images of one another. "Oh hush now! We're going to have a nice family lunch and you two are going to get along!"

"Whatever," Jake mumbles, taking a seat at the table so that he can further play with his niece.

Dad watches them the entire time, but Jake refuses to look his way.

"She seems very taken with you. You're good with her," Dad admits fondly.

When Jacob doesn't reply, I jump in. "Oh yes! Jake's a natural with her." I busy myself grabbing dishes and setting them on the table, then filling each glass with water.

"Imagine what it would be like to have your own, with your imprint, as the Spirits intended," Dad continues.

I stiffen at his comment, because I know it will start an argument. I look over at my brother and I can easily tell that he is trying to control his feelings. He better, with my baby in his arms. "Don't go there," he warns, and continues making funny faces at Lotus.

"But you have to consider it at some point Jacob. Lotus is as perfect as she is because her parents were perfect for one another. They were destined to procreate, to further our line. In this child is the future of the pack, and in any son that Rachel bears. Your sister accepted her duty, her destiny, and look how happy she is. Why can't you do the same?"

I feel proud at the compliment my father pays to me, but at the same time it irks me because he makes it all seem so easy. It wasn't, at all. I feel a pang remembering how I once struggled to "accept my duty," much like my brother now.

"I didn't come here for this," Jake complains to me impatiently.

"Jake please, just relax okay? I don't want us to argue," I urge him, looking between him and Dad nervously.

Jake hands me the baby and turns to our father. "Why don't you want me to be happy?"

"I want you to be happy, Jake. But your happiness is with your imprint, not some other woman. A woman who, from what I've heard from Samuel, cannot even have children."

Oh no.

Jacob bares his teeth at his comment. "Quite frankly, that's not the only reason to be with someone. And Sam knows nothing - Leah's condition might not be permanent."

"So you're going to throw away your entire future based on a 'might not?' I don't understand you Jacob. Why are you doing this? You've caused an upheaval in this tribe, in your pack. You know you are rightful Alpha and this whole thing with two packs has got to end, it's gone on long enough. It's time you step up and take your rightful place here. I'm getting older, and I need to know that the tribe is in your safe keeping."

Lotus starts to fuss with all the negative energy filling the room, so I start to rock her in my arms, hoping she'll take a nap.

"I just don't understand how you could be okay with a half-vampire living on our lands. You're all about keeping traditions, but that's breaking the treaty."

"I'm okay with it because of you and because I believe in her human side. You are the one who decided you needed to follow the Cullens wherever they need to go, but that's not necessary. You belong here and Nessie is yours, so she belongs here with you. This is the home you will provide for her."

Jacob snorts and shakes his head. "You don't even know her. She'd never be satisfied in a place like this. It's too small and poor and boring."

"She'll be satisfied wherever you are. She can travel anytime she feels the need to. You don't have to worry about what people will say about her either. Our tribe will notice things, but they will never say anything. Everyone knows our legends, they will be curious but nothing more. You think they don't know something's up with you and the others by now? The older ones know just who you are, and they know to keep our secrets."

While Dad is right, none of the pack enjoy the looks or whispers we get every time we are out in public. The imprints don't have it any easier than the wolves.

I can already tell by the set of my brother's jaw that he won't accept that. "My mind's made up. It's not what I want. I told you this already remember? You kicked me out. Nothing's changed."

"Aren't you going to tell her about the imprint?" I ask, because I still don't understand why he hasn't done that yet. He needs to tell her if he truly wants out of the bond (not that I really believe he can get out of it, as I had my own failed attempts at breaking my connection to Paul).

"I told you when I see her, Rach. But I'm in no rush, she has her own life and I have mine."

"But you told me that her aunt said she misses you, that she hates the separation. Why wait?" As an imprintee, I still think it's unfair for him to dismiss the poor girl's feelings. I don't like how nonchalant my brother is being about their connection. If she is suffering, he shouldn't turn his back. Leah's leaving is a clear sign that she agrees.

Jacob glowers at me and I can easily read that he considers me to be a traitor. "Jake, I'm not going to support you lying to everyone, let alone yourself. I know what it's like to be on the other side of an imprint and she needs to understand why she feels that separation anxiety, it's only fair. She's still a person who deserves your respect."

"I thought you said you were seeing things from my side? I'm not ready!" He snaps at me.

I shake my head. "I do understand, but I also think it's only fair to consider things from hers too. You have to talk to her before you make any more big decisions about your future. It affects her and Leah."

"What the fuck do you want me to do, huh? You know how I feel about her age! It's not appropriate!" Jacob fires back at me, throwing his hands up in frustration. I clutch Lotus tighter and kiss her forehead so that she won't wake up.

"She only young in human years, but not hybrid years! She's a woman now, you showed me pictures Jake, she is NOT a kid!" I shoot back. But even I don't really believe the words coming out of my mouth. The whole thing is a bit weird.

"Again with the excuses!" Billy cuts in, glaring at Jacob.

Jacob takes a deep breath to calm himself down before he responds. "It's fact not an excuse. I have no desire to pledge my undying love for her when that's not how I feel. I still remember Nessie when she was Lotus's size for Pete's sake!"

"Listen to me, Jacob. Love grows. I knew your mother all my life, it wasn't love at first – in fact, I thought she was a pain in the butt. When I was twenty and dating someone else, Sarah started working at the diner and I began seeing her every day when I'd go for lunch. And we'd chat. And then over time, we grew into more than acquaintances, and I fell hard. I pushed aside any thoughts of being with other women because I knew I had found the One for me. I'd found the woman who'd make me the chief I needed to be for this tribe. I've never regretted choosing her."

"If you think that's going to convince me about Nessie, you're wrong. That's how I feel about Leah. That's Leah. She's the one who makes me stronger, better. She is the best partner, and a good leader."

Dad's face immediately morphs from neutral to disgruntled and he shakes his head. "Do not compare her to your mother."

"I'm NOT comparing her to Mom! I'm comparing myself to YOU!"

"Jake, Dad, please don't argue. Think of Lotus," I beg as the baby whimpers in her sleep.

Jacob shakes his head and rises, with his fists clenched at his sides. "I've already been disowned, so really, there's no point to this. I'm sorry I've been such a big disappointment to you Dad, but you know, you've been a bigger disappointment to me. I never thought you could be like this. You always tell me to take charge and accept my role in the pack and the tribe. I'm trying, but you won't let me do it my way. And that isn't fair."

"There is only one way, Jacob, the way of our fathers. You are Alpha and you've imprinted, there is only that, nothing else. We all had to accept that she's different. But you won't, and your stubborn attitude is getting old and I'm sick of it. You need to push all these adolescent feelings aside and GROW UP."

A tremor vibrates my brother's body and I know that any chance of us having lunch is gone.

"Sorry Rach, but I'll get something at the diner."

"Wait, Jake!" I cry, as he flees the room before I can at least pack him a plate.

"Let him go Rachel. He's determined to learn the hard way."

My heart breaks for my brother. Beneath the anger and disappointment, he clearly feels, I can see the pain clear as day. It's in his eyes. Since Leah left, he really hasn't been the same.

Now I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions. I want to support his imprint and my father's wishes, because I too am bound to pack law. But at the same time, I want my little brother to be happy. From what Paul and Emily told me, for so long Bella sucked the life out of him. Since he came back from Spain, he's been happier, and I now know that it was because of Leah. I guess I really let him down earlier by bringing up Nessie, and a part of me feels horrible about it. How can I be loyal to him, my father and Paul's pack at the same time? It's just not possible. Everyone wants him to submit to his imprint but lately, I'm just not so sure it would do any good.

After putting Lotus in her crib, I make my way back out to the kitchen, where my father has served himself and is currently eating lunch at the table. So much for my family meal.

"Dad, maybe we were too hard on him." I say, cautious of his reaction. "Jake never lies, and if he says he doesn't feel the same way for Nessie that Paul feels for me, then maybe you should believe him."

He looks up at me and then back down to his plate. "Rachel, I know you feel sorry for Jacob, but I will not be moved on this."

"You ever consider that he isn't upset to be apart from his imprint, like Paul and I were when I went back to Seattle to find a job? Nothing about their bond makes sense, Dad. He's fine without her."

"But she isn't fine without him, I heard you say that earlier."

"That's what one of the Cullens told Jake, but, I dunno, who knows what's really going on? If something were really wrong with her, in all fairness, he'd feel it. He'd feel the pull, and he'd be miserable. Like Paul was with me, or Sam was with Emily."

"None of that matters. The Spirits are not to be betrayed Rachel, this is what neither of you understand. If we upset the natural order, then bad things will start to happen. It is my duty as Chief to preserve our culture, and that comes before any personal feelings. It's a hard lesson Jacob needs to learn. Sam did what he had to do and now Jacob must do the same. I don't know what kind of hold that Leah has on either of them, but I will not let her destroy the Black legacy."

I can't agree with my father, but I don't say anything. I take a deep breath and serve myself a plate of the baked chicken, vegetable fried rice and macaroni pie. My heart hurts that my brother didn't even get to enjoy one of his favorite meals. And poor Leah, she doesn't deserve any of this. She was forced to let go of Sam and now our father wants to take Jacob away from her too. If the imprint didn't do that, then what right do any of us have to meddle in their lives? What if we are all wrong?

"I know she's your friend Rachel, but it's a good thing that she's gone. Natural order can be restored now."

An unsettling feeling fills my stomach, making it hard to even take my first bite. I know he's talking about the pack, not just Jacob and Nessie. It's no secret that the Council doesn't enjoy having Leah or her mother around. Sue has always been a lovely woman, it's not her fault that her husband died and she took his place. Because Leah joined the pack, the Council found it necessary, as none of them wanted to deal with her themselves. Not even Sam.

My father sets down his fork and takes a drink of water, before fixing his dark, mercurial eyes on me. "The day Carlisle Cullen fixed all of Jacob's broken bones, I became indebted to him. Your brother could have died that day, the entire right side of his body had been crushed by a newborn vampire. There was no way any of us could have fixed it. We didn't know how. Cullen and I came to our own treaty of sorts, we formed a sense of mutual respect – we even shook hands. It was a hard call as chief, but I did it because of Charlie and because of Jake. The wolves would fight to protect Bella from other vampire threats, and they, in return, would respect our rules and keep us informed on any further dangers."

I nod my head and Dad takes another sip of water. I don't speak because I know he's not finished. He looks over at the window and takes a deep breath before continuing. "Then when Bella came back from her honeymoon, Charlie said she was sick. Your brother stormed out of the house against my warning, and found out she was pregnant. He came back and told us how the pregnancy was slowly killing her. Sam determined that the child had to be killed before it could be born, because it would be a vampire. Knowing that meant Bella would be killed too, Jacob left the pack and me behind, and started living on Cullen land, guarding Bella from Sam. He and I have a loyalty to the Swans, and even though he betrayed the pack by siding with the leeches, I understood the choice he made. For Charlie's sake I was grateful that he had such courage. But then he imprinted when the child was born. So what could I do but continue to entrust my son in the coven's care? He became a part of them, Rachel, whether or not he wants to admit this. He cannot turn his back on his imprint now."

"But won't her presence here cause more boys to phase? There are no threats, we don't need a larger pack."

"We have no precedent for what can happen Rachel, but I believe that her bond with Jacob, and her mothering his children, will ward off any such effects. She does not have any vampire habits. She is warm-blooded with a beating heart, she does not even drink blood."

My face wrinkles at the thought of Jacob being with a bloodsucker. What if she wanted to do that again? How could he like that?

"The Cullens are his family now Rachel, they have been for years. And they will be officially when he and Nessie become serious. I just need him to see what has already been set into motion, the day he decided to stay with Bella even though she did not choose him. That was _his choice_, to go to her, to _commit himself_ to her. I didn't like it because Bella was no longer our concern the day she married a Cullen. But then the imprint happened, and I had to _accept_ that he was forever tied to her, and to them. So now he has _no choice_ but to accept it too. Black men must act with honour, not cowardice, lust or pride, no matter the circumstance. We all have hard realities to face. My son made his bed, now he must lie in it."

My father speaks with such finality and certainty, that I have no choice but to bow my head in silence. I hope my brother knows what he's doing because I don't know how he's going to change our father's mind; and I really don't know if or how I can help him and stay loyal to everyone else. God help us all.

**AN: Thank you SO much for your reviews! I love hearing your thoughts on the characters and how the story is unfolding. I promise that all your questions - which are pretty great! - will be answered in the story itself so I won't ruin it. It's kind of a slow burn as things unfold and as Jake and Leah find their way back to one another, so as I always ask, bear with me! I'm struggling a bit to get more chapters down as I feel like they're shit lol. but I'm trying! I know you will all have thoughts on Rachel and Billy in this chapter. Just note that Rachel is trying to be loyal to her father (it's a kind of guilt for being gone so long) to Paul and to Paul's pack as an imprint, she's not in an easy position. Billy feels justified in his stance because of Jacob's own actions - but yes I agree that poor Jake is allowed to make mistakes - but you know how it goes imprint is the most sacred law. Next up we hear from Leah again, as things move forward. stay home stay safe stay positive and thanks for reading and following!**


	9. Gut Feeling

NINE

GUT FEELING

LEAH

There's this feeling I get sometimes. Maybe it's a bad dream that still lingers when I wake up, maybe it's a wolf sense…I don't know. But all day it's been following me around like a dark cloud, like some ominous shadow.

Something just _feels_ wrong.

But we're fine. Rebecca is working at the health clinic while school is out for summer. Solomon's at the doctor getting his check-up which we all hope will lead to him coming back able to walk (cause he really is a needy guy and waiting on him hand and foot gets annoying). And I'm good too. Aside from some tenderness in my chest area from all the swimming, I'm doing okay.

Work is busy so I don't have time to dwell on La Push and the people I've left behind. Today there's a little street fair happening on our block. There're tourists and plenty locals milling around, shopping, eating, watching the hula dancers and men breathing fire and walking on high stilts. The place is festive and full of laughter, reminding me of the summer festivals in La Push. It would have been nice to walk hand in hand with Jacob and check out the stalls this year, to buy fry bread and feed it to each other while sitting at a bonfire roasting s'mores. But maybe he'd do that with Nessie instead. Those are her memories to make with him, not mine.

Today home and Jake have been on my mind constantly, even as I serve customers and keep the shop clean for Miss Kona. I wonder how things went with Bella and Edward. And has he contacted Nessie yet? How did he feel when he found out that she wants him? It was his greatest fear that she develop a romantic interest in him. Although the wolf bond will do most of the work for him, I can't help but sympathize with the man who's terrified. The man I love, though I've never said it out loud to him or anyone.

Rosalie was right to warn me that things for Renesmee had changed. It's extremely selfish, because a good friend and Beta would have been there for him. Regardless of what happened between us, as his confidante, I should be there. I don't regret putting myself first and running away, because the self-preserving part of me is so glad that I didn't have to stick around and watch him go back to her, to _them._ Still, I can't help but wonder if it would really have hurt me any worse than what I did to him instead. Jury's still out on that one. But I can only hope that this time he finds happiness. Maybe one day we'll forgive each other for our broken hearts.

After work, old Mr. Keahi who sells fresh fruits from the back of his truck, and who has taken to giving me free offerings every morning when I get to work, gives me a ride to the beach across from Rebecca's neighborhood. I decide to buy a grilled fish wrap from the food truck and sit on the sand to watch the water and the young people and kiddies at play.

Two really cute guys are bobbing on their boards in the water, and one of them waves at me in the traditional Hawaiian sign. I repeat it back to him with a smile of my own. People here are very friendly and once you make eye contact, it's polite to say hello. The kids to my left come running my way to get their ball, kicking up sand around where I'm sitting. The old Leah would have bitten their heads off, but I only giggle and wave them off, dusting the sand from my jeans. If Jake was here, he'd wonder if I was feeling sick or something.

Jake. Just the thought of his name, his face, makes my body tense.

There's something wrong.

Once again, the feeling nags me. But this time my wolf stirs. It's been so long since I've phased that it almost freaks me out to feel her so close. I force myself to swallow the food in my mouth, for suddenly, I feel ill.

_What is it girl?_ I ask the beast inside of me. I can't smell any leeches. Does she sense one nearby?

_Alpha._ Is the word that comes to me then and I know that somehow, even thousands of miles away, she feels that something is wrong with him.

I unzip the beige crochet hobo bag that Rebecca gifted me from her overstocked closet and dig for my phone. Even though I don't keep it on I always have it charged up for when I feel able to talk to Mom. I power it up and dial Seth's number. It rings three times until he picks up, and it's only when he answers that I take a breath.

"Leah, hey!" he answers in his usual chirpy manner. We haven't really spoken since I left, and I really should be checking in more often to make sure he's on track for graduation. But still, right now is not the time. Niceties are the last thing on my mind.

"Seth, is he okay?" I blurt out.

"Who, Jake?"

"Yeah."

He's deathly silent for a beat and then has to nerve to ask, "Why do you want to know? I thought you were done with him?"

A low growl escapes me. "Answer the question," I command, feeling my wolf's Beta strength pulsing through my veins. Usually I'd be fighting the phase by now, but instead the wolf remains in check. It's a small mercy on a public beach, really.

"No Lee. He's a fucking mess, moping around and skipping work. And if this is you trying to be his Beta now, you're a day late and a dollar short."

"Seth, look, I know it was shitty to leave because I'm Beta of the pack, but it's also the Beta in me that's concerned. All day I've just had this sense of pending doom that I can't shake. I need to know so that the wolf will go back to sleep."

"So it's been working alright? Not phasing at all?" he asks, getting side-tracked out of curiosity.

I simper for a moment and nod my head before telling him that it is, surprisingly so. "No vampires or patrol helps a lot...and I get more sleep and I eat better meals now, not so much meat. I swim and jog every day too."

"So like starving her usual activities…makes a lot of sense. I'm happy that it's working out for you Leah. You deserve some time for yourself."

"Thanks Sethy."

"But calling me to ask about Jacob Black won't help. He's made his shithole, let him bury himself in it."

"Seth!" I am shocked that my brother could be so callous. He is always the one to see the good in people.

"Don't you even try to defend him Leah. He thinks he can just pick and choose whatever he wants when it suits him. The pack is a mess now, Quil and Embry and Sam and the others all hate him."

"Hate is such a strong word, Seth. That's unfair to him."

"Why are you defending him? Nessie is not a toy, neither are you. He can't play with you, break you, then throw you in a closet."

Wow. That's…this is a mouthful coming from my brother. And I feel the need to set him straight.

"Jacob was never trying to play with anyone. He's unnaturally honest, Seth. You know that. He's an open book. And everything he does, it's with his whole heart. He was wonderful to me, he helped me through the darkest time in my life. And when the physical entered, I wanted it just as much. And I never let him think that it was okay to promise me a future. I always reminded him that what we had could not match up to what he would have with her."

"You really think that though?"

Seth's question surprises me. "What do you mean?"

"Do you really think that you and him couldn't have something greater than him and Nessie?"

"Well…" Why the fuck would he ask me this? Aren't Sam and Emily enough proof? "Seth, I really wish you wouldn't go there."

"I'm sorry sis. I just…Sometimes I'm just so confused."

"About what?"

"Imprinting…"

"Ha. Join the club baby bro. Why do you think Jacob and I are acting crazy? We're trying to make sense of this mess too."

"But do you really think he loves you as much as he says he does?"

My heart literally skips a beat, flutters, at his words. "He told you he loves me?"

"Yeah. And he claims that he has already seen Nessie from a child to a woman and never once has his feelings for her drifted to romantic. He's sticking to his story about the imprint being different."

"And you don't believe him?" I ask, because somehow, this whole thing has got Seth really bothered and I'm not sure if it has to do with me or something else.

"Do you?"

I groan, hating when he flips the tables on me. "I do, I did. I believe he really means it because Nessie is Bella's child, and the whole idea of being with her freaks him out. Like she's a stand-in for the woman he couldn't have. Jake doesn't feel good about that at all. It's the thing that makes him hate imprinting: it should have been anyone but her. Her being a hybrid is also an issue. The wolf fathers her, but it doesn't see a mate. But in spite of that I also think that she is the one with all the power, and that if her feelings change, then so will the wolf's."

"So really, you think it's up to her to change things."

"Yes, it is Seth, it always has been. When she finds out that she's his mate, then Jacob will really have to prove how strong he is to resist the pull when she starts tugging on those strings."

"So if she knows and she doesn't feel that way about him, then, the imprint will be void, won't it?"

"Maybe Seth, maybe."

"Would you come back to him?"

I scoff and rub the sweat and grease from my forehead with my free hand. "I don't know what I'd do." I know that I'd want to be with him, but maybe I'd be too scared to actually try again. I'm not sure if we could ever go back.

"Shit…" Seth mumbles on the line. "This whole thing is one big mess. But I think I get why he and Billy are at each other's throats now."

"Wait, what? What happened?" Had I NOT just asked him if anything was wrong with Jacob? "You could have told me this earlier, Seth."

"I think you should stay out of it, that's why I didn't say anything."

"Seth, I swear to God. Tell me everything."

"You're not here to enforce that threat. I can hang up," my brother teases.

"Ha. Keep talking, I might just Beta order you to do something you don't want to. Like bake Alpha Black a pie."

"Okay okay, fine!"

I smile at how quickly my brother caves at the threat. My Beta game is pretty tight. It's always gotten on Jared's nerves that my rank as Beta is stronger than his. He can barely order Colin and Brad to keep quiet. I guess if he slept with his Alpha they might increase. He's already so far up Samuel's ass it wouldn't be a far stretch.

"Jacob apparently refused to accept the imprint and make a claim on Nessie, to Billy's face. He told Billy that he chooses you and let's just say that Chief wasn't having it."

There's a warmth that blooms in the pit of my stomach and spreads to my heart where is pulses like an open wound. Jacob had done what? He'd told his father about us for real? "What did Bella and Edward say?" I ask, thirsty for knowledge.

"They weren't too happy about it either. They want him to tell her everything."

"So he still hasn't told her about the imprint?" I am shocked and yet a little happy that Jacob is still trying to resist. I'm also well aware of how bad that sounds since I left him to deal with this all on his own.

"No, but everyone wants him to. The elders are pissed and Billy disowned him. I think he is hoping that will make Jacob comply."

"The Council were never going to go for it…even I know that…" I shake my head, feeling a weight of sadness descend on my shoulders. He must be so disappointed in us all.

The elders hate me, I've always been aware that men like Billy Black blame me for my father's death. I see it in his eyes every time he's around; the resentment in a cutting glance, the accusation in a squint. He has always been one of the reasons why I had to constantly keep Jacob in check where we were concerned.

"Oh God," I mumble, feeling at the lowest of the low.

"This is why it's better you don't know. You need to focus on you, not what shit Jacob has gotten himself into. But it's pretty bad, Lee. Chief kicked Jake out of the house and Sam has basically X'ed his name out in the packs and Council."

I just can't seem to comprehend what's really happening. Suddenly I need to move, I need a swim to burn off the wolf energy and clear my head. "Seth, I've got to go."

"Are you okay, though?"

"Yeah, I am, I just…you know." Fucked up with everything that you've told me.

"Yeah, take care sis."

"You too."

I practically run all the way to the house and when I burst inside, Solomon is busy organizing something on the table and I can hear Rebecca in the bedroom taking a shower.

"Hey Leah!" Sol waves, his black hair flopping into his dark eyes. He's wearing his usual costume of a t-shirt and boardshorts and slippers. His foot is better now though he's still not allowed to surf yet, but he's much happier to be back working the surf shop with his friend Palo.

"Hey Sol!" I squeak but I don't stop for the conversation he wants to rope me into. I keep the quick pace to my room and slam the door. I rifle through my swim wear and pull out a simple black bikini which I tie on. My boobs are barely fitting into the damn top, and I wrestle with the triangles of fabric until they cover my breasts properly. I swear Rebecca's detergent or machine is shrinking my clothes. All of my new tops are too small, even my bras.

I grab a beach towel from the hall closet and shout "Bye!" to Solomon as I head back out, not stopping to even speak to Rebecca. I don't even know if to broach the topic with her. Does she know what happened, or why? I am not sure if Rachel or any of the Blacks have ever even explained Renesmee's existence to her before. When Jacob left to tour the world with the Cullens, Rebecca had been told he was off on a scholarship.

When I reach the sand, I drop my towel on top of my flip flops and jog down to the water. I am aware of the eyes of men on me, I can hear their murmurs of approval follow me into the water, and when I dive below the cool surface, I am thankful to be free of them. I can stay underwater and see perfectly for a longer period than a human, and it helps me make a fast getaway from curious observations.

It's only my rumbling stomach and the fast procession of sunset that pull me back out of the water. Swimming in the ocean here makes me wish I'd been a mermaid instead of a wolf. Now _that_ would have been cool. I was obsessed with Ariel growing up. Gotta love that red crab.

Spitting the saltiness from my mouth, I am craving something sweet, a pint of chunky chocolate to drown my sorrows in sounds perfect. As I come up the sandy incline from the shore, I am shocked to see Rebecca sitting next to my towel, waiting. By the look on her face I know that she's upset.

"What's happened?" I ask, accepting my towel from her hands.

"Rachel and I just had a video chat….she said that Dad and Jake have been fighting."

"Oh, yeah, Seth literally just told me the same thing," I say cautiously, because I still have no clue just how much she knows about _why_ they've been fighting.

Rebecca nods and wipes a tear. "I just hate this. Jacob's always been stubborn, but running away? First you, now him? I just don't understand what's going on?"

"Jacob's run away?" I confirm, because that's the only part I have heard.

"Yeah! Rachel said no one can find him. He's out of range or something weird. I don't quite understand myself, I guess she means his phone. Rachel wasn't too forthcoming on the details."

Out of range? My brain goes into overdrive as I think about that feeling I've been getting all day. Had my wolf sensed the moment he ran off before Seth or the pack was even aware? And if she had, it could only mean one thing:

Jacob has gone wolf again.

And there's no telling where he'd end up or if he'd ever come back.

**AN: Thank you again for the reviews. You guys are definitely on the right track with your thinking! But all will be sorted eventually and you will get your questions and suspicions answered! Up next we hear from Jacob again. You'll be happy to know I have been able to write more, got about two chapters down yesterday. And your reviews really helped me get it done. but I have a bunch of changes to make to others and I'm still trying to figure out how to carve Nessie's character. I'm around chapter 28 so we still have a ways to go! Thank you so much for reading! Stay safe!**


	10. Flight

TEN

FLIGHT

JACOB

_"Let him go Rachel. He's determined to learn the hard way."_

My father's words push me over the edge and I barely make it to the yard before fur bursts through my skin. My russet paws hit the ground with such force that soil goes flying everywhere. No creature is safe from the path of destruction if they cross me. None of my pack are on duty today so I embrace the silence in my head as I head north.

As soon as I got to Rachel's house, I was wary of my father's presence. I knew her intent: to get us to talk and make up. It's not that I'm completely against the idea, but it's too soon. Wounds are still fresh and tender, and I really don't want to hear anything more about my so-called misdeeds. There is very little that my father and I can actually agree on at this present time, and what happened just now, proves it.

My head feels like I'm in a whirlwind. I just keep going around and around having the same conversation with everybody. I'm going nowhere and fast. It's obvious that I'm not in control of anything in my life. I couldn't control the imprint and now I can't get a hold on anything else. Since I came back from Spain I finally felt like I was, but I was clearly fooling myself. Leah told me as much, and she was right – cruel, but right.

My father and I have reached an impasse. Our relationship is beyond damaged, it's broken, and I have no idea how we're ever going to fix it if he can't accept that I don't have it in me to give up my soul to someone my heart can't commit to.

I know that forgiveness is not what I really want. No, it's freedom. But I'm obviously never going to get it. With Leah gone it seems even more likely that I'll end up with Nessie somehow. Still, I want to swim upstream, like our sacred salmon. I want to go against the tide and find my way home, to her. But how can I? She's made the decision for me that my home is with Nessie. She wants me to give in to the imprint. So does my father, the packs, the Council, my sister. EVERYONE. I've been betrayed by them all. I feel as though I am no longer loved or respected by anyone in my life. It's not about ME, it's all about the wolf. How can I live like that? I'm not Sam.

It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. But I don't know how to be anything but, while floundering here at rock-bottom.

My wolf tears through the forest, and my senses tell me that I've long passed the boundaries of the Reservation. But I don't stop. It seems to be a thing that I do: go all Emo Wolf when a girl doesn't love me back enough to choose me. It's so much easier to give up, to give in to the primal state where nothing adult or human matters. Eat sleep hunt run. It's all I have to do. The wind and the rain and the cold hard earth at night are all I have to feel. Nothing matters out here in the wilderness, nothing but survival.

And if I am to survive this pain, then it's the only place where I belong.

That's what none of the guys could ever understand about the first time I left home and lived in Canada. If I don't withdraw myself from the packs, from the sound of my father's voice in my head, from everyone's opinions, I'll literally lose my mind.

One could call it 'running away,' one could call it 'cracking under pressure.' Sam and Billy would simply call it 'insubordination.' Honestly, I don't give a fuck. I just know that in the past, when I reached my all-time low, this was what had worked. The land was where I harnessed my strength. And I can only pray that it does not fail me now.

Withdrawing into the wolf will allow me to figure out what to do about Nessie. I know I need to go to her, to talk this out, but I just _can't._ Not yet. I'm a mess. There are questions I need answered. Is she really our mate? Can she really be my wife? Is it her that I am destined to love forever? Or will the wolf submit and let me be with Leah, will it surrender to MY wishes? I need to be sure so that I can get my life together. I've been avoiding it all this time, thinking that I am strong enough, but the truth is, the wolf and I need to make peace. We need to be on the same page because I really can't keep on living this way, feeling like I am supposed to be two people at the same time.

I make my way up to the set of caves that I know to be a good spot for me to sleep at night. I'm exhausted emotionally and physically, so I waste no time moving to the deep end where no one will see me. With a huff I flop onto the earthen floor and curl in on myself. After a few deep breaths to slow down my heartrate, I'm out like a light.

TWO WEEKS LATER

_I'm running through a dark tunnel. I know that there's danger, but I have no idea if I'm running towards or away from it. I just know that I'm terrified. Someone's hurt and I need to get there. "Jacob!" a female voice calls. "Jake! I need you…"_

Startled awake, I inspect my cave to see that I am still alone. It is still the dead of night and I am still in Canada. My wolf picks up no other scent than earth, but I feel as though someone is right here with me.

Trying to focus without sleep clogging my thoughts, I recall the details of the dream. The voice. I realize now that it was Nessie. That could only mean that my imprint needs me. I can feel it in my chest, that pull towards her. There isn't a second thought about it in my mind.

I have to go.

I take off like lightning in the night, letting the wolf navigate us home. Whatever it is she needs, it must be serious, for me to get such a strong pull towards her. It takes me almost a full day of running and hiding from humans to get back, and when I arrive at my house, I can barely stand for being so tired. The wolf had pushed hard this time because obviously, we need to know what's wrong. I should have taken my phone, I don't even know any numbers by heart for the Cullens that I could have used a pay phone in Canada. I find my phone on the bedside table, while catching the scents of my pack lingering in the air. They'd been checking the place for any signs of my whereabouts most likely.

After my phone boots up, it immediately starts to vibrate with what seems like hundreds of messages. Most of them are from Nessie, Bella, the pack, even Rosalie of all people…but that's it. I try not to think about Leah's silence and dial Nessie's number first.

"Jacob?" she answers on the first ring.

"What wrong Ness? Are you hurt? Is it the Volturi?" my spine is stiff with anticipation. I just need to know what we're up against.

"Jacob! Where have you been? How could you stay gone for so long! I was so scared!"

I soften at her scolding, which I know I justly deserve because I abandoned her for much longer than two weeks. "Nessie, I'm sorry I had to go and sort some things out. But we can talk about me later, what's going on?"

"The Volturi _have_ been snooping around, yes. They wanted to know how my schooling has been going. They're fascinated that I've been living among humans and have no bloodlust."

"Are you sure that's all? Did they try to touch you or take you someplace?"

"No Jake, it was actually a few video chats. Mom and Dad were here. Aro's new secretary organized the whole thing through Carlisle. He seemed to think the computer was like magic. Honestly, I hope it doesn't mean that he plans to call all the time."

"That would be harassment. How are you feeling about all of this?"

"Nervous? I guess. I just don't like talking to them, Aro is so good at making you feel like he's not a threat. But just the way he looks at me, I can tell that he wants me there with them. I just, I don't trust him."

"I know, neither do I." I take a deep breath as the tension of the wolf makes my body stiffen more.

"Mom and Rosalie said I should call you and let you know what happened. I was a little scared to talk to Aro."

"Okay, don't worry, I'm coming to see you and sort this out with the coven." The wolf and I would never rest if she got hurt. At the end of the day, I take my duty to be Nessie's protector seriously and I don't trust the Volturi not to have some plan behind the scenes.

Video chat? Really? Is that some sick plan for them to find out where she's living? Not that they'd need to snoop since they have the best trackers. What game are they playing now?

Though I had to leave the coven because the wolf was having a hard time living with leeches, her safety takes priority. We'd made a pact the day I left, Nessie and I: If she really needed me, she'd call. And when she called, I'd come.

I have no choice but to keep my word, but to face the fucking music.

"You'll really come?" The doubt, joy and surprise in her voice makes me feel like even more of a jerk.

"Of course. I'll patrol and make certain you're safe."

"Some of the coven is here in Paris, just so you know. Well, they're staying at their place, not mine."

"Good, at least I know you've got back-up until I get there." I don't want to see her parents again, but it's not about me at this point.

"Thanks Jacob. I….I hope you know it means a lot to me, I don't want you to uproot your life because I'm paranoid about Aro. I just can't help but feel a little worried that he'll ask me to come to Italy, or worse, send Jane and the others to 'check in.'"

And there it is. "No, no, no, Bug. No. Don't even think that way, okay? That's what I'm here for. No matter what shit I say or do, I swear, you're important to me."

I can only imagine how Blondie is going to rub this shit all over my face when I arrive - cause I don't doubt for a moment that she's part of the group in Paris. She was right, Nessie really isn't comfortable with asking me to come back. I guess after I decided to leave so abruptly, (after making it clear that I could never live with leeches again) she has a good reason to be hesitant. God, I've really been such a dick to her when none of this is her fault.

"I would have asked Seth to come instead but Rose said that I should use the protector bond to call to you. Did it work?"

Ask Seth? That definitely wouldn't have sat right with me if she had. It's not his place. "Yes, Ness. It did work. I had a dream that you needed me, and I ran home so that I could call. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me to be."

"It's okay. No more apologies. I'm just glad you're not out of reach anymore. I've missed you Jake, I'll be happy to have you around again."

I tense at the familiar warmth and innocence I can hear in her voice, because I'm so paranoid about what it means. "I'll be on the next flight out. Can you set it up and send me the deets?" I hate to fucking ask, but I really can't afford it right now without notice. Fixing the house already put a dent in my meager savings and I haven't worked since Leah left so I barely have any cash at hand.

"Of course I will! I'll see you soon then."

"Be safe Ness, okay?" I say, because I can't help it.

"I will, Jake, promise."

I plug my phone in to charge and take a deep breath. With my hands on my hips I look up at the ceiling and close my eyes.

FUCK ME.

I decide that a shower is most necessary before I look for a meal. But my head and face are covered in bushy hair and I feel like a dirty old hobo from under a bridge. I pull out my electrical shaving kit and get to work on myself outside in the yard. It's only when I turn the razor off to use the scissors that I realize that I've got company.

"Seth."

"When did you get back?"

"Just now."

"We've been checking daily to see if you're here."

"Wow, I'm touched. I was pretty sure you all would get together and torch the place instead. Have a giant bonfire. Thanks for not doing that, by the way."

"Jake, sarcasm aside, I think it's time you had a talk with the packs and the Council. I think everyone needs to hear your side instead of your father's."

Here he goes, ordering me around again. I snort and run a comb through my cropped hair to remove the shorn pieces that linger. I've got a mirror posted on one of the garage ceiling beams to see what I'm doing. (The place was not built for a giant like me – my head is almost to the roof.)

"I know I need to Seth, but I can't, not now."

"Why not? It's been two weeks. And thanks for not staying away too long this time. Very considerate of you."

I roll my eyes at his sarcasm. "I've gotta get to Nessie, that's the only reason I'm back now."

"OH. So I guess you've finally decided to tell her." Seth stuffs his hands into his sweats and rocks a few times on his toes. He then looks up at me with an expression that I could only describe as "pained." He's probably thinking about his sister and I push the guilt down so that I can maintain my focus on Ness. I want to ask him how she is, but I don't. I won't. It's not like Leah gives a fuck about me, or ever had. (Two weeks have not been enough time for my bitter feelings regarding her leaving me to subside.)

"Well, actually, the Volturi were snooping around, doing one of their checks."

"What! Is she alright?" Seth's panicky behavior causes me to pause. It's natural for him to be worried, as he knows how sneaky the vampire VIPs are. I'm barely calm myself because I keep remembering that it was only a video call, and that she is protected by her family.

"She's a little spooked. But she was alright. I'm just going to patrol and make sure she's good. I'm a little worried the Volturi are going to try some bullshit. They won't get over their sick obsession with her." Those creeps are evil incarnate. God knows what they'd do to Ness if they managed to capture her.

"Do you need backup?" he steps up eagerly behind me.

"You need to focus on finishing school. The coven is already there so I think we've got it covered. I'll let you know how everything checks out, bro. Thanks."

Seth meets my fist pump half-heartedly and it makes me long for a time when my pack was happy.

He continues to stand around as I resume shedding my hair, his eyes vacantly following the tufts that blow and tumble across the ground.

"Something on your mind?" I ask, because I want Seth to remember that it's still me, Jake. His big brother. And no matter what's going on, he can always talk to me.

Seth shrugs. "I…had a lot of time to think about you and Leah and I wanted you to know that I support your right to choose. And I'm sorry I didn't understand before."

His words shock me. "Wow, I appreciate that… I'm curious as to what changed your mind though?"

"I talked to Leah, she explained your point of view a little better…with Nessie being Bella's daughter, if it had been someone else instead…I understand why you're so hesitant to cross that line."

A surge of adrenaline pumps through me. "She wasn't supposed to repeat anything that I said."

"Don't get upset Jake. It wasn't like that. She was defending you to me. Said that you didn't hurt her, that you were really good to her."

"Then why did she LEAVE ME?!" I growl angrily, punching my fist through the card table that's holding my shaving kit. Everything goes crashing to the ground but I don't care. I can barely contain my feelings or the wolf. I'm down right confused. Had I or had I not forced her to run? Was she telling the truth? That I had been good to her? She will talk to others but not me. I don't even know what the heck to make of our time together anymore.

"She left because of the Council – or more like Billy and Sam – and she didn't want you to have to worry about her, to consider her when it came to being with Nessie. She just wanted to make it easier to go back to them…I think. That's what I've gathered."

"It's bullshit. She ran. She never had faith in us or me. It was 'just fucking' anyhow, right? Did she tell you that too?" I snap bitterly.

"Who told you she said that?"

"Embry."

Seth shrugs again. "I don't know, he didn't say that to me. But I don't think that was true for Lee. She's been worried about you. Said her wolf can sense that something's wrong. The day you left actually, she called and asked me for you. It was only after we talked that Quil and Embry told me that you took off."

I steel myself against thinking about Leah or my arguments with my father, and shake it off. "Well it doesn't matter now. Next time you speak to your darling sister, tell her I did what she wanted and she can stop 'worrying' or whatever it is she thinks she's doing."

Seth sighs and hangs his head. "Okay Jake, if that's how you feel."

"None of this was ever about how I feel, no one gives a fuck about that," I growl back.

I pick up my things from the ground and stow them away in their case then carry them inside. Seth lingers in the doorway and I find myself getting annoyed. I just need that shower now. He wants to talk about the shit that went down but I don't. I've got to get to Paris, to the one person who actually needs me.

I was fighting so hard for it not to come down to this. But once against my father was right. He was fucking right. I've ended up right back where I started: with the Cullens.

"So how long will you be gone? The others will want to know."

"I really don't know yet Seth, to be honest. But no one really wants me here anyways, so I might not hurry back."

"That's not true, the pack needs you. And what about the auto shop?"

"Quil and Embry can continue to manage the shop fine without me. Keep part of my share and invest it back in the shop, give the rest to my father. You guys can decide who's the new Alpha and Beta amongst yourselves."

"What? Jake, come on man, you know that none of us want to do that!" Seth protests.

I shrug. "Then don't, just keep patrolling schedule and stay away from Sam."

Seth seems to like that idea better and his shoulders slump in relief. "What about the Chief?"

"What about him? I'm sure he'll be happy to see me go too. I'm finally taking his orders aren't I?"

"No he isn't. From what Mom says, he's worried he's lost you. You're the end of the Black line, Jake."

"That's all he cares about, not my happiness. Rachel will have a son with Paul someday. He should be more optimistic."

"He'll be a Lahote."

"With three lineages of wolf blood in his veins. He'll be Alpha."

"So you're just going to turn your back on everyone and just run off and disappear with Renesmee? Is THAT the plan?"

"What the fuck is your problem, bro?" I snap. "Is that not what all the fuss is about? Me going to my imprintee like a brave little soldier?"

And who the hell is you talking to?

"My problem is that you destroy everything that you touch Jake, and I don't want to see you do that to her too."

Now that was _way_ out of left field.

The thing about automatic reflexes as an Alpha: I don't even think about punching Seth in the face before I do.

And I hit him HARD.

You just can't please the fucking masses.

**AN: Thanks again for your reviews on the last chapter! I see two of you so far are already picking up what's happening with Leah. ;) There have been a few hints from the very first chapter. This particular chapter is one of two that gave me some gripe to write. Of course lots of angst, but the issue was more with introducing Renesmee and what would push Jacob to go back to see her rather than putting it off as he intended. So what else but the Volturi? Don't read too much into it. **

**Up next is actually one of my fave chapters - from the POV of...SAM! Lol. Yup. It's crazy but I somehow love writing his narcissistic character. Chapter 11 and 12 are his, so gear up to be annoyed lol. He really makes a great villain in the wolf pack, you know I always use him.**

**Thanks again for reading, favoriting and following THIS**

**Stay safe and stay home!**


	11. Traitor

ELEVEN

TRAITOR

SAM

"The runaway's back," Paul tells me with a smirk as he walks through my back door, shirtless.

"Seriously?" I turn to face him, from my seat at the kitchen table where I'm going through the payroll.

"Yeap. He came by the house for food, and to say goodbye to Rach and the baby. Apparently he's going to Paris to see the Cullens."

"Oh really."

"Yeah."

I snort. "Wonder what made him decide to go." Because I already know that he and his father have made no sort of reconciliation.

"The Volturi leeches are sniffing around Nessie again." Paul pulls up a seat and snags one of the muffins from the container on the table that Emily always leaves out for visitors.

"Hmph," I grunt. If I didn't hate the guy right now, I'd feel sorry for him. It seems like he'll never get those leeches off of his back unless we kill them. But if we do that, then the entire vampire population would run wild and murder innocent people left, right and center. In a roundabout way, letting the vamp royalty live is our way of protecting the entire world. Just thinking about the pale, smelly abominations makes my skin prickle.

"So you gonna talk to him before he flies out or what?"

I meet Paul's eyes and give an affirmative nod. Of course I will, I have to. Not just for my sake, but for his father's. Billy confided in me about everything and we both agree that Jacob needs to be set straight. Since the old man can't do it, nor the Council – because Jacob refuses to come before them – the responsibility falls on me. Jacob and I need to speak Alpha to Alpha, man to man. I really am the only one who can make him understand his duties to the tribe and packs. Him turning away from me as mentor was the mistake that caused all of this mess in the first place.

"Can I watch?" Paul begs with a youthful eagerness that reminds me of my four-year-old, Levi.

I roll my eyes, he's always ready for a fight. Some things never change, but maybe it would be a good idea to have him there as back-up. Someone will need to part us at some point, of this I am sure. I will likely have to exert my dominance over Jacob to make him understand that the Council is not taking no for an answer any longer.

"Yeah, I guess it's better that you come, but not to start trouble Paul, I need you there to keep us from going too far."

"So you gonna whup his ass finally?"

I shrug at the question because I don't want to admit to him just how much I REALLY want to. But I also have to consider that Jacob and I could seriously damage each other if we fight, and Emily has already made a ridiculous fuss about me getting hurt and how it would impact Levi. It's not like I want her to feel insecure about us either. She's already wary of how angry I've been over Leah and Jake. And I admit that I still can't wrap my head around it.

If it was anyone else but him…

Not wanting to think about that anymore, I put everything away into my leather folder (an anniversary present from Emily) and shove off from the table. "Come on, let's get this over with before he leaves again."

Paul gives that sinister laugh of his and slaps his palms together in anticipation. Maybe he isn't the best choice to play pacifist, but he's the strongest in my pack. If anyone can get between Jake and me, it's him.

We phase and run over to the old house where Jacob has been staying and sure enough, he's there. We can hear him moving around inside. Paul phases back first and whistles loudly, and I follow. Jacob's large frame pushes through the doorway and for a moment I am shocked. He's gotten even bigger – broader in his shoulders and chest. It happens when he gives over to the wolf for an extended period. I smooth my features to hide the fact that for a weak moment I am intimidated, then march forward to meet him face to face. There's no way I will let him feel like he has the upper hand in this conversation.

"Well, why am I not surprised?" he starts off, looking between me and Paul with a smug expression that makes my blood boil. "Come to deliver a spanking Alpha Uley? Took you long enough."

"Well you ran off before I could get the chance. Your father asked me to talk some sense into you, you've really disappointed him, Jacob."

Jacob snorts and shakes his head. "Yeah well, he's disappointed me too. But what about you? Disappointed Sammy?"

Paul shakes his head and growls at Jacob's menacing tone, his attempt to bait me. "Watch it, Black."

"You watch it, Paul. I don't need you two coming here treating me like some kid. And I certainly don't give a fuck if you're jealous about me and Leah, Sam. It's none of your goddamn business."

"It's my business when you violate pack law! And when she disappears from the Res without a word to anyone!" I roar. Jacob has some nerve acting like I have no right to care about my first love, the girl I was forced to leave behind before I was ready. But this isn't even about that, it's about their insubordination. "Leah was not allowed to leave the Res without the permission of the Council, and people around town have nothing good to say about her. How do you think that makes Sue feel?"

"I don't like that she left either Sam. But I get it now, because I myself needed a break from everyone breathing down my neck. Honestly, everyone can go fuck themselves if they have a problem with her. Whatever makes her happy, that's all that matters."

"You should learn some respect!" I shout.

"I will when everybody else does!" Jacob shouts back, hitting his chest.

"How can Leah be happy all by herself? She has no one. It's not good for the wolf," Paul interjects.

"How would you know? You've never been by yourself Paul. The wolf is quite fine without a pack once the human side is strong enough mentally. And Leah's stronger than any woman we know."

The reverence in his tone sickens me and I can't listen to another word of him talking down to us. "Look, we all had to step up when we imprinted, Jacob. We all had to leave our old lives behind to fulfil our duty to the wolf and to the pack! What makes either of you think you can go against our way of life now, huh? You both need to do what is right." I just want to pummel his smug, entitled ass into the ground. He deserves it for dragging Leah into his rebellious mess.

My hands clench into tight fists, and Jacob's eyes follow the motion. He steps away from the house fully and walks right up to me, presenting himself for a challenge.

"Some of us choose to follow our hearts, and some of us let prideful old men dictate what we should and should not do."

"Have you no pride in your lineage? Huh?" I taunt. "You should be getting ready to take over from your father, to sit on the Council in his place, but instead you defy and insult him at every turn, you go against the natural order of things."

"I want no part of this fucking 'natural order,' I never did. You of all people knew that when you were willing to submit to me and I refused."

I take umbrage at the low blow and shove his left shoulder. "I never _wanted_ to submit to _you,_ Black. It was only because your father was hung up on you claiming the title as Ephraim's heir. You were never fit to be Alpha, you have no regard for our law. In fact, you _disgrace_ this tribe and the Spirit Wolf."

Jacob sneers, baring his canines. "Well the feeling of disgust is mutual. But understand this, _none_ of you have the right to compare my situation with yours. None of you have to give up everything and spend an eternity fraternizing with the Cullens. You get to live out your days right here on this land, raise your Quileute babies with your Quileute wives. But what about me? Huh? Did you ever stop to think for one second, about what I'd have to do?"

Paul looks over at me with hesitation, as if he wants to agree or relate to this fool. I shake my head at him to stop him from voicing whatever stupid thought is in his head.

"Your father will allow her to live on our lands," I respond. The Council has already agreed. Jacob shakes his head, seeming unable to come up with an argument against the obvious. "Nessie Cullen is your imprint, you do whatever you have to do to honor that sacred bond. She was given to you, it is a blessing that you curse every time you stay away and defile your body with another woman." I still don't understand how he can do it. I could never even think about Leah in an intimate way after imprinting on Emily. Every time she purposely flashed images of us into my mind, it would make me feel ill with betrayal.

Jacob shoves me, his palms flat on my chest, his eyes now a deep amber. I stagger quite a few paces back, in an effort not to fall. He's strong, stronger than before, and my wolf knows it. It barely tries to counter-attack, which in itself throws me off center because all I want to do is claw those eyes out.

"The wolf wanted that 'woman.' The wolf wanted to claim HER not Nessie, and whether or not it was right or wrong; neither of us could refuse the pull. None of you understand what it's like between Lee and me. She's my Beta, she's my partner – no scratch that – she's the Alpha Female of my fucking pack, and I'll NEVER apologize for doing what came naturally to us. It was way more natural than the idea of sleeping with Bella's KID!"

"Then why did she leave?" Paul asks, his tone betraying his curiosity.

"I'm pretty fucking sure it's because she thought that I'd give in to the imprint, like your boy Sammy here. She thinks I'm as weak as _you!_ She doesn't think I can truly love her more than Nessie, but I already do, it's a totally different kind of love. And after I'm done checking in on Nessie, I'm going to find her and make her believe it."

"The hell you will!" I threaten.

"The hell I WILL! And thank you _Sammy_ for making me realize that that's EXACTLY what I've got to do. I'm not fucking giving up on her. You made me remember the kind of man that I NEVER want to be."

I snarl and shove him backwards. "If you don't submit to the imprint Jacob, you no longer have a home here, on this land. It's been decided."

It was not what his father told me to say, but it's what needs to be done if Jacob continues to be stubborn. But while the Chief genuinely hopes that my influence will force Jacob to bring Nessie here, get married and start a family, all I want is for him to be permanently gone from my life. Every time I see him I am reminded of his defiance, of what he did to _my_ pack, splitting it in two. The two of us cannot be Alpha of this land, and I REFUSE to give up my place – not when I'm so close to being chief myself.

Jacob's eyes widen and for a few moments, the air is crackling heat around us, pulsing with the energy of our wolves being suppressed. I can feel his wolf pushing out towards me and Paul, searching for a challenge once again. When we don't give it, I expect Jacob to throw the first punch but instead he steps back and shrugs his shoulders.

"Then, so be it."

I watch in shock as he turns and walks back into the house.

"Wait, what?" Paul says to me in confusion and disappointment. "That's it? You're gonna let him go?"

I want to lash out, but to my dismay I just don't have it in me. My wolf is powerless over Jacob Black. It has been since the day he broke away from me to go to the Cullens. Refusing to admit it out loud to my subordinate, I purse my lips and strip my shorts, tying it to my leg. I will not let Jacob Black get the upper hand through a fight, I've basically already won. I made the right move.

"Let's go, Paul."

As far as I'm concerned, my job is done here, he will go his way. And quite frankly, I never want to see that traitor again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

After we run off, I dismiss Paul and head to Old Quil's home. Something that Jacob said bugs me and I need to know what it means. When I arrive, I knock on the door and enter when the old man calls out for me to do so.

"Oh hello Sam," he greets me with an almost toothless grin.

"Old Quil," I nod in response.

"What brings you by? It's been quite some time since you last visited me to chat."

I take a seat at the kitchen table where he's sitting with the newspaper and a cup of tea. It's true, I used to view the elder as a mentor because he was the one who helped me when I first phased. But I'm beyond that now, I'm not the same young boy without a father. "I met with Jacob just now and there's something I wanted to ask you about."

Old Quil meets my eyes, seeing how serious I am and then folds the paper neatly and rests it on the table, then removes his reading spectacles. "And how is our young chief? Glad to hear that he's back."

I barely stop myself from rolling my eyes. "He's moody and still determined to disobey."

"Well, Alphas are known to be quite temperamental, aren't they?"

I huff in annoyance and Old Quil chuckles. "What is your question, Sam?" he finally asks, folding his fingers and resting them on the table.

"He said that we don't understand his bond with Leah, that she's the Alpha Female of his pack – he said his wolf wanted her. Can that…is that even possible? What about his imprint with the hybrid?"

Old Quil puckers his lips in thought. "Hmmm…that is very interesting. Of course we've never had this type of thing before in our tribe's history, with her being the first female Spirit Wolf. But…when I think about the wolf, your natural ancestor, it has value to it."

"What do you mean?" I lean into the table, eager for him to explain himself. As much as I want to know, I don't want there to be actual validity to what Jacob is saying.

"Well, the gray wolves for example, their packs are led by an alpha male and female pair, much like a kingdom is run by a king and queen. The entire pack is subordinate to them, and comprises of their own offspring. The pair mate for life and are in total control of everything that goes on in the pack. I have observed our Leah, and she displays many Alpha qualities."

"What?" I sit back, extremely disturbed. How could he give her so much power, such a title. She is stubborn and bitter, that's all there is to it. She is not a leader. The imprints don't even get along with her. Well, besides Rachel and no one supported the move to make Leah godmother, but Paul lacks real control over his wife.

"Well, from what I can tell, she never wanted to be subordinate to you when the pack was united in the early years. She resisted your dominance at every turn. You were not her mate."

"Because of me and Emily!" I reply, clenching my jaw as my annoyance builds, slow hot and steady like a volcano.

"Was it really just that though?" The old man simpers and takes a loud slurp of his tea. "When Jacob broke away she had no problem following him."

"Because of Seth!" I bite out.

"Was it really just Seth though?"

I sigh in frustration, feeling like this old coot is taking pleasure in running me in circles.

"Does she not exhibit more control over the Black pack than Jared does with yours?"

"That's because Jared's not like Leah. He's imprinted, he's mellow and happy. She's bitter and hell bent on making everyone miserable around her."

"Samuel, I fear you are purposely being closeminded towards her, and I fear others have influenced you to be this way. You are afraid to give her any recognition because of your imprint, and maybe your guilt, but in the end it causes you to be unfair to her."

"She's caused nothing but trouble, Quil."

"Says who?"

"Says everyone! The Chief -"

"Ah yes well, our Chief has his own ideas of pack dynamics which may or may not agree with the natural order of things sometimes."

"But the natural order IS the imprint! It's our most sacred law and bond, Quil! Jacob and Leah are going against everything that is sacred to our traditions!"

"Samuel, traditions are meant to evolve over time. This pack is different to any other. You have had the most vampire experiences, you have had the most imprints, and you have also had two alphas and a female for the first time in our history. Not to mention, Jacob's imprint is the first hybrid we have ever known, and their imprint bond is truly the most unique. Even the circumstance under which the imprint occurred was most unique. Jacob's devotion for Bella was transferred to her child when Bella died. He protected them, from you. If you hadn't posed a threat on Bella's life, maybe things would have been different."

"You're blaming ME?" I growl, my impatience reaching to dangerous levels.

"I am simply pondering on things, Samuel. But if he does not feel a romantic connection, I believe him. I do not believe that was ever his intention or the wolf's when the imprint happened. It was a bond of protection, out of love for his dead friend."

"You can't know that!" I growl, seething at the insinuation that Jacob had any "intentions" or control whatsoever over what happened. None of us did! "That's not how it works!"

"In my eyes, there is a need for evolution in our thinking in order to accommodate these changes. Billy too must come to see this for himself. Young Jacob is strong-minded like Ephraim. He does what he thinks is necessary for his pack, he trusts his instincts and acts on them. He is a true Alpha."

I snort and shake my head. "And I'm not, right?" I'm not important because my great-grandfather wasn't Alpha? Like hell I'm not! "I was the FIRST Alpha!" I grind out.

Old Quil regards me with a coy smile. "You are the first wolf, you are the first leader of this generation, you will be admitted officially to the Council soon. Your place will always have value and always be special, but it does not make you the only master, Samuel. You need to work with Jacob, not against him. If there is one thing I ask of you before the ancestors call me home, is to make peace and unify the packs under the True Alpha. Let me have good tidings to carry to the Great Beyond."

Thoroughly frustrated, I shove away from the table and stand, towering over one of the oldest members of our tribe. "Does Billy know that this is how you feel?" It seems that Old Quil has been drinking Jacob's stupid Kool-aid, just like Lee-Lee.

Old Quil smiles at me once again, with a twinkle in his eye which serves only to set me further on edge. "If Billy cared to ask my opinion, I'd certainly tell him. But I'm sure he knows; as I, along with Sue, don't agree with how he's handling this situation with Jacob and Leah. He is acting as a father, not as part of a Council."

His opinion sours me and there's nothing that I want more than to deny him his request. I want to wipe that stupid grin off of his face. Who does he really think he is to go against the Chief, and me? "Well, Jacob belongs with the Cullens. He belongs with the girl and Bella, like he wanted; not us. And from what he just told me he's going to Europe to finally do the right thing and he has no intentions of coming back, so I guess you'll have to die without your wish old man."

Of course I don't tell him about Jacob's plan to find Leah, because I wholeheartedly believe that it won't happen. He will be powerless when the imprintee starts to wield her feminine wiles against him.

"You will find that I have a lot more faith in myself and the ancestors than the prideful desires of men like you, Samuel. You resent Jacob for doing something that you could never do, and you think it makes you less than him. And maybe it does. Or maybe, Leah simply wasn't your destiny, and the Spirits gave her to the pack to fulfil a higher calling. You need to let your resentment for them, go."

"She wasn't _his_ destiny either," I snarl, baring my teeth in warning as the heat of the wolf licks down my spine. The urge to claw him is strong, as his words seep through my skin with the burn of acid. How DARE he speak to me this way? How dare he imply that I care anything about that woman? She could never be as good as my Emily. She can't even have children! I want for _nothing_ because I have my beautiful wife and son.

"I think it's best you go now Samuel, we wouldn't want you to make the same mistake twice. Unlike Emily, I don't have youth on my side to ensure my recovery."

Incensed even more by his words, I turn on my heel and march outside to the trees. I phase and let the wolf carry me wherever it needs to go to burn off the rage that pulses through my body before I go back home to my perfect family.

One thing I know for certain, Jacob Black and Leah Clearwater will _never_ take our place.

**AN: Well! Wasn't this just an over the top piece of alpha drama? lol. But it was necessary to set certain things in motion wasn't it? Im currently going through a headache, as i decided to make some major changes with Nessie which affects a whole lot of the later chapters so my posting might be slow for a while. I just want to avoid posting too fast because then I can't make any changes to the story line or dialogue if the need arises. i hope you enjoyed this one though, and up next is Sam again, he goes to meet Billy. Take care everyone!**


	12. Checkmate

TWELVE

SAM

CHECKMATE

"We've got a problem, Chief," I say to Billy as we sit in his lounge for a private meeting.

"What's happened?"

"Well, you know that your son just left for Paris."

The old man nods and smiles. "Yes, I've heard. He's finally doing what is expected of him."

I grimace and shake my head. "It's not what you think, Billy. He said he's planning to go looking for Leah after he checks in on the girl."

"What!" The chief practically growls.

"Yes. Apparently the Volturi are sniffing around, so he's going to make sure she's alright. He has no plans to stay or complete the bond. He's still insistent on being with Leah."

"What the hell is wrong with that boy! Did you challenge him? Maybe your wolf could force him to submit if you could beat him." I school my face not to give a reaction of surprise, but I really am shocked that the Chief would think that I actually have a shot at subduing the True Alpha. No, it couldn't be that. As much as the old man works with me to set things right, his plan for the tribe and mine are two different visions. I don't see his son running shit. So obviously, his suggestion truly lies in the fact that he thinks his son is that weak, not that I'm that strong. Humph, after seeing Jacob today, I'd never make a fool of myself in front of the packs, so Billy can keep on wishing.

I can beat Jacob Black by manipulation but not by Alpha combat or command, and that suits me fine. I know my strengths, they've gotten me this far.

"He told me to go ahead and take his place, Chief. I'm sorry. Jacob doesn't want to step up as chief or to be True Alpha, all he can think about is Leah." It's a little stretch of the truth, but no one needs to know. I am sorry that Billy is disappointed, but I'm not sorry that the traitor is finally gone. Now the packs can unite under me, like it should have been all this time.

"No Sam, this…this cannot be!" Billy shrinks back in the sofa, his face wrinkling and aging right before my eyes.

"Look, Billy, I understand how upsetting this is for you, but we will be fine. You have Rachel to carry on your lineage, and you have me to depend on. I will take care of everything with the packs and the tribe. I'm more of a son to you than Jacob has been for a long time, you can trust me to do what needs to be done on your behalf."

Billy sighs deeply and clasps his hands. Silently I will him to agree with me. If he does, I'll be one step closer to have everything I want.

"We will call a meeting and update the Council and the packs. Set it up for tomorrow, Sam."

"Sure thing Billy." I nod readily. "One more thing before I go," I pause, capturing his full attention.

"What?"

"I spoke with Old Quil about some disturbing things Jacob said."

"What things?"

"He claims Leah is the Alpha Female of his pack, that their bond is as strong as the imprint."

Billy scoffs. "And what did Quil say?"

"That their union is much like the gray wolf. How their packs are run by an alpha male and female pair. He said Leah exhibits more control over their pack than Jared does as Beta, because she is an Alpha wolf too. He thinks there is merit to their bonding."

"That old coot, looking to stir up trouble with his nonsense as usual. The older he gets the more unreasonable he seems to be. He knows our traditions! He knows that it is the Council's duty to enforce them!"

"He said that traditions must evolve, that this generation is different to any other so we can't treat it like the old packs. He believes Leah is important to the future of the pack as the True Alpha's mate."

"Well, I don't agree! That girl has been nothing but trouble for you and my son! Look where she's landed him now! He's left his place here to go find her!"

"Quil also said you are acting like a father not part of a Council."

If Billy's head could blow off steam it would be puffing like a train. "Look Sam, don't go spouting his nonsense to anyone. I will deal with him myself!"

"Sure thing Billy, you can always count on me. Quil seems to be a little senile if you ask me, I wonder just how capable he is of being on the Council if that's the kind of thing he would say." I stand and smooth out my pants. Well played Sammy.

"You've certainly given me something to think about, Samuel. And thank you, for everything. You've made your great-grandfather proud in the Great Beyond, I'm sure."

I bend over and reach out my hand for Billy to shake, flashing him a comforting smile. "Thank you Chief. Anything you need from me before I go?"

"No, I'll be fine on my own. I have to get used it again anyway." He's the epitome of a man defeated, and it's sad, truly. Poor thing. I couldn't imagine how it would feel if my own son betrayed me this way.

As I head out to my truck, I can't help but chuckle to myself. Everything is working out perfectly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When I get home I am pleased to see Emily putting dinner on the table. I am starved after a day of work and planning.

"Good evening Sam," she greets me gently, resting a kiss on my cheek as I wash up at the kitchen sink.

"Good evening Em, dinner smells good."

"Thank you, take a seat, I'll get Levi."

I watch as she walks down the hall to our son's room, and in no time I hear his little footsteps thumping down the hall.

"DADDY!" Levi throws himself into my arms and I welcome him with a crushing hug and kiss.

"Hello Levi, how was your day with Mommy? Were you a good boy?"

"Yes! We went to the bakery and I helped make muffins!"

"Oh, did you save some for Dad?"

Levi nods his head and I deposit him into his chair next to me at the table.

"How was the bakery today, Em? Busy?"

Emily smiles and nods and she begins to serve Levi's plate with green beans. "The usual. I started training the new girl. She seems to be a good fit."

"Good, just keep an eye on her for now though, make sure she isn't a gossip or a thief."

"Of course, Sam. I know. She's really quite shy and doesn't speak much, so I'm optimistic that she'll work out."

"We never know who to trust these days, poor Billy is learning that the hard way."

"Did you tell him about Jacob?"

"Yes, poor man is heartbroken," but I can't help but smirk.

"You seem rather pleased?" Emily observes, her brow wrinkled at my reaction.

"Oh come on Em, you know my aspirations. All of this drama will only serve to put me on top, where I belong. Me being chief and the only Alpha of one united pack, will be the best way forward."

My construction business has been doing so well, that I now have the backing of influential men in Forks and Tacoma. I can make La Push better than it's ever been if I can finally take control. I can get them to invest, modernize the place, bring it up to a standard that I can be proud of.

"Just be careful Sam, I wouldn't want people to think you have bad intentions towards anyone."

I snort in derision. "Emily, everyone loves me, they know I am strong and capable of doing a good job. With Jacob gone, a lot of tension will be eased. He's the one running around here disrespecting his father and the Council, I haven't done a thing." I will be like a savior to the tribe.

"So what about the other pack?"

"What about them? They'll submit to my authority." Emily pauses in serving out the lamb chops and I cock an eyebrow at her reaction. "What else did you expect to happen?"

I watch as my wife carefully schools her features and shakes her head. "Nothing, of course. I just hope they won't resist like the last time."

"Well their Beta isn't here to defend them, now is she? They have no one to lead them, so it's only natural that they will become part of my pack again. It's what the Council will want. And you will help me deal with your cousins. Quil will be easy enough because we have Claire."

Emily nods and turns to our son, silently cutting his lamb into bit sized pieces. She seems to remember that it is not her place to question my decisions as Alpha, so now I can finally enjoy my dinner.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Luckily for me, the Council is fairly small: Old Quil Ateara, Sue Clearwater, Billy Black, Peter Ravenwood and Feather Rock are its only members currently, though Sue was asking for Billy's sister Connie to be considered, as her son is a wolf and another woman would be "nice." But there's already a Black member of the Council so it was deemed unnecessary. When I'm made official, I shall represent the Uley line and there will be no need for Sue, especially since her daughter is gone.

When the packs arrive, I watch them file in. Paul, Jared, Colin and Brady take their seats along with the seven younger boys who joined us when we prepared for the Volturi's arrival. They've all graduated from high school now and the plan is that they will stop phasing within the next couple of years. We really don't need such a large pack anymore, and quite frankly, I'm tired of wrangling their adolescent personalities. They're too distracted and childish to be proper warriors anyway.

The Black Pack - Seth, Embry and Quil - arrive last, and sit in the second row of the chairs in the community center. None of them seem too happy to be here, as to be expected. I know they hate feeling outnumbered. They hate to feel my authority. But they will soon get used to it.

Feather Rock leads us in a short Quileute prayer to our ancestors and then Billy hits the gavel on the table, calling the meeting to order. I have to hold back my urge to smile as he informs everyone on the new shift in pack leadership.

"Jacob Black has chosen to neglect his duties to uphold tribal and pack law. He will no longer be my heir or Alpha of his pack, and effective immediately, his pack will integrate with Samuel's."

"What?" Embry calls out while Seth raises his hand.

"Yes Seth," Billy answers.

"Jake said we could continue to patrol on our usual schedule, and that if we want, we could stop phasing."

I snort and shake my head. The nerve.

"That was not Jacob's decision to make, Seth. You will continue your duties, but as part of Samuel's pack. The only wolves we discussed for release at this time, are the younger seven."

"But why can't we stop?" Embry asks. "It's been years, I want to move on with my life. With all due respect Chief, all we do is run circles around the land. There are no more threats. Haven't been for years."

"I understand Embry, but now is not the time. The Council will consider your wishes and make a decision in the future."

"How many of you would like to stop phasing?" Old Quil asks. In shock, my head snaps to the side to watch him. Had he really just asked that?

Billy looks over at him too, disdain wrinkling his brow. Disbanding the pack was never on the table for discussion. Certainly not for me.

Embry raises his hand quickly, the young seven follow and then, much to my surprise, Colin, Brady and Jared raise their hands too. I shift in my seat, my eyes sending a heated glare towards my Beta. We'd already discussed this! No mention of stopping until AFTER I'd secured my place.

"I'd like to stop too, but I'm not sure when as yet," Seth pipes out.

That just leaves me, Paul and Quil – Quil because he's got to wait on Claire to grow up before he can age physically.

"Actually, me too, I'm the same as Seth. Rachel and I want to move to Seattle when Lotus gets a little older." Paul does not look at me, and lowers his head after he speaks.

Traitors! My two most trusted brothers!

"Well, that's certainly something then, isn't it?" Old Quil remarks with delight.

"It's certainly a surprise," Peter adds. "But maybe there is no harm in it."

"It definitely is something that we should consider soon, Chief," Sue chimes in happily. "Clearly the warriors of the tribe want to lead domestic lives without the interference of their wolves. They are all still relatively young men, and should be granted the freedom, shouldn't they? They've paid their dues for years."

Billy grumbles under this breath, looking at the Council members and myself. "Yes, they should. But I had hoped that at least some of you still wanted to carry on your sacred duty."

"I'm fine with carrying on, Chief," Quil answers happily, to which Billy nods.

As if he even counts.

"We want the chance to leave, Sir. Being wolves we're not allowed to go anywhere." Young Matthew says. He has just graduated from the Tribe High School, and I am not surprised. The boy is horny. He simply wants to get out there and sow his seed all over Forks.

"Yeah, I want to leave like Jacob and Leah," Ron speaks out, with a pout.

Billy's expression immediately darkens but before he can speak, another wolf pays his two cents.

"We can't make friends either," says Jonah. And the others readily agree.

"And we want to get jobs outside of the Res," Colin speaks next, gesturing to himself and Brady.

"So you do not wish to wait to stop?" Old Quil asks, as if egging them all on.

"No sir, we'd like to start trying now," Brady answers with a firm nod of his head.

"We should definitely take a vote on that. I quite like the idea of voting, it is our custom you know, Billy." The old man smirks over at his cousin.

"That was NOT on the agenda for today, Old Quil." I interject. "I certainly have NOT spoken to MY pack about disbanding so soon, regardless of what Jacob has said to his. Only the younger seven will be granted permission by me to stop now." I look over the group with piercing eyes, letting them all know that they will pay for their outspoken demands.

"Sam, you know I just want to settle down with my family. Kim's having twins in a few months. She needs me to help her with the kids, I can't put it off any longer," Jared complains. I know they will have their hands full with four small children, but still, this was NOT the plan!

"And with work, it's just too much on our plates," Paul agrees.

"I have the same lifestyle and I manage just fine," I snap.

"Well, they're not you, Sam," Embry interjects, and I can't help but bare my teeth at him.

Billy slams the gavel and calls us to order. "We cannot have everyone stopping at the same time, we have to think of our safety. And no wolf leaves the Reservation without our permission. Doing so would result in punishment." He warns.

"Jacob and Leah aside, Chief, a matter which STILL has not properly discussed - WE should really consider their request, it is only fair," Sue urges, as she hurriedly writes the minutes of the meeting.

"The warriors have been good to us, we must maintain harmony with them," Feather Rock adds quietly, with his hoarse gravelly voice. He rarely speaks at our meetings, but his presence is warranted because he is the oldest person on our land and his father knew the last pack. He and Old Quil are friends, which I realize now, could turn out to be a problem for me if I'm not careful.

Billy takes a deep breath and I can see his reluctance to give in to these unexpected demands on the spot. There's no way that we can get out of this now, especially with so many of them in agreement. "I propose the young seven stop first, with Jared. Colin and Brady can stop, but once they find gainful employment. Then Paul, Embry and Seth can follow after a year has passed. Samuel will remain Alpha and all must adhere to his rules. Does the Council agree?"

I fold my arms across my chest, disgruntled as I feel my power start to slip through my fingers. It was nice of Billy to try, but being Alpha of only a few wolves just isn't the same as fourteen. In a year's time it would only be Quil and me, and possibly Seth.

What the fuck?

"Agreed," Sue, Peter, Feather Rock and Old Quil reply.

The young seven all cry in elation, but I silence them with the Alpha's growl.

"As for the other matter of discussion, I move to instate Samuel Uley officially on the Council of Tribal Elders. With Jacob gone, we must maintain harmony as Feather said. The pack must be officially represented on the Council."

The other Council members look at one another and me. I can see the reluctance on both Sue's and Quil's faces but it doesn't deter me. It's law. The Alpha must be on the Council. The only reason why it has taken so long for this to happen was because Jacob was always gone with the Cullens and refused to let there be one pack. I've been interim all these years, now it's time to make me legit.

"But what about Jacob, he hasn't come before the Council and renounced his position Billy, it wouldn't be right to move forward without having his words on record." Sue contends.

"The heir of Ephraim must face us," Feather Rock agrees.

"My son has no intention of returning, we don't know when or if he will stand before us. He has made it abundantly clear over the years that he is not mature enough to do what is required of him." We all can tell how much it embarrasses and shames Billy to say this out loud to a room full of people.

"Jake wouldn't want this," Embry speaks up.

"It doesn't matter what he'd want, the Chief is right, he doesn't care about pack law. Why should he lead us?" Quil argues, much to my satisfaction.

"Silence!" Billy slams the gavel down again. "This vote is for Council to make. I say yes to Sam."

Peter shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. "Makes no sense putting it off, I know Sam has good plans to help the tribe, and I'm ready for us to start making progress. He has my vote." I nod my head once in gratitude to my ally. I knew he'd come through, after all, he has a stake in any gains to be made.

"It is not the way, as Sue said, I'd also prefer to hear from young Black myself. But if Sam is willing to honor the warriors and work for this tribe, then I say yes." Feather Rock nods and I also bow slightly to him in thanks.

The majority has voted, I'm almost there. It is hard to contain my emotions, but I remain calm and expressionless in my seat.

"It's not right to vote without Jacob present," Sue states firmly, casting me a disapproving stare. "I'd rather defer to another time when he can be here."

"Why should we keep waiting around for him? He has been called to face us multiple times and never showed," Peter answers.

"Because he was upset and experiencing his own personal issues."

"Issues your daughter caused," Peter says with disdain.

"My daughter is not the only one to blame, if you all had just left Jacob to make up his own mind about who he wants to be with, none of this would have happened! He'd be here, happy and willing to do what is required of him!"

"That's enough Sue! The voting has already been opened, we have to move on! We cannot keep sitting here going back and forth over what my son should and should not do! He is no longer a factor in this, he has made it clear that this is not what he wants. Cast your vote now!"

Sue shoots Billy a withering glare, and Seth shifts anxiously in his seat. "Fine, I vote yes, but not because I want to." Sue bows her head and continues with her minute taking, recording the votes as they come.

"Quil?" Billy asks next.

Old Quil looks over at me with disapproval. "When Jacob returns, we will be forced to revisit this vote. I vote no."

"The motion to admit Samuel Uley to the Council of Tribal Elders has been passed. Sam will represent the Wolf Pack of La Push, and work with us to improve the infrastructure of the Reservation. Welcome Sam," Billy slams the gavel then holds out his hand proudly, and I get up and walk over to shake his hand.

"Thank you Chief, I won't let you down."

"I know you won't Sam."

In turn I shake hands with each Council member, whether or not they want to, then I turn to face the pack. "Bonfire at my house tonight, all are invited," I smile at the disgruntled bunch.

Checkmate.

**AN: Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! Glad to see you all like where things are going. Some of you brought up very interesting points and I'm sure your theories and questions will be answered as we proceed! Won't want to spoil anything lol. Up next we hear from Leah and you finally get one part you've been waiting for, she gets a little surprise! From here on things will pick up, don't worry, we'll have Blackwater back together in a few chapters, just have more groundwork to lay before that happens.**

**(JacobLeahFan I couldnt respond to your review in pm since you are a Guest, I did write the chapter before I started posting the story, when you wrote your views on the imprinting issue and Leah I did think to myself "Hey right on point!" We're just in sync on that one lol.)**


	13. Miracle

THIRTEEN

LEAH

MIRACLE

I've been in bed all weekend, too tired to move, too sick to eat or take a shower. Rebecca tried me with a weak homemade vegetable broth, and it's the one thing that worked and allowed me to get some rest last night. But this morning the vomiting is back, and I haven't moved from the toilet bowl in a while. My mouth is dry and sour with bile and my heart beats heavily in my chest.

"Leah?" Rebecca stoops down next to me and rubs my back. "Here's some water." I grunt, too weak to even lift my arms and take it. I try to open my eyes and sit up, but everything feels wobbly and I find myself falling.

"Solomon! We've got to get her to the hospital NOW!"

xxxxxxxxxxx

The sound of beeping brings me back again. I don't know anything. I feel like I have just emerged from a void, a place of darkness, an endless nothing. My body shivers and my skin erupts in goose bumps. The room is too cold. Opening my eyes, I register that I'm in a fucking hospital room. I'm cold because this hospital gown and bed sheet are as thin as paper. I take a deep breath which I instantly regret because the pungent smell of ammonia burns my nostrils. Looking around I can see that I'm on some type of drip, it's clear; and there's a heart monitor that's beeping kinda fast because I'm kinda panicking. But otherwise, there's nothing out of the ordinary, and I am alone.

I don't even know what happened or who should be here with me.

Rebecca.

Right, I'm in Hawaii.

I remember now, being really really sick for two days.

The door opens and a pale-face woman with blonde hair and green eyes steps into the room. She's a nurse, I'd say pretty young. "Hi there, glad to see you awake, I'm your nurse this afternoon, Patty."

"Hi," I croak. My throat is scratchy and medicinal. I gag at my own filth.

"Here's some water, if you feel up to it, you can use the bathroom. We didn't give you a catheter since you were so severely dehydrated."

What?

Patty hands me a cup with a straw and helps me drink the entire thing. She fills it up again and I empty it a second time before resting back on my pillows. She shows me how to raise the bed and I readjust so that I can sit up.

"Are you feeling better? Or are you in pain?"

I shake my head. I feel fine just groggy, hungry and in need of a shower and toothbrush. "Food," is all I can manage. I'm just too out of it.

Patti chuckles. "Good, that's good. I'll get a tray right up for you Leah, you just hang tight and buzz if you need assistance to the bathroom."

I realize then that I'm in a private room rather than on an open ward and it surprises me. I wish Rebecca was here so that I can understand what is wrong.

Someone knocks on the door and an older Samoan doctor comes in with my chart. He looks like a typical doctor character on prime-time dramas. He's got a low beard, the white coat and everything. He smiles at me briefly before flipping through my chart. "Leah Clearwater?" I nod. "Nice name."

Patty comes back and settles my food on the bed tray, adjusting it for me so that I don't have to move. "Thank you," I mouth to her, because she is being very thoughtful and gentle, which for me is a bit unfamiliar with other women.

"You're Native American correct?" he asks. I nod. He scribbles on the chart. "I'm Dr. Kalhai and I just need you to answer a few questions so that we can take care of you as best we can, okay?" I nod my consent, but my senses are on high alert because I know I'm not supposed to be here. "Any allergies, sinuses, diseases?"

I shake my head. Nope. A wolf doesn't have those, but I _am_ allergic to leeches, I guess.

"Anything you can tell us about what you did or ate before you got sick? Were you bitten by an insect or animal?"

"No! I don't think so…It was all fine. Nothing happened. I just got the flu." His questions have me panicking. "I'm sorry Doctor but what happened? Am I really sick?"

"Your temperature was one hundred and eight young lady. There's no logical explanation how you are still alive and not brain dead or something. We've given you medication but your fever won't break." By his attitude I can see that he finds me a medical conundrum and it instantly makes me more anxious. I shouldn't be here. I _can't_ stay here.

"Oh that's nothing, I'm okay. I swear. I've been like this for years," I wave him off with a playful frown.

"What? But how? And what did your doctors say about your condition now? You are severely dehydrated, you could have died or terminated the pregnancy. Should you be on bedrest?"

"I'm sorry what?"

I KNOW I didn't hear him right. I KNOW I didn't!

Pregnancy?

"Miss Clearwater did you not know that you are pregnant?!"

I think I broke the doctor. Dr. Kalhai sets the chart down at the foot of the bed and shakes his head at me. Then he looks at Patty. "This doesn't make sense! This doesn't make sense, Patty."

"No Doctor, it doesn't. Clearly she's a very special young lady." Patty smiles at me and I can't help but return the gesture.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't get pregnant! Since I've been like this I lost my periods, I can't get pregnant!" I explain, and part of me feels like this is all one big prank, or some crazy dream.

"So you got the fever and your periods stopped?" he confirms.

"Yes."

"But why?"

"I don't know! But I've been fine and in perfect health. The doctors have given me a clean bill of health." God I hope I'm a good actress.

"I think, to be safe, we should run some bloodwork, Miss Clearwater. It could be that the pregnancy isn't viable."

Instinctively my arms encircle my middle and I am filled with dread.

No. No tests. No probing.

Shit, I need to get out of here. The wolf twists inside of me making it known that no one is going to hurt us. I feel her fierce protective spirit not for the pack or the tribe but for this little pup inside of me. For a moment I long for Jacob to come protect me, protect us and it makes me feel so alone to realize that he's miles away.

A baby.

I'm having a _baby?_

Oh my gawd.

A sob escapes and I cover my face, weeping tears of joy and sorrow at the same time. Jake had given me the greatest gift in the world and I had broken his heart by walking away from our love. This baby is proof, it is all the evidence I need to see that what we shared was real. IS real.

His wolf mated with someone that is not his imprintee. It's something that the elders were certain could never happen. It was one of the things they said proved that the imprint was an exclusive, mating bond. But were they wrong? He not only slept with me, but he got me pregnant! Was Jacob really telling the truth when he said that I was the right one for him? Could he really have claimed me in spite of the imprint? There's so much that I want to know, but who could answer my questions?

The Doctor softens when he sees how emotional I am by the news. "We'll continue to monitor you for the time being Miss Clearwater, all we need you to do is make sure you eat up and get your strength back. We gave you something to settle your stomach and the drip is pumping you full of electrolytes."

"Thanks Doc."

"So just to give you the details: you're still in the early stages, about seven weeks along. Everything appears normal in your abdominal area, but I am very concerned that the flu-like symptoms could be causing an internal problem that we need to check on. It could simply be a case of severe morning sickness, so I'll prescribe something to help with the nausea. But I don't want to jump the gun here, we really need to run those tests."

"Can I eat first? Please?" I plead, hoping to buy myself some time.

"Well, proper nutrition is important so I guess we can defer the testing til this evening after you've digested. I'll be back then."

After Dr. Kalhai leaves us Patty turns to me with another friendly smile. "Your friend will be back at visiting hours Leah, you just eat and take some time to think on things til then okay? Buzz if you need me."

After Patty leaves me with a tray of food, for a moment I just sit still and cover my lower stomach with my hands again. I try to block out the monitor as best as I can, as I search for that tiny heartbeat inside of me. I have no idea how I didn't hear it before, but I think it's because of how much animal life there is in Hawaii, from birds to bugs to pets…I've learned to block out such noises. One has to or else wolf senses will drive you insane.

When I finally capture the faint little flutter of wings, my heart fills with warmth and wonder.

"Hi baby, it's your Momma," I whisper, noticing the little patch of warmth below my navel.

I can't believe it: I'm going to be a mother.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Rebecca arrives, I've already showered and changed my gown. She comes straight to my bedside and gives me a tight hug, setting a small bag of what I assume to be clothes, on my lap. I'm so relieved, because I will need them to get the hell out of dodge.

"You had me so worried, Leah. Did the doctors tell you what's wrong? I had to go to my shift at the clinic so I couldn't come this morning."

"It's fine Rebecca, I was asleep most of the day anyhow. Thanks for these clothes, I'm going to put them on now and then we'll talk."

Rebecca nods and watches me as I make my way into the bathroom and change into the t-shirt and jeans she brought along with my trainers. I quickly brush my teeth and my hair and then make my way back to the bed.

"Can you go to the nurse and ask her for the prescription for my nausea. Tell her you want to fill it for me."

"Sure."

Rebecca does as I ask, and it only takes her about five minutes before she comes back with the piece of white paper and hands it to me. I fold it neatly and put it into the bag that already conceals the information from my chart. Hopefully there isn't a copy of this information elsewhere.

"So did they say you were going to be discharged this evening?"

I shake my head. This is the tricky part. "Uh…no but I've got to get out of here now Rebecca."

"What? Why?"

"Because they want to force me into some tests that I don't need, and I don't feel safe."

"Who was your doctor?"

"Kalhai."

"Hmm."

"What, is he weird?"

"Well, he is known to be a bit eccentric. I personally never met him."

I see this as a good thing that will get me to safety. "Becc please, let's just go."

"I'm not sure how we're going to do this though, Leah. I don't have the clearance to sign you out, and I don't know anyone here at the big hospital."

I walk up to my friend and grab her by the shoulders. "Becc, do you trust me?" She gives me a skeptical look before nodding slowly. "Then we've got to get out of here, NOW."

"But how?"

"You go first, and act natural, I'll slip out right behind you and follow you out. Okay?"

"What? Now?" Becca flounders, as she still doesn't believe that I'm being serious.

"Yes!" I laugh. And then I push her through the door. It's just my luck that Patty has her back turned and the other nurses are preoccupied with their tasks. I easily slip out and walk briskly down the hallway.

When we round the corner, I sigh in relief and motion to the stairs.

"I can't believe we're doing this!" Rebecca hisses as we quickly go down.

"Well believe it, and thanks." I keep moving, pushing myself without surpassing Rebecca. I think about my unborn child and monitor my steps so that I don't fall, because nothing will ever hurt my baby.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

When we're in the jeep and driving through the parking garage, I finally catch my breath.

"I can't believe you just made me do that. God I hope no one recognized me. SHIT! What if I lose my JOB!" Rebecca looks at me with wide eyes and for a moment I think she's going to yell at me or cry but then she laughs in disbelief.

"Sorry Becc! But I just couldn't stay there another second. The smell, the sterile room. The tests. It made me feel sick."

"Well, I know how we Natives are about hospitals."

"Exactly." Natives are skittish around so many pale faces. Especially when it comes to healthcare.

Speaking of Natives. "Did you talk to anyone from back home?"

"No, but if you made a turn for the worst today, I would have phoned Seth."

I nod. It would have been the right choice. "Rebecca, I have to tell you something really major. And I just want you to know that I had no idea it would happen. It's a huge shock."

"What?"

"I'm seven weeks pregnant."

Rebecca squeals and uses one hand to pull me in for a side-hug hug. "OH my God! Leah!"

"Becca! Keep your eyes on the road!"

"Sorry! Okay!" she releases me and checks her mirror before merging seamlessly back into the traffic.

"Thanks for not being upset," I reach over and give her thigh a tentative squeeze.

"Of course I'm happy for you, Lee. I still pray for my miracles every day too. And your miracle makes me believe that dreams can come true."

She's right of course. This baby IS my miracle, it IS my dream come true. I'd never wanted anything more than this. All I need now is to know if I can ever have Jacob by my side to share _this_ with me.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When we arrive at the house Solomon is in the kitchen with a friend making dinner. It's a girl who is blonde and buxom and my steps falter as they look at me and Rebecca and we look back at them.

"Aloha Leah! So great you could be home. This is Elise, we were making dinner and waiting on Becca."

"OH, I didn't realize tonight was dinner with Elise," Rebecca replies rather coolly, before reaching over to give Elise an awkward hug and kiss.

"Aloha," Elise waves shyly at me then looks between Sol and Becca who are staring each other down.

I am struggling to believe what I think is really happening right now. I never would have guessed Becca for the swinging type. Solomon, definitely. The whole hippie vibe screams, "I also like free love."

I quickly excuse myself from the tense atmosphere and head to my room where I grab my phone and turn it on. I've got missed calls from Seth, so I call him right back. Raised voices emit from the kitchen but I tune them out as the call rings through.

"Hi Leah."

"Hi Seth. What's happened?" I ask, breathless.

"So much, I don't know where to start."

"Tell me?"

"Jacob said to tell you that he did what you told him to do."

"What did I tell him to do?"

"To go to her. He's gone to Paris to Nessie. He left and… he's likely not coming back anytime soon. But it's not really about what you said, okay? Billy basically gave him an ultimatum to make Nessie his mate - which he declined. He's been banned from the Res."

I slide to the floor, resting my back against the bed as a sharp pain rips through my chest. I put the phone on speaker and set it down so that I can rub my hands through my hair and process. It was the news I had always expected to receive, but now with the baby…I really want to give it to Billy good. I can only imagine how upset Jake is right now. Everyone pushing him away, telling him what to do…even me. I can't help but wonder if he misses me, if he knows how much I still care.

"You okay?" Seth asks, his voice tender and soft on the line.

Fuck no. I'm not.

"Look, he didn't go there for romantic reasons Leah, at least that's not what he said. The Volturi checked in, so he's gone to talk to the Cullens and make sure that she's doing okay. She was a bit scared."

"Oh." It was a serious matter and I immediately worry that he needed back-up. "You should have gone with him."

"I wanted to but he didn't want me to go cause of school. He plans to tell her everything though…so I figure he'll end up doing what his father wants anyways even if he denies it…It's better that you continue to stay away from him. It's best we just wait for the dust to settle."

It surprises me how bitter he sounds, but the observation is quickly pushed aside as I think about the ramifications of what my brother's said. I don't have time to wait for the dust to settle.

"So is that all?" I ask.

"Well, because he's gone, the pack has to join with Sam's…and a whole bunch of the wolves asked the Council to stop phasing."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. They agreed too – well Mom and Old Quil forced Billy to accept the petition. But it'll be spaced out between now and next year. Soon it'll be just Sam, Quil and me until I decide when. Paul and Embry have to wait, but Jared, Colin and Brady have been granted permission with the young seven."

"Wow. That's huge."

"Yeah. It sucks that Sam is the boss now, he's really pissed. He doesn't want anyone to quit. He chewed us out about it. He's even worse now that he's on the Council."

"Wow, he finally got what he wanted huh? I'm sorry you all have to deal with him now, but Seth, there's something I need to tell you."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"I just found out, I've been puking all weekend. I ended up in the hospital and they wanted to run tests to find out what was wrong with my temperature."

"Shit Leah! That's dangerous!"

"I know I ran the hell out of there as soon as the doctor left!"

"Are you okay? You're _pregnant,_ Leah?"

"Yes," I chuckle. "I know, I still can't believe it either. I literally just found out…I can hear its little fluttering heartbeat, like a baby bird. It's amazing Seth."

"Holy shit, sis. That's incredible."

"It feels so unreal."

"So will you come home now? You can't go to a regular doctor."

"I dunno Seth. Becca is a nurse, she can keep an eye on me."

"She would have to understand about the wolf. She probably is confused after today, and you can't tell her."

"Yeah I know…and don't forget, I'd have to tell her who the father is."

"Are you going to tell the father too?"

I hesitate. "You said he went to Nessie, so what good would it do to tell him now?" But even I know that my words are not genuine. I want to tell Jacob; I want to see his face full of surprise and I want it to be the happiest moment of his life.

"You've got to tell him. He'd never forgive you if you didn't and I don't think I can keep a secret like that from him for too long – if he ever comes back. You know, you should call him, tell him and both of you should come back. We need you here. He's got to settle this shit with the Council once and for all."

"It'll put a target on my back," I mumble miserably, thinking of the Council and Sam.

"They'd never hurt the Alpha's child, Lee, you know that. This baby is a miracle. You aren't even his imprint! It changes everything!"

"But not for the better Seth, you know how they are about traditions!" It'll just be one more nail in my coffin. I fight the infectious excitement my brother is procuring on his end of the call, because I know this is not something I can truly rejoice about until everyone knows and accepts me. "Forget it. I can't think about them right now Seth, I've got a little person growing inside of me, that's all that matters."

I roll my eyes at myself. Fuck them. I don't need shit from anyone back in La Push, least of all, their consent to be a mother to the Alpha's child.

"Look fine, don't think about the Council or Sam or anyone else, just come home for the baby's sake. You need our protection."

I gnaw on my lip, knowing that what Seth says is true, but at the same time, thinking of home makes me feel stressed and I don't know if that is good for the baby either.

"Mom's gonna be over the moon."

"You think?" Honestly, I hadn't even thought that far, to what her reaction would be.

"Yeah, her first grandchild!"

I smile and wish that my father could be here to meet our new little Clearwater. Tears spring to my eyes as I think about his and Jake's absence and the loneliness bears down on me once more.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A quiet knock on the door alerts me to Rebecca's presence and I quickly wipe my eyes to hide the tears I've been shedding since talking to my brother. "Come in," I call.

Rebecca enters the room holding a tray of food and my stomach grumbles in response. "Oh thanks, you're a life-saver."

"No Leah, _you're_ the life-saver. I hope you don't mind me hiding out in here with you."

"Not at all. Is everything okay?"

"Not really…" Rebecca and I both sit on the bed, with her fluffing the pillows just right so that I can lean back and eat.

"Who is that woman?" I ask before taking my first bite. Sol's food is actually delicious.

Becca sighs and gestures to the door… "Someone that Sol likes to invite into our bedroom from time to time."

My jaw drops. "No!"

"Yeah…now before you start to judge – I met him this way, I always knew what he liked…and I fell in love with him anyways."

"But if it doesn't make you happy Becc, you shouldn't force it."

"I know…and it didn't bother me before because Elise is alright, and I thought threesomes were reckless fun. It's not like he cheats on me otherwise. But it's been a long time since she's joined us…I just thought that maybe he'd gotten it out of his system. I guess I've changed…I don't want to do it anymore."

"So don't." Rebecca nods, but the solemn expression on her face tells me what's really wrong. "You're afraid he'll cheat…"

"Or that I won't be enough anymore. I guess, I just want something different, I want a family."

My stomach lurches with guilt. My situation with her brother wasn't meant to cause her pain but when she finds out, it will. Even though Jake and I didn't intend to hurt anyone it seems so unavoidable. Nessie crosses my mind and my mood sinks even lower. What will happen when _she_ finds out that Jacob got me pregnant?

Rebecca sighs heavily, bringing me out of my own funk. "Oh Becc. Come here." I carefully pull her onto my shoulder without jostling the dinner tray, and tuck her head beneath mine. "Sol loves you. Just talk to him and work this out. I'm rooting for you two."

"Thanks Leah. I'm glad you're here to talk to…sometimes I get so lonely. I have friends here but they're all Sol's friends. I don't get personal with them like this."

"Well, you can talk to me anytime. And thanks for being there for me too. I don't know how I would have gotten through these past three days if I didn't have you here, Nurse Becky."

Rebecca giggles and sits up again, resting her shoulder against mine as she leans against the wall too. "You're my sister from another mister and misses, I'm glad I was here to help you and the baby too. I still can't believe you're pregnant!"

Now it's my turn to sigh, this time with both joy and sorrow. "Me too, Becc, me too."

"You seem so sad about it, is it because of the father?"

I nod. And it makes me feel bad for keeping my secret from her when she opened up to me, so I make a decision. I stare at the wall and just blurt it out: "I'm pregnant for Jacob." I look over as Rebecca gasps, her eyes round like saucers as she stares across at me in shock. "I'm sorry I kept our….relations a secret from you…it didn't end well and I just couldn't talk about it…" My throat feels dry as I anticipate her negative reaction.

"Wait, does my sister know? And Dad?"

I confirm that they do, surprised that this is her first question. "They found out after I broke things off with him and left."

"Why did you leave?"

"Because…technically we shouldn't be together? He has…a complicated situation that really doesn't include me."

"What do you mean? Is there someone else?"

I nod, unable to find the words to explain just what his situation is without telling her everything.

"You cheated?"

I sigh and shake my head… "Not exactly, he's not with her like that, but everyone prefers him to be with her over me – even Rachel and…especially your father. He wants Jacob to pursue a future with her. But I really can't explain it beyond that."

Rebecca shakes her head with a hopeless expression that mirrors my own. "What does Jake want?"

"Well…he said he wanted me but…I didn't know if I could trust him not to change his mind. So I left before it got worse. I figured it was the best thing to do rather than force him to choose, or to face rejection again. After Sam and Emily, I just couldn't go through that again."

"Oh Leah…" Rebecca tuts at me. "You need to tell him. There's still a chance things could work out, especially with the baby on the way. Either way, Jake deserves to know, he'd never turn his back on his own child, that much I know. And Dad…well, Dad would just have to get over it. I can't believe he's meddling in Jake's life like that." She reaches over and places a hand on my stomach. It's nice to know that she isn't about to throw me out on the streets.

"I guess I need time to figure this out…" I admit, covering her hand with my own. "But I might have to go back home sooner than intended. I just don't know what to do."

"I understand. I'm sure Auntie Sue and Seth would love to have you close by too. Rachel seems so happy to have such a wide support system."

"Yes…though I don't think mine will be as wide as hers…"

"Don't worry Lee, it'll be okay."

And _God_ do I hope she's right.

**AN: Thanks for your reviews on the last chapter! You're right Sam will get what's coming to him from all sides, bet on that! I admit I'm struggling a bit with my muse to get the other chapters done. I had to change a whole bunch of the later chapters since I decided to go in a different direction with certain characters. So now I'm still waiting on inspiration to strike so that I can write the next chapter which is when Leah and Jake finally face Billy. That is a BIG chapter so I'm hoping to get inspiration soon, cause it has to be right! Up next is another big chapter - Jacob goes to Paris. Not sure when I will post but in a couple days I figure. I'm sorry to keep you all waiting. Thanks for reading and stay safe and healthy everyone! Make sure to eat lots of alkaline foods so that your immunity is strong.**


	14. Imprint

FOURTEEN

IMPRINT

JACOB

Paris is truly beautiful, and it doesn't surprise me that Nessie loves it here. The old-world beauty mixed with the modern culture is totally who she is, where she comes from. When I arrive there's a town car waiting to carry me to her apartment. The driver can speak English, and I ask him about the city and its safety. He assures me that Paris in the summer is a very lively place but safe. When I ask him what areas are usually full of shady characters he gets spooked. I roll my eyes and tell him not to worry. I'll just have to get intel from the Cullens. They should have already mapped out the areas that need our attention anyway.

Nessie's place is in a really cool apartment complex, on the fifth floor. When I knock on her door, I hear her squeal and the pounding of her footsteps as she runs across the floor. I'm already smiling and waiting in anticipation to catch her when she flings herself into my arms.

"JACOB!" she cries, hugging me so tightly around my neck that I have to pry her off like a little monkey.

"Hey Ness!" I pepper her face with kisses, which makes the wolf happy and satisfied – in a brotherly type of way.

"Come in, come in! How was your flight!" she pulls me by the hand and grabs my travel bag, dropping it onto a chair by the door.

"Long as fuck, but good. You okay?" I look around, surprised to see that no leeches are around.

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"Where's everyone?"

"Around. Mom and Dad are on patrol duty right now."

I nod, content with that information. "Nice place, Bug. It's really you." I step further inside, surveying the joined living room and kitchen area. The apartment is mainly white and beige, but she's got tasteful splashes of shades of purple, taupe and gray with throw pillows, paintings and glassware.

"Thanks, I had fun decorating all on my own."

"I bet your aunt _loved_ that."

"Alice gave me a passing grade, I know it killed her not to make any suggestions. But I did allow her a couple additions here and there though. Gran told me it would make everyone's life easier if I did."

I snigger. Some things never change with those leeches.

"Hungry?" she proposes, gesturing to the kitchen where sure enough, I am directed to the scents of beef and potatoes.

"Hells yeah, whatchu got? You cooked?"

"Of course! I had to cook for my favorite wolf!" Nessie throws me a beaming smile and for the first time since I've arrived, I really allow myself to look at her properly.

Her red-brown hair is bursting with giant curls which she's irreverently shoved onto the top of her head with an elastic. She's still around 5 foot 7. She's kept up her fitness regime as she has an athletic swagger in her walk. Her skin is still creamy white but with a touch more color and her jawline a bit sharper than before. She's wearing faded blue jeans that are baggy and folded at her calf, with a pink sweater. Like Leah, there's no make-up and yet her face is radiant. She's beautiful in an ethereal kind of way, which is to be expected of a hybrid like her. She's got that magnetic aura around her, like what a leech would have to attract the attention of a human. But it's not threatening, it's enchanting in a good way. Overall, I'd say Nessie hasn't changed that much and it's a relief to see that her growth really has slowed down.

Her brown eyes sparkle as she watches me back. She knows exactly what I've been doing, assessing her like that. She knows how we all worry. "I'm fine Jake! You're the one who won't stop growing! I think you've gotten huger since the last time I saw you. Seriously? It's time to stop! You won't be able to fit on the airplanes anymore. You'll have to be stowed away with the baggage and pets!"

I chuckle at Nessie's jokes. And she's right. I barely fit in First Class on the flight to Paris. Every time I go wolf for an extended period of time it happens, I grow more as a man.

"It's really great to see you Jacob. I'm so glad you're here," she simpers at me while dishing up my plate.

"Me too." And once again the imprint pulls at me. I find myself feeling guilty for how distant I've been. I haven't had the best of intentions towards her, and maybe I've been unfair. She's not her family, and she doesn't even know anything about me and Bella or Leah, and yet I've been basically blaming her for everything fucked up in my life.

Even now I can't deny that just being in her presence makes me feel a whole lot better, in the simplest way of being with someone whose love for me is pure and untainted by drama…at least for now, until she learns the truth.

I try not to think about that really hard conversation she and I need to have, as we settle in for dinner, just the two of us.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Things have been good the last couple days. Nessie put me up in her guest room and we've been having a blast just catching up on everything that's been going on with her. In the morning we watch cartoons and eat cereal just like when she was a child, and in the afternoon, she shows me around her campus and favorite café and shopping spots.

I've met with the Cullens, and though relations were strained; we discussed the Volturi and I accepted their assurance that there was no threat. I've made my own patrols with Emmett, and have found no scents which is also reassuring. Edward knows I'm not happy that he set Aro up to video chat, but he seems to think that was the safest option rather than him demanding they pay a visit to Volterra. I can't argue with that.

Rosalie and Bella were acting all weird and nice towards me, suggesting I do this and that with Nessie to ease her nervous energy about the calls. In the end I asked them to back off and leave us alone and I think that pleased them more than anything. At this point they're just as annoying as Quil.

I've taken my time observing Nessie and my wolf's reaction to her, and I feel confident that things between us are still platonic. The wolf is happy to be with her, but it still doesn't feel the need to mate. It just wants to care for her, protect her, like when she was little. It boggles my mind that the wolf still feels this way, but it gives me hope that the imprint can stay as it is. It makes me feel like less of an unsure, crazy person. I can be confident that I never once lied to Leah about that.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's been three days since I arrived and I know I can't delay having "the talk" with Nessie anymore. At this point, I do need to get some things off of my chest in addition to the many people on my back. I decide, after we get back home from dinner and the movies with a couple of her friends (who were ogling me the whole time and blatantly curious as to my relationship with Ness), that tonight is the night.

"Ness, we need to talk about something. About the bond we share."

She's on the couch reading one of her books for French Art History, swaddled in a black sweater and sweatpants. Nessie looks up at me with those big brown doe eyes that remind me of the Bella I lost every time, and nods. "I'd like to talk about that too, actually." She pats the space next to her and sets the book on the coffee table.

"Oh, well, okay."I go over and sit next to her, both worried and interested to hear her side of things. I chuckle nervously as I realize I have no idea how to start. I admit my discomfort and Nessie rests a perfectly manicured, warm hand on my arm. Her touch instantly calms me.

"It's okay Jake. If you're nervous, I'll start." I nod. "I guess I just never understood why you're bonded to me. Was it like a sworn oath to protect me from the Volturi? Did my mother force you into it?"

I laugh and shake my head. "No. Your mother definitely didn't make me do anything – she was actually pretty pissed the day she found out. It's actually related to my tribal legends. Remember the wolves are Protectors against the Cold Ones?" She nods. "Well, our wolf legends have more to it than that. Remember the story of the Third Wife?"

"The one who sacrificed herself for your Great Chief, so that he could kill the Cold Woman."

Of course she remembers, Nessie has a photographic memory. I had recited our legends many times when she was little, as I'd prep her for bed. We both preferred the legends to story books. "Yeah, well she was his Imprint, the first one we know about."

"Mom used that word before, but I don't really know what it means."

"You mother did what?" I'm thrown off-guard by her innocent comment. Bella had clearly been trying to meddle if she was telling Nessie about the imprint!

"She told me I was your imprint, it's our bond right?"

I nod again and try to keep on track with the conversation. I'll deal with Bella Cullen later. "Well imprint means soul mate, at least that's what the elders always assumed."

"But you're not sure it does?"

Nessie's always one step ahead. She's too smart for her own good. "No, because you're my imprint, and well, you're half vampire, a Cold One. Wolves and Cold Ones are not friends traditionally, far less soul mates. Also, my wolf imprinted on you when you were a baby, just hours old. And then there's the fact that your mom was my closest friend. I really cared for her and it just doesn't feel like we should - I mean, you're her daughter and I'm sixteen years older than you and for you to be my soul mate -"

Nessie holds her palm up to stop me and then giggles. "Okay, I totally get it. That's gross and you're _totally_ not a pedophile Jake. We both know you'd be dead by now if you were."

"Yeah, exactly," I smile briefly in amusement at her candor. "Your parents though, and my father, and the elders and the packs…they don't see it that way. For them it's black and white, the imprinting thing. They think that you and me, we should be _more_ – regardless of all the reasons why we probably shouldn't."

"I guess it makes sense now, the way Mom goes on about you not being around like you're supposed to."

Fucking Bella. She' been trying to sabotage me the whole time I've been gone. "Your Mom," I shake my head, willing the wolf to remain quiet. I could just take a bite out of that annoying woman – and not in a good way.

Nessie looks at me nervously. "Mom aside Jacob - for the record, I am _not_ a kid anymore. And I know you keep thinking of me that way because I'm seven – well technically eight soon – but I'm not. I'm as grown as I'll ever be. I'm trying to live a full human adult life, no blood, no hunting. Just school and work and parties and friends…You don't have to feel dirty for looking at me as I really am. My age has nothing to do with my life as it is. I'm in college, I have a job and I pay bills – I'm not a child. I haven't been for sometime now."

I shudder, as my mind starts to dissect her intentions. Does that mean that she wants me to look at her as a man does a woman?

Nessie grabs my chin and shakes her head slowly in front of me. "I want you to see me as I am Jake, but I can tell that you're overthinking it, so relax. Just tell me what imprinting is like for the pack. Are there others? You never really talk about them and I just want to understand what the other imprints are like, please?" She releases me and nestles into the cushions and I follow her lead and try to relax too.

It's true, I've always kept a lot of information about the packs from her, mostly out of fear of not being in control of what I wanted our bond to be like. While Nessie has the right to know everything, I've also never liked the idea of Edward having so much inside information on the tribe as it stands currently - which he would have because of his special, annoying-as-hell gift. His mind-reading thing is a huge problem given that the Volturi mind-reader, Aro, could access everything Cullen knows with one touch. I would never put the packs in such a vulnerable situation.

"Tell me, Jacob!" Nessie pokes me in my side, bringing me out of my thoughts, and I'm forced to find the words to explain about the imprints.

"Well, from the time a wolf looks into her eyes, he becomes totally bound to her. She is the center of his world. Everyone and everything else in his life becomes secondary next to her. He'll be whatever she needs him to be: a brother, a friend, a lover, a protector. Sam, Jared, Quil, Paul…they've all imprinted. They feel the same way, like their imprints are what matter most. Sam, Jared and Paul are all married to their imprintees and they have children. But Quil's girl is young like you, well like a real eleven year old girl, and he believes that he has to stay devoted to her until she becomes a woman - and then they'll just fall in love and get married too."

"So he won't like, date anyone?"

"No."

"Oh! Well that sounds sad… and a bit weird."

I grimace. "Yeah, basically. It's definitely weird that he thinks of her that way – but it's purely innocent. Quil's like big brother and best friend. He loves devoting his entire life to Claire, playing with her and babysitting her all the time."

"Like how you were with me."

"Yeah. The thing is, we can only act based on what our imprints demand of us. The older imprintees wanted mates, so they got married. Right now Claire sees Quil as a brother or a friend, but she's also very possessive of him in how she loves him, and I don't think that allows him much room to date. All his attention is focused on making _her_ happy, no one else."

"Was I like that?"

"Well, when you were smaller yeah, you needed me around all the time. But as you got older and you started homeschooling and travelling, you had other things that interested you. You had hobbies and you spent time with your family doing that. All of your free time and thoughts weren't dedicated to me, you had other people in your life who wanted to dote on you. Claire isn't anything like you, she just wants to play all day with Quil when she's not at school."

"So, are you saying that I should be more possessive of you?"

I instantly shake my head, because this is exactly what I never wanted her to think. Now she's aware of the noose around my neck and the rope that's in her hands, I instantly feel trapped. "That's how the imprint bond works for everyone else, but I'm not saying I want that for us – and that's why I'm having a hard time with everyone in my life: your parents, my father and the pack. They would like you and I to be more than friends. They expect the nature of our relationship to change."

Her entire demeanor folds in and I immediately want to kick myself for not knowing the right way to say that basically, I don't want her as a girlfriend, wife or whatever.

"I'm sorry, but it's not that I don't love you Ness, you know how much you mean to me even though I am shitty at showing it the right way. I just don't feel a romantic bond between us, now that you're not a child."

"I understand, Jacob." Her voice is so sad that it pains me to know that I've hurt her feelings.

"Ness, please talk to me, how does what I said make you feel?" I ask. I'm literally crawling out of my skin in anticipation of what comes next.

"I guess it's a little hurtful to know that you've been carrying this burden around for all these years…I never wanted to tie you down. I had no idea that's what I was doing. You were just like everyone else, you were always there. You were my best friend, more special to me than my uncles, and I loved having you around. I loved you doting on me. When you left Spain, I knew it was because you didn't like living with the coven anymore, and I had no problem with it because I understood that you needed to spend more time with your family back in La Push. But Mom was upset and kept bringing it up and it became confusing. I didn't really understand it before - that if it wasn't for me…you'd never have been with us in the first place."

"You're right… I was there only for you, not your Mother, though Bella would like to think of it that way. But I didn't want you to know about the imprint because it felt inappropriate, you were just a kid. It's not something we tell our imprintees until we think they are ready to hear it. But Ness, I realize that I was selfish and totally wrong not to explain everything properly before I just left you like that. That's why everyone's so upset with me, because you had a right to know when you matured."

"So why didn't you just tell me?" Nessie looks at me with those big brown eyes and I can see how much I keep hurting her.

I feel like a total chump. "Because…I was selfish, there's no other way to put it, I guess." I sigh and rub my hand over my face. "I didn't feel in control of my own life, I felt like a child living by other people's rules. And I just wanted to be a man, not a wolf bound by some supernatural bond. I just wanted a chance to be on my own and think for myself. I needed a break before I had to commit to you forever – if that's what you wanted. Honestly, I've been scared that you'd want things to change when I still don't."

"The imprint makes you not capable of thinking for yourself?" she asks, perturbed.

"Yeah, it's that strong, like with Quil. The wolf reacts to everything the imprintee needs and the man basically complies."

"That doesn't seem fair."

"It doesn't feel fair either," I grumble.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry. You've done so much for me even though it was hard for you. I'm sorry for making you stay with the coven – even I know how unbearable they can be. I can't imagine what it was like for your wolf or for you." Nessie pats my chest and rubs it slowly with a sad sigh.

I pull her face up by the chin so that we can look at each other. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Renesmee Cullen. We're both victims of the bond. It has bound you to feel things for me too, to attach yourself to me, when that's not how you'd necessarily want to feel, given that your vampire nature hates wolves. The coven only tolerates me because they know you need me. Our two species are just not meant to co-exist. We each have to put our humanity above our carnal instincts to make it work."

"For me?"

"Yeah."

"Rose has always been so rude because she hates your scent, but I like it."

"And any normal hybrid or vampire wouldn't. I think the imprint happened because of your human side. It's that part of you that makes you like me. Otherwise, we're incompatible - without the bond, I never would have been a part of your life." Nessie frowns and sighs at my words, so I squeeze her fingers reassuringly. "But I'm glad I was there to protect you and watch you grow Ness. Without you I wouldn't have truly understood what unconditional love means." I scuff beneath her chin, trying to make her smile through the overwhelming news I've dumped at her feet.

Nessie's lips pull up at the corners, but her attempt to smile ends up a grimace. "Come here," I pull her onto my lap, securing her in the cocoon of my arms just like when she was a little kid. I kiss the top of her head and sigh. "Don't be upset."

"I can't help it, I feel as if I've had a bag over my head all this time."

"It's my fault and I'm sorry I was such a wuss."

"You should have had more faith in me Jacob. I don't want to be like Claire. And you don't have to fall in love with me just because of some Old Wives Tale. This is the modern world. We have rights now," she says, while burying her nose into the fabric of my shirt.

I feel the cool tingle of relief wash over me, of a noose around my neck vanishing, and I smile to myself. "Thanks Ness. It's nice to know that you're on my side, even though you don't have to be…"

She shrugs and mumbles, "I guess I can't escape the bond then either, huh?" Her miserable tone immediately halts my internal celebration, so I glance down to observe her face.

"You've always been selfless, with or without the imprint. But I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to hear. I mean, you don't have deeper feelings for me, right? Is that…would you want that to happen between us?" My heart pounds in my chest as I can't help but think about what Blondie said. Was Nessie hiding her true feelings to make me happy? Was that what the imprint was doing to her?

She shakes her head and pats me reassuringly. "I love you Jake, and you'll always be my person, just not in that way. In fact…now that I understand our bond better it makes sense, why I've always kinda been nervous to talk to you about me dating and stuff like that. We can always talk about _anything;_ but that? Not _that."_

And it was because I had always been too scared to draw romantic attention to myself. I had a lot to make up for if my imprintee didn't feel like she could trust and confide in me about important things like that… "You can talk to me about dudes! I just need to check 'em out first, make sure they've got the right shit to date a golden nugget like you Ness. You deserve only the best."

Nessie smugly rolls her eyes. "You're just like my family! Gawd, that's so annoying!" she shoves her palm against my chest and I laugh.

"So are you dating someone now?" I ask, dipping a proverbial toe into the water. This is a whole new territory for us.

"No, I'm not."

Rosy splotches bloom on her cheeks and I snicker. She's so much like the human version of her mother sometimes. "Ness, what's going on, tell me. Or I'm going to keep you locked in a wolfy sweat box until you dish."

She giggles and it warms my heart to hear it. "There's nothing to tell Jake. I met someone when I moved here, but it didn't work out."

This shocks me, and I can't help but immediately worry about who or when or how, but the stern look on Nessie's face instantly tells me that she's not having an interrogation from me. Her father and uncles have likely already tried to get all up in her business. I banish the over-protective thoughts and offer my sympathy instead. "That sucks, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too. He was really nice, but you know, the Volturi happened and it was best that I ended it to keep him safe."

"I hope that one day they will never be a threat to your life. And don't worry, soon you'll meet another guy who'll be perfect for you in every way. He'll never leave or hurt you, and he'll love you for who you are. And as a bonus, I promise to like him."

Nessie laughs and swats my chest. "He sounds great, can't wait to meet this Mystery Man. But being hurt is part of the process Jake. Is love really worth it if you don't get hurt along the way?"

I think about me and Leah and I can't deny how raw her departure still feels. I think about Bella, and how it destroyed me when she chose Edward. "No, I guess it isn't."

Nessie notices that my mind has drifted to a far-off place and pulls away, pushing her back up against the arm of the sofa so that she can draw her knees up to her chest. "What about you? Were you in love with someone else?" she whispers, as if she understands that love is a very delicate subject for me.

"Part of the reason why I disappeared the other day is because I did something that pissed everyone off." I take a deep breath as she waits for me to continue. "I was sleeping with Leah for a while after I got back from Spain. And I thought we were in love…well, I thought that's where we were headed. But because of the imprint she refused to let it get that far. She understands how powerful the bond between you and me is, and she didn't think we could have anything serious because of that. So she just disappeared, and wants nothing to do with the pack or me… and everyone hates her for leaving, and me for betraying the imprint."

"Wow. I'm sorry. Poor Leah."

"I hope you understand that because of how things are platonic between us, I didn't think of it as betraying you, Ness. The others are baffled because they think that I shouldn't have been able to be with anyone else…but Leah and I had a special connection, it was very strong and my wolf wanted it as much as I did."

She sucks in her bottom lip and bites it for a few seconds before giving me a slow nod. "It's fine if you want her to be your mate, Jacob."

"You know Ness, I think you might be more grown up than I am. I haven't given you enough credit. You're being so cool about this whole thing. I'm really grateful, thanks for understanding."

She smiles and ducks her head. "You're welcome, Jake. You're the best friend and protector any woman could have, I'm grateful to you too."

Preening a little from the compliment, I shrug it off. "Yeah well…I wish I was a good boyfriend too…I don't do good in relationships. Me and love are like frenemies. Seth was right, if we were together, I'd probably ruin your life too, and I'd never live with myself if I did."

Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. _"Seth_ said that?"

"Yeah…I can't figure him out these days. It's like, on one hand he doesn't want me with Leah and on the other, he doesn't think I'm good for you either. He hates me now, and we've always been so close. None of the guys want anything to do with me. If I wasn't here with you right now, I'd still be gone. I can't go back home." I don't bother to tell her that I've already been banished. _That's_ definitely _not_ her burden.

Nessie seems moved by what I've told her, and reaches for my hand and squeezes it, her sympathy projecting through touch. I can feel how much she wants me to be okay. "You're one of the best people I know, Jake. You deserve to make your own happiness, just like anyone else. You should be successful with your cars and bikes, and have a hott woman who's into that stuff, to give you beautiful babies that I can spoil. But I think _you_ have to _really believe_ that you deserve it. No one should make you feel bad about your dreams. And bond or not, I won't stand in your way, I promise."

And if she's the only person in this world who ever believes in me, I can be alright with that. Because I finally understand. Deep inside my gut I now know, that _this_ is the value of our imprint. It's a long-awaited feeling of clarity I embrace.

When La Push turns its back on me, I'll always have Nessie Cullen to be on my side. I'd begun to see her as something holding me down, but really and truly, she is the one person in my life who wants to see me fly.

**AN: Hey there. So I will admit this is one of those chapters I revised a million times over the last few months because it was so dang HARD to write - plus I decided to make some changes with the story and after all that had to redo it last week. How do you write a chapter where the guy basically feels like the girl ruined his life, but it's not her fault, he thinks she's great, but he wishes that he'd never been bound to her? Yeah. This is that. So be gentle please! Lol. I really tried to be fair. Jacob doesn't hate Nessie, he just hates being tied to her and her family. They get along great, he is affectionate with her because she is still his imprint. They have a bond But he just doesn't see her in a romantic way. As for Nessie's feelings? Well, you got a clue here, but guess what, she's up next!**

**I'm still dealing with block on the big chapter (Billy vs his kids and Leah) I have to write which sucks because I don't want to proceed to another without deciding what happens, but I may have to do that. The biggest problem is who should the POV come from, if I could figure that out then maybe it would be easier. I will not be doing any with Billy's POV at this point. At this point I may have to do a general third person pov and call it a day. but if you have a suggestion let me know. i was thinking Jake or Leah but they said no :D hehe which leaves Seth, Rachel or Rebecca and they been quiet too.**


	15. Pressure

FIFTEEN

PRESSURE

RENESMEE

Jacob and I have sunk into a routine of sorts. I go to school, then to my part-time job at my favorite café, La Petite Lune, and then at seven I come home to a large wolf-man camped out on my couch. More than once I've offered to help Jake find a job – so that maybe he will stick around for a while and keep me company – but it's pointless. He's so depressed lately that he literally can't find the motivation to do anything but drown in self-pity.

Now that he's away from home, and his pack and Leah, reality's hit him in the butt pretty hard. I can see it in his sunken eyes how hollow he feels inside. He hasn't admitted it, but I know he's lonely without other wolves. He tries to hide it when I'm around by cracking jokes and volunteering to hang out or do whatever I want to do, but it's a struggle for him. I can see right through his cloudy smile, no longer so sunny that it brightens up the room.

It reminds me of how he was in Spain, but because he'd never confided in me back then, I didn't know what was really going on. I was so self-absorbed that I did not realize that he was homesick. I had been so accustomed to him being with us all the time that I had no concept of Jacob having another life outside of mine. It was the effect of the imprint, me being such an attention-hog, and I was clueless to see that we were both bound by its magic.

I guess there are things I haven't told him too, when we'd talked about our bond four nights ago. I remember being upset and angry when he left, and feeling this emptiness, but after a few days, and a heart-to-heart with my grandmother Esme, I realized that I just had to get used to him being gone. I brushed it off and started making plans for myself. His leaving inspired me to leave the coven too. He wanted to be with his family, and without him there as a buffer, I wanted to escape mine. I wanted to strike out on my own and experience life for myself. I'd always loved learning about Paris and it seemed the perfect place to start. I certainly didn't expect the Volturi to pop up, forcing my parents to follow me here, to smother me once again.

It's because of the Volturi that Jacob's back in my life now, and for that I'm glad, but their invasion of my privacy also caused me to lose my first boyfriend. Something else I wasn't really honest with Jacob about before.

Not long after I moved to Paris two months ago, I met a guy named Luc while visiting the Louvre Museum. He was so sweet and kind, with curly brown hair and the brightest green eyes. He was a tourist guide for the city. I started taking his tours and afterwards he'd take me out to dinner with his friends. We'd watch old French films and take walks together in the park. I was sure I was in love, and after only three weeks of a whirlwind romance, I lost my virginity to him. The sex was amazing, better than I could have imagined for my first time.

We were in our own little bubble of love, then the Volturi contacted Grandpa Carlisle and my world was shattered. I became too jittery to go out, worried that they were watching me at every turn. Luc didn't understand what was happening and of course I couldn't tell him. I had to distance myself from him a little in order to protect him, making up an excuse that I was very ill and he needed to stay away for a while. Then, when my parents came to patrol and be present for the video chats that Aro insisted on having, Mom found out about Luc. He came to visit me even though I'd asked him not to. He was so sweet, bringing me chicken soup and flowers, which he figured was the American custom for a sick loved one. We'd watched "You've Got Mail," and Tom Hanks had been his inspiration.

My mother scared the shit out of him, basically. She offered him money to leave me alone and he refused. He admitted to her and Dad that he loved me and that we'd been intimate and my mother completely flipped, allowing her vampire nature to show itself in his presence. If it weren't for Dad, I shudder to think what would have happened to Luc that day. But Dad himself wasn't any better. He lectured me about sleeping with a stranger so soon, deflowering and degrading myself, denying them the chance to vet anyone I like before I can be friends with them and yada yada.

Needless to say, Luc fled the city and I haven't heard from him since, but I hope he's okay. I miss him and I wish that things could have worked out for us. It's been a rough two weeks. Having Jacob around has been a big help to heal my broken heart, even though I haven't told him the truth about Luc. He's in his own funk and I don't want to burden him with something that he can't change. Knowing Jacob, he'd try to get involved and fix it and I'd rather just let it go. Luc would never look at me the same anyway.

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Jake is currently out patrolling with Emmett. Rose wanted to stay over and have Girl Time until he gets back, but I opted to have some Me Time instead. I've got one of my favorite movies on – Casablanca – a meat lover's pizza, some red wine and I'm busy painting my toenails with aqua polish. I've got about two more hours to pamper myself before Jacob gets back.

Suddenly, there's a brisk knock at the door, and before I can even answer it, my mother barges into my apartment. "Renesmee, how are you honey?"

"Hi Mom, please, show yourself in," I answer, not bothering to hide how annoyed I am by her intrusion.

"Rose said you didn't want her to come over, so I decided to check in and make sure you're doing okay."

"I'm fine _Mother,_ I just wanted some time to myself."

"Why, is something bothering you?"

I roll my eyes and sigh in frustration at the fact that she can't take a hint. "Besides the fact that I miss Luc? No."

My perfectly put-together mother, in her black leather pants, boots and blue sweater, shakes her head and sits on the couch. "It's not my fault he couldn't handle meeting your parents."

"Seriously? Is that how you're going to spin this? You ran him off!"

"Renesmee, don't be upset, I said I was sorry multiple times, and I am! I really didn't mean to lose my temper like that. I was thirsty and so upset about the Volturi – I was worried that he was their spy, a pawn in their game!"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to watch my movie in peace."

"Well, I understand honey. But, before I go, how are things going with Jacob?"

I look over at her and scoff, shaking my head. "So that's why you're here."

"I'm just checking in."

"Things are fine. He's miserable, I'm miserable. We're great, two peas in a pod."

"So you told him about Luc."

"No, not really. He knows I had someone but I didn't provide any details."

"That's good, he doesn't need to know about that."

"Seriously?" I snap. "I didn't tell Jacob because I don't want to add to his misery, not because I want him to think that I'm sitting here pining over him, Mom! He's really having a hard time back home. Things aren't good between him and his family, and his relationship with Leah ended abruptly. He's really depressed." My mother growls softly at the mention of Leah's name. "I know you don't like her, but it's really none of our business."

"Of course it is! He shouldn't be thinking about her while being here with you. You're his imprint, his place is here with you, not with that foul-mouthed she-wolf!"

I groan and flop back against the couch, abandoning the toes on my left foot. "Mom why must you persist with this?!" I cry in despair.

"Don't you understand the bond you share with him? He told you about the imprint didn't he?"

"Yes! Yes he did! He also made it clear that he doesn't love me, he doesn't want us to be together."

"Jacob Black doesn't know what's good for him! His place is here with you, with US. That bond has sealed your fate to be t_o-gether, for-ever._"

I am so sick and tired of her acting like Jacob is still part of our family. He stopped being that the day he decided to leave Spain months ago. If I could get used to it and move on with my life, why can't she?

"Mom, you're just as bad as his family. You're trying to force us into something that just…can't happen. I'm tired of you telling me what I should and shouldn't do. Things between me and Jacob are not romantic okay? You've got to accept that – if I could, so can you!"

"What do you mean, 'if you could?' Do you _want_ more than friendship with Jacob? Are you denying what you feel because _he thinks_ that's not what he wants?"

"He's in love with Leah, not me."

"Ness, answer the question."

I shake my head with a sigh. This is hard for me because I do care about Jacob. I do love him, but I never thought about us being together before. It's only my mother and sometimes Rose who's been putting that idea into my head recently after joining me in Paris. After he explained the imprint, it was clear to me that while I could possibly see a future connection between us, it's not what Jacob's heart truly wants. It hurt at first, to hear him reject me as "nicely" as he could. But I'm a realist, and if his heart is with someone else, then I'm not going to pressure him to develop romantic feelings for me instead. Just the thought of using the bond against him makes me sick. It was hard to realize that underneath all his love, he's afraid of me, of my power over him - and I hate that! I never want to force him to do anything that he doesn't want for himself. I already did that all my life without even knowing. Ironically enough, it's because of the imprint, because I love and respect him for devoting his life to me, that I want to give him what he wants. For once, I want to be the one doing all the giving.

And I'm not ever going to let anyone influence me to go back on that promise. I probably will never tell him about Mom's interference because I don't want to cause any more problems between the two of them. The tension between him and my parents is hard to miss.

"Mom, I need you to believe me when I say, you've got to let it go. It's never going to happen, and I'm happy making my own life. You've got to trust me on this and stop meddling in my life and Jacob's life. You got what you wanted with Dad, so let us have what we want too." I say, my voice firm and cold, proving to her that she cannot bully me.

"Nessie, come on! Don't be like that, I only have your best interest at heart. Can't you see how good you two are together?"

"No you don't care about me! If you did you wouldn't have shunned Luc! You only care about yourself! And I'm not going to make Jacob stay with me because YOU'RE the one who can't let him go!"

I'm not stupid. I know that part of this whole scheme of hers is self-serving.

"Honey, I love Edward more than my own life, but Jake has always been special to me and to you too. He belongs with the coven, Renesmee. We're the ones that he loves."

"No he doesn't! If it weren't for me, you'd have lost him a long time ago. He belongs with Leah and his pack and I want him to go back to them and fix things. I support him."

My mother growls again and her fingers curl into tight fists. My father says she was a lot different as a human, gentler, soft spoken; but he prefers this "Bold Bella" as he affectionately calls her. He likes that she's no longer a fragile little girl, no longer a danger magnet. Danger instead, runs from her. Everyone and everything but him runs from her now though, including me.

Mom sees my aversion to her attitude and smiles, unfurling her hands. She sidles closer to me on the couch and snatches the bottle of aqua polish from the table. She opens it and proceeds to paint my toes with speed and precision. "The imprint doesn't lie, you were meant to be together Renesmee, I'm not lying about that."

"No we weren't. I could never be what Jacob wants or needs, and you know why – I am a vampire. No matter how human I try to be, I will always be a vampire too."

Mom reaches out and smooths back my hair, her familiar chilly-warmth washing over me along with her strawberry scent. "Don't be so hard on yourself, I told you, everything will be fine. When he cements the bond with you, everything will change. Your human side will flourish, and you'll have everything you ever wanted, and so will he, I promise. Don't lose hope honey. You can have the future life you want, but you've got to work for it. I love you so much."

It's pointless arguing with my mother. I DO want a human life. I DO dream of having a husband and children someday, but it's not going to be with Jacob. It's probably not going to be at all.

With a defeated sigh, I accept that she is just trying to support me. "I love you too Mom," I reply, accepting her offer for a hug.

"I'll check on you again soon. Keep taking your vitamins and the hormones, and make sure you eat healthy okay? No junk food or sweets." She shoots a disgusted look at the pizza and rises from the couch.

"Yes Mom," I answer mechanically, taking a breath of relief when she's finally gone. Thank God she didn't look in my fridge like she does sometimes. I'd hate to waste the carton of vanilla ice cream waiting for my "Netflix and Chill" with Jake later.

I think about the burly wolf-man who'll be back soon and I sigh again. I mean, I understand why Mom is pressuring me to like him as more than a friend. Jake's gorgeous and his body is like something from a Playgirl magazine. I am happier with him around and he treats me so well (except for when he calls me "Bug" like if I'm still a toddler obsessed with bugs. We used to spend our time hunting for them in the garden). But Jacob will always be my protector, my best friend slash brother, and nothing more. We're just not really compatible, he was right. We don't like the same type of stuff, even though we enjoy being around each other. I love reading, fine art and culture; he loves cars and sports and being outdoors. He's messy and loud, and I'm neat and quiet. I'm sure that Leah is his perfect match, and that she loves every little thing about him. She's lucky to have his heart in a way that I never could.

It worries me that my mother would interfere in their happiness. If she cares about Jacob so much, why won't she let him be happy in the way that he wants to be? Their past is so complicated. Sometimes I want to know all the details, but I quickly tell myself that it would do no good. This trip is the first time he's ever been openly honest with me about his life, but I've known for a while now that he was in love with Mom (even though he still didn't come right out and say it). Now that I understand the bond more, I'm pretty sure that she was the reason that the imprint happened, because she was the sole reason why he was even present at my birth. It was for her, because he couldn't let Mom go. And she couldn't let him go either. She still hasn't because he's all she ever wants to talk about.

Their complicated past is exactly why I've ignored her since Jacob left Spain. I don't want to be caught in the middle. And now that I know how miserable this bond has made Jacob's life, all I want is to help him, because I owe it to him. ME more than anyone else. I'm the reason he's still caught in the middle of my parents. Jake might not agree with me taking all the blame because the bond came from his wolf, but I know it's true. If he had never imprinted on me, his life would have been so different.

So would mine.

In fact, it's because of Jake that I've been able to grasp my human side at all. He made me feel as human as I could have, growing up. He has always provided the balance I needed, since my entire family consists of vampires.

So what else can I do, but give him what he needs and set him free?

Set us _both_ free?


	16. Interference

SIXTEEN

INTERFERENCE

JACOB

They say misery loves company but I don't think that's true. I know I'm being a total downer, I know I'm not much for good company and probably driving Nessie insane…but I just can't help it. And it's confusing because even though we're with her, the wolf is miserable too. We miss our Lee. We miss her scent, her warmth, her snark. My mind's still made up to go and find her. I've got to make her see that she's all I want, more than anything. All my anger towards her for cutting me out of her life could never be as strong as my love.

I like being with my imprintee. I like how she fusses over me and tries to cheer me up. She's like…she's like my little sister. But Nessie's happy and she doesn't need me here. She's manage to thrive in spite of her recent break-up. That part really surprised me and if I'm honest with myself, a part of me is anxious to know more about this guy and why they broke up. But I can only respect her privacy, and trust her when she says everything's fine. I just wish that she could be in a happy relationship or have someone she could depend on, so that leaving her again would be much easier for us both.

A quick knock at the door jumps me out of my usual gloomy thoughts. I'm immediately curious as to who it could be. Pushing off of the couch I run my hands through my spiky hair and tug on my t-shirt. I could really use a shower but hey, whoever it is should have called first.

As soon as I open up, I'm accosted by the stench of vampire. "What do you want Blondie?"

Rosalie rolls her eyes and shoves past me, stepping into the apartment uninvited. "So, still mooching off my niece, I see." She starts walking around, checking out the place and the action makes me feel like a delinquent kid. I watch her eye my dirty dishes and debris littered around the place and I growl impatiently. "When are you going to get a job, learn some French?"

"Why would I do that? I'm leaving soon." I snap, not hiding how annoyed I am by her sudden invasion of my space.

Immediately the vampire gets flustered. "No! You can't! You came all this way, how can you be leaving so quickly? I told you about how Nessie feels Jacob, why aren't you listening instead of moping around here behind that wolf girl?"

I roll my eyes and slide my hands into the pockets of my sweats. "First of all, keep Leah out your mouth. Second of all, you said Ness was missing me and that she wants me, and I come here and find out that she was into someone else. You're lying and if anyone deserves to ask questions, it's me. What the fuck are you trying to pull, leech?"

"I'm not trying to pull anything and that guy is old news by now." Blondie snorts and begins cleaning up the place, moving at her vampire speed.

"I can clean up for myself – you don't need to do that!" I protest, but she ignores me. "Their break-up wasn't that long ago, it was while I was in Canada. I know that because she said it was the Volturi sniffing around that made her end things. That means Nessie had a boyfriend when you told me she was pining after me. You lied and I want to know why." I'd figured this out while mulling over the talk Nessie and now it was time to hear the truth.

"Nessie kept her relationship a secret from all of us – and Luc wouldn't have worked out anyways! She was just rebelling, trying to experience life on her own for the first time. Eventually she would have realized that he was a mistake. She can't be with a human, they're too vulnerable, she knows that now. You're the only one she can be with, _and_ you're more important to her than these random humans."

"How could you just decide what she feels for someone? I know you have no beating heart Blondie, but even for you that's heartless. You can't just make up in your mind that she should be with me and that's that! She never had those types of feelings for me! You had no right to lie on her like that. You tricked me!"

She stops abruptly and places her hands on her hips. "Jacob, Renesmee is lonely. Whether or not she admits it to you, she needs YOU here. She's trying to be a human for you, so how can you just turn your back on her now."

"For me? She's not doing any of this for me! She's doing it because she wants to, because she feels smothered by the coven, you guys don't give her any freedom!"

"Jacob, come on now, it's because of YOU that she even understands how humans behave. _You're_ the one who always made a big fuss at her drinking blood! Having you around her every day impacted her more than it would have learning about humans in books."

I scoff at the audacity. "I won't apologize for any of that, part of her IS human – that's the part I imprinted on. But she deserves the right to choose which identity she wants to have. You and Bella still seem to think that you can control what I do, which means that you can control her. But you can't, because if I were with Ness in that way – just so you know – she'd live on the Reservation with me. She'd have nothing to do with leeches unless she wanted to." The words don't taste right in my mouth, but I say it because I want to test my father's theory on what my ideal imprint is supposed to be.

Blondie LAUGHS in my face. "Good one, Dog."

"It's the truth, _Dumbelle._ I have responsibilities to my tribe. I am the next in line for chief. If Nessie wanted to be with me, she'd have to be okay with that. I meant it when I said I was done living with the coven." Was in line for chief, but she doesn't need to know that.

The mirth drops instantly, and her amber eyes darken as Rosalie fixes a cool stare on me. "WHEN you get together you will live with US, like always. You've always known you'd have to give up your Quileute life Jacob, so don't act dumb about it now."

"You guys might have been able to make me think so when I was younger, but not anymore Blondie. It'll never go back to the way it was."

Just then the door opens and Nessie walks in. Her eyes widen at the sight of me and her aunt facing off. "What's going on? Rose? Why are you here?"

"Besides terrorizing me? She's here stirring up trouble," I grouse.

"What? Why?" Nessie looks between the two of us and quickly comes over and wraps her arms around my waist, showing where her loyalties obviously lie. I smirk at the leech only to have to her smirk back as if to say "I told you so."

I roll my eyes and give Nessie's shoulder a squeeze. "Blondie thinks that I'm not doing enough to woo you, that you want us to be together."

Nessie looks up at me and then her nose crinkles. I smile down at her and kiss her forehead in belated greeting. "That's way off-base Rose. Thanks for being concerned, but Jake and I are just friends. I'm pretty sure I've said this at least a million times. Going behind my back to talk to Jacob won't do anything to change my mind."

"But, but I don't understand! I thought you wanted to be with him!"

"It didn't mean it like THAT."

Blondie seems to flounder on that one but quickly regroups with another argument. "But what about the imprint? Don't you feel something?" she whines, looking back and forth between us. "You're trying so hard to live like a human, Bella said -"

"Rose! Please, just stop okay?" Nessie moves over to her aunt quickly and takes her by the shoulders. "Just relax."

The vampire still seems genuinely disappointed and it baffles me. "You don't even like me, so why try to make me a part of the coven?" I ask.

Holding her arms out in defeat she answers, "I just want Nessie to be happy, and I want her to be safe. You're the only person who can properly take care of her, and make sure that the Volturi never get their hands on her. She needs your protection and the bond you share ensures that you'd never mistreat her and you can be together for a long time."

"Oh Rose," Nessie croons and pulls her aunt into her arms for a warm-ish embrace. "Jacob will always be my protector, but we don't want to be together like that okay, you've got to let it go. And I can take care of myself too. Dad and Jasper and Emmett have trained me well. Jake doesn't need to spend his whole life being a guard-dog in case the Volturi show up. I won't live in fear and I won't force him to do that."

I snort, knowing that's exactly how the Cullens see me: as a guard dog.

"Are you really not into him romantically? None of this is for him?" the leech asks her sadly, gesturing around the apartment - which I assume means Nessie's decision to live apart from the coven.

"No. Jake and I have already discussed it, and it's time that he focuses on himself. It'll be okay, I promise. I just need you and Mom to stop pressuring me to do things that I don't want to do."

"I'm sorry, we just thought that we were doing what's best for you Renesmee, I swear. I really thought Bella knew what she was doing."

"I know."

"I don't like the idea of you two meddling in Nessie's business, it has GOT to STOP," I demand. What have those two leeches been telling her since I left Spain?

"We love her Jacob, we'd do anything for her."

"Well then, leave her be! If the Volturi is no threat, pack up and go back to wherever it is you came from."

Rosalie hisses at me and Nessie stands between us, but she doesn't correct me. I know that she feels the same. Rosalie looks between us, recognizing that we both have nothing more to say, and after saying a hasty goodbye, lets herself out the front door.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Needing fresh air, I open the sliding door to the balcony and step outside, letting the air blow through the apartment in the process.

Nessie follows me out and takes a seat on the lounger. "Do you think they'll listen?" she asks, sounding almost hopeless.

I look over at her and shrug. "I can only hope so, for your sake Ness. This is no way to live. What have they been putting you through while I've been gone?"

"The same thing your Dad has? Asking me to call you. Saying how we're an ideal match and our bond is special and you belong with me?"

"What about Edward, does he agree with all of this?"

"Dad has been quiet. He says he just wants me to be happy no matter my choice. I want to believe him, but, he can't ever tell Mom no when she pushes me to do whatever she wants. I really cared about Luc, I was so happy when I first came here and…she ruined it."

"What?" I can't believe my ears.

"Mom scared him off Jacob. I told him I was sick, hoping that we could have handled the Volturi thing on our own. I didn't want to break up with him but I was worried he'd get hurt if Jane popped up. But he really liked me too, one day he came over to check on me and she was here. She hissed and snarled at him when he refused to take a bribe to leave me alone. He was terrified! He skipped town and I have no idea where he is or if he's okay."

"Why didn't you tell me Ness? I can try to find him for you, if you have his scent, I could check around his place? I can ask around and see if anyone knows where he is."

"No Jacob, no. That's why I didn't tell you, because you can't fix this. Luc would never look at me again, he's probably scared out of his mind. I didn't even want you to come to Paris, but after Luc left, I was so upset. Between him and worrying about the Volturi, I just felt so hopeless. Rose told me to call you and then your phone just kept ringing off. So I called Seth and he told me you'd gone off on your own. I was so sad, and I just needed you. You felt like the only person I could depend on to get through it all."

Her words pierce and move me. I had no idea that she'd been hurting so badly. How had I not felt it? "I'll always be the one person you can depend on Ness, I promise. Anytime you're upset, just pick up the phone and call me. I've got your back. No more secrets between us, okay?"

Nessie looks up at me with those big doe eyes, filled with tears and sucks in her bottom lip. I feel as though she wants to say something more but she just nods her head and reaches out for me. I walk over and sit next to her on the chair and pull her into my arms. "It'll be okay, you'll get through this. You just have to be strong and fight for what you want, just like you told me, alright?"

She nods against my chest, and holds me tighter. My heart breaks for the little girl inside of the body of a woman. In her short life she's been sheltered, she's been hunted, she's been despised, she's been poked and prodded, but she's also been deeply loved. It sucks that the same people who love her more than anything are the ones who have also stolen her joy. I can't deny that I'm included in that. All I know is that I can't make the same mistakes with her again. I've got to find a way to make sure that she's okay when I'm not around. I can't cut myself out of her life permanently, if I do, there's no telling what would happen to my Nessie.

One thing's for sure, before I leave, I need to have a _serious_ talk with Bella Cullen.

**AN: Thanks for your reviews, and to those who favorited and followed, glad you are still enjoying this. I am still trying hard to get my writing back on track but my mojo has waned and time to write has been absent recently. I'm at chapter 31 currently though so I'm still trying to finish the story. Up next we hear a little from Leah**


	17. Wrong Instinct

SEVENTEEN

LEAH

WRONG INSTINCT

_Hey, can we talk?_

_Please?_

The text messages are the first thing that light up my phone's screen when I turn it on.

They're from Jacob.

My heart literally flips, and I take a deep breath. We DO need to talk, but just the thought of telling him that I'm pregnant makes me so anxious. Two more texts come in, this time from Seth:

_Have you told Jake yet?_

_You both need to come home._

I groan and set my phone down on the bed before flopping myself onto the mattress. I rub my temples and growl in frustration at the two men in my life.

What if he's upset, what if his imprint gets mad?

I take a deep breath and place my palm against my stomach. Closing my eyes, I block out all the negativity in my head and tune in to the very faint sound of little wings that is my baby's heartbeat. I can't help but smile.

I'm going to be a Mom.

Me, Leah Clearwater, the barren bitch of La Push. Tears spring to my eyes as I think of all the pain I've been through over the years, thinking of the family I'd never have, watching Rachel's womb grow round and her breasts fill with milk for Lotus. It had been such a bittersweet experience.

But now, it's my turn. My turn to share in the joy and wonder of motherhood.

And it's all thanks to Jacob. No one could doubt that he is the True Alpha after hearing about this. He must have some type of super sperm to knock up a woman who hasn't seen her period in over seven years.

"Fuck," I whisper to myself. I could never do this without him. I could never not tell him, no matter the outcome for us.

This little one is ours. Our miracle.

I sit up and grab my phone again, pulling up the text.

Hey. We can talk. I type quickly, then bite my lip in anticipation.

It doesn't take long for the phone to ring. Sucking in another deep breath I answer the call, ignoring the pounding in my chest. "Hey."

"Hey," Jacob's voice is raspy and sad, and I immediately worry that something else has happened.

"What's wrong?"

A chuckle rumbles on the line. "Besides you dumping me and everyone in La Push hating me?"

I release the breath that I'd been holding, the guilt making me shrink back against the padded bedhead. "You know why I had to go Jake, I told you we had to stop what we were doing…but I'm sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to…and it wasn't easy for me to leave. But if I didn't, things wouldn't have been good for either of us. The packs and the Council would have crucified me, and I just couldn't handle that on top of you going back to Nessie."

Jacob sighs on the line. "I know…I understand, but Leah…you were worried for nothing. I'm not with her like that, and I stood up to my father about us."

I can't help but smile a little. "Seth told me…thanks for doing that."

"I'd do anything for you Lee, don't you know that? Do you have any idea how much I miss you? How much I worry about you? Are you okay?"

Hearing it from his mouth does all kinds of things to me. For the first time since I left home, I feel the worry start to seep away. I want to see him more than anything. His voice cries out to every piece of me.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Besides the morning sickness that landed me in the hospital. "I'm…I'm in Hawaii with Becca, Jake. I'm safe."

"You're what?!"

"I'm with Becca."

"You've been there this whole time?!" he screeches in disbelief.

"Yes."

"Fuck, I never even thought to ask Rachel."

"She wouldn't have been able to tell you anyway. Becca knows I didn't want anyone to know I was here. I only told Seth and my Mom."

Jacob grunts on the line. "Should have made him tell me…" he mutters.

I smile and roll my eyes, picturing his pouty Alpha face. "But you didn't because you knew it wasn't what I wanted, and I'm grateful you let me have some time to myself."

"Well, when you put it like that I sound like a saint. It wasn't so easy, Lee. I just felt like I'd been a dick to you, and if you wanted to be gone, I had no right to say otherwise. Seth basically told me to leave you alone. It wouldn't have been right to order him to tell me, but if you didn't answer my calls I would have eventually."

My interfering brother really has had a bug up his butt recently. I appreciate him looking out for me though. "So what did you want to talk about?" I ask, not really wanting to talk about me leaving Jake anymore.

"Well, I'd prefer to do it in person…"

"Okay." I smile, biting my lip.

"Okay?" he echoes in surprise.

"Yeah, I need to talk to you too."

"About…?" he leads on for me to explain myself, but I shake my head even though he can't see me.

"In person, Jake."

"So can I come see you?" he asks, and the hope in his voice is so earnest and vulnerable that I wish I could be with him right now.

"Yes…please…"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm ready to see you, Jake."

"Alright, I'll be there as soon as I can, I'll book my flight tonight." I can hear the smile in his voice.

I can't help the happy relief that rushes through me. "Okay, good."

"I can't wait to see you, honey…" he whispers on the line.

"Me too Jake. I've missed you so much," And just like that, I'm putty in his hands again.

"I've missed you too, and I swear, it's just you and me okay? I just want us to be together. I don't care who accepts us, I'll always fight for you."

I nod and bite my bottom lip as tears fill my eyes. "Me too," I whisper. I'll fight for us and our baby.

"No more running off then, okay? I'm not sure my ego can take it again," he jokes and I roll my eyes.

"Is THAT what you're worried about, then?" I tease back.

"Of course not, babe. So what's it like there? How's Becca?" he asks excitedly, and I sink down further onto the mattress, prepared to tell him all about my new life.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A little over an hour later I say goodbye to Jacob and put my phone to charge. Feeling light and happy, I make my way to kitchen, ready to eat everything in sight. There I meet Rebecca placing some popcorn kernels into the popper. "Hey, were you napping?" she asks, looking up at me as I grab an apple from the bowl next to where she is.

"No I was talking to your brother."

Rebecca's mouth drops open and she shrieks in shock. "Get out!"

"Yeah, he texted and I agreed to talk. He'll be here in two days." While we'd been on the phone Nessie had booked his flights for him. It was really weird knowing she was right there while he and I were on the phone, but at the same time it was reassuring. It was proof that she was okay with me being Jacob's lover. We carefully avoided the topic as we talked but I could sense that Jacob wanted me to be reassured.

And I am. Sorta.

As much as I realistically can be. For now.

Until we really work shit out.

"Are you excited?" Rebecca asks with a cheesy grin.

"Yeah," I answer with one of my own. "I am, but I'm freaking out too. Telling him about the baby…I just…it's a little scary."

"Well he's the one person you don't have to worry about. I know he'll be happy, Leah. Jacob has always been responsible and kindhearted, even if he's stubborn too."

I nod, my smile falling away as I stare at my apple. "I guess I'm scared we won't get the happily ever after…that something will tear us apart." Or someone or lots of someones…"It still feels impossible to get everything I've ever wanted," I admit, feeling pathetic.

But it's the truth. I've never been that girl who gets to live the fairytale. If I had, Sam and I would have been married years ago like we'd planned. We'd have gotten out of La Push and gone to college and everything else. Having lived through the heartbreak of realizing that those dreams were nothing but wishful thinking, makes me prone to doubting things with Jake. There are so many people who won't support us being together. So naturally I'm terrified that the one thing I should have, will forever elude me.

"It'll all work out. You can just live somewhere else if Billy and whoever back home has a problem with it. They're not a factor in this. Don't let them scare you off."

I shrug, taking the last bite. "I guess you're right." It's not what I would ideally want…but, so what? When did I become so soft? Fuck them all. Once Jake commits to me and our baby, no one else matters. We'll be happy anywhere as much as it would hurt us not to have our pack. It's just another hurdle I'll have to cross when I get there. The first step is to make sure Jacob is mine…ours.

The pregnancy does make me a little more confident that I have a reason to stake my claim on him. Not like he's property, but at the same time, Jake's heart is mine and I want it back. Now that I know for certain that he hasn't given up on us, I want to be possessive of him. My wolf demands that we be with our mate.

Rebecca turns on the popper and fishes out a big bowl from the cupboard. She pours herself a glass of wine and heads to the den. I make myself two sandwiches and follow her inside. She's settled on the couch watching Fifty Shades.

We've already missed a chunk of it, and it's up to the part where Mr. Grey shows Anastasia just what he wants to do to her. I grunt in approval as he takes a riding crop and pleasures his woman. She's clearly anxious because he's got her blindfolded, but at the same time she can't resist the pleasure he's giving her.

Rebecca chuckles and I look over at her. "What?"

"I don't know if to be weirded out and intrigued."

"What do you mean?"

"You're into that kind of stuff? You and my brother?"

I laugh and slap my knee. "Jake probably doesn't even know where to begin with that kind of stuff."

"Really? So he's into vanilla sex then?"

"Vanilla sex?" I laugh again. "Are you serious right now?"

"You know what I mean? Like regular, missionary style, you know, the same boring thing all the time."

"Yes I know what it means!" I snort. "He's definitely not vanilla. But we've never used props or bondage before." (But we do fuck hard and multiple times, many more times than Mr. Grey could manage in one setting.)

"Okay, weird again, sorry I even asked what my baby brother's into. So gross!"

"Bet. What about you and Surfer Dude? How goes that?"

Rebecca snorts. "He's all into the luuuvvvv. He's definitely not into anything like that. He likes to be high."

I giggle. "Honestly, I'm not surprised."

Even though I've already eaten, my stomach growls loudly. I know I can't ignore my constant hunger, but what I'm craving is nothing we have home - a burger and fries…and a shake…and an apple pie. I groan loudly, knowing just the place I want to get it from.

"What?" Becca asks and I explain to her my sudden dinner craving. "Well take my jeep. Give little baba whatever he or she wants." I'm touched by her sincerity and offer a warm hug. I can't help but be worried that my pregnancy hurts Becc more than she lets on, but I cherish her for hiding it so well. She's all I've got, and her support means everything. It doesn't escape me that she's me in this situation, how I was with Rachel back home.

I agree to the idea of driving readily, as I don't feel like walking. I get so tired these days – and it's late. I change into a pair of jeans and slip a charcoal cardigan over my pale blue t-shirt. I brush my hair (which is finally growing out) up into a low ponytail and slide my feet into a pair of black ballet flats.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kiki Burger isn't too busy, thankfully, and I barely have to wait ten minutes for my order – which I've doubled as if eating for two adults rather than my growing nugget. The wolf appetite coupled with pregnancy has me eating like Jake after patrol. At the thought of him again, I can't help but smile. Soon we'll finally be together, and he'll get to hear the little wings for himself.

My plan was to carry my dinner home but my stomach growls so fiercely that as soon as I hop into the jeep, I'm tearing open the bag and sinking my teeth into the first burger. I moan as the flavor of the barbeque sauce bursts on my tongue. Unable to help myself, I dig for the fries and decide to turn the radio on for some company.

But before I can get to my second round, or my pie for that matter, I hear a whimper, followed by a shriek of pain. My wolf immediately goes on high alert and I find myself climbing out of the jeep and following the sounds of someone in danger.

Then it hits me, the putrid stench of bloodsucker. Holy shit! The pores of my flesh raise and the wolf stirs in me. It's been so long since she's needed to be on high alert. My hand immediately reaches to my abdomen. I don't know if I can do it. Not only is the parking lot too public a place for a large wolf, but I have no clue if I'd hurt the baby.

But still, I can't turn around because I can hear a defenseless human whimpering in pain. I can't drive away to safety knowing that someone is being attacked. I round the corner behind Kiki Burger, where the dumpsters are, and that's where I see them. It's a vampire alright, and he's currently feeding off a poor young woman. I recognize her as the same pink-haired girl I saw inside, taking orders.

"Hey! Get off her!" I shout, and my instinct to protect propels me forward. I try to phase but it doesn't come, so at the last second I grab the sleeve of the vamp's sweater and pull as hard as I can, forcing him to fall back. The white demon looks back with its red eyes and screeches at me and I release a loud growl in return.

The girl falls to the ground like a rag doll, lifeless, as the vampire stares back in shock at my animalistic display.

"You sick son of a bitch!" I snarl at the creature.

"And you are?" he asks, intrigued, as if he weren't just in the middle of killing someone.

"I'm your worst nightmare!" I tell him, not caring how cliché I sound while trying to be threatening.

He scoffs at me and cocks his head to the side. His red eyes sweep over me and it's off-putting, it makes my skin crawl. "You sound and smell like an animal."

"Because I AM, vampires are not the only supernatural creatures in this world."

"Well, obviously, but regardless of that, you never should have interrupted my meal. There's a certain type of etiquette involved in such cases," the leech tells me, rather matter-of-fact, but I can hear the threat behind the words. I take in his black hair and sickly color and for a moment, I wonder who he is. He speaks so eloquently. And where did he come from? For all the time I've been in Hawaii, I've come across zero vampire scents.

"You don't have the right to take innocent lives," I respond, mustering as much confidence as I can manage. I try to summon the wolf, but she resists and I know it's because of the baby. "You need to get away from here, or I'll make you pay." It's an empty threat at this point, because I have no wolf and no lighter. Fuck me for not having one in my pocket. At home, the pack always has a light on hand. It's a rule. How could I have been so careless?

"Oh really? And how would you do that?"

"Ever hear of the Cullens and the Volturi?"

The leech's eyes widen, and for a moment I'm shocked that he does know about them. It's just my luck that it's not a newborn, that it's a seasoned vamp that knows about its own world and culture.

"Well let's just say that if the Volturi know not to mess with my kind, then you should too."

"The wolves huh? No wonder you smell like wet dog." The vampire scoffs. "You should know that the Volturi have also said that if any of us come across any Children of the Moon, that we should kill them on sight."

I gasp in shock, which fills my lungs with the putrid scent of the creature before me. My hand reaches to cup my abdomen, as fear creeps into my body. I have no pack to call, no Jake to come find me, to feel my need for him.

My wolf is alert, but she won't come to my rescue. She wants me to flee but I know if I run, the vampire will attack. Seth was right, I need the pack's protection. I should have gone back home as soon as I got out of the hospital. I'd gotten too careless, too comfortable in this happy place.

And now I'm too scared to even think what this means for me. For us.

I can't help but admit that I made the wrong decision for my unborn child. I had acted with the wrong instinct: as a protector, not as a mother. Shakily, I try to swallow down the panic that threatens to bring my food back up the way it came. But the reality is too bitter to bear.

What have I done?

The creature's eyes follow the movement of my hand on my abdomen and it looks up at my face once more. "You're finally scared now, huh? As you should be. You're lucky that you smell so disgusting, or you and your baby would be dessert."

"Gee thanks. You're lucky I'm pregnant or my wolf would kick your ass," I clap back with albeit false bravado. If I'm going out tonight, at least it will be in true Leah Bitchwater style.

The creature growls at me, a deep guttural, bone-chilling sound; and what comes next happens in a split second, in a literal blink of my eye. Before I can even think to run or move out of the way, the leech crashes into me and sends me flying backwards. I crash into the dumpster hard and pain spreads like wildfire through my limbs, starting at the crown of my head. The leech punches me in the jaw and rams into me one more time, crushing my mid-section just below my breasts.

"Bitch," the bloodsucker spits, before zooming off into the night.

As the pain radiates to every limb in my body, I drop and fold in on myself, defeated. I don't know why the vampire didn't finish me off. Maybe he thought he'd caused enough damage and wanted to escape before others heard us. Maybe he thought there were more of my kind nearby. Whatever his reasons for fleeing, I'm actually grateful because I'm still alive.

I squeeze my eyes shut and offer prayers to the spirits, begging them to spare my unborn child. "Please, please don't take my baby away from me," I whimper. I open my eyes and they immediately fall to the unconscious girl on the ground. Her heart is still beating to my surprise, but it's really slow and really faint. She'll be dead soon, as she's lost a ton of blood. My heart hurts that I wasn't able to save her, to help her. I feel like a failure in more than one way.

Her lifeless body pushes me to focus on the other person I've failed to protect, my baby. I need to get out of here before I'm found and blamed for this. How can I explain that we were both attacked by a vampire? There are no bears to blame this incident on.

With great effort I manage to pull myself up to stand, wobbling slightly as the pain continues to terrorize my body. Thankfully, I can feel the supernatural healing already starting to work on my legs. I feel my wolf carrying me forward, her strength sustaining me, us. I have no idea if the baby survived yet, because the pounding of my own racing heart is the only sound filling my ears, but I just know in my heart that I can't lose my little miracle. The Spirits wouldn't be so cruel to me again, would they?

I limp all the way back to the jeep, keeping to the shadows. Luckily, it's late so the car park is pretty empty. No one inside notices me, especially all bruised and dirty. It's a struggle to get myself into the vehicle, but the desire to get my baby to safety is all the fuel I need to make my way back home.

I can't even think about how I'm going to explain this to Rebecca.

**AN: I must admit this was not one of my fave chapters in terms of content, but it served to bring Leah and Jake back together and to finally let Rebecca in on the secret so we can get the ball rolling. I tried other ideas but decided to stick with this vampire episode. So yeah I dunno lol :/ Thanks for reading favoriting and reviewing my fic, it means a lot to me!**


	18. Hard Truths

EIGHTEEN

REBECCA

HARSH TRUTHS

It's after ten thirty and Leah still hasn't returned from Kiki Burger. She's been gone for longer than I expected and hasn't responded to my text. It isn't like her to change her plans and not say anything. She could be at the beach eating or taking a walk but that doesn't explain her silence at this late hour. I decide to check her room, but her phone isn't there.

I know she's a grown woman and I shouldn't act like she's a child but she's pregnant with my niece or nephew, and she was recently in the hospital. It's in my nature to worry. Plus, there're a few unexplained things about her that make me suspect that something's up with Leah outside of her shady relationship with my brother. Whatever it is, she's been good at hiding it though.

I decide to clean up the popcorn maker and put it back in the cupboard, then I wash the dishes and wipe the kitchen counters. I get a little obsessive with the cleaning whenever something worries me.

Just when I decide to go have a shower and find a book to read in bed, the front door opens. I breathe a sigh of relief, but the feeling immediately evaporates when I see that it's my husband. Leah's not the only one who should have been home by now.

"Aloha…" Solomon mutters, dropping his bag to the floor as he slides out of his slippers. I watch him stroll his way over to me with a tentative smile that I do not return. He takes my face in his hands and looks into my eyes, searching them in his usual way. He likes to "feel the bond of our love through our eyes." Most times we'd smile and kiss one another but that's the last thing I want to do. All he will find in my eyes tonight is contempt.

"You still mad?" he assumes as I push him away and turn to go to our bedroom. As expected, he follows.

"Shouldn't I be?"

"Becca, it was just the one time, and I promise it won't happen again."

I shake my head. "I really don't want to talk about this."

"But we have to. You're upset with me, Ku-uipo. You know I can't live with these negative vibes between us."

I round on him then. Since Leah isn't around it's the perfect time to finally have this fight. "Then you shouldn't have invited Elise over for a threesome without my consent!"

"It just happened, she stopped by the shop and I couldn't be rude and turn her away!"

"Yes! Yes you could have, because SHE is not your WIFE! It doesn't matter what that woman thinks! She had no right to come here!"

Sol reaches for me, but I shrug him off. I just don't want him anywhere near me right now. I can't help the bitter resentment that churns in the pit of my stomach. There are so many things that he can't or won't give me…monogamy, a child…financial security. I do well most days, living without the things I really desire, but sometimes…mainly when he finds some way to mess things up…I can't help the bitterness.

But it's my fault because this is what I chose for myself. I chose the first guy who seemed nice, who wanted to offer me a ticket out of La Push and I foolishly took it. We'd met at a surfing competition back home and I had mistaken an instant sexual attraction for love at first sight. Sol was my first, he'd introduced me to womanhood, and I guess I wanted to believe that that's what I was, a woman in love. But it was really that I was too eager. I just wanted to get out of Washington more than anything.

I still _do_ love Sol, I know I do; I just don't want what we have right now, for the rest of my life anymore.

I want more. I want something real, something that I don't have to share. I want someone who cares about my feelings enough to change their ways, even if just a little. I want to matter.

"Rebecca, please talk to me," Sol whispers, and I turn around from my closet to face him, not bothering to hide the hot tears sliding over my flushed cheeks.

"You keep disappointing me Sol, you keep…breaking my heart," I sob.

Solomon shakes his head and raises his hands before letting them fall at his side. "Elise left, I sent her home after dinner, Becca. I haven't even spoken to her since. And I won't, I promise."

"But what about the next woman that throws herself at you? What about adopting a baby? You promised you'd try for me, you promised, and another year goes by and nothing!"

"Because, we don't have the money yet. We have to get so many things done around the house before we can have a child, Becc. You know the business is barely covering the shop's rent and salaries as is! We've got a mortgage and bills!"

"Well get a job, Sol! Do something different!" I scream in frustration.

"What? No! I will not spend my life doing something that doesn't make me happy, you know I love the water, you know I love to surf, there's nothing else for me but that."

I watch as Sol shakes his head vehemently. His lips tighten in a pale line that signals the discussion is over. He pulls off his uniform – a white t-shirt with the surf shop logo and a pair of board shorts, then walks into the bathroom naked.

And as I watch his toned body step into the shower, that feeling wells up inside. The one I always try to ignore, the one that I tell myself is not real because I really do still love him.

I love him but I'm so tired of always being the responsible adult. I'm tired of being told "no." _I'm_ the one who pays for everything around the house. I buy the food, I pay the mortgage and the bills. I manage everything while he's away at his surfing competitions – which don't bring in the big bucks like they used to because he rarely wins against these younger, more agile boys. He spends his money on himself and the shop, while I barely manage everything else, hence why I have to work both the school and local clinic.

But I do it because I want to have a child, even though I'm alone in that desire. Tonight, Solomon once again makes that perfectly clear to me. He will never choose me above himself. All the love and good vibes he likes to spout off to his adoring fans, it's all bullshit. It's all a lie.

And I'm beginning to hate him for it. Or maybe, I already do.

Or maybe I still love him enough to forgive him for Elise and everything else.

I don't even know.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sound of my car in the driveway pulls me out of the spirally thoughts in my head, and taking a deep breath, I rush out to the front of the house, wiping the tears as I go. I'm so glad Leah's back, finally. She has no idea how much I rely on her presence these days. She's a welcome distraction to this mess I've created for myself, even though I haven't really told her the truth about my marriage. She already knows I'm barren and that Sol likes to have threesomes, and that's enough for now. They're the worst of all my problems anyway.

But the knock on the door causes me to pause. Why doesn't she use her key? I open the door, ready to chastise her but it dies on my lips as I take in Leah's battered form.

"Leah! What the fuck happened to you!" my nurse instincts kick in and I rush forward to help her into the house. Leah basically collapses against me, her breath labored and hard.

"I got…attacked…my ribs …" she wheezes.

"Oh my god! We've got to call the ambulance! How did you even get here?" I can't believe she was able to drive in this condition!

"No!" Leah gasps, her grip on my arm tightening painfully, as she looks over at me with raw fear in her almond-shaped eyes. "No doctors."

"Leah, what about the baby? You've got to get checked out!" She seriously cannot be this stubborn! But the girl really hates doctors and hospitals. It's just another one of those mysteries I can't figure out.

"Just get me to bed, please." She begs, each word stilted by her struggle for oxygen.

"Fuck, if you die here at my home Leah, how will I explain this to the authorities! To Jake! You need to get to the hospital! Your lung could be punctured!"

Leah shakes her head again. "Please, just get me to the bed." As if trying to prove a point to me she straightens up and takes firmer steps towards the bedroom, but I can still feel the tension in her body, how she's wound up with pain.

How could someone have attacked her? This is Haleiwa! People are friendly and safe! When we get to her room, I help her down on the mattress then rush to the linen closet for my first aid kit. When I return, I find Leah sitting on the bed staring at her phone.

"What happened?"

"Jake called, he was checking up on me…"

I can't help but notice that her breathing is a little steadier now, like her voice. "Did you tell him?"

"NO! I'll tell him when he gets here. Trust me, it would do him no good to learn about this while he has to travel."

I don't agree but I don't press the issue. I help pull off her clothes til she's just in her underwear. She's bruised all over her upper body. There's even a huge purple stain across her abdomen which causes me to gasp in shock.

I point to the spot and shake my head. "Leah! Your…your stomach, you've got to get checked out! Did you check to see if you're bleeding? Do you have any pain in your pelvis?" She could miscarry after a hit like that.

Leah's eyes widen and tears immediately form. "I, I think the baby's fine," she stammers, but even I can tell that she's unsure. I watch in wonder as Leah places her palm on her lower stomach, lays back and closes her eyes, seeming to hold her breath. I observe with both shock and amazement as she lays completely still for a few moments. Then, a small smile appears and she opens her eyes and searches me out. "Everything's fine."

I scoff and shake my head. "You're not serious! That's NOT the way to tell, you need an ultrasound! You need the Doppler to hear the heartbeat!"

Leah raises her head, her eyes now hard and focused directly on mine. "Rebecca, the baby's fine. Okay? I swear. All I need is for you to wash my clothes, and help me get cleaned up, that's all. I promise you that I'll explain everything when I feel better. But not tonight. Please, just clean my cuts and let me sleep. I'll be better tomorrow, I promise."

I want to fight, I want to insist, but somehow, by the way she commands me, I don't. I am effectively shushed by the confident glint in her eye that what she's saying is the truth. Only because her breathing seems much better now, do I drop it. Nurse mode kicks in again and I busy myself with duty. I pull out peroxide and cotton and quickly tend to the few gashes on her arms and face. Then I take bandages and wrap them tight under her breast so that she won't move too much. Leah then asks me for a bottle of water and some ice for a bruise at the back of her head. I bring everything she requires and then I help her find a comfortable spot.

I stroke her hair and listen to her pulse until it finally slows down. Just when I think she's asleep, Leah's eyes pop open and she turns her head to me. "Thank you Becc. But please don't tell anyone about this."

"What about Sue or Seth?"

"They're far away, doesn't make sense making them worry. I'll be okay."

"I hope you know what you're doing Leah. There're so many things that could be wrong, you could have internal bleeding or a concussion, you shouldn't even go to sleep right now."

But the damn girl gives me another pleading yet stern look and I sigh, once again retreating from pressing the issue. "Just relax, Lee. You need to rest."

Leah reaches for my hand, grasping my fingers lightly. "Please stay with me."

I cover her slightly trembling hand with mine and nod once. "Of course, sissy. I'll stay." It's only then that I realize that she really IS scared underneath the stubborn act. Finally, an emotion that makes sense in this crazy situation. Hopefully when my brother comes, he can talk some sense into her about getting proper medical attention.

When I'm sure she's resting comfortably, I pack up my first aid kit and carry it back to the closet. I need that shower still, and it will help calm me after such an emotional night. I enter my bedroom to find Solomon fast asleep on the bed. Good. I grab a night shirt and underwear and slip into the shower. The hot water serves to calm my muscles, but my mind still races with thoughts of Solomon and Leah. As I slip out of the bathroom and make my way out of the bedroom, Solomon calls out to me.

"Where are you going?"

"To Leah's room."

"You're not sleeping in here?"

"No."

I offer no explanation as I shut the door behind me.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My body is used to waking up at the same time every morning, so it comes as no surprise when my eyes flutter open at five thirty. I've got to get to work for my shift at the clinic which starts at seven. I roll onto my back and look over at Leah, she's still asleep. She seems peaceful in her slumber, which I take as a good sign.

But as I'm about to get out of the bed, it hits me. I look back at her again and what I find causes me to gasp loudly in shock. Her face…it's normal. The side which was banged up last night is almost healed! The bruise has faded with only one or two pink lines and splotches remaining.

Leah's eyes slowly open and she groans a little. "What?"

"Leah, your cuts and bruises are gone! How? What? How's that even possible!" I cry, unable to wrap my mind around what I'm seeing.

Leah grimaces and reaches for my hand. That's when I notice the dark bruises on her arm are faded to a faint yellow already. They're almost fully healed. "Holy shit!" I turn her arm over in my hands, prodding the skin. She doesn't even wince.

"Becca, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down! You were a mess last night! And now your skin is practically back to normal! Leah what the fuck is going on!?"

"Make us some breakfast first and I'll tell you, okay? I'm starving, my body needs fuel to heal my ribs."

"You're insane!" I screech, then shove out of the bed, and stomp my way to the kitchen. What the HELL is going on with her?!

I angrily pull out the eggs and bread and all the ingredients I need for omelets and grilled vegan cheese sandwiches. Leah eats like a horse, so I know she'll need at least two of everything. I'm almost tempted not to make breakfast for Sol, but even I know that's too petty. I dump the onion, peppers, garlic, cilantro and chives into my mini processor then crack eight eggs into the big mixing bowl and add some spices. I pull out all three of my frying pans and sauté the chopped seasonings. As the omelets are cooking, I pull out the sandwich press and start on the grilled cheese.

Leah hobbles into the kitchen, her robe cinched at the waist. She looks better for sure but the way she walks indicates to me that her ribs are another matter. I'm almost relieved because nothing else makes sense.

I watch as she pours two glasses of juice for us and pulls out plates and cutlery. She then tends to the omelets, flipping them for me, offering me a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry I freaked you out," she says.

I keep my eyes focused on the sandwich press. "I just want to know the truth."

Leah sighs, "I know. But you've got to promise me you won't freak out anymore."

I scoff and glare at her. "Whatever."

"You remember the legends of our tribe right?"

That brings me to a pause. "What, like the wolves?"

"Yeah, the wolves."

I nod my head slowly, not understanding where she's going with this. "Yeah?"

"Well, um…they're real. And….I'm a shifter…and so is Jake and Sam and Seth, and basically all their friends."

As I put together another set of bread and cheese and close the press on it, I turn to face her properly. "This isn't funny Leah."

"I'm not trying to be funny," she answers coolly. "You wanted an explanation, and I gave it to you. I have really good sight and hearing, I heal fast, I eat a lot because the wolf requires extra energy, I'm stronger than the average man, and I hunt vampires."

"Leah there's no such thing as vampires!" I shriek.

"SHHHHH! Yes! There is, and one of them almost killed me last night because I can't phase anymore now that I'm pregnant," she hisses.

I shake my head, refusing to believe a word she says.

"I was barren for years because of the wolf. I stopped getting my periods when I first shifted. But Jake…he's the Alpha and somehow…it happened with him. I had no idea I could even ovulate."

"Alpha?"

"Yeah. Your great grandfather was the last Alpha shifter and chief of the tribe. So Jake's his heir."

"But Dad?"

"No, it skipped his generation. We all phased because the Cullens came back to Forks."

"The Cold Ones from the treaty legends?"

"Yeah. It's all true."

This can't be real!

"I can't go back to the hospital because they'll find out my secret. I would have healed too fast if you took me last night, and it would have been chaos. That doctor from last time asked too many questions and wanted to run tests. I can't put myself at risk again. Do you understand Becc?"

I nod without thinking, because what else can I do? "Does Rachel know?" I ask.

"Yes, Paul is one of us."

"Oh."

"They're bonded…through the wolf."

"So that's why she stayed?"

"Yes. And she's very happy."

I can't believe it, but I have no other choice. I can tell that Leah's being serious and her explanation of her weird habits kind of makes sense. Her body temperature for one. And her fast healing and height.

"Look, you and Jake can talk when he gets here okay? He can explain everything about your family and whatever else you need to know."

I nod, feeling lost. Leah comes over and puts her arm around me and I flinch. "I'm sorry," I stammer.

"It's okay. But it's still me. I won't hurt you. I appreciate you being so understanding about all of this Becc. I'm not allowed to tell anyone, but you deserved to know after what I put you through."

"Thanks, I guess." I hate being out of the loop, not knowing what's really going on in my twin's and brother's lives, but I left my family behind, so what could I expect?

Leah goes back to the omelets and I gather the sandwiches. We sit together at the table and begin eating in silence. I can't deny the sense of urgency that builds in my body as everything sinks in.

But one thing's for certain, I need to go home and see my family. I need to see it all for myself. And a break from Sol is probably the only thing that will help me make a decision on whether or not I still want to be in this marriage.

**Rebecca's story is a side-along with Leah and Jacob So there will be a couple more chapters that tell more of her story. Thanks for sticking with me everyone! I'm really busy these days with homeschooling so it's hard to write but I really hope I can finish up soon so that I can start posting chapters daily as before.**


	19. Done

**This chapter serves to get Jacob from point A to B so it's a bit long and has way too much dialogue but eh, I didn't feel like cutting anything when I browsed today so I hope you enjoy.**

NINETEEN

DONE

JACOB

I can barely contain my excitement to see Leah. Last night I had this strange feeling that something was wrong, but when I called she assured me she was fine. I guess it's just my impatience to see her. It sucks that it will take so long to get to Hawaii but I know that once I sleep on the flight, the time will pass quicker. My bags are packed, I'm dressed and ready to go but I'm waiting to see Bella before I go to the airport. Nessie's gone to school to meet with her advisor, so we said goodbye after breakfast this morning.

The door suddenly opens and I turn to greet her. "Hi Jake," she waves sheepishly, pushing the hooded cloak off of her head.

"Bell," I nod, refusing to show any emotion whatsoever.

"So…you're leaving."

"Yeap."

"Renesmee said you're going to see Leah."

"Yeap."

Bella comes over to me, reaching for my arm but I pull away before she can get her stench on my clothes. "Don't," I warn. Then I'd have to get fresh clothes from my bag.

"Jake," Bella whines. "Please don't be like this with me."

"Like what?"

"So cold."

"Bella, I know it's hard for you to understand, but I'm done. I meant what I said the last time we spoke in Forks. I meant what I said in Spain. I need to live my life. You're the one who was willing to walk away and leave us all behind when you got married. It's only because of Nessie that we're still in contact. This is just the way shit needs to be from now on."

"But the imprint - "

"The imprint has nothing to do with me and you, Bella. I'll always be there if Nessie needs me, but you and I, it's over. Unless the Volturi comes around, there's no need for you to be in my life anymore." Since I left Spain she still calls and emails, still tries to act like we should share everything outside of Ness, and I refuse to encourage her anymore.

The look on her face tells me that she'd be crying if she could. "I never wanted to hurt you, not ever. I'm sorry I couldn't love you like you needed me to, but I've tried Jake. You know I love you."

I hold up my hand and shake my head. "Don't. I don't need you to do that. The only thing I asked you to do for my sake was stay human. So just stop it."

"Jacob, please don't go, please stay, stay with Nessie, be with her, be with me. We need you."

I scoff, refusing to believe that she's really trying to do this. "You got no right Bell. None. This was over the day you died on that table."

She gasps and her small hand rises to her throat. "How can you say that? We'll always be best friends!"

"No, we won't. We haven't been real friends in years." Sometimes I wonder if we ever were, cause I only seem to be whatever she needs me to be. It was never a two-way street.

"But you know I love you."

"BELLA!" I shout, my body trembling with rage. "Just listen!"

Bella scrambles backward, and for the first time she seems genuinely afraid of me, and that thought sobers me a little. I'd never physically hurt her, not like I'd hurt her husband.

"I've moved on! And I'm tired living a life of regrets over everything I've done because I can never say no to you. You and Edward are the cause of everything bad that has happened to me and I'm done fooling myself into thinking that you're worth it. I should have listened to my father when he said to stay away from you all those years ago, then none of this would have happened."

"But I never meant to hurt you. I needed you, it was because of you that Nessie and I survived. You're the one who kept me warm, you knew we needed blood, you were the one who helped Edward deliver the baby, you protected her from the Volturi-"

"Bella stop it! Just stop it! Don't give me credit for things I didn't do. It was Carlisle and Alice who saved Nessie from the Volturi. And Edward read my mind and took a snarky comment I made as a solution. I would NEVER have suggested you drink blood. And he didn't need me to deliver Ness. All I did was stand there and watch you die! I tried to make your heart start and it just didn't! And I don't ever want to think about that moment again."

My voice breaks as the pain suddenly surges from memory. It took me a long time to forgive myself for blaming Nessie for Bella's death, for hating her while she was in the womb. I try to block out that darkest time in my life.

"Don't make it seem like some great romantic gesture. A part of me will never forget what that did to you. I watched the light go out of your eyes. I watched you choose death over life multiple times, every time that bloodsucker put you in harm's way you chose him. So just let me be. Just let me finally live my life without vampires and treaties and all the bullshit in between. I don't want to see or hear you anymore. Don't call me, don't write to me."

Bella stands there, visibly shaking, staring at me as if waiting for me to laugh and tell her that it was all a joke. "Jacob…kiss me."

My eyes widen and I snort in disbelief. I almost want to clean out my ears because I can't believe that she could be so bold and so incredibly STUPID. There's no way in hell that'll work this time. "Don't talk, before I do something that I'll regret, Bella," I command, putting my palm up.

"I'm sorry, I – I don't know why I even said that! I just don't want to lose you," she stutters, wringing her hands nervously.

"You lost me a long time ago Bella. You just need to admit it to yourself, because that was what you wanted." I almost remind her of the day she told me that she would always choose Edward over me, but what would be the point? Why remind her of all the times the pack put themselves in danger on her behalf?

"But Jake - "

"I already told you when I left Spain that I couldn't do this anymore Bella. When are you gonna start believing me? You've got to LET ME GO and stop thinking that you have some power over me. You don't. You can't use the imprint to keep me at your beck and call! Nessie's not a toy!"

Back when we were in Spain, I'd begun to truly see Bella in a new light. Just like when she was pregnant, she only felt happy when I was hanging around with her and Edward. She knew how awkward it made both me and her husband feel, but she wouldn't stop. We'd all assumed it was the illness and the imprint when she was pregnant, but in Spain I had come to realize that it wasn't, it was her. It just wasn't right that she needed both me and Edward in her life to be happy. He was the moon and I was the sun, that's what she'd always say. She thought of the four of us as one big happy family.

Even though she constantly claims she wants me to be with Nessie, a part of me believes she's jealous of her own kid, or that somehow, by me being with Nessie, I am hers too. I can't help but think that the imprint happened because of the sick hold Bella had on me.

"But we belong together, you, me and Edward and Renesmee. You know we do."

Every time she opens her mouth she only proves me right. I wave at her to shut up. "No! No more! The only thing I have to say is be good to your daughter. Stop trying to control her life too. Let her make her own decisions, her own mistakes. She should never forgive you after what you did to that poor guy. She really wanted to be with him, and you ruined her first experience at being fearless, Bell. Do you have any idea how your actions affect her? Do you care at all about what she wants and needs from you?"

"I was only thinking of you and her Jacob, you told me what the imprint is like. You're bound to her, she's your gravity. I did it for YOU. That boy was in the way, just like Leah was in the way."

"It's not the same with us, Bella. Those feelings were Sam's and the others' take on imprinting, not mine. And I'm warning you, leave Leah alone, don't even think about interfering in our relationship. " I point my finger in her face.

Bella has the nerve to roll her eyes at me. "I don't care about her! I only care about my daughter! You shouldn't reject her because she's half vampire. I know that's why you're resisting, but if you just take some time and put that aside. You haven't been here that long to know her as a woman."

"This isn't about me and her, this is about YOU and her, Bella! Give Ness a break, leave Paris and stop interfering. She's fine on her own. She wants to be on her own."

Nessie and I had talked more about her parents last night, and she admitted that she felt smothered. Though she understands that she's not really human and more belongs to the supernatural world, she hates feeling like she has to live in a bubble because they're scared of the Volturi. She hates having to curb her lifestyle to suit theirs. She doesn't need to stay out of the sun, she doesn't need to hide her weird eyes or cold skin, or force herself to act human. She's brave and smart and wants to live without fear of being discovered or captured. And I admire her for it. I can only hope that the Volturi will continue their sick admiration from _afar._

"I hear you Jacob Black, but don't think for one second that you can tell me how to raise my daughter," Bella snaps, as her whole demeanor changes to cold and threatening – to vampire. The vampire nature that will not allow her to show compassion to me or her daughter. Times like this make it clear that Bella Swan truly died the day Renesmee Cullen was born.

"She's already grown, Bella. Isn't that what you keep telling me?" Bella hisses at me and I shake my head. "Part of you wanting me to stay is because you think that Nessie will come back to you and Edward. But like I told Blondie, if Nessie was with me, we'd live on the Res, away from you. And you could never see her unless she wanted to leave my lands."

"Like hell! We have a house in Forks in case you forgot!"

"So what? Carlisle promised that the coven would never return to Forks, Bella. The pack reached a total of seventeen young children! He agreed that he wouldn't do that to anymore boys!"

"Well I never made any such vow," she retorts with a sniff that reminds me too much of Blondie.

"I'm only saying this one last time and you better listen good, _Leech,"_ I threaten, simply so that Bella gets how serious I am (I have NEVER called her that before, but the title certainly befits her personality). Her eyes widen and she bares her teeth at me. "Nessie is an adult now and she can make her own decisions for her life – where she lives and who she loves. She chooses a human life. She doesn't want what you want. Just because you wanted to die and become a vampire, doesn't give you the right to take that away from her. We are over, you are with Edward and I'm going to be with Leah."

Bella shrieks in rage. "Jacob, you can't. You just can't! That night you got hurt after the newborn fight, you promised that even after I stopped breathing, that you'd still wait for me, you'd still be there waiting!"

I snort, disheartened that the kind, clumsy, sad girl I once called my best friend, was killed by this cold heartless creature. "I don't even know who you are right now, but Bella Cullen is a real selfish bitch."

Her hard exterior crumples just a little bit. "You're my last connection to my human life, can't you see that?"

"No, I can't. Because I'm not. Goodbye Bella."

Bella's eyes darken. Before I can say another word, she turns and stomps out of the apartment. I sigh with relief that she's finally gone. Needing a respite, I step onto the balcony for fresh air. As I look down onto the street, I watch as she walks over to Edward and buries her face in his chest. As if sensing my gaze, he looks up at me and his mouth twists into a snarl beneath his cloak.

"Yeah, fuck you too, leech," I mumble then turn and head back inside. He's no better than his wife. Sometimes I still can't believe that he wanted me to agree to give Bella a child, once he could convince her to abort Nessie. He's just as insane as she is, so let him deal with her manipulation for all of eternity. I no longer care. They deserve one another. All they know how to do is ruin people's lives, calling it love, when it's more like a virus.

When the car arrives moments later, I sigh in relief. I can't deny that I'm relieved to be leaving Paris. I hate leaving Nessie behind to deal with them on her own, but Ness knows now that she has no reason not to call me anytime she needs to talk. We've grown closer because of this trip, and I'm confident that I can be the imprinter she needs me to be without the Cullens or fear of our bond turning to something romantic.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When I finally touch down in Hawaii, I welcome the warmth of the sun and the perfume of the flowers that seem to be everywhere. My entire body is buzzing with anticipation, knowing that any moment now, Leah Clearwater will be in my arms. But it's Rebecca that's standing outside with a big smile on her face, and though I'm happy to see her, I'm also a little disappointed.

"Hey little bro! Though you're not so little anymore! My goodness, Jake, I barely recognized you!" she gushes, looking me over with surprise as she steps away from our embrace.

"Yeah, I've grown," I smirk, noticing that she herself has changed too over the years. But she's still beautiful, just like Mom. My heart clenches a little as I take in the similarities. Rachel resembles Dad and me a little more.

Rebecca rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "I could as well tell you that the wolf's out of the bag," she teases, and I almost fall out.

"What?"

"Leah told me, don't worry, my lips are sealed."

I can't believe that Leah would be so reckless, she knows the law.

"She had to, okay? But I'll let her explain why."

"Why didn't she come?"

"She's still at work, but time we get back to Haleiwa, she'll be finished for the day."

"Okay," I grumble, then pull out my phone to turn it on. I decide to send her a text.

_I'm with Becca. Can't wait to see you._

It doesn't take long for her to respond.

_Sorry I couldn't be there, see you in a few hours xoxo_

I smile at the hugs and kisses she tacks on to the end, and my mind immediately goes to a lustful place. We'll be exchanging more than hugs and kisses tonight. I hope she's ready for this D.

Rebecca chuckles beside me as we walk to the carpark side by side. "You're so whipped."

I scratch the back of my head and laugh off the awkwardness I feel at her observation. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"It's okay, so is she. I never thought you two would be into each other, given the age difference and all, but I think it's kinda sweet."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah well…it wasn't planned."

"She told me that there's some other girl Dad wants you to be with."

"Uh yeah. But…that's all sorted. Nessie and I are just friends. That's all we'll ever be." It's weird having my older sister talk about stuff like this, especially since she and I don't really have a relationship. But she and Leah were close when we were kids, so I guess I don't really mind that she knows so much of our business. And she is a Black, so our secret will be safe with her if she has any sense of family honor left after all this time.

Rebecca looks over at me and nods. "That's good to hear, I know Leah's been really upset over it. She worries about Dad and people back home making things difficult for you."

"I know. But I don't care about them. I just want her."

"I'm glad you're willing to fight for her."

I follow my sister to a cool little Jeep and give her my approval.

"I hope you like it enough to give it a tune up while you're around. Save a sister some dollars."

"I know how to earn my keep," I reply, and readily agree as I slide in and adjust the passenger seat. I can't really fit even with the seat pushed back, but I try my best to make it work.

"So the legends are real, huh?" Rebecca sighs, giving me this look of bewilderment.

"Uh yeah."

"How does it feel, being a shifter?"

I shrug. "It's alright. I mean, it's weird at first, but you get used to it once you learn how to control the phase."

"Leah said it binds you to the Res, that it's basically impossible to leave and do anything else."

"True, but I've done it, and she's done it. It's not impossible, it's just against the rules. The Council controls the pack, and that can be pretty annoying. Be glad it didn't happen to you like it did to Leah. She's the first female ever to shift."

"Wow. She's pretty tough though, it suits her personality."

I smile at that. Indeed it does.

"So I guess I finally understand why Rachel gave up her dreams to pursue computer engineering to move back to the Res. It never made sense to me all these years why she'd give it up for Paul Lahote of all people."

I grunt. "Trust me, I wasn't too happy about them being together either. He and I don't exactly get along. But it's a wolf thing. He couldn't help it anymore than she could. She tried to go back to Seattle, but it didn't work out. They still hope to leave one day so that she can get back to her career, but who knows when. She's pretty happy being a mom for now."

"Yeah, I can see that…Leah said they're bonded through the wolf." I nod, wondering why Leah had to go into all of that. "Are you and Leah the same?"

I shake my head. "Our bond is different, she's my Beta. She's like, my deputy. But yeah, our wolves are bonded in their own special way." I don't really know how to explain it, but I know it's true.

We pull on to the highway and I lean my head out of the window, enjoying the fresh breeze and sunshine. It feels good to be someplace far away from the Cullens and the Res. It feels good to be closer to my Lee, away from all the disapproval and naysayers.

"I'm sorry about you and Dad."

I wave off her apology with a grimace. I really don't want to talk about our old man right now. Today is a happy day. "Well, it is what it is. The only thing I can do is live my life, Becca."

"I know, trust me, I do."

Yeah, she would, having made her choice to leave us behind and follow Solomon years ago. Her relationship with our father is strained at best.

"I'm sorry I left you like that. Looking back, I know it was wrong to think that you and Dad would be okay on your own. But I just needed to get out. I needed to find happiness again. After Mom died, it just felt so impossible. Dad especially made it so hard. He expected so much from me and Rachel, us taking care of the house and you and after so many years, it was just too much. We both just wanted to live for ourselves and be happy again."

"We were all broken, Becca. You and Rach were selfish to just go and never look back, but I'm over it now. We all need to be a little selfish sometimes, I don't blame you. I get it now, believe me." She still could have visited, but who am I to judge? I'm not sure where my father and I stand either. He kicked me, his only heir, off our fucking land.

She doesn't say anything in response, so I ask for her husband.

"He's fine. Busy with his surf shop."

"Cool. It'll be nice to hit some waves while I'm here."

"Oh, he'll love that. Surfing is life in my household," she jokes, but I detect a hint of sarcasm in her words. I store that little tidbit away for later.

After a while driving and catching up on the mundane, we pull up at a restaurant and Rebecca explains that she took Leah here when she first came down too.

"What was she like that day?" I ask.

"Sad, but excited, I think. She was happy to be someplace new for a change. She slept for the first three days, and it's only when she told me about you two that I realized she was depressed. But after she started to work and jog and swim, that helped. Her mood improved with her new routine. She still missed you, but she was resolved that she'd made the right decision."

I nod. It's hard to hear but maybe she had. I wouldn't have wanted her to get caught up in my father's or Sam's bullshit. What worries me is whether or not she'll ever want to go back. I'm not sure that I do, even if I could, especially not without her. But a part of me does need to return because of my brothers and this issue with my father. I feel unsettled leaving things as I did, not being on good terms with any of them. It doesn't sit right in my gut, abandoning everyone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When we finally arrive at Rebecca's house, I'm relieved for my travels to be done. Solomon and Leah aren't home yet, but she will be in half an hour, Rebecca estimates. I decide to take the time to have a shower and settle myself in her room. I can't help but look through her closet and smell her clothes. Her scent fills the room but it's different somehow and I figure it's because she's living in a new place and hasn't phased in weeks. Yet, it bothers me that it's not the same, like I've somehow begun to forget the essence of her.

Dressed only in a pair of sweats I lay across Leah's bed, waiting, but it doesn't take long before I find myself drifting off to sleep. The scent of her on the pillow is all it takes to finally pull me under.

**Rebecca just couldn't help but jump all up in Jake's business huh? lol.**

**Thanks for your reviews on the last chapter, I do enjoy reading them! You all made some good points but I won't respond and spoil what happens! Up next you finally get Leah and Jake back together. **


	20. Us

TWENTY

US

LEAH

When I get home my body is literally vibrating with excitement. Tonight will make two days since the attack and I'm back to normal and baba is doing well. I'm practically bouncing as I walk into the kitchen, where Rebecca's busy preparing a feast for dinner.

"Hey!" I chirp, a wide smile on my face.

Rebecca laughs at my demeanor and points to the hallway. "I'm pretty sure he's asleep in your room, but he's just as excited as you are."

"Okay! Thanks! But don't wait around for us for dinner!" I throw her wink as I grab a bottle of water and an apple, and quickly make my way to the bedroom, Rebecca's laughter following me as I go.

I slowly open the door and the scent of him is the first thing that greets me. My wolf awakens as the familiar feeling of being in the Alpha's presence washes over us. I quietly lock the door behind me and drop everything on the dresser while toeing off my shoes. The room is dark, but I can still see him. He's gotten bigger, and easily takes up the entire bed for himself. I sit on the mattress and allow myself to caress the side of his face. His skin is soft though there's a slight bristle of new growth. Jacob stirs beneath my touch, and I lean over and press my lips against his mouth. I know we should talk first, and clear the air between us properly, but now that he's here, I just need him to love me again. Nothing else matters more than me finally being in his arms.

Jacob instantly responds with a needy groan, and his hand reaches up to cup the back of my head, deepening our kiss. His other hand winds around my waist and pulls me on top of him. I flatten my body against his, threading my fingers through his hair. I moan at the feel of him beneath me - his heady scent, his familiar taste, his consuming warmth. Everything inside of me is whole again.

Breaking away to catch my breath, I stare down into his dark eyes. His answering smile is infectious, and I hook my thumb beneath his chin, pulling his lips to mine again for a quick brush. "Hi," I breathe, running my fingertips across the bow of his lips.

"Hi baby," his smile widens as he cups one of my ass cheeks with his massive hand.

"I can't believe you're here," I admit, as the tears sting my eyes. He has no idea how relieved I am to have him here with me now. I feel safe. Though I hate to admit it to myself, the run-in with the leech rattled me to the core. It made me feel weak and alone. I had come so close to losing our baby. It's only by the grace of the Spirits that I'm still alive and pregnant after the leech had tried to kill us. I can only hope he'll forgive me for being so reckless, when I finally get the courage to tell him what happened.

"Me either. But I'm so glad that I am, Lee. I love you so much. I missed you every second of every day, honey."

"I love you too Jake." My voice breaks as I finally have my chance to say it back.

"Tell me again," he grins.

"I love you Jacob Black, you stubborn, melodramatic git," I giggle.

"I'm only melodramatic because you left me," he responds, but then he sucks my lip and kisses me hard, letting me know that he's not about to talk about that tonight either. And I'm good with that, because I'm horny as fuck and I need him.

Jacob rolls over on top of me and begins at my lips before moving to my neck and breasts. It doesn't take long for him to divest me of my clothing and himself of his sweats. When he plunges inside of me, I lose my breath at the feeling of being filled with his length. Heat builds between us, and my head feels light, giddy with all the sensations ricocheting through my limbs.

Jacob hoists my leg around his hip, opening me up to take more of him. I moan as the first tremors begin to spread from my toes to my pelvis. I rub my palms against his chest, rejoicing in the feel of his strength, his wolf, above me. He's maintaining a steady pace, not too hurried, allowing us both to enjoy this feeling of being one for as long as possible.

"Mine," he half-murmurs half-growls against my lips again, before trailing a path of hot kisses along my neck. I shiver at his touch and his words, and bring my fingers to my bundle of nerves, unable to take the suspense much longer. I need release. Jacob looks down as I work on myself while he continues his ministrations. He smirks at me and whispers seductively, "Somebody's eager."

I nod my head in shameless agreement. It's been way too long.

"I'll get you there shortly baby, I promise. We're in no rush. We don't have to hide. We've got all night to enjoy each other."

I smile, realizing that he's right. I need to let myself just live in this moment.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have no idea how long it takes us the emerge from the bedroom, but after our shower (we still couldn't seem to stop touching each other), Jacob and I find the house in darkness.

"It's one in the morning," I giggle quietly, as I open the fridge and pull out the containers of food Becca stashed away for us. "I feel bad that we missed dinner, but I did tell her not to wait around."

"She'll understand. I'm sure she knows what it's like to be horny as fuck," Jacob whispers in my ear, gently nibbling my lobe. Sandwiching me against the counter from behind, his hands wind around my waist then travel up to my breasts, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I swear these are bigger than before – me likey."

I turn around and pull him against me, relishing in the feeling of being with him again. I tighten my hold on his waist and look up into his sparkling brown eyes. "You've gotten bigger too, Alpha. But yes, you're right, they are bigger," I tell him coyly, the anxiety building up in my chest as the moment of truth presents itself.

"How come? From working out?"

I shake my head.

"Then what? Cause I know you wouldn't get implants."

I giggle and take a deep breath. "What if I told you they're bigger because of hormones."

"Hormones?" his puzzled look is so cute that I can't help but laugh again.

"Yeah…pregnancy hormones."

Jacob freezes and looks down at my chest then back up to my face, his eyes wide with shock. "Lee, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we're having a baby. It's what I wanted to tell you in person."

Jacob guffaws and shakes his head. "What? No. Seriously?"

I chuckle and pull his face down to mine, kissing him firmly on the lips. "Seriously, I'm two months in, Papa Wolf. We're going to have our own little pup in about seven months."

Jacob grabs me and swings me around in a circle before planting me on the counter. His mouth instantly devours mine again and I can't help but laugh in between his eager kisses.

"I can't believe this!" he gushes, then places a warm hand on my abdomen. "We're having a baby?"

I nod, smiling so hard my face hurts. "I have no idea how, but you did it, you put a baby in there."

"No wonder your scent is different. I thought I had remembered it wrong, it was very disturbing."

I giggle at his confusion and then Jacob half-squats and places his ear to my stomach. I stay still and hold my breath for a few moments, giving him a chance to hear the sound that brings me joy each day. "Holy shit, I can hear him! I can hear his little heart beating," Jacob croons, his eyes shining with moisture and awe as he straightens up again.

"It's the best sound in the world."

"Shit, Lee. I love you so much. You should have told me before we made love, I hope I didn't hurt you." I reassure him that I'm fine and his trembling hand cups my jaw, pulling me in for a softer, slower kiss this time. He rests his forehead against mine and I bring his free hand to my stomach so that we can touch our little one together.

It's the perfect moment, one that I will cherish forever.

It takes us another ten minutes just to separate so that we can finally have some food. Jacob heats up and serves everything, ordering me to sit at the table. A girl could get used to this treatment.

"So have you been to the doctor?" He asks as we stuff our faces.

"Well, I was really sick for a few days, I was throwing up a lot and that landed me in the hospital. That's how I found out."

The alarm on his face prompts me to shake my head. "Don't worry, I got out of there as soon as I could. Becca didn't know yet, so it's understandable that her first response was to rush me to the emergency room after I passed out. I was severely dehydrated."

"Are you better now?"

"I still get queasy in the mornings sometimes, but I'm much better. I have tablets that help with the nausea."

Instinctively his palm rubs my abdomen and I smile at how protective he's being already.

"So what are we gonna do? We need to find you a doctor that won't ask questions about your temperature and all that."

I shrug. "I honestly don't know."

"Do you think we should go back home?"

I shrug again. "Is that what you want to do?" I cover his hand with my own and for a moment we just look into each other's eyes.

Jacob finally releases a breath. "You're not ready."

I shake my head. "But…if it's what's best for the baby, I will go."

"My father said I wasn't his son because I chose you over Nessie. I'm not even sure going back is an option for us. Sam said I had to leave, that's what Billy wanted. I don't think we will be welcome."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that because of me." I force the food down my throat, pushing past the pain his words cause me. To think that everyone hates us when all we want is to be together, reminds me of all the reasons I left. It hurts to think that even if we returned, it would no longer be home like it was before.

"Don't be, this wasn't your fault. I left Spain because I didn't want to be with her. My decision was made before we slept together. This was meant to be. Our pup is proof of that."

I smile at the confidence I hear in his voice and force myself to relax.

"Have you told Sue?"

"Not yet. Only Seth." Jacob grimaces at the mention of my brother. "Things with you two are still not good, huh?"

He grunts in affirmative. "Seth's been acting strange, he's crossed the line one time too many."

"What did he do?" I question, immediately starting to worry.

"Not tonight Lee. I just want tonight to be about us. Let's leave all the hard stuff til another time, honey." He fingers my stomach to emphasize that "us" now means three people.

I frown, because whatever it is bothering him obviously can't be good. "Okay, but we have to talk about the pack."

Jacob nods and pulls way so he can go back to his dinner.

After we wash the dishes and brush our teeth, I snuggle up to Jacob's body, more than ready to get some sleep. I'm exhausted from sex and the day's work, plus pregnancy makes me need more rest than usual. Jake spoons my body, his hand flat against my stomach where I know it will likely be for the next seven months. The thought of that makes me smile. I still can't believe that this is where we are now: together, soon to be a family.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When my alarm goes off, I groan with annoyance. It's too soon. I've hardly had any rest at all. Hot lips find their way to my neck and I smile, remembering that for the first time I get to wake up in my lover's arms without fear of being discovered. I turn over so that we can greet each other.

"Good morning, Alpha Black," I grin.

"That's Daddy to you, Mama Wolf," he practically preens.

I hum in approval and eagerly pull him in for a kiss, pressing my hips against him, indicating what I want. Jacob chuckles against my lips. "I thought you were tired."

"I am, but this would perk me up."

"Okay, I've got you, Mama." Jacob pulls away and kisses his way down my body, finding his place between my thighs. I weave my fingers through his hair and relax my body as his tongue begins to work on my core, trying my best not to moan too loudly in case the others are nearby.

After a bone-melting orgasm, I stretch lazily, ready to go back to sleep rather than get out of bed, and Jacob suggests that I call in sick. I decide to call in, but only to tell Miss Kona that I'll be in later than usual. She knows that I am pregnant and has been pretty understanding.

Jacob whines like a puppy and pushes out his bottom lip. "I wanted to spend the day with my baby."

"I know, but I've got to work. We need the money to help out around the house."

"Alright alright," Jacob sighs. "But I'll go with you. I need to learn my way around anyways."

I readily agree and burrow myself into his side, throwing my leg over his. In no time I'm drifting off to sleep again as Jacob's fingers lightly stroke the skin of my arm.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

By ten we're walking down the street, hand in hand, and I point out all the little spots that I've come to know. Jacob falls in love with Haleiwa just like I did, and comments on what a great, peaceful place it would be to raise our baby.

"No leeches," he asserts.

I stiffen at that and unfortunately Jacob catches the motion. "Lee? You saw a leech around here?"

I sigh, wanting to lie, but I know that I can't. Jacob pulls on my hand, stopping the walk, and pulls me close to him so that we can speak privately. With our enhanced hearing we can whisper and still hear each other perfectly. "Tell me what happened."

I look up into his worried eyes and recount the night at Kiki Burger. His jaw clenches numerous times and by the end of it all, he's livid. "And you're only NOW telling me?" he seethes. "So when I called you the other night, you lied, something had happened."

"Jake, I'm okay. I swear it. And I only lied because you had to travel, your wolf wouldn't have let you get on that plane if you were so wound up! I needed you to get here."

"But you could have died, Lee!" he whisper-yells. "You both were unprotected."

"I swear if I didn't know you were already on your way to me Jake, I would have gone back home. I didn't feel safe. I realized that I couldn't be without you or Seth to protect me. I didn't know that I couldn't phase until it was too late."

"You're never to put yourself in danger like that again, do I make myself clear?" he demands, and I know that it takes a lot out of him not to Alpha command me. When I nod, his trembling hand covers my abdomen and he closes his eyes, pulling me into him so that he can smell my scent in an effort to calm down. "If something happened to you, I don't know what I'd do, Leah. I need you to be safe, always."

I tighten my hold on his waist. "I promise I'll never be reckless again."

**SO sorry that I have not been updating more frequently! I've hit a block with this story and I don't want to post too much and then I can't change things if I need to. I'm still at chapter 30-31 but I really hope to find my muse for this soon. Thanks for your reviews, follows and favorites! Leah and Jacob are finally back together and the following chapters will include them trying to hash everything out.**


	21. Priority

TWENTY-ONE

PRIORITY

JACOB

Learning about the baby was mind-blowing, I never expected Leah to have such news waiting for me. That little flutter of a heartbeat is a miracle, and has become the force that drives every thump of my own. It completes me in a way that I could have never imagined. Leah, our baby, me. A family of three. I'm still getting used to the idea that my life will never be the same again, and that I'm getting exactly what I so desperately wanted these last two months.

I wish that knowing that we'll always be together was enough to make Leah happy. She's been incredible since I've arrived, showering me with the love that she withheld when we were hiding our sexual relations from the packs and our parents. Seeing her smile and hearing her laugh again, have made me feel at peace for the first time since she left La Push.

But I can tell that Leah's in a fragile place, beyond the pregnancy. She's so uncertain of the future, and so many parts of her life are changing that she's purposely taking her time to ease into them all. It was hard for her to leave me and La Push, and knowing that she has to turn around and go right back sooner than intended, has been getting under her skin as well. The run-in she had with that fucking leech was proof enough that she can't risk being on her own. But she's not ready for going home yet, she needs more time than she has.

Observing this new woman that she's becoming, has shown that I can't rush her, but we have so much to talk through and decide upon _together,_ so that we can start our new life together with a clean slate. And all I can do is be here for her and remind her that she can lean on me. She's not facing the future alone.

I'm anxious too, to say the least. Because part of Leah's problem is that neither of us are in a good financial position to care for this child right now. There's so much to set right in our lives – me more so than her, though. They both deserve a home and security that only I can provide, forcing me to man up in a whole new way.

A new weight has been placed on my shoulders, but it is not a burden. No, I wear it like a badge of honor. I've been a son, a brother, an alpha-chief, a lover…now a father, and someday, a husband. I intend to get it right. I won't let them down.

But in order to be fully present for my family, there's one person who's heart I could potentially break.

Only days ago I'd told Nessie that I was only a phone-call away. I had vowed to be a better imprinter to her. I was riddled with guilt over neglecting her need for a friend she could really talk to about her abnormal life. I promised myself I would be more active in her life so that I could keep a better eye on her journey to independence.

I figured I could handle it all: I could be a better friend to Nessie and a better boyfriend and partner to Leah. But now, everything's more complicated. With a baby on the way, my priorities have shifted even more towards Leah. Being with Leah again and knowing we're having a baby, my imprint doesn't sit like a heavy anchor in my chest anymore. I don't want to get my hopes up that it has been broken, but what if it is? I also don't want to hurt Nessie's feelings, or renege on my promises to her.

Just thinking about my obligations to her make me draw a deep breath.

Truthfully, I am ever grateful to Nessie for supporting my relationship with Leah, and for not using the imprint bond against me. I owe her so much because of that. But I honestly don't know how I'm going to find the time for Ness in my life now. I hate myself for even thinking that way, and the guilt prompts me to call her up. Honestly, I should have called sooner rather than just texted.

Nessie picks up on the second ring and her chirpy voice fills my ear. "JAKE! Hey! How's Hawaii?"

"Hey Ness! It's great." I smile, relieved that she's in a good mood. "The weather here is amazing, and the beaches make First Beach look like the ugly duckling."

Nessie chuckles. "I'd bet. So what's up? How's Leah?"

"She's good, she's great actually…uh, we're having a baby." Nessie gasps and goes silent on the line for a few moments, making me worried. "Ness, are you there?"

"Uh, yeah! Wow! That's some _really_ big news! I'm happy for you guys. I actually get to be Auntie Nessie," she says semi-excitedly, failing to hide the shock that still echoes in her voice.

I chuckle at the thought of her acting like Alice because I know that she'd love to play aunt to my kid. "Thanks. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing. It's been a huge shock."

"I can only imagine. This _really_ is a surprise." Her emphasis and semi-somber tone make me worry. It's like she's forcing herself to be upbeat.

"Are you okay with it?" I ask, holding my breath.

"What? Why wouldn't I be, Jake? This is what you deserve. Are _you_ okay?" she replies rather crisply, and I realize that I'm not the only one who finds this conversation suddenly uncomfortable.

"Yeah, I am, definitely. The timing might be a bit messed up, but that doesn't matter."

"You got what you wanted Jake, so I'll know you'll give it your all."

"Thanks Ness," I sigh. "Your support means the world to me."

"Why do you sound so forlorn, Jacob. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to give you an update, and wish you good luck with everything in Paris. Stay vigilant and safe."

"Oh. Thanks Jake. You know I will." Her tone drops, "But why does this feel like goodbye?"

I scratch the back of my head anxiously and take a deep breath, looking up to the sky. I hate shit like this. "It's not goodbye at all…I just have a lot on my plate."

"You promised you'd be there for me Jake, you know how much I'm hurting over everything with you and Luc and my mother."

A pang of guilt hits me right in the gut, like a heavy, booted foot. A good imprinter would have stayed longer in Paris until she no longer needed him. But I'd once again put my own desires first. My father would spit at my feet if he knew what I was up to.

"I don't mean to hurt you, by not being the imprinter I should be, Nessie. If there's one thing I need you to believe it's that. If we all lived together in one place, it would be so much easier, I wouldn't feel like I have to spread myself so thin…but it's just not possible."

"I know you want what's best for me, always. I can't blame you if you can't be what I need or want. It wouldn't be fair. I appreciate you not pretending Jake, even if it hurts sometimes. I'm trying to be what you need me to be too, you know. I'm learning how hard it is for you to let go and put me first in everything."

It's not her place to do what's best for me, is it? Her words leave a sour taste in my mouth, being just a bit too raw. But Nessie's an adult now, and our conversations are bound to change. I am slowly getting to know her at this stage in her life and I am constantly challenged to remember that she is not a kid. She has feelings too, she's part of this imprint, no matter how much I try to pretend that she is not affected by it.

"Look, Ness…" I start with a deep breath. "I don't want to put you in this position. I had no idea in Paris that I was going to be a father. This _baby_ has become my top concern, and I've got to prioritize my life. I've got to find a job, and a new home for my family. There's a lot going on that I didn't tell you about…My father kinda banished me from the tribe for not cementing our imprint. Things aren't good between me and my pack. I'm not working. I've just got a lot of stuff to take care of."

Nessie inhales sharply, "Jacob! I thought we said no more secrets? Why didn't you tell me you were homeless?"

"Because I didn't want to burden you with that part."

"But it's because of me and you that it happened! I can talk to Chief Billy and explain my side of things."

"That's really kind of you Ness, and I may have to take you up on that offer sometime in the future."

"I'll do whatever I can to help," she promises.

"When the time comes. But the best help you can give me right now is to stay safe, Ness. I made a vow to always be there, and I am, but right now it can't be in the physical sense. Leah was attacked by a newborn vampire a few nights ago and it's a miracle she didn't lose the baby. So I can't leave her, she needs my protection. My wolf demands me to be in her presence. I hope you understand that I have to do what's best for her safety."

"Of course, and you should." She sighs heavily. "I will be fine, don't worry. I'm really sorry to hear about everything that's going on. I feel like such a spoiled brat now."

I chuckle. "I should have told you, I'm sorry too. I'm still getting used to this new stage in our relationship where we discuss adult stuff. And I'm not doing a very good job."

"You can talk to me, Jake. That's what this bond is between us, we support each other. So you've got to stop shutting me out of your life and treating me like a child. And I still need you there for me, even if it's not in person. We can help each other, can't we?"

"Yes," I sigh, knowing she's right. "Thank you, for putting up with me Ness. It means a lot. I hope you know I'll always love you, Bug."

"You too Jake, even though you won't stop calling me that. I really just want you to be happy."

"I will, I am. I never knew I could be this happy Ness," I laugh at my own sappiness. Finally saying the words out loud just make me want to burst. It's impossible to even put it all into a sentence.

"I can only hope that one day I know what that feels like," she responds with a wistful tone in her voice.

"You will, Ness. Everything in its own time." I feel weird because I don't know if she meant that comment specifically to imply that _I'm_ never going to be the one to give her a family. But I decide not to ask because it is not something I want to apologize for.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Talk to you soon big head," she brushes it off with a chuckle.

"Sure."

When I hang up, I take a deep breath and smile at the sky. I feel great, I feel FREE and invincible for the first time in almost eight years. I know that Nessie will be alright managing our weakening imprint. The fact that she can be honest with me about how she's doing is important. For once I don't have to feel guilty that I'm denying her something that belongs to her. She's given me her blessing in spite of it all - So whatever emotions that may lie beneath the surface, prodded by the imprint, in time, I know they will fix themselves. Nobody said it would be easy for us to live separate lives, but I'm determined to see both of us win.

Now, the only person who has any hold on me is the woman carrying my son or daughter. And that's the way it should be. Leah's my partner and my mate and I'm done letting other people make her feel like she's anything less than that.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That afternoon, I mention casually to Leah that I called Renesmee. "We haven't talked about her since I got here, and I know it makes you uncomfortable but…I just thought you should know that she had a boyfriend in Paris. When the Volturi started calling she broke things off, but Bella found out, she basically ran the poor guy off."

"Wow! She had a _boyfriend?_ Is she okay?" Leah asks, her face showing that she's both surprised and curious.

"She's having a harder time getting Bella and Rosalie to leave her alone. But I think she'll be okay. She's determined to live independently of them."

"She's braver than I thought," Leah admits grudgingly.

"She's a lot like you, Lee. She knows what she wants and she fights for it, for her truth."

Leah grimaces and then cracks a threatening smile. "That'll be the first and last time you compare me to your hybrid, Jacob. But thank you."

I laugh and readily agree, even though I'm also on alert in case she goes for my balls. "I meant it with good intentions. I just want you to know that she's not so bad honey. She supports us being together. She told both Bella and Blondie that there's nothing romantic for us, that she wants me to be with you. She's willing to tell Billy the same thing, so cut her some slack will ya?"

Leah bites her lip and then looks up at me with the most vulnerable expression, one that only ever shows itself when it comes to my imprint situation. "Do you think she really means it though?"

"Yeah, I do. I really do. She doesn't want to be like Claire or Emily. She wants us both to exercise our right to free will."

Leah shakes her head. "I want to believe it. I do, and it does give me a little comfort to know that she supports us, and stood up to her family. But I won't get my hopes all the way up because at the end of the day, you two are still bonded."

"But I told her everything Leah, she knows I choose you and she's doing her best to give me the space I need."

Leah cups my cheek with her hand. "I know. But just let me do this my way okay? For my own sanity, just let me take this one day at a time."

"Okay, I understand." I sigh, wishing there was a way that Leah could accept that Nessie isn't a bad person. She can't be blamed for the imprint any more than I can. Her family sucks, but she's not like them.

We're in the all clear, as clear as we'll ever be.

Leah steps away from me, her face now the picture of devastation which catches me off guard. "Try to understand things from MY point of view though: I just got you back Jake. It's going to take some time before I can feel secure about us. I don't think I could handle losing you again."

In an effort to sooth my mate, I rub my palms along her arms. "Leah, it'll be okay. I'm never leaving your side. And you never lost me. I was the one who lost you, remember?"

We haven't talked about what happened the day she skipped town and broke my heart, but I haven't forgotten at all.

"You can only say that now because she's apparently not interested in being with you. You didn't know things would turn out this way. A part of me honestly still can't believe that she was fine with everything."

"My heart was yours regardless Leah, you still don't get that do you? And yes, I SWEAR she was fine. She called imprinting an 'Old Wives' Tale' and I keep pissing her off by thinking of her as a kid."

Leah rolls her eyes. "But what did _Bella_ have to say about all of this? Did you talk to her too?" she pronounces the name with as much venom as she can sink into it.

I scowl, already knowing that all I'm going to give is the truncated version. "Bella's upset naturally, and she's not ready to accept that I won't come back to the coven – nor will Nessie for the foreseeable future. But I laid it out clear for her, so I'm not really worried about her at all. She's way over there and I'm way over here, just like it should be."

For now I can only be optimistic that everything is going to work out for us.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next day I head out for lunch because my wolf is in need of red meat. I really don't want to spend the money, but since the beast can't run, I've got to pacify it however I can. I order three steaks, a side of mashed potatoes and some vegetables, along with a cold beer. It's expensive but the wolf needs a full stomach. I also order something for Leah, to keep my baby growing strong. I know she's been enjoying Becca's diet, but I'd prefer to know my pup has something a little heartier.

After lunch, I take Leah's meal and drop it off for her at the shop. When I come in, she's busy helping some tourists, so I stand by the counter and observe. Being apart for so long makes just watching her work feel like Christmas. The way she smiles and engages the customers, even they are taken by her beauty, that glow that is hard to miss. She's gorgeous.

After she rings up the sales, Leah turns to me with her sunny smile. "Something in that bag smells good, is that for me?"

"Yeap. I got you a steak, just how you like it."

"Hmmm, yum. Thank you sweetie." She places a kiss to my lips and it's hard for me not to pull her in for something more, but I respect that she's at work. Plus, I have to work hard to curb my insatiable appetite her body now that she's carrying our baby. A part of me says to leave her alone to nurture our child, but then her scent hits me when her hormones spike with her moods, and it's all over. The rational part of my brain fizzles in her heat, just like the first time I claimed her body. It still baffles me how the wolf could have an imprint and still go mad for Leah Clearwater too.

My Beta sits behind the counter and digs into her meal, while I just stand by and watch her with a goofy look on my face. I love feeling like I'm doing something right for her, for them. She notices and rolls her eyes, "Go make yourself useful, you goof. I've got some boxes to unpack for restocking the shelves."

"Yes ma'am. Whatever you want, I got it. Miss Kona shouldn't expect you to lift those boxes by yourself anyways."

"I can get her nephew to help."

"Oh really?" I immediately get annoyed at some other guy hanging around my girl and kid, but it only makes Leah laugh.

"He's like sixteen years old Jake, relax with the caveman attitude. You know I've only got eyes for one younger man, my big strong, Almighty Alpha," she grins with that cheeky look on her face, knowing that I hate when she teases me.

"Yeah well, don't you forget who's boss," I shoot right back, puffing out my chest a little, which makes her laugh.

I grab the boxes and bring them out to the store front, and take the initiative to break the seal and check out what's inside. It's nothing interesting, just towels and beach shit. It all seems so mundane and boring, I find it hard to believe that this makes Leah really happy, so I ask her what she'd rather do.

"Hmm, it's hard to say. I don't really know what I'd like to study if I had the chance. I guess what I like about this job is that it's simple, it's easy and safe enough. I don't have to overexert myself."

"Not like being a wolf."

"Exactly. It's much more relaxing than being on patrol."

I nod to show my understanding. With the baby coming I'd prefer her to do this too. The less stress and danger the wolf feels like she's in, the better.

"And of course, I get paid for doing much less." She jokes, but then clears her throat and gives me one of her commanding glares. "The day you came, you promised to tell me about what's going on with Seth. I was hoping we could talk about it now. Did he do something?"

I grimace and look back at her. "You sure you wanna do this now? Maybe we should wait til tonight when we can be alone in your room."

"I can't wait til then, the suspense is killing me. And it's OUR room, Jake."

I'm not surprised, she hates to wait for anything. I would know. "It's just, well, Seth and I didn't see eye to eye when everything about us came out. He pretty much said I'd ruined your life and would only do it to Nessie. And then Quil and Embry, they were just as disgusted with me for my choices."

Leah shakes her head and swallows her food, setting her fork down in the container. "I'm sorry about Seth. He _has_ been a little difficult, a little more opinionated than usual - but it's only because he wants to protect me, and he really hates feeling like I don't trust him with the truth. Us keeping things a secret really pissed my family off."

"Yeah, I know. It pissed _everyone_ off," I snort, thinking about the various confrontations I'd had before leaving La Push for Paris. "It's one thing to have my father disown me, but my own pack too? When I left La Push, I wasn't even speaking to anyone in either pack. I lost their respect, and everything I do hurts someone: them, you, my father, Nessie. I've reached the lowest point in my life, Lee. If it wasn't for you two, I don't know where I'd be right now."

"I know. I'm pretty sure I've lost what little respect they had for me too…but I don't regret any of it, Jake. I hope you know that," she tells me sadly, brushing a palm against her stomach.

I offer her a brief smile. "I know, me neither. I just wish it didn't have to be so complicated. No one should have to get hurt because we love each other. Especially not your brothers or Quil. I just want us all be a family again, but what if I can't repair things with them after all this?"

Leah's face changes and she gives me a sympathetic shake of her head. "I'm not sure what you could do, the pack is already under Sam's command."

"What?" I shoot up straight, my jaw dropping.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I guess we were so caught up in our own world since you got here. But it's already happened, and most of them are being allowed to stop phasing, well, from the Uley pack that is. Our pack has to wait til next year, with the exception of Quil for obvious reasons."

"Shit. I didn't want them to have to deal with Sam, but I'm not surprised I guess, he's wanted to join packs for years and I refused to let him."

"You refused to fight him and take over, you mean," Leah reminds me with a smirk.

"You know why," I tell her with one of my own. She nods because she already knows that I don't want to fight my brother for power, no matter the state of our relationship, because I know what my wolf is capable of doing. I don't want to hurt Emily or Levi in the process.

"Did Seth say how they're doing?" I ask, wondering what things are like now back home.

"I think they're okay. Seth really hates being around Sam, because of me…and well, you know how overbearing he is. I'm glad that the Council is finally letting the pack phase out though."

"Yeah, that's really big, I'm shocked. I'm sure it won't be easy if Sam has any say though." The fact that life-altering decisions are being made about the pack without my involvement sets my teeth on edge, but I hide my ire from Leah. The Alpha in me wants to protect his pack, but what can I do? It was my choice to leave without seeing the Council, without consulting with the men I call my brothers. They owe me nothing.

"I think he's livid with Jared and Paul especially. They want to quit now and be at home with their families, which is totally understandable," Leah resumes eating with another huge bite of steak.

"He doesn't want to lose his two bitches. Good for them, though. I guess it would be prudent of me to get rid of him just so that everybody can breathe."

"I know you had your reasons, but as Alpha, I would have done that years ago," Leah snorts. Just picturing Sam receiving the beating of his life makes her happy.

"So why didn't you, since you're the Big Bad Beta anyways?" I tease.

"Well, I technically did what I could…remember? When you left?" she reminds me with a pout.

I sigh heavily. How could I have forgotten. "I'm sorry, you're right. And if I never thanked you properly, I hope you know that meant a lot to me that you kept our pack going."

"Well you brought me back all that cute stuff from the Ibiza market, so yeah, you thanked me." Leah offers a smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes. I know because of the Cullens, this topic is touchy for her, and I know when to back off.

"So I guess we'll cross that bridge with the pack, when we get to it. We need to talk to Seth and Embry together, find out what's been going on with the merge. I feel like such a dick for letting my personal business get in the way of pack. I've really let them down by not checking in, regardless of if they want to talk to me or not." The thought of my brothers no longer sharing pack mind really eats at my gut. There's no way I can have my pack back without defeating Sam once and for all.

"Yeah, me too. I never even called Embry or Quil. I guess we both really messed up," Leah readily agrees with a heavy sigh. "But I worry about you more than myself."

"Why?"

"Because, the call of your land, of the pack, will catch up to you at some point because you're the True Alpha. You should be there for this."

I nod but I don't openly admit that it's been calling to me since the moment I left. "I been thinking… the baby changes everything, and having Ness on board will settle things with my father. Don't you think we can go home and start over _there?"_ I ask hopefully, as I'm not ready to totally give up on having my whole family and my pack together again. As Alpha, it IS important to me. I still want my legacy to be clear of any stains, I want the Black name to be revered, in our tribal history, not scorned. I want to prove to my Dad that I am not a disgrace, and I want him to be a part of my child's life.

"I don't know Jake. I need more time okay? Please. At least until I get to a stage where I can't travel. If you need to go back at any point before then, it's okay with me."

I growl at the thought of leaving her unprotected. She knows it's not an option, but I say nothing. I decide to leave things on the table, and go for a walk to clear my head.

It's obvious that we've got to go back home sooner rather than later, not just for the baby, but for our family. I can tell by the look on Leah's face that she knows it too. I don't know how long she will dig her heels in about going back, but I know she'll do what's best for everyone, in the end. I just have to be patient.

**Hi everyone, I will definitely be posting the rest of the chapters I have up to 34, which are done. I will try to get at least one more done to round off everything for each of the characters when inspiration strikes. But until then, makes no sense not posting what I do have, for you. Thank you to those who recently followed and favourited This, it means a lot to me to have you enjoy my story! I've got a funny, steamy one shot called Rivals if you're up for something else! Take care and stay safe!**


	22. The Past

TWENTY-TWO

THE PAST

LEAH

After another mediocre day at work, Jacob comes to pick me up in Becca's jeep, which means she's already home for the afternoon.

"Hey Mama, you good?" he asks with a sexy grin as I slide into the passenger seat. I can't help but check him out, glad to see him in a better mood than he's been in for the last few days. His eyes are covered with dark sunglasses and his hair is windblown, and the muscles of his chest and arms bulge beneath his tight black t-shirt. He's totally fuckable and probably making women all over town go crazy.

"You been driving around like that all day?" I ask, suddenly feeling heated and territorial.

"Yeah, I fixed the Jeep, so I had to drive it around and make sure everything's good. Why?"

"You're too sexy Jake, buy bigger clothes."

Jacob snorts. "Is this some hormone thing? I always dress like this."

"No, it's an 'I don't like you looking like you're available' thing. Stop laughing!" I growl as I punch his arm.

"So violent, woman! Leave that for the bedroom, will ya?" he teases, totally unbothered by my demands.

Damn sexy Alpha. For once he looks so carefree and happy and I'm actually relieved. I know he's making light of the stress he feels about everything going on back in La Push, so any type of good mood is welcome.

Jacob takes me to another shopping plaza a few blocks away where we find the bookstore Becca recommended for us to check out for a couple pregnancy books. I also stop at the pharmacy for my vitamins. She had suggested over the weekend that we come to the clinic when she's on call, so that she could be responsible for my chart.

Our appointment yesterday confirmed that our miracle baby is doing well. The ultrasound showed no issues and the heartbeat was strong, and my oral tests were good. The bloodwork however, we're not sure how we're going to fake that. There's no way we can send it to the lab. Times like this I actually wish we had Carlisle Cullen to help us out. I mean we always do, but I'd rather not unless it is an emergency.

After our errands, I get a hankering for ice-cream and we take our scoops to a nearby park, and enjoy the final hours of sunshine, people-watching. A few couples are walking their dogs, while a mom group pushes strollers as they power-walk. It's quite comical to watch for some reason, and Jacob teases that I should sign up next year. No thank you.

After we're finished eating, Jacob clears his throat and sits back on the bench, stretching his abnormally long legs, and I know that means he's got something on his mind. Things between us have been a little strained since our talk about going back home and the pack. I really don't want to discuss anything else, because I still haven't made up my mind about going back sooner than I need to. But if he needs to talk it makes no sense forcing him to bottle up his feelings. It's not beneficial to the wolf which has to be cooped up here in Haleiwa because of me.

"Out with it Black," I command him, turning to watch him over my shoulder.

Jacob shrugs and then sits up again, clasping his palms at his knees. "I don't really know if you'll want to talk about it, babe. I know things have been a bit off between us . But I just…I think we should just get it all out."

I shrug my shoulders, feeling the nerves creep up on me. "I agree, so just tell me."

He sighs and looks over at me, his eyes still hidden behind the dark glasses. "That day you left La Push…I just don't understand why."

Oh. Right. Fuck. _That._ I wasn't expecting this particular topic.

I don't really know how much to tell him. Even I can admit that I was a mess: hurt, angry and confused, scared to leave and scared to stay. How do I put into words all the self-loathing that I inflicted because I never believed I was his? How do I admit to him, the man who left his imprintee for me, that a part of me believed that what we had was lust and not love?

"I…" I start but I find myself unable to form the words.

"You said you would wait for me to talk to Bella and Edward, but you just disappeared. I searched everywhere for you, I was going out of my mind with worry until you called your mother. Only to hear you say you're leaving. It fucking killed me Lee, and you just…you didn't even seem to care. I knew you felt something for me, I knew it. So why didn't you want to fight for us?"

"I…I knew about Nessie," I say, releasing a breath of air I hadn't realized was trapped in my chest.

"What did you know and how?"

"Rosalie."

"What do you mean Rosalie?! What the fuck did she say to you!" His anger rolls off of him in waves, warming my skin and I shrink back. Jacob shakes his head. "I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm sorry Leah." He pulls me against his side and kisses my head.

"It's okay, but we're in public so you need to chill," I warn him.

"You know that she lied to you, right? You KNOW that," Jacob pulls away so that we can see each other better.

I give a reflexive half-nod, and turn my head towards the park as memories of that day come back to me. It's true, that she had lied to my face and then handed me a fucking bag of money so that I'd run and never look back. She'd made the biggest fool out of me (and maybe I should rip her apart for it). But at the time, it really _had_ felt like the truth. Maybe I had just accepted my worst fear rather than interrogate Rosalie properly for details. That day Jacob went to see the Cullens, I sat in that café expecting the worse to happen, just so that I wouldn't fall apart when he told me he couldn't come back. I had already started giving up on being Jacob's future, so when Rosalie appeared and confirmed it, I just let her tell me what I thought I'd deserved to hear.

Thinking about that day makes me uncomfortable and I realize that I'd rather not share my thoughts with my mate. It's not that I want to lie to him, but before I had found out about the baby, I was determined to never see him again. And I had been convinced that that was the best thing for both of us. I could have stayed gone, and left him with an imprint he still didn't want, and who didn't want him.

"Leah? You gotta give me something, please?"

I sigh and meet Jacob's worried gaze again. "She told me that Nessie missed you, that she was unhappy, and just didn't want to say anything. I believed her at the time because I know how imprints work. You can only avoid them for so long."

"She told me the same shit too that day. But I realized in Paris that when Blondie said those things, Nessie was already dating Luc. So Nessie wasn't even thinking about me. It was a fucking lie to break us up."

"Why would she do that, then?" I ask. The sense of betrayal that Jacob feels, finally catches up with me, when I put all my own personal shit aside, and focus on the blonde vampire's motive. I growl, clenching my fists. She had some fucking nerve!

"Blondie is worried about the Volturi. She thinks Nessie can never lead a human life without me, and that she needs me there to protect her and basically be to her what no regular human man can be. I wouldn't have to age, and the imprint had already put us together. She thought she was just pushing the inevitable to fall into place, just like Bella."

I swear and sit back with a huff, folding my arms across my stomach as I glare into the distance. "Those two are a real piece of work," I murmur. Why won't Bella just let Jake go? She was making Rosalie do her dirty for her no doubt. I wish I could rip HER to pieces…and get away with it.

"That day when I spoke to them in Forks, the wolf wanted to go to Ness, but I didn't. I couldn't leave without you, without knowing that you'd still be mine. I held off for a couple weeks until she called me, and told me about the Volturi. Even then, I knew that if I went to Paris, I wouldn't stay. I was determined to find you." Jacob reaches for my hand and I look over at him again. "I was so angry with you for breaking my heart, Lee. You gave up on us."

The tears sting my eyes and I blink them back. "Jacob, I felt like I had no choice. When she told me that, I just knew that I couldn't watch you choose her. I figured the same thing that happened with Sam would happen to you."

"I'm not fucking Sam," he insists softly.

"I know, and I'm sorry. But I had already made up in my mind that we had to stop Jake. And I tried to believe you when you said it would be alright, but I was too scared. I just didn't see how you'd get out of the imprint. Rosalie gave me a bag of money and told me I should take a vacation. So I went."

"She gave you money?"

"Yeah, eight thousand dollars."

"What the fuck, Leah!"

A couple passing by looks over at us in shock, and I feel myself flush in embarrassment. "Jake please, you're making a scene in a family environment."

"I'm going to fucking kill her," his jaw clenches along with his fists and I pounce on him, turning his face to mine, but Jacob pulls away from me, breathing hard. "No! I can't believe you accepted a bribe from her Leah. You had no right to take her fucking money!" he pushes off the bench and paces in front of me, shaking his head. "How the fuck could you DO that?" he asks, clearly disgusted by the thought.

I was disgusted with myself at first, and a part of me will always regret taking money from a Cullen, so I understand where he's coming from. But I don't appreciate his tone.

"Jacob, I had to go or die! Okay? _That's_ what it felt like. I couldn't let you break my heart! I had to save myself and it felt like the only option. I hate that I took the money too, but I didn't have a choice. If I wanted to go, I HAD to take it!"

We both turn away from each other, panting and trying to rein in our emotions.

At least five minutes pass before Jacob speaks again, his voice soft and pained. "What did Embry say to you? I know he's the last person you saw."

I take a deep breath and shake my head. "He was upset with me and wanted me to admit that I'd made the wrong choices. I guess he thought you had hurt me because of the imprint. He tried to get me to stay though, but I wouldn't let him."

"He never fucking told me anything. I didn't even know til long after you'd gone that he saw you and knew you were okay. I ordered him to tell me what you said, he told me you said it was just sex between us."

The feeling of betrayal is hard to miss in his voice and on his face. "I lied Jake." He's so angry and so hurt, and I know it's because he's thinking that at the time, I hadn't loved him at all. It sure doesn't feel like I did, given how easily I had doubted him and walked away before he could tell me what happened with the Cullens. I get up and stand in front of him, grasping Jacob's hands in mine. "I loved you, Jake. So much. But I wasn't about to say it to him or anyone else but you, first. I left even though I loved you, because I didn't think that it would've have changed anything."

Jacob pulls my face to his, kissing my lips softly. "It broke me to think that you didn't know how I felt, or didn't feel the same about me. I thought that I'd bullied you into being with me, that I'd used the wolf to control you against your will. Did I hurt you like that?"

I shake my head, resting my forehead against his collar bone, the pain and worry in his voice shaking me to the core. "No. No, I wanted to be with you Jake. I wanted the wolf to claim me - I wanted it more than anything. It felt right, like you were the other half of me. But I didn't think I could ever compete with her, no matter what you and I shared. I knew that with her, you'd have more. Like Sam and Emily."

"There's no competition - Never was. No one can match up to you, Lee. My biggest regret was not seeing how perfect you were for me sooner. If I had just let myself forget Bella, you and I could have been free of all this from the start."

I smile at the thought. "Maybe."

"No, it's true. Sometimes I think about when you first joined me and Seth. I knew you came for him, but a part of me felt like you belonged with me even though I lashed out. I was just hurting over Bella and didn't want anyone around hearing my thoughts… I didn't want friends, I just wanted to wallow."

"So did I, and I wanted to do it without Sam knowing every sordid detail, or being scorned for my pain and being unable to suppress it. It was hell being in that pack with everyone knowing that I was broken inside. I hated feeling like my love for him no longer mattered, and that I should just suck it up because Emily was some fucking goddess." I can't help the way my blood heats up just thinking about the early days when Paul, Jared, Quil and Sam especially, even Jacob on his own sour days, made me feel like shit.

"We were all immature idiots. I was so lucky to have you and I didn't know. I think the difference is that Sam did. He knew and yet he didn't protect you. Just because Emily's his imprint didn't make any of it right."

I snort and shake my head. Thinking about how Sam turned against me no longer lances my heart like it used to, but the burn still lingers. "How were you lucky and didn't know?" I ask.

"When you said you'd follow me and do whatever I said regardless of if I wanted you there. You stood up for me when Bella constantly wanted me by her side and I was too weak to resist. You were always there for me and I never allowed myself to see it for what it was. You put all your shit aside to be what I needed, and I took it for granted. I let Bella cloud my mind."

I sigh, remembering more of our past I prefer to forget. I remember Jacob intervening after the newborn fight, challenging the vampire I had found. Although I was pissed at him for getting hurt and not giving me the chance to prove myself as a wolf, the fact that he didn't think twice to rescue me was nice. I knew that he had a good heart, always did from a young boy. I wanted to repay him for seeing me as someone worth saving.

"It was easy to follow you, it wasn't just to get away from Sam and Emily. My wolf's loyalty was to you after the newborn fight."

Jacob takes my hand and kisses it, then clutches it between his palms. "My wolf was loyal to you too, it seems. Honestly Lee, I've done you wrong in so many ways, all because of Bella. It's wrong of me to be upset that you left. It was what you'd wanted for a long time, to be free of all of us."

"Jake don't -"

"No, listen. You'd said that you wanted to leave as soon as you could get your anger under control and stop phasing. I know that leaving the Res was important to you, so I can't be mad that you took the opportunity when it presented itself – even though it was Blondie's fucking ploy. Seth made me realize that you wouldn't have left if it wasn't absolutely necessary. I'm sorry for my part in that. I didn't want to hurt you."

I take a deep breath, willing the tears not to fall, but they do. Fingering the fabric of his t-shirt, I avoid his eyes as I force myself to open up and share a secret that no one but my mother and Seth know. "I'd tried to leave La Push when you were in Spain. Seth knows, I'm pretty sure that's why he said to let me go." I know I should have told him this before, that day when we talked about the tension in the pack, but I was trying to protect Jake from blaming himself, as I know he will.

Seth had seen Sam drive me away from everyone before, and for him, Jacob had done the same. I haven't been giving my little brother enough credit for trying to protect me. I haven't put myself in his shoes at all since I left home. Mom has probably been feeling the same resentment as well.

The light rumble in his chest tells me that Jacob isn't happy to hear that. "Did something bad happen to make you want to leave?"

Even though I don't want to tell him, I've already said too much now. "Sam was being overbearing. He wanted the packs back together and he just wouldn't leave me alone about it. He always tried to make it seem like I belonged to him even though I was not his imprint. Like…he had to keep tabs on me." Jacob growls and his arms suddenly cinch around my waist possessively. I sigh and fall into his chest, wrapping myself around him so that we are both comforted.

"I was packing my stuff like a crazy person after a bad fight we'd had. And Mom came home early and caught me. She begged me to stay, that she couldn't lose me too. She didn't think that I'd ever come back because she knew all I wanted was to escape him and Emily."

Jacob's arms tighten just a little more and I close my eyes for a moment to regroup. Just thinking about that fight with Sam sets my teeth on edge. I've buried it into the recesses of my mind for so long that drudging it up so suddenly is unsettling. Jacob will never know about the details, neither will Emily. Just thinking about the vice-like grip of Sam's hand around my neck makes me tremble. I swallow and shove the memory aside so that I can continue.

"So I stayed and I told Sam things would remain as they were until you returned, and that I wouldn't betray you. I promised to report to him if need be. I convinced him to focus on his career rather than take on extra wolves. I made sure that Emily was there, and she backed me up…so he caved. I had hated Sam for putting me in that position, to be so desperate to leave, but really, I was too chicken shit to run for it. I had no money, no plan. It was stupid. I felt lost, and being with our pack was all I had to cling to in the end. I relied on them far too much."

I shake my head with a sniffle, pulling away from Jacob so that I can wipe my eyes. Sam had caved because he knew I'd tell Emily what had happened, right there and then, if he didn't give me what I wanted. I wanted to be free of him, and him letting me be Beta without his interference was the only way I could get it without leaving.

"I'm sorry," Jacob's voice breaks. "I've been so selfish."

"I never blamed you for leaving, Jake. I was just jealous that you _could."_ Maybe a part of me had envied the Cullen charity shown to Jacob. Maybe that's why I took the money.

"I should have brought you with me."

I snort at the thought. "Me with the Cullens? Bella? Oh yeah! _That_ would have turned out _great!"_

Jacob grunts at my sarcasm. "But I should have known that Sam would be a problem. It's just…so much time had passed, I didn't think he'd try to take the pack back. I thought everything was fine as it had been when I was home."

"I know. I didn't think so either. But Sam changed…" I mutter with a slight shudder. We'd all settled into a routine by then, sharing the duties of protecting La Push and the Cullens by extension. Sam and Jacob had buried the hatchet when Nessie was first threatened by the Volturi, and as she grew over the years they stayed, there had been no further issues. The duties of the pack were shared, especially with the Young Seven that sprouted up so suddenly. Jacob had helped train and tend to some for half of every month to help Sam out.

I don't know why Sam suddenly had such a keen interest on being the only Alpha with Jacob gone, I find it hard to believe that it was only because he wanted me within his reach. For what, I don't know….or I don't care to know.

"When I got back from Spain, why didn't you tell me? No, forget that, why didn't you call me as soon as it happened? Leah, I had a right to know what you sacrificed for the pack, for _me_ so that I could run off with fucking vampires!" Jacob chastises, his eyes wide and glassy with unshed tears.

I shake my head. "Jacob, I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want to start problems between you and him, you know what that would be like. The Council hates when you two aren't cordial. And when you got home, it didn't matter by then, I kept my distance and so did he… there was no reason to bring it up…And we were sort of preoccupied with each other." We'd started sleeping together with no premeditated consideration for the mess it would create.

Mirth lights Jacob's eyes for a moment as he fingers the blush that has surely spread on my cheek. But his mood suddenly darkens and the sadness returns. "Promise me you won't keep things from me anymore, Leah. I don't want to wake up one day and I feel like I've let you down again. I want to protect you, from every and anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself or the decision we've made to be together. I don't want you to make any more sacrifices for me or the pack. Whatever you need, I want to give it to you."

"You haven't let me down Jacob, not once. Not even when you left with the Cullens. _I'm_ the one who was wrong. We should have talked that day I left, about what Rosalie had said to me. I should have had faith in us and refused the money."

Jacob trembles slightly, and I rest my body chest to chest against him to calm us both. "Do you have it now?" he whispers. "Faith?"

I nod. "I swear," looking him in the eye to reassure him that I'm all in.

Jacobs sighs heavily and tucks my head under his chin so that we can just stand by the park bench and hold each other. I can feel how depressed he still is and decide that it's time for both of us to buck up and stop putting ourselves down for things we can no longer change. I pull away and don a stern expression at which Jacob arches a brow, amused.

"We both made mistakes, we both didn't trust each other, we both suffered heartache. We've both felt unworthy or hopeless or selfish at some point or the other. But that's life. We were all kids forced to grow up in a cruel way. We were scared half the time. I know it might not be healthy, but I don't want to dwell on the past anymore. I just want to move on. We're here now, we're going to have a baby. That's all that matters. It's over. I'm yours and you're mine now. This was our choice, and everything we've been through, was so that we could get to this point."

Jake's shoulders slump in relief and he leans over and captures my lips, bringing my hips toward him so that he can hold me again. "I love you Lee."

"I love you too Jake," I sigh as I wrap my arms around him again.

My love.

When a passer-by begs us to get a room, I grab my bag with one hand and Jacob's hand with the other. Together we head back to Rebecca's house, hopefully leaving the past behind us on that park bench.

**AN: So these two have had their heart-to-heart. I know you're interested on that altercation with Sam, but I won't be bringing it back up. Leah will not speak on it, not even to me HAHA! But you get the picture, he tried to force her to submit to his pack physically and she fought him off like the warrior we know she is. **

**Thank you again for your reviews and for following and favoriting This! I really appreciate you being here! Up next we hear from Seth.**


	23. Complicated

TWENTY-THREE

COMPLICATED

SETH

Some days I wake up in the morning and I think to myself, "Just leave, just get out of here, Seth." Because I just can't take the tension and the negativity anymore. Mom is upset because of what people are saying about my sister. I'm upset because I can't do anything about it, and really and truly, they all should just mind their own business.

I understand the initial shock one feels after finding out that Leah and Jacob were somehow able to hide their relationship for two whole months, but it is what it is, and it's over and done with. The wolf's out of the bag. Why can't we all just move on? They certainly have.

But I already know that it's only going to get worse when the secret pregnancy comes out. Sam's on the war path and it won't be pretty once he realizes that Jacob has once again managed to do something he couldn't. Truthfully, I've had it with all the pack politics – which is unfortunately connected to my sister's love life. I wish that somehow Jacob could be the leader everyone expects him to be, without it compromising his relationship with my sister. If Jake could be happy, then we'd all be happy because things would be in order and life would go on.

Sam has really changed over the years, and he's not someone I want to continue to be forced to follow if Jacob never comes back home. It's bad enough as it is, having to take his orders. These days it feels like I am in the military more than a pack of wolves. And he's always asking me about Leah, which is annoying, especially since I'm never going to tell him what I know. Luckily, I'm still not technically part of his pack because I can't hear the thoughts of the other wolves. But for how long? At some point soon, he's going to force me and Embry to submit, and split us up. He'll rape our minds for every single detail he thinks we're hiding from him. We've already lost Quil, which was really no surprise, given that he's imprinted on Emily's niece.

I just want to get away from it all, be free from this. As soon as I get a job, I'm going to get my shit together and make my own decisions, like Leah. If I could break away from Sam once, I can do it again. My loyalty will ultimately never be to him, unless Jacob and Leah order me to submit. I'm pretty sure that in spite of everything that has happened, Embry feels the same.

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My phone rings, and I roll over on the bed to answer it, surprised to see the culprit calling so early in the a.m.

"Morning Lee-Lo."

"Morning Sethy, you've got your final exam today right?"

I smile, touched that my sister would even know. Mom must have told her to wish me good luck. "Yeah I do." I'm beyond relieved to be done with summer school. I finally have all the credits I need to graduate.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah, it's gonna be an easy one."

"Okay, Brainiac, sounds like you've got it covered."

"Yeap." After all I didn't get a full scholarship for nothing. School was never Leah's favorite thing, she did well enough averaging between B's and C's, but was not an A student like me. "How are you feeling?"

"Great actually. Um…Jacob's here with me."

"Seriously? Wow. So I take it you told him and everything's hunky dory with you two now?"

"Yeah, more or less. We've been trying to work through our issues the last couple of days but we're good. Excited about the baby."

"Yeah, I would have loved to see Jake's face when you told him."

Leah chuckles on the line. "Yeah, he was pretty shocked. So, everything going okay with the pack?"

"I guess, I dunno. Patrol is fine but I hate the regular meetings. Sam's always up our asses about one thing or another, like it's all about improving 'pack image' in the tribe. He's got this code of conduct and all these rules…He's trying to erase all the gossip and propaganda about us I guess. It's been so many years though, I thought people were over the mystery by now, but I guess for his political stuff it matters what people say."

"Sam has officially lost his mind. I'm sorry. I know that Jake and I are being selfish, Seth. We're aware of that."

"Yeah well, if you really feel sorry, come home. Jake needs to make shit right. I didn't tell you before but Mom voted Sam onto the Council, she's pretty pissed she did it. But she figured if Jacob's disappeared there was nothing else to be done – plus Sam is family, it wouldn't look good if she snubbed another Uley. And the Alpha's gotta sit on the Council, and Sam's Alpha."

"I get it, okay? Jake and I talked about it. But I'm the one who's hesitant to go back, not him. He wants to set things right with you all and I hope you'll let him."

"Well then come home Leah! It's bigger than you, okay? We're supposed to be a family, you don't run out on family. Your baby should be born into a time of peace."

"I said I was sorry Seth. You know I had to leave."

"You keep saying that but it really doesn't mean shit until you get back. You're together now, you've got your future with your child. So what's there to be scared of, Lee? No one's going to break up your family. Just come home."

My sister sighs on the line and tells me she'll talk to Jacob. I can only hope that she'll do the right thing. Leah's a really strong-willed person and it's weird seeing her act so scared of Sam and Billy. Hopefully Jacob will be strong enough for both of them and encourage her to do what's right. I know I'm not the only one who agrees. I know Mom does too, but she probably won't say anything because we both know how much Leah had put up with for years.

I really don't like bullying her to come back, especially since I supported her taking a break from the start. But she had her freedom, she got her man, now she needs to think of everyone else.

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When I enter the kitchen, I kiss my mother good morning and take a seat at the table. She's already dressed in her nurses' uniform to head to the clinic. Her raven hair is rolled neatly into a bun at the back of her head. She looks tired, but content. The sadness is not so prevalent in her eyes unless she's thinking hard about Dad or Leah. It's still weird sitting here, it being only two people instead of four, or three, and it's not something I like getting used to.

"Did your sister call you?"

"Yeap."

"She said when she's coming home?"

I snort. "No, in fact she still doesn't want to come back, Jake does though."

Mom grunts and shakes her head as she sips her coffee and turns back to her paper in the other hand. "Those two. As much as I wish this drama never happened, I'm happy to see Jacob step up for her. Leah needs a man like that, who can fight for her sometimes. My daughter needs to remember that she doesn't have to face this world by herself all the time."

"Sam certainly isn't half the Alpha that Jake is. Sometimes I wonder if we know anything about imprinting at all. It seems to be different for each one of them, doesn't it?" I dig into the hot breakfast before the eggs get cold.

"Yes. It does, but I still think it's all about what the girl wants. Emily knew what she wanted Seth, and it was Sam. He threw himself at her feet and it was the first time she ever knew what a man's devotion could feel like. Clearly Bella's little hybrid does not want Jacob. Otherwise, he wouldn't be with your sister."

"In a way, it's good he imprinted on Nessie when she was a baby." My mother rolls her eyes. It's so annoying that everyone in the pack and Council prefer "vampire girl" or "hybrid" to using Renesmee's name. "She's Charlie's grand-daughter, I hope you don't call her that around him."

"No I don't. I'm sorry, old habits I guess. And child-imprinting will forever be the worst thing about imprinting on the whole. Quil is suffering under my great-niece's thumb."

"He's really happy to be back with Sam and Emily it seems. He hates Jake now."

"Yes well, it was to be expected - though not reasonable."

I grunt in agreement and continue to eat. Mom starts clearing away dishes and carrying them to the sink for me to wash.

"Oh before I forget Seth, the Council is throwing you a graduation party. So you decide if you have one or two friends from college you'd like to ask. Invite them."

"What?" I look up at my mother with apprehension. "A party?"

"For you and Colin and Brady of course. But it would be our way of congratulating you three on your achievements. And with some of the pack phasing out, this will be a good send off for everybody. You are all entering a new chapter in your lives, you're going from boys to men now. The Council wants to honor you. And _I_ want to honor _my_ son, on behalf of his father as well."

The burn of tears in my throat causes me to force my egg sandwich down with some juice. "Thanks Mom, that sounds cool," I tell her casually, barely able to meet her eyes. It's a nice gesture and all, even though I'm not sure I want to celebrate anything at all.

And I don't know how cool it would be without Jake and Leah there. It's pathetic, but I don't want to start any new chapters without them.

"Did you tell Leah?"

"No, I left that up to you. You may invite her if you wish. I've decided that if she wants to be gone, then she's not obligated to know what's happening unless absolutely necessary."

"Reverse psychology, huh?" I chuckle, not surprised. I know my mother well enough.

Mom looks at me and smirks. "Hopefully she will not forget the importance of family when you tell her."

I grunt, knowing how torn I am about my sister's absence. I really want her to be happy, but I just wish she could be happy here with us. Although I want her here for selfish reasons, I also don't want my niece or nephew to be without family too. I want to be a part of their life and watch them grow. The anticipation of being an uncle is new and exciting to me. I can't wait to be best buds with the little boy or girl. A part of my feels robbed, and I know Mom will feel the same tenfold. My sister is really not thinking clearly on that one.

"Finish up your breakfast, son, you've got to at least arrive at school with a full belly."

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I'm getting my stuff organized to go catch the bus when I hear a truck outside.

Embry steps out, dressed in his overalls from the auto shop. He splits his time between there and the convenience store which he runs with his mother.

"Hey," he calls, and I nod in response. "You got school today?"

"Yeap, final exam."

"Oh cool, you ready?"

"Yeah, it should be pretty easy."

Embry smiles, "Alright Smartypants."

"Whatever," I smile back, thinking that he and Leah like to tease me too much – I'm pretty sure she's rubbed off on him. It's weird having a brother that no one acknowledges to be your brother. But until Mom says something about it, I won't. I'm glad that at least I know the truth and that we have our own relationship.

"You hear from Jake?" he asks, rubbing the back of his neck, as he grabs a glass of ice water.

"Not recently," Not since he broke my nose! "But I know that he's with Leah now."

"Oh word?" Embry raises his eyebrows at looks over at me.

"Yeap."

"Shit, so they're like, together or whatever?"

"Seems that way. But it's a secret okay?" I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. But it's Embry, he knows not to blab about our pack. Still, I don't tell him that they're in Hawaii, or that our sister's pregnant.

"So are you cool with that?"

I shrug, lacing up my worn-out Adidas. I really need a better job than the bookstore at school (which I'll have to give up now that I'm a graduate anyways). "I've decided that it's not my place to get in between the Alpha and Beta. I'd say it's the real deal with those two. Plus, Leah's my sister, and she deserves to be happy. If he's it, then I'll support it."

Embry seems to get what I'm trying to say. Not only is Jacob his best friend, but Leah's his sister too. He should be on their side.

I honestly don't think Jacob will ever change his mind about her. He never gets that lovesick look on his face like Paul or Jared when talking about his imprint. It's pretty obvious that he's hung up on my sister. Her leaving, hit him pretty hard. He didn't seem to have any problems being away from Nessie as compared to Leah.

Piecing together all the little quirks in his behavior over the last couple months have made it obvious that he really wants to be with Leah. I feel bad about being such a dick to him after she left, but I just don't wanna see her or Nessie get hurt. At the time it felt like he was only thinking of himself rather than them, but I was wrong. He's been trying to make everyone happy and still get what he wants, and honestly, there's no law against that.

"I just don't get how he can be with someone that's not his imprint. Quil won't shut up about it, and it's driving me nuts. I guess I just don't know if he's really wrong or not. I mean, it's kinda weird that Quil thinks about a future with Claire while she's still a kid. Don't you think?"

I grunt. "I guess, yeah. But it's all he's got."

"But is it though? She's a kid. If Jake could be with Leah, then Quil could surely be with women until she grows up. Honestly, I think it would do him the world of good. He acts so fucking immature because he spends all of his time being bossed around by a little girl."

I snort and shake my head, remembering my mother's comment earlier. I really don't want to talk badly about my pack brother, but Embry's got a valid point. Quil IS the most annoying wolf on the Res.

"Just leave him be Em. I think, judging from Jake, it's all about the man and his control over the wolf. Quil isn't trying to dominate his, he just lets it have its way, and he's got a set picture for what his life has to be. Jake is different in his approach. His imprint is different."

"I guess. I never really gave it much thought until he refused to be with her. Do you still want to imprint? Don't you get tired of waiting?"

I take a breath before turning to him. "I still do, but I can wait. Now that I'm finished school, I have other things I wanna do first. I'm not in a rush for it to happen. If I stop phasing next year without it, I won't mind." Embry nods, seeming to have something heavy on his shoulders. "What's wrong, did you imprint?"

He shakes his head. "But, I've been thinking lately that maybe it would be a good thing if I did."

"Why?"

"Cause, I just feel so fucking useless, Seth. All these years and I've got nothing going for me. I work and I patrol. That's it. I'm tired of not having someone. I'd like to go on dates, have kids one day, go on trips. I'm just tired of the same shit every day. But then I think about the fact that it could be a kid I imprint on, and then I freak out. I haven't even been to see Paul's kid, and I probably never will." He exhales loudly and it surprises me how frustrated Embry really is over not having his mate.

"Maybe you should just date. You want someone, she doesn't have to be your imprint."

"But what if I get invested in a relationship and then imprint?"

I huff. How many times have I had that same thought? "You just have to go for it, if the girl is worth it. We can't live our lives just waiting for something that might not happen – that's not living. And maybe the quota of imprints is filled for our generation."

Embry pouts, considering my answer then nods. "Maybe you're right."

Then an idea comes to me. "Let's go clubbing soon. We can spend the weekend in Port Angeles, and just have fun, forget being wolves for a few days. You could try to meet someone. We owe it to ourselves. Colin and Brady and Quil could come, it'll be like a graduation turn up."

Embry chuckles at the thought. "Yeah bro. I think I'd like that."

I smile and we pump fists, then I ask him to drop me to the bus stop near the convenience store, since he's already made me late.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After the exam I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm going to graduate! It feels so good to have achieved something so important, to do something that few people of my tribe have the option to do. Just thinking about how proud my Dad would be of me right now, makes it all worth it. I guess a party to celebrate IS a great idea. I'm into the idea now that I'm actually done with school.

Not long after I get home from Port Angeles and start rabidly looking for grub, my phone rings.

"Hey Ness," I smile to myself.

I can't help the little butterflies that swarm in the pit of my stomach. I am well aware that Nessie's my Alpha's imprint, it's not that I'm love with her or anything, but she's really cool to talk to - and we've been doing a lot of talking in the last couple of days. We're getting closer at an alarming rate and the thought of that makes me anxious, though not in an entirely bad way. It's occurred to me that Jacob leaving Paris is probably the reason she's started calling more. She hasn't really talked _about_ him, and I haven't either, because I figure that if she wanted to go down that road, she'd be the first to bring it up.

"Hey, Seth, it's me. Congratulations on finishing your degree, how was it?"

I feel a sudden rush at the fact that she called to congratulate me. "It was great actually, I'm now a civil engineer. Can you believe it?" Grinning like a damn fool, I set my phone on the counter and turn on the speaker. I pull out some meat Mom left marinating in the fridge, pasta and veggies to cook. Mom spends a lot of time at Charlie's, so I've learned how to fend for myself – as she intended.

"Yes I can, you're so smart."

"Thanks Ness. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay I guess," she sighs.

"What's wrong, you sound a bit down."

"Maybe I am a little. But that's not what I called to talk about, I was thinking of taking a trip. _Annnnd_ I was wondering what you would think about it."

"Oh really? Where?" my brows rise in anticipation.

"To Forks, to stay at my parents' cottage."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, is that okay? You sound totally shocked," Nessie chuckles on the line.

I shake my head as if she can see me, but truth is I am _very_ shocked. My mind immediately goes to the treaty, but then I remember that the amicable banishment of the Cullens does not include Jacob's imprint.

"No I just didn't expect you to say that, that's all. Everything's okay though, right?"

"Yes Seth, I wanted to see you and I am finished summer school too. I was thinking maybe we could celebrate somehow, maybe take a road trip across the Olympic or go to the club - whatever you'd like to do, it would be my treat, my gift to you."

"What?" I snort. "Nessie that's totally unnecessary-"

"Hence the word GIFT, Seth! Please let me do this? I really want to. You've helped me through a tough time, even though you didn't know _half_ of what was going on with me. And I really just want to say thank you for being my friend. It would be nice for us to hang out as adults now," she chuckles quietly.

I grunt in protest like an idiot, before taking a deep breath in resignation. "Thank you, Renesmee. It sounds like fun." I'll try not to worry about what Edward would think about me hanging out with his daughter, or what my Alpha would think about me taking a road trip with his imprint. (A road trip sounds awesome.)

"Now, that's better. Wasn't so hard, see?" Nessie laughs in my ear, prompting me to laugh at myself too. Being from the Res, taking charity doesn't always sit well, but she's right. It would be a gift, whatever I want to do. Thinking about my plans with Embry, I realize that I can't bring her along for a bros' weekend geared at getting him laid. Then I remember the graduation party.

"There's going to be a graduation party next week. I want you to be there." My heart hammers against my chest but I ignore it. The invitation could potentially stir up _more_ problems with the Council or Sam. But for once I push those thoughts aside. I don't want to people-please. I've graduated school and I'm moving on with my life – having fun needs to be part of that. The graduates can invite whomever they want to their celebrations, and I choose her as my special guest, aside from Aaron and John from my physics class.

"Wow, really?" she gasps softly, sounding pleased.

"Yeah."

"That would be awesome, Seth, thank you. But are you sure it would be okay for me to be there?"

"You're an imprint, whether or not your wolf is present, you are part of the pack in a way. No one can rightfully turn you away if you are invited. Don't worry about that okay? If you come, it's to have fun and meet the others finally, so we can all stop wondering about each other."

"That sounds perfect, even if slightly intimidating as well. I do need to talk to the Chief anyways, about my no-go with your Alpha."

"Oh yeah? Why?" I'm a little surprised she'd want to do that, without Jacob too it seemed.

It was ballsy. And kinda intriguing.

"Because I want to help Jacob and Leah get his approval. This whole thing is totally out of hand just because of me. It's the least I can do for them."

I'm impressed. "That's very noble of you, Ness. I appreciate you for wanting to do that for my sister. The Chief really needs to hear it from your lips to believe that you're not being wronged."

"I figured. I just really want to see Jake back home with all of you. He left me in Spain to go be with his family, and now you all are not even speaking. I hate it."

"So when you come down you'll be bullying the pack and Council to make up with him?" I tease.

Nessie laughs on the line, a distinctly girly yet aristocratic sound. It makes me smile. "If need be I will. I've heard enough from my mother and Rose to know what to say. I'll do whatever it takes to see my best friend be happy, the imprint bond goes both ways, you know."

"So when will you fly down?" I ask her, feeling so weird while uttering the words.

"I was thinking in three days. I just need to finish up the week at work and get my paycheck."

"Look at you," I tease. "School, party, work - you're living every college kid's dream life you know?" I dump the pasta in the boiling water and resume chopping my carrots, beans and broccoli. The meat is already simmering too.

"Trust me, I admire them for being so independent at this young age. It's harder than it looks!" She teases. "But I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"And you shouldn't, ever! You're doing great Renesmee. You get to see the world in a totally different way, you absorb so much more than a regular person can. I admire you, ya know." It's the closest I'll get to admitting to any type of feelings for this girl who amazes me.

"So my being half-vampire doesn't freak you out even just a little bit?" she asks, and I can hear the self-doubt lingering in her tone.

I shrug instinctively. "I've never really thought of you that way Ness." Even though everybody else does.

"Not even when I hunted and drank blood?" Her tone is even more skeptical.

I chuckle at the memory of her as a child out hunting with me and Jake and her parents. Many a time I'd take her out in the woods around the cottage and let her ride me like a horse, or when Jake was on patrol, we'd look for bugs and birds. I'd be her trusty side-kick, picking her up so that she could observe nests and whatever else she spotted too high up. I'd developed a soft spot for her in the early years when the coven lived in Forks.

"Not even then, okay?" I finally reassure her. "I've known you forever, Ness. I can list a whole lot of things to admire. Your diet is your personal business, and I'd never judge you for it." I know that at heart, she's pure and innocent. Ness wouldn't hurt anyone.

"I appreciate you saying that Seth, thank you."

"It's not a problem," I say quietly.

"I just wish I could pick a side you know? Be all human or all vampire, not this in- between who doesn't quite fit in either world."

"All people of mixed descent have this same problem, you know. You get the chance to make your own rules because you're literally your own unique person. Think of it as a blessing, not a curse okay? Continue to make the life YOU want to live."

"Maybe a trip back to Forks will be good for me to connect with my roots. And I won't have to hide who I am while at the cottage. I can figure things out..."

"I think that's _exactly_ the kind of break you need. But you need to just relax and have fun. Have you told Jacob about your plans?" I have no choice but to ask.

"No. No I haven't, and neither does it really include him unless he's on your guest list. I know he's busy in Hawaii with your sister, so I won't assume that he can fly to Washington just because I'm there."

I never expected Nessie to throw shade, nor for it to be directed at her imprinter. I have no clue what the problem is, as I've made it my business to stay out of Jacob's personal life after he punched me in the nose. But she's clearly well informed with what's up with him so it seems pretty safe to get into it.

"What's going on?" I ask her with a shake of my head at my nosey question, because there's really no way I can NOT know, now.

Ness sighs dramatically into the receiver. "Look, I didn't mean to get all snippy just now. It's just that learning how to live separately from Jake and then the rest of my family, hasn't been easy."

"I know. But you'll find your stride in Paris soon enough. And you know he still cares about you no matter what."

"I really had no clue how dependent on him I was until we both left Spain. But it wouldn't be so bad if my boyfriend and I hadn't broken up. I'm just upset that everything's turned sour here in Paris…and not having Jake around just makes it all the more difficult to keep up a brave face all the time."

"Boyfriend?" I stop cooking as everything suddenly feels out of whack. I thought her whole vibe was about Jake? Nessie Cullen had a boyfriend? "Does Jake know?"

Nessie scoffs on the line. "Yes he knows, just like I know about him and Leah."

Holy shit. "Why didn't you tell me before?" I ask, a little annoyed. Had I been angry with Jake for abandoning her for nothing? I'd been cool with us not talking about Jake, but now I just feel like I am standing in the dark.

"I just didn't want to talk about any of it. I like talking to you because it takes my mind off of that stuff."

I can't help but agree. "Yeah, talking to you helps me forget about all the drama going on here in La Push too."

"Are you happy about Jake and your sister?"

"Truthfully, I wasn't at first. They were keeping it a secret, and it was a shock to find out after she just disappeared on us. And then, well, I was worried about how it would affect YOU. It didn't seem right what Jacob was doing, but he insisted that the imprint was different with you guys. I guess he was right, I didn't know you were dating too."

"Yeah well, I was keeping that on the low because of my parents and Aro. I just didn't want to expose Luc to any part of the supernatural world."

"Wow. I'm just…I had no clue."

"Yeah well, it's all in the past now I guess. Luc's gone and I'm ready to move on. The good thing about being in Forks is that the Volturi won't follow me there unless something bad were to happen."

"They better not show their disgusting faces. The pack would be all too happy to get rid of them once and for all," I growl. Just thinking about those pasty bloodsuckers makes my blood boil.

"Thanks Seth. It means a lot to me. I just don't want to cause any more trouble for anyone."

"I understand, but you're not trouble."

"Well, then I don't want to be anybody's _job._ I hate living in a bubble. It isn't healthy for anyone."

I sigh, understanding how she feels, always needing protection. "You're not that either, you're a friend. Practically family, you're pack."

"I'm glad you feel that way, cause I plan to be, if you all will let me."

"You got it," I smile to myself.

If Nessie needs someone to lean on, I'm definitely willing to be that person. I know I'm not a stand-in for Jacob, nor should I try to be, but nobody should suffer alone. And if I'm being honest with myself, a part of me likes the fact that she wants me to be there for her.

I want to make her happy again. I want to enjoy the rest of my summer before the real world starts. We can do that together. "I think it really is a good idea for you to come visit. We both need to just switch it up a little. We'll hang out, I'll show you the best spots, we'll get drunk and party. Let's just do it, book the flight, _tonight."_

I hate how cheesy I sound but I can't help it, I'm a cheesy kinda guy. A guy who just wants to throw caution to the wind and live just this one time.

Nessie giggles on the line and it makes me relax as I focus on preparing dinner.

"I am all in, no worries. I'll be there on Monday."

"Cool, I'll be at the airport with bells on."

Renesmee laughs. "I can take a taxi, silly! That's too much driving."

"Hey, what did I say? You're family. I'm coming to pick you up, end of story."

"Thank you, Seth."

By the sound of her voice, I know I've given her something to hold on to, and it feels right.

After ending the call, I get back to cooking, but my mind stays on the girl in Paris, who wants to come celebrate my graduation with me. The girl who's had her heartbroken and just needs attention, no doubt, and reassurance that she is a wonderful person, that she is worthy of love.

Maybe I can read her so well because my own sister had been that girl at one point. And now that I know the truth, and am not so far up my own ass, I can see that Jacob was the one who built Leah up again over the years, from the time they got over their constant need to bicker, in the early days after Nessie was born.

I want to be that person for Renesmee. The only problem is that I have no idea how I'm going to explain this whole plan of ours to Jacob.

Or _Leah._

Oh hell.

**AN: this was the chapter that made me stick a lot in posting. I just couldn't get Nessie and Seth right but here we are! Moving on! It is what it so much for your reviews and insights! And for following This! Next up we go back to Blackwater and the big decision.**


	24. Love and Loyalty

TWENTY-FOUR

LOVE AND LOYALTY

LEAH

When I end the call from Seth, I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to form the words. What the fuck? Renesmee Cullen is coming to Forks to spend time with Seth, and there's going to be a graduation party? Jacob and I are invited if we think he's important enough to come back for?

Who was that guy and what did he do with Seth Clearwater?

"What's wrong with you?" Rebecca asks, taking a loud slurp of her wine cooler through a straw.

We're currently all at the beach, on a perfect Sunday afternoon. Becca and I are tanning on the sand, with a huge cooler or food and drinks between us. Sol and Jake are splitting their time between volleyball and surfing.

Hidden behind my dark sunglasses and floppy hat, I've been having the best time eating and watching my man flex his muscles and grow darker in the sun. Jacob was made for the beach, in all his six foot seven glory, and all the women present are silently thanking the gods right along with me. What a vision.

"Seth just told me that Nessie – Jacob's _friend_ – is coming to Forks to see him AND that they're having a party for the graduates. I didn't even _know_ he wanted to have a party," I groan and flop my head back against the beach lounger. "I'm such a horrible big sister."

"Oh hush, you know that's not true."

"I am. _Of course_ you have a graduation party when you graduate!"

"She and Seth are friends then, I take it. But so what if she comes? It's a celebration."

"But _still._ Her being there means that things with Jacob will come up with the Council. He'll have to go back. She can't be there without Jake, no matter what my crazy brother is thinking right now."

"Well, if Seth is having a grad party, don't you think you BOTH should be there regardless? It's a big milestone for your little brother, Lee." Rebecca gives me a soft, chastening smile and I can only nod my head. "And you really need to stop keeping the baby a secret from Aunt Sue."

"I know…I KNOW, okay? I just…I'm just not ready," I retort grumpily.

"I know that too, Leah. It's me you're talking to here. I've tried to go back home a thousand times and never could do it."

"But you're right. And Seth is right. This whole thing is bigger than me and I have to go back. Staying here is cowardly, and it's not fair to Jacob or the pack."

"I'm sure your 'pack' misses you, and as the two leaders, you and Jake should go and settle whatever's going on with Sam and my father," Becca says, while opening pack of crackers to eat with her hummus. I grimace at the smell. The baby refuses to fuck with hummus anymore. All I seem to want to do is eat these days, but my tastes are becoming more refined. I love fruit and cheese and anything with pasta and sauce, but my meat cravings are increasing as well, much to Jacob's delight. He's sure it's a little wolf boy inside of me.

"I know…" I murmur. We have had this conversation enough times.

"You know what?" Becca muses suddenly, after we'd both gotten lost in snacking and watching the beach.

"What?" I jerk my head around to watch her.

"We're ALL going to go."

I snort. "Seriously?"

"Yes, the party is the perfect opportunity. I'll be with you and Jake, so my nerves won't be as bad as if I was going back alone."

"But wait, I'm confused – is Sol coming too?" Things between those two are still tense around the house, and Jacob and I try not to intrude on their privacy.

Rebecca grimaces and I can see her roll her eyes behind her sunglasses. "No. All of us except _him._ I need a break from everything going on with us. Sol will stay and take care of the house and his business. I need time to think about the future."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah, I've been thinking about it for a while, since I found out about the wolves." I raise my brows in surprise. "I miss my sister, and I really want to get to know Lotus, to be an active part of her life. I want to…be a part of my family and my tribe again. If I'm honest with myself, there's nothing keeping me here, Lee. Sol and I…I just don't see a future for us anymore. He doesn't want to have kids, and I'm tired of waiting for him to change his mind. It's lonely here and watching you and Jacob, it just reminds me of everything I no longer have: a family."

"I'm sorry."

"No Leah, I'm glad. It's been a wake-up call. I can't keep living this life. I deserve to have more. I've been afraid to go back home because then it would mean that I failed, and I was too hasty to leave without a plan. But…maybe it doesn't matter. If Rach could do it, so could I."

I reach over and squeeze her arm. "You do deserve every happiness, and no one will think about whether or not you've failed. They'll just be happy to have you back, trust me."

"You know the same thing applies for you too right? I really believe that."

I snort at Rebecca's wishful thinking and shake my head. "Doesn't matter." But from what I can see, Sol needs Becca to leave his ass for a while, to make him truly appreciate the good woman he has. "I think you should go, if you're still feeling the pull to go."

"We'll do it together okay? It'll be fine, Lee."

"It could be worse, I guess. I'm glad you'll be there. You're the only one I've talked to about any of this, and I guess I've become a little dependent on having you with me."

"Me too, sissy. Then it's settled alright? We'll just take the plunge together and celebrate Seth and the baby while we're battling our demons."

I nod in agreement with a smile. "How do you think Sol will take the news?" I ask her, out of curiosity.

Rebecca snorts and shakes her head at me while laughing. "He'll be fine Leah. My husband is a survivor and an expert at making the best out of nothing…Plus he has Elise."

My jaw drops at her insinuation. "No Becc! He wouldn't!"

"Who knows?" she shrugs. "Honestly, I refuse to be bothered about that right now. I just want to get my life together."

I reach out for her hand to clasp. "I feel you."

"Plus, I'm just too excited to see everyone to be worried. Maybe when I get there I'll be paranoid. But for now, I just want to go home and see my sister and my niece, and figure out how the hell I can help Dad and Jacob."

I frown at the last part of her plan. "Maybe you shouldn't try to get involved."

"I can handle my father, Leah. Don't worry."

I sigh, knowing it's a waste of time trying to tell a member of the Black family NOT to do something.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later, after Jacob booked our flights (using my vampire savings to pay for it), we snuggle in bed together. The sun has me completely beat, but I relish the warm feeling of my sun-kissed skin against the sheets, which have cooled from the air conditioning.

"So, we're really doing this huh?" he says, looking over at me.

"Mmhmmm," I murmur.

"I was thinking that while she's there, we can have her talk to the Council. We can fix everything before the baby comes, settle in, get our lives in order."

I prop one eye open and stare at his face. He's looking at me intently, and I realize that Jacob's seeking my approval and reassurance that I'm on board. "I know, Jake."

"You'll be okay with her being there, right?"

I take a deep breath. No I won't, but I will be. I have to be. "Yes."

"Thank you honey. I know all of this is hard, but you're strong, and we'll get through it together." Jacob leans over and kisses my cheek. "We can stay at the house the twins and I inherited. It's not much, it's pretty shitty actually, but you can make it more of a home until we can do better."

"Whatever we have together, I will be happy," I tell him, giving his cheek a stroke with my hand before turning over and getting more comfortable against him. It still it hurts to know that our perfect little bubble has been popped much too early for my liking. I know we have to go back home, and I know that sometimes, Jacob will have to tend to his imprint, but that doesn't mean that I have to like any of it. This was exactly what I'd tried to avoid by running away – becoming a person I don't like because of jealousy. I burrow further into Jacob's warmth, soaking in as much as I can to relieve my nerves.

"Leah, I know you're tired, but I really need you tonight."

I look up into Jacob's anxious eyes and nod, because suddenly, I need him too – more than ever. I need to remind myself of what I'm fighting for, why I can't crack under the pressure.

I pull myself higher so that our lips can meet. It doesn't take long for things to become heated. Jacob works quickly to undress us both, and this time, when he enters me, his movements are fast, but gentle at the same time. He's careful not to thrust too hard or too deep, in consideration of our baby, but the lack of wild abandon in our lovemaking makes me crave more.

"You smell so good honey," Jacob murmurs against my neck, to which I can only grunt in reply. He sucks and nibbles on my skin, "The wolf wants to mark you. I need to."

My eyes fly open in shock. If his wolf wants to claim me, I'd never resist. My wolf stirs in anticipation, seconding the decision. I can feel her warmth suddenly pulse around my uterus and I feel as though she's telling me that the mark will fortify the baby. "Yes," I breathe.

With no hesitation, Jacob pulls me up to sit in his lap. He knows when I ride him, I come easier, but I quickly understand that it will also allow him easy access to my neck. I start to move again, grinding on his dick at a slow pace, enjoying the build-up of pressure that I now feel working its way up from my toes to my thighs. Jacob begins to suck my neck as his hands move between my nipples and my hips. He moans but it quickly turns into a low growl, signaling that his wolf has come to the surface. Mine responds and I feel her warmth again, this time in my chest. My body starts to tremble but I know that we won't phase. At first it stings as his teeth break the surface of my skin, and I growl in response, but I'm quickly flooded with a tingling sensation as the magic of the marking pulses in my veins.

"Oh!" I moan, as my orgasm finally mounts. Jacob is quick to follow and its only when he's spent that he releases my neck and claims my lips instead. I can taste the copper of my blood on his tongue, but I don't care. The bonding is still in motion and we need to connect in every way possible. I continue to gyrate on his groin, which is only semi soft from ejaculation. It takes him no time to stiffen inside me again, and before I know it, Jake has me on the bed, flat on my stomach taking me from behind. With the wolf so close to the surface, he's less restrained this time, and I can't help the loud moans that escape me in response to his reckless abandon. I give back just as much as I take, my only desire being to fill his need for me in this moment, and mine for him.

"_You're mine_!" I insist, in a bit of an embarrassingly shrill voice, as another wave crashes over me. The sensation is mingled with a sense of possessiveness and need, from the marking. _MY mate_, my wolf growls within, reaching for his. I can feel the bond between them, I can feel us on that spiritual, magical level. It all but flattens me.

"I know baby," Jacob sighs, as he falls against my back to kiss the tender spot which is tingling as it begins to heal. "Always."

"Do you feel that?" I whisper as he pulls me into his chest to spoon.

"Yeah, I do honey. My wolf has officially claimed yours as his mate, for life." He chuckles, "We're finally on the same page for certain now."

"It feels so…like it's in my chest, like a cable to yours." I gasp in disbelief and surprise.

"Yeah, I didn't expect that part, it reminds me of how the imprint feels."

I shift then to look back at him, having forgotten all about THAT. "How was this even possible with the imprint?"

Jacob shrugs and kisses my forehead. "I don't know. Since I found out about the baby…it's just been there less and less."

"I guess when you see her, you'll know for sure."

"Yeah."

We lay quietly, both letting sleep come naturally, but the new sensation of the mark in my body is making it difficult for me. Jacob's used to this feeling but I certainly am not. "Why did you want to mark me?"

"I told you, the wolf wanted it," Jacob murmurs.

"But why? Was it just sexual?"

It takes him a few moments before he sighs and rolls away from my back so that he is flat on his. "No it wasn't."

I turn myself over so that I can look at him properly. He's staring at the ceiling. "Care to explain?"

Jacob looks over at me and shakes his head a little. "It's just…going back…you're pregnant and we'll be around Sam…and…lots of male wolves."

I snort. "Oh my gawd! You went all caveman on me? If I had known Jacob Black I would never have said yes." I can't believe how adolescent he's being.

_"Le-ah,"_ Jacob hisses impatiently. "I had to do it because it's the wolf's way of protecting you and our pup! Your scent, your skin, your hair, everything about you is just _mouthwatering_ right now. The wolf HATES other men to be near you. And you have no idea how hard I try to keep my hands off of you out of respect for the baby." I suck in a loud, deep breath. It's totally territorial caveman bullshit and totally sweet at the same time. "After what you told me bout Sam, all I can think about is ripping his head off. I need to make sure that everyone knows you're ours. Between him and that leech... you don't know how I wish I could destroy anyone who hurt you."

I slide over and grasp Jacob by the chin, pulling his face to mine. "I love you. And I promise, the pack won't be an issue when we go back. I'll be around Seth and Embry the most, and they're my brothers. And I won't be near Sam unless you're with me. I'm asking your wolf to relax."

I press my hand to his chest and close my eyes, I reach for my wolf and I try to project what I feel through her. Jacob gasps and tightens his grip against me.

"I felt it. I love you too, honey. I'll try to behave." Jacob rolls over and covers me with his body. He kisses me slow and deep, while I rub my feet against his legs. When we finally break for air, he presses his lips to my mark and rolls away, so that we can both get some rest.

I'm exhausted now from the barrage of emotions, but I'm also blissfully sated. I feel complete as the magic of our bond hums within. The marking is Jake's way of showing me and everyone else that I'm the only one he wants, and that he'll always choose me. It allowed our wolves to establish a bond that felt natural, especially since we're have this baby together – all fricking four of us, when I really think about it. With that thought, I feel calm and ready to go home. I know now that I don't have to be afraid, because I've always had Jacob's love and his loyalty, and they're enough.

**Another one of those ****_meh_**** chapters I wasn't sure about but I hope it was a good read all the same. Up next, Nessie goes home. Thank you for reading and reviewing! I enjoy reading them!**


	25. HOME

TWENTY-FIVE

RENESMEE

HOME

When I walk out of Arrivals with my two bags, the first person I see is the tall Quileute man holding a sign that reads WELCOME HOME NESS. I giggle and scurry over to him, throwing myself into his arms.

"Hi Seth! Thank you so much!" I gush while pulling away, so excited to finally be here.

"Welcome home Ness, how was your flight?" Seth smiles, disarming me with his straight, white teeth and sparkling obsidian eyes.

"It was good! I slept for a good bit of it, but I had this novel to keep me company too."

"Nice. Ready to go?" Seth grabs my two bags from the floor where I dropped them, leaving me with my backpack. I smile and nod at him and we turn towards the door where throngs of people are coming and going.

I take a breath and observe the environment around me, spotting no hoods, cloaks or red eyes in the vicinity. A small part of me has been paranoid for weeks now, that the Volturi's still somewhere out there lurking in the shadows.

"Everything's fine, don't worry." I look up at Seth, surprised that he could tell what was going through my mind. Maybe it was easy to read on my face, judging by the sympathetic look he's giving me. I force a smile, and duck my head, trying to hide my blush.

Seth shows me the way to the car, an old Toyota Camry he borrowed from one of his friends. On the walk over, which was littered with me stumbling over my own feet and bumping into Seth like a total, klutz, I tell him about how I told my parents I was coming to Forks for a while to sort things out with Jacob and his father, and enjoy the rest of summer. Mom was devastated to see me go to a place they cannot follow (though without Dad there to reel her in, I'm sure she would have still tried), but Dad and Rose encouraged me to have the best time and forget about everything else. It finally felt like they were _trying_ to be supportive of my decisions.

Before I left, Dad and I went to dinner at a restaurant, alone, where he presented me with a charm bracelet with all kinds of charms: a music note for our love of piano, a book for our love of reading, a wolf for Jake, a globe for my desire to see the world, a heart for our family, and our initials. He apologized for everything that happened with Luc, and promised that he'd do better in the future to be a good dad. I reminded him that he's already the best father I could have ever hoped to have, and that his support meant the world to me. He tried to explain to me what a hard time Mom has had letting go, and assured me that she was truly sorry for what happened with Luc as well. I appreciated the sentiment, but my mother would have to prove herself to me if she wants to repair our relationship.

"Your parents are good people Ness, some of the best I know. They've made mistakes, like we all do. They've put so many people through the ringer from the time they met, but all the drama, I think it's always been out of love, and you know…this life can be scary. People do things out of fear, and I think Bella still hasn't stopped fearing for your life, and the coven's. She's always felt like it's her fault, being the forbidden human who got mixed up with vampires."

"The Volturi," I whisper, settling further into the seat of the car as Seth keeps his eyes on the highway. "Everything always leads back to them."

"Yeap. If they were never in the picture, so much would have been different. The pack wouldn't have gotten so big and your coven wouldn't have been targets for them to play with."

He has a point. And thinking about it too much gives me a headache. We stop to eat an hour into the drive, at The Olive Garden. It's one of Seth's favorite places and I have to agree that the selection is nice. I smirk at how much he eats, as it reminds me so much of Jacob.

I can't help but compare the two, they're so similar and yet also very different. Seth is quite attractive, with his baby face and dark eyes. His aura is just as genuine and sweet as I remember from my early life Forks. I feel happy and safe in his presence. These are the qualities he shares with Jake.

What I didn't expect (the first time we decided to video chat) was the shoulder-length hair and small gold hoops he wears in both ears. They add a touch of swagger to the mix, alongside the sleeve of wolves tattooed on his left arm – each wolf being a member of the pack. When one thinks about Seth Clearwater, my step-grandma's son, the bad-boy look doesn't come to mind. But seeing him in live action, being reminded of the fact that he is in fact also a very dangerous wolf, I can't deny that he wears it extremely well.

Seth might be a little brainy, funny and goofy, but he oozes masculinity in every step, a lot like Jake - just less intense than his Alpha. His scent is like sweet vanilla with an earthy, woodsy blend. It's musky and all man, yet sweet and soothing. I didn't take into consideration beforehand, how being around him face to face after talking so much recently, would feel. I've always thought of him as a former playmate and family friend, a younger brother to Jake. But now that I've experienced what the affection of a man feels like, I can understand that between us, now that I'm older, it's not the same dynamic. We're young adult friends first and foremost now, but…I'm also aware that he is attractive.

On our way out of the restaurant, Seth asks if I prefer to go shopping while we're in a bigger city where there would be a greater selection than Forks. I agree, and we head over to the super store that's just across the road. Seth places his palm on the small of my back as he opens the door for me, and I'm startled at how my body tingles under his touch.

It's odd and surprising and adrenaline pumps through me as I process the fact that I liked it. I feel safe, but also…special.

"So, what do you need?" Seth grabs the cart and is already nonchalantly pushing down the first section of baked goods and fruit. I scramble to catch up, focusing on the task at hand. I certainly don't want to overthink everything that happens while I'm in Forks.

I start to grab items, while Seth pushes the cart for me. In no time, it's full to the brim – as I insist on buying enough food for both of us. I knew from the time I decided to come back to Forks, that I wanted to spend most of it with him. We'll need to eat, and he's a wolf, I know what to expect. His protests against my spending so much money, make me think of Jacob again.

"This is part of the entire gift, Seth, don't forget. Plus, food is the way to a wolf's heart, so I don't know what you expect me to do when I plan to snatch up all of your free time over the next few weeks."

Seth smirks and shakes his head at me. "Fine, then. But I'll pay for whatever else."

"We'll see," I nudge his shoulder playfully as we stand in line to be cashed out. Even though I don't like to use my account from my family, which has an obscene amount of money in it, Dad made me promise to use it while in Forks, and save my money from working, for when I return home to Paris. Seems fair enough to me since groceries will be a big expense.

"I hope we can get it all to fit," Seth whistles when we open the boot of the car and measure it against the mountain of groceries.

I giggle and start pushing my LV travel bags to the back of the trunk. "I totally didn't think of that part! My bad!"

"Let's hope Quil's Camry is up for the haul."

We managed the impossible and packed the trunk and backseat of the car with everything, though I still kept a bag or two in the front at my feet, while my backpack warmed my lap. The ride up was slow and uncomfortable, to say the least. Thank God we have the same taste in music.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When we arrive at the cottage in Forks three hours later, I am surprised by the intense wave of nostalgia that suddenly drowns me. I remember Zafrina and the Benjamin and the other amazing people who came to stand against the Volturi in my defense. I remember all the things I would do and learn with the members of my coven, the time I'd spend just lying in Mom and Dad's meadow of flowers, with Jacob-wolf, reading to him. I remember bug hunting and looking at nests with Seth too, playing piano with my father for hours until my hands cramped up. Mom brushing and braiding my hair before bed, answering every question formed in my overwhelmed, inquisitive little mind.

"Home," I whisper.

My entire world started right here. I feel it in my bones, the sense of belonging that I've been looking for since Jacob and I individually left my family in Spain.

"Feels good to back?" Seth asks, having walked around the car to stand in front of me.

I nod, suddenly aware that tears are running down my face. I frantically wipe them away, laughing sheepishly. "I'm just being silly," I wave nonchalantly to the mountain of man in front of me.

"Hey, it's okay to cry a little. This is a big deal for you. And I'm really glad that I could be here to share it. It's good to go with whatever emotion you feel - I'm not judging you." Seth pulls me in for a loose hug, patting my back.

I nod and sniffle, feeling a hot breeze kick up in the air. His scent blows in my face and as I inhale it deep into my body, I feel calmer. Seth reaches and I grab on to his hand like if it's a lifeline. His warmth envelopes me and the familiar comfort of a wolf gives me strength. Together we walk to the door, and I pull out the keyring my parents had given me.

It's just the way I remember, our cottage. The white on wood interior, the cozy fireplace with the plush overstuffed couches, the bookshelf, our bedrooms. I really am home.

Seth gets busy opening all the windows, and suggests I get the fridge sorted so that we can begin packing away the groceries. I try not to gawk when he pulls off his shirt and strips his jeans, to be left bareback with a pair of boardshorts on.

"Sorry to be so rude, but I hate having to wear so many clothes unless it's necessary, I'm overheating," he grins sheepishly.

"No! It's fine! Of course!" I chirp, with my voice too loud and too high, proving exactly how uncomfortable the sight of his body makes me. With Jacob it felt the same, like sometimes I'd gawk and then other times I'd be annoyed that he couldn't stay covered, because it's just too much muscle and perfection. They're so desensitized to being nude that they forget that other people aren't as free with their bodies, but I understand. I would probably be the same if my temperature ran at 105 degrees.

It makes me wonder if Leah walks around in a bikini all day. I bet she does, and I bet she has an amazing body. I've seen a couple selfies of them on Jacob's phone, so I already know she's beautiful, way more than I'd ever be.

"Hey Seth, um, do you think your sister will be okay with meeting me to chat? Alone?" I ask, having located the sanitizing wipes under the sink where I remembered them to be.

"Uh, sure, I don't see why not. I'm sure she would want to talk to you too."

"Okay, great, well, please ask her and let me know what she says then."

"Alright."

I know that just made things awkward for a moment, but, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I haven't totally gotten over losing Jacob as a central fixture in my life, and I think it's because I don't know anything about his life apart from me and the coven. Me coming here should solve that, though. I'll get to meet the pack, visit the Reservation and meet the woman who can give my imprinter what he needs.

I make quick work of the fridge then plug it in so that it can get cold. I then start to wipe down all the counters and inside of the cupboards and pantry. Seth uncovers the furniture and vacuums the entire place, using his wolf speed to make quick work of it. He's already sneezed about five times since we opened up, so I know that's part of the motivation.

After we break for a snack of croissants, cereal and junk food, I turn my attention to the bedrooms, putting on the linens and hanging the curtains. I make up both rooms (just in case) and Seth tells me to leave the bathroom to him, so that I can focus on dinner.

We're both getting hungry for a hot meal and so I decide on spaghetti and sauce because it's the quickest thing to make. Seth offers to help chop everything up when he's done with his shower, and I stupidly blush while accepting the offer. He puts on some music on the stereo and starts to bop his head and sing along. I can't help but smile as I watch him direct the knife with ease.

Jacob doesn't enjoy cooking, neither is he very good at it. Luc loved it too, but preferred me not to help, as he took pride in cooking authentic French cuisine for me, of which I knew nothing about. With Seth, there's balance. He knows what to do as well, but lets me lead and makes me comfortable enough to express myself. It's what I've enjoyed most about talking with him daily.

I know in my head that I've become a little too attached, but I can't stop myself from needing his friendship and now, his companionship. The thought of him going home later, leaving me all alone, is kind of daunting. I've never been in this house alone before. It IS in the middle of the woods.

Seth reaches into the cupboard above my head, searching for the colander for the pasta. As he does, his bare chest brushes against my bare shoulder (I had changed into a tank top earlier). My breath hitches, and Seth freezes for a second before moving away.

I'm tingling.

I don't know if it would be _wrong,_ in the _bigger_ picture of things, for me to even _consider_ being attracted to the man beside me, my grandpa's step-son...But I _do_ know it would not be worth ruining what we have _right now._ I remind myself of what might have to become my new mantra: What I need is a friend. I'm not going to make him a rebound, nor am I going to replace Jake with him. If Seth and I end up having true feelings for each other, it will evolve over time, beyond the obvious physical attraction I feel between us.

"Let's watch a movie tonight, there's a couple new ones on Netflix I haven't seen yet because of school."

"Netflix and Chill?" I ask, smiling up at Seth, crinkling my nose. It's platonic, of course.

"You know how we do," he winks over at me before turning back to rinsing the pasta. I offer him a taste of the sauce with the wooden spoon, and try not to stare as he leans over and sips it off the end.

"It's perfect. You'll have to remind me which spices you used," Seth says casually as he dumps the spaghetti into a big serving bowl.

"I think I just put whatever came to my hand," I snort, pouring out the sauce into another bowl. Seth carries them over to the table.

The oven pings so I grab the mittens that Grandma Esme made during one of her bouts of redecorating the main house (she is a speed demon on the sewing machine). As I bend and lean into the oven to take out the garlic bread, Seth runs up behind me.

"Hey, let me do that, you might burn yourself," he insists, gently pulling me back from the heat.

"Seth, I'm not a child! I cook for myself all the time!" I swat him with the oven mitt, flabbergasted.

He snorts and shakes his head, grabbing the mittens from me and stuffing his big hands into them. "It's just a protector thing, okay? Just, let me do it. I heal fast."

I shake my head at his silliness, while trying not to feel touched that he could be so sweet and concerned. "Suit yourself." Jacob definitely didn't act like this in Paris, so it makes me wonder if it really is a "protector" thing rather than a "Seth" thing.

I grab the cutlery, plates and wine glasses instead, then rinse everything and carry them to the table where Seth has placed the garlic bread with some pre-packaged salad and dressing.

"This is gonna be great, I hope you weren't looking for leftovers."

I laugh at his cheekiness. "As long as I get my fill, you can have at it."

We sit down together, and I pour us each half a glass of some wine I brought with me from Paris. Seth raises his in a toast and I follow, "To friends and living your best life."

"To friends and living your best life," I giggle and clink my glass with his before taking a sip.

Seth barely sips his, before he's twirling his fork in the pasta. "Eat up Cullen, cause tomorrow we're going hiking."

"I'm ready, I can't wait to get that mountain air into my lungs."

"I hope you can keep up," Seth teases in between a bite of food.

"Of course I can, and when I get tired – which will take a VERY long time because I AM part vampire, I have a massive wolf that can carry me."

Seth snorts "We'll see, he _might_ take pity on you, can't make any promises on his behalf though."

"Oh really? Well I'll convince him myself, no worries. I'm a good negotiator."

Seth chuckles and shakes his head at me, then takes another tentative sip of wine.

"There's beer in the fridge, you don't have to drink it if you don't like it," I remind him, hiding a smile.

"Yeah, I'll have one later. Right now, I'm enjoying the dinner you put together for us - that includes experiencing your French wine for the first and last time."

I erupt in laughter as his face wrinkles, reminding me of Jacob when he sees green peas or mushrooms anywhere near his food.

After the movie, Seth has to leave to return the car, but assures me that he'll be back later.

"You don't have to, if you wanted to do something else, it is pretty late already," is what I tell him, but I've been dreading this moment in the back of my mind all day.

The side of his mouth tugs into a semi-smile and he shakes his head. "It's your first night here, I don't want you to worry."

I release a puff of air I was holding and nod. "Okay, see you later." My nerves subside a little… enough.

After Seth goes, I take my hormone shots and vitamins, disgusted by the taste and the way they make me feel every time. I know Mom wants to help me develop fully as a human woman should at this stage in her body, but I'm not so sure I want to keep doing this. At first, I was excited to push things along and experience my first period, but the lately I'm not so sure if it's making any difference.

I turn my attention to putting my clothes the closets still have plenty of clothes in them, but they're dusty. I decide to put some to wash, mainly my outdoor gear and sweats that still fit.

By the time I'm finished all of that, I finally feel tired. After the flight, shopping, cleaning, cooking, unpacking…vampire genes really do come in handy sometimes. I curl up on the couch and put on Sex and the City (a show which I find most fascinating and educational to be honest). In no time, I find myself drifting off to sleep, calm and at peace.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I wake up to the smell of eggs and bacon frying. I roll over, realizing that I'm in my bed and not on the couch anymore. I head to the bathroom and freshen up for the day, before going out to greet Seth.

"Morning sleepyhead! Had a good rest?" Seth asks, happily flipping bacon. Of course he's shirtless, but he wears a pair of sweatpants. I notice pillows and a blanket folded up on the couch and it warms me to know that he spent the night.

"Yeah, I did actually. I didn't even feel you move me inside." I blush at the thought of him carrying me like that. I hope I didn't do something embarrassing like talk in my sleep or worse yet – fart.

"I realized. I tried to wake you but you were out cold."

It dawns on me that last night was the first proper night's rest I've had in a long time. The only other good nights in the last few months I can think of, were when Jake was in Paris. It's something I decide is too heavy to think about at the moment.

"Thanks for making breakfast, it smells like heaven." I grab a cup of coffee and put some bagels on to toast for us, as a distraction from my thoughts.

"No problem, we need to get an early start to it, so I figured I'd just get this out of the way."

By seven in the morning, we make it to a look out point that shows us the entire waterfront of La Push, the marina, the Tribal School, and all the L-shaped houses dotting the land, which annually faces the threat of being completely covered in water.

"We're moving up to higher ground soon. Construction is finally starting on the new school and residences."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's been in the works for years, and Sam's finally been able to secure the grant that will allow building to start. It's amazing that our community is still here really, we're barely above sea level."

"I'll bet everyone will be relieved after the move."

"Oh yeah. Honestly, we Quileute fear bad weather more than the Cold Ones. Every year the pack makes sure that the tribe is storm ready. Sam saves all leftover materials from his projects and we usually go around doing repairs. We board up windows and that kind of thing, when bad weather approaches. There's an emergency shelter not far from here. Sam expanded that a couple years back as well."

"That's great."

"Yeah, it's one of Sam's few redeeming qualities, he looks out for the tribe."

"Do people like him more than Jacob?" I ask, because I'm so curious to know the inner workings of the people I am bound to through their young Chief and Alpha.

"They know him better than Jake, I think. Sam's visible. Jake's been gone and even when you were here, he spent more time in Forks than in the community."

I bite my lip, once again faced with the guilt of being the reason why Jacob has been shirking his responsibilities here.

"I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I'm sorry," Seth apologizes, grasping me by the elbow.

I force a smile and shake my head. "I know you didn't. I just hate it."

"It wasn't your fault. He imprinted on you, not the other way around okay? So try not to blame yourself. Jake could have made different choices to avoid all of this, but he never wanted any of the responsibility. It is what it is. And it'll be fine."

"You're so certain."

"I know," Seth looks off at the view again, his face rather smug.

I scoff and genuinely smile then. "That's not cocky at all."

Seth chuckles, swatting me with his t shirt which he abandoned ten minutes into our hike. "Come on girlie, no time for brooding. I'll let you ride me down if you can't make it." Seth freezes, and it takes me a second to realize what he's said. I burst out laughing at his expression of embarrassment.

"You know what I meant, obviously, the wolf!" he stutters and gushes, gesturing widely.

I roll my eyes, "Relax Seth, of course I knew what you meant! I didn't even think anything of it til you started to freak out."

"Oh okay, great," he sighs in relief, dramatically clutching his chest.

I roll my eyes, taking the hand he suddenly holds out to me, with a shamefaced grin that meets his twinkling eyes. His warmth wraps around my hand and spreads up my arm again.

"You're trouble Seth Clearwater," I tell him, and I try not to physically react to the way touching his skin makes me feel. I keep my eyes focused on the path before us, hoping that my already flushed skin does not redden any deeper.

Seth shrugs his shoulders, looking over at me as we descend the trail together. "I'll try harder not to be."

I say nothing in response, because I'm not sure that I want him to do that.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After the hike we stop at the diner in Forks for lunch.

"Have you talked to Jake?" Seth asks, looking up at me only briefly before focusing on his food.

"Um, I texted him to let him know I arrived safely and that all is well."

"Cool. I have to go pick them up tomorrow. His sister's coming."

"Oh really? That's nice."

"Yeah…"

"I hope you don't feel awkward now…with Jake coming back. I mean…being with me."

Seth pauses, then resumes chewing at a much slower rate, his eyes locked on mine, showing their surprise and concern. He then shakes his palm at me.

"Don't worry about me and Jake, okay? Or about what _anyone_ thinks, for that matter. We're having our summer of fun remember?"

He smiles at me in a very encouraging way and I return the gesture, spearing another bite of steak (which really isn't as good as what I'm used to).

"I'll try."

"Good."

After we get back to the cottage, we rest and freshen up before going to see Sue and Grandpa Charlie. It overwhelms me, the amount of love my grandfather has for me; even though I can see it in his eyes how much he doesn't understand who I am. I look like his daughter and son-in-law, and yet I am their adopted child. Even to me it makes no sense, but I appreciate the fact that my parents didn't know how else to explain my existence at the time.

I also appreciate that Sue is always there to give Grandpa a reassuring nod or pat on the back when he needs it, when the questions he has for me burn the tip of his tongue. As a police officer it must be hard for him not to "get to the bottom of it." Maybe someday I'll find the courage to tell him the truth. It'll be good for the both of us, I think.

It's so not fun being someone that humans don't understand, but it's always worth it when I see them push that aside and welcome me with open arms. I didn't realize how much I missed my grandfather's love til now, and it's just one more thing that will make it harder to leave.

**AN: Thanks to everyone for reviewing the last chapter. I love that you all enjoyed the baby's aversion to hummus lol. This chapter was a bit of a filler, I admit, a bit of rambling to some maybe, but you know, it was necessary to the storyline. Up next the Blacks return home and Leah and Jake reunite with their pack. Thanks for reading and stay safe!**


	26. Ours

TWENTY-SIX

OURS

LEAH

When I see my brother standing in the terminal waiting for us, I release a heavy breath of relief. As anxious as I am to be back in Washington, I am equally as happy to see his smiling face.

"Seth!" I choke, as he dives forward and envelopes me in his muscular arms. I can't help the few tears that seem to have a mind of their own as I inhale his scent.

"You look good Lee, all tanned and relaxed," Seth jokes as he looks me over.

"Thanks. But look at you! I can't believe you got more tatoos, I haven't been gone _that_ long, Seth." I grumble playfully.

He simpers at that. "Well, I felt inspired, what can I say?"

Going to college ruined my sweet little Sethy.

"Hi Seth," Rebecca pipes up next to us.

"Hey Becca!"

I step away so that they can embrace also.

"Man you've really grown up!" Rebecca comments as she gives Seth a quick hug.

"Yeah, So have you Rebecca, It's nice to see you again," Seth says politely.

"You too. It's so weird how much everybody has changed," Rebecca remarks.

"Hey Seth, congrats on finishing school," Jacob extends his hand awkwardly, and I hold my breath for a split second as we wait for Seth's reaction.

"Yeah, thanks Jake," Seth answers solemnly and accepts the greeting by grasping Jake's hand.

"How have things been going?" Jacob asks, and I know that he's really asking "How are things going between you and my imprint?" I've been going a little bat-shit-crazy over the idea of my brother hooking up with Bella's daughter, but he's a grown man and I'm trying to give him the same courtesy he gave me.

"Good, man. You know. I've been keeping to myself since the whole Sam thing. Ness is really excited to see you guys, especially you Leah."

"ME?" My eyes widen in shock as I point to myself.

"Yeap. I guess she wants to see what all the hype is about." Both Jacob and I stare at my brother in shock until he starts doubling over with laughter. "I was just kidding! What, you left your sense of humor back on the plane?"

Rebecca snorts and starts moving forward. I wring my brother's ear and gently scold him for making fun of me.

"Come on you two, let's get this show on the road," Jacob looks over at me and I offer him a comforting smile, wrapping my arm around his waist as we make our way out of the terminal.

Seth carries one of my bags and Rebecca's, and they launch into an animated discussion about his graduation from college and future plans.

As soon as we step outside of the airport, I groan at the gray weather that greets us. "Whelp, welcome home Becc," I turn to my friend, motioning to the dreary sky above us with a roll of my eyes.

Rebecca giggles and shakes her head. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The ride back to La Push is four hours long, so we stop along the way for food. Upon being told that Rebecca knows about the wolves, Seth fills us in on how things have been going since Sam took over.

"He's insufferable now that he's on the Council officially. He threw this bonfire, and poor Emily seemed so embarrassed. The whole time he made us listen to his plans for building this and renovating that. He wants to build this little plaza with shops and went on about all the jobs that will be available. I'd love to know where he's going to get the money from. Billy seemed to agree with everything he proposed."

"If he really makes it happen, that's good," Jacob grumbles. "It's about the tribe not any one person. It'll be elevating for the tribe to have a facelift around the Reservation."

I don't say anything, but I know that Sam's plans hit Jacob in the gut. He's thinking about the many offers he'd rejected from the Cullens. Carlisle wanted to donate money to the tribe, but Jacob knew that it was compensation money for him being away with them, and for all the wolves that phased because of Nessie and the Volturi. In his prideful opinion, money would never make up for what they'd done. Jacob would have preferred that they had never come back after they left the first time, then none of it would have happened. So he refused until Carlisle stopped asking him to accept it. He never told Billy about the offer, and who knows how the chief would have reacted. Something tells me he might have taken it, and that was what worried Jacob most. He didn't want to help his father to become more indebted to the Cullens.

"I hope he's not doing any underhanded deals, I can't imagine that Dad would be happy with that," Rebecca adds, munching on her salad.

"Jake, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Seth."

"Did you really give up your rights to Sam – as both Alpha and Chief?"

Jacob stops chewing on his barbequed ribs and looks up at me then Seth. "I left because I needed to go to Nessie, and I made it clear to him that I was going to find Leah after that. He said if I didn't comply to seal the bond with Ness, then I couldn't come back. I didn't say to him that he could take my place I just accepted the message he relayed at that point in time. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

"How could Dad be so heartless?" Rebecca snaps. "This whole thing is just too ridiculous."

"So you never actually said to Sam 'take my place?'" Seth verifies.

"Hell no. Is that what he said?"

"Well, that's what Billy implied at the meeting, that Sam was now taking your place because you were immature and refused to step up. I just wondered what had really gone down between you. Mom and some of the others argued that we couldn't vote until you came before the Council and renounced your positions for the record, but the vote went through anyway. And then later Embry got into it with Sam, and Sam said that you weren't coming back, so we had to get used to him being in charge."

Jacob shakes his head. "At the time I wasn't sure that I was, or when I _could_ come back. I was just focused on getting things sorted with my own life. But even though Dad disowned me, I never told them that Sam could step in for me. I'd never do that unless I was certain."

"That's what we figured. Sam's lying."

"And he's obviously been lying to Dad!" Rebecca adds, resentfully.

"Don't worry, we'll deal with his ass when we get back," I growl, and Jacob takes my hand across the table, giving it a squeeze. "You know what you have to do, Black," I tell him.

Jacob sighs and nods his head reluctantly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's getting dark by the time we hit the border, and I shrink back into the car seat as the nerves pick up. Jacob looks back at me from the front seat and reaches his arm between the seat and the door, so that I can take his hand. "It's alright baby," he whispers over his shoulder before I release him and he faces forward.

Rebecca smiles over at me, her face excited with anticipation. I'm genuinely happy for her, that she's doing this. I'm also glad that I've got her support through what's to come. I lean my head on her shoulder and close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I can only hope that we will all get what we most desire.

Seth drives to Jacob's house first, and I can't help but smile when I see the small green cottage and the red Rabbit parked out front.

"Welcome home honey," Jacob whispers in my ear as he hugs me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder and palming my stomach. We stand there for a few seconds, taking in the moment as one. The place is a bit of a dump, but it's _ours._ And nothing in the world means more than that.

Blinking back the tears, I pull away so he can grab our bags and take them to the porch. While Jacob unlocks the door, Seth comes and offers me a hug, promising me that he'll be back the next day.

"Are you going to call Mom?"

"Of course," I promise. It was the one thing I had to do before leaving Hawaii. I called my mother, told her I was pregnant for Jake, and that I was coming home. She'd taken the news quite well. She was apprehensive but excited at the thought of me coming home in time for the party and of course, being a grandparent. For me, that was enough.

Rebecca and I embrace as well, and she pleads with Jacob to visit their father as soon as possible. There's no reason why we should put anything off now that we're back, so Jacob tells her to set up a family dinner and invite the Clearwaters, but leave our and Nessie's attendance as a surprise.

When they leave, I stand in the middle of the kitchen and look all around me. Not even a fridge or a stove. Then my eyes fall on a hot plate and a cooler on the floor and I go over and open it, to see that it's been stocked with ice, drinks, mayo and packs of cheese and ham. Seth I assume, also bought bread, mustard, snacks and a few cans of soup and other instant meals, and packed them away in the cupboard. At least we won't starve.

"That was nice of him," I murmur to Jacob.

"I asked him to. I couldn't have you here without the basics. I'm sorry that the place is such a dump. It served me well cause all I needed was a place to crash. But I promise, I'll figure out a way to get everything we need."

I can feel the stress radiating from his body so I go to him and slide my arms around his neck. "I have everything I need right here in my arms. I love you Jacob, and I appreciate that you're trying so hard to make a home for us. Try not to worry okay? We'll make do."

Jacob kisses my forehead. "I'd do anything for you Lee, you deserve so much more than I can give. I hate feeling like a failure. Everyone thinks that I am, especially my father and Sam. I just don't understand why they're doing this to me. I love my pack and my tribe, but I also love you. Is it so wrong that I wanted it all?"

"No it's not. And you will have it all. I'll be right here by your side, and we'll take care of Sam together. And our baby will take care of Billy."

Jacob finally cracks a smile and shakes his head. "What would I do without you?" he murmurs, while capturing my lips in a warm, slow kiss.

We both know what he'd do, and neither of us want to think about it.

I check out the rest of the dreary rooms. One bedroom is still a mess, and Jake has stashed all kinds of broken furniture and tools in it. I quickly close the door on that one as I start to sneeze. But it doesn't elude me that it'll be great for the baby once we clear it up, paint and furnish it together. The next bedroom is basically the same, and has a huge king-sized mattress on the floor and there are signs of Jacob around. The bathroom is outdated but it works which is good enough for me. Good thing I brought my towels and sheets.

I can't fight the bubble of excitement I feel, knowing that Jacob and I have our own place where there's no need to hide our love. But the joy is mixed with anxiety until everything else is sorted. I shuck off the worry and resort to changing the linens on the bed and setting out a few of our personal things on the old semi-broken dresser. Jacob cleans the bath and the toilet for me so that we both can freshen up, and afterwards, I make us some canned soup and sandwiches before we call it a night.

As we snuggle together on the mattress, Jacob admits that the land is calling to him, that the wolf is dying to run after being denied for quite some time now.

"Of _course,_ Jake. I wish I could come with you too. Embry and Seth will probably feel you phase in and they'll join you. Talk to our brothers and fix things with them before you face Sam and Billy."

"I don't want to leave you on our first night home."

"I'll be asleep, I'm pooped. And you should tell Embry about Nessie's arrival and the baby. Bring him up to speed."

"True. You're right."

I get comfortable against his body and Jacob hums old Quileute lullabies to the baby until I'm out like a light.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next morning Jake fills me in on the run with our pack – minus Quil. I can tell how much better it made him feel, as his eyes are clearer, less puffy and his overall demeanor is energized. I myself had a great night's sleep, one of the best in a long time. Being on the land has been good for both our wolves, and it makes me appreciate just how married to this land the Spirit Wolf really is. Mine had done me a kind service by allowing me to leave and stay away.

While I'm puttering around, Seth comes over, and Jake leaves to go visit Nessie and the hardware store in Forks.

"So, how come Rebecca knows about us?" my brother asks.

"I had a run in with a vampire and got pretty banged up. I had to tell her why I was healed by morning, she was totally freaked."

"Oh shit! Did you kill it?"

"No, I couldn't phase with the pregnancy. It's a miracle it didn't kill me, but it tried."

"Fuck, how is that even possible?"

"I honestly don't know. It slammed me into a dumpster, and got me good. But the girl I was trying to save, still died. All I know is that I prayed really hard and thought about the baby and Jacob. Somehow I made it back to Becca's in one piece."

"It's gotta be some Alpha thing between you two. It IS his kid, so maybe that makes you stronger."

I think on that for a moment and shrug. "Who knows? I got super lucky, either way, a few bruised ribs were the worst of it."

"I'm glad you're home Lee. You really shouldn't be without the pack. I dunno, but I feel this strong need to protect you, yah know? My wolf doesn't want you to be too far from us."

"Awww? You missed me, didn't you," I croon, making kissy faces and talking in a baby voice. "Little Sethy-Wethy missed his big bad sisterw Lee-Lee."

Seth rolls his eyes and swats me. "Please act like a decent human being."

I laugh and get him back.

"Thanks for being concerned, I know things were hard on you and Mom, me leaving without warning like that, especially after what happened with Sam a while back. I just really needed to get out, I had to think of myself. But after finding out about the baby, as much as I want my space from the shit that goes on here, I know I could never raise this baby anywhere else. My body feels different in a good way, I feel secure and happy to know that we're all together again. I know that Jake does too."

"This is home," Seth shrugs, brushing his too-long locks away from his forehead. It amazes me how he'd rather be shaggy and phase back with a head full of twigs and leaves and bugs. "This whole thing really makes me appreciate that we've got each other. And we can't just run away okay? We face shit together."

I give my handsome, big little brother an affectionate squeeze on his neck. Sometimes I can't believe how mature and manly he's gotten. He's still the sweetest, happiest person I know besides Jake, but I love that he's less of a push over. It surprises me that he's yet to imprint or at least catch a steady girlfriend. Which reminds me… I clear my throat in preparation to change the conversation.

"So...speaking of that whole sitch and why we're back…" I begin… "How are things going with Nessie?" I've been dying to have this talk with my brother since I laid eyes on him yesterday. Seth rolls his eyes and tries to shrug it off, but the tinge of pink on his cheeks betray his feelings. "Do you _like_ her?"

"Look, we've gotten closer recently, okay? It's harmless, so don't get all pissy with me now Lee."

At his immediate annoyance and defense, I take two steps back to save face, "I'm not getting _pissy!_ I'm just – I'm just _surprised!_ And you gotta admit, it's super weird."

"She confided in me about what she's been going through, she was feeling out of sorts and coming to Forks for the rest of the summer felt like the best idea. We talk all the time so why not hang out and have some fun?"

"Is she nice?" I can't help myself, as I want to know more about her as an adult. Know thy enemy and all of that.

"Yeah she is. She's smart and funny and she loves watching movies. She likes hiking and the beach and food and books. She's girly - but edgy at the same time? I dunno how to describe her, she's just really cool."

I grimace and nod my head, wishing I'd never asked. He's _gushing_ and frothing at the mouth in adoration, and _she_ sounds like someone Becca and I would be friends with. Jacob stopped talking casually about his imprintee because we were sleeping together, but it seems like I'll feel weird no matter who's doing the talking.

"So have you fucked her?" It also seems like I want to punish myself just a little bit more. Curiosity and the cat and all that.

Seth looks me with wide eyes, "What the actual FUCK Leah?!"

"Seth! I swear Colin and Brady have been bad influences on you!" I jab his chest with my finger.

"You're one to talk! Geez! What kind of question is that!"

"You called me out of the blue and told me that she's coming here for your graduation party, and that you two are all chummy now. What else can I think?!" I rub my palm over my stomach in an effort to self-sooth. It's still relatively flat but has developed a harder surface and the slightest curve much to my excitement. I long for a little bump to hold.

"Nessie's dealing with a lot, I wouldn't even think of hitting on her Lee. What kind of man do you take me for?"

Biting my lip, I fold my arms beneath my swollen breasts. "I'm sorry. I think I might be going a little crazy. This is all new to me…her being here, her being all grown up…and dating…and then the thing with her and Jake and now YOU. I just…I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"It hasn't been easy for her, either," Seth confesses.

"What do you mean, she loves Jake?" My heart pounds in my chest, making it hard to even catch a breath.

"Leah calm down!" Seth rolls his eyes then impatiently grabs me by the shoulders and shoves me (lightly) out on to the porch for fresh air. We both lean up against the rail and look out at the quiet field around us. I don't see any movement at the other two houses on our small street.

"Nessie has no control over how the imprint makes her feel. She's been so used to having Jake around for the last seven years. He just left like what, four months ago? She's still adjusting. She was doing really well until the Volturi popped back up in her life. It ruined everything she had going on. Jake leaving again just made shit worse. I'm glad she decided to reach out to me. She's got no one else – her family just doesn't understand."

"So that's why you were being so rude to Jake before, you think he's abandoned her."

Seth shrugs then nods, unable to hide his true feelings. "In the beginning it was more about you and what he did to make you leave. And yeah, I worried that this whole thing between the three of you would only end up in pain. In my eyes, yes, I felt like he _did_ abandon her."

I shoot him a glare on behalf of Jacob's honor. Seth scoffs and shakes his head.

"I'm talking about why he came back from Spain, Leah. He complained about the coven, that they were the reason why he split. But it didn't seem fair to leave the girl who was supposed to be his soul mate because of that. He should have asked Nessie what she wanted, and she would have wanted to leave with him."

I involuntarily shiver, and shift my posture against the rail to regroup myself. Jacob also left because he wanted a little freedom from his supposed soulmate, but I don't bother to tell that to Seth. Seth forgets how easily a wolf can lose himself to his imprint's desires, and how much Jacob has always detested that, after watching Quil moon over a baby.

"Leah, that was before I knew anything about what was going on. So yeah, I held a grudge until you explained things better to me. I get it now - I get that he doesn't feel that way about her - but she's still his responsibility, he's still bonded to her. The imprint still happened and she shouldn't have to be so lonely. You know how it feels to be under Jake's command, you feel like his burdens are your own, his responsibilities are your own. Well that's how I feel too, I feel like I need to step up because he backed out."

I understand his point of view, and it's noble of Seth but it rubs me the wrong way because the leeches and Jacob's imprint are NOT my brother's concern, pack or no pack. Either he's hiding the fact that he really likes her from me, or he's really deluding himself with this chivalry talk.

"I don't want you getting too close to that family though Seth. Don't overstep with her."

Seth, scoffs. "Don't try to pull rank on me now, Lee. You and I don't feel the same way about them. Like I said, she's my friend and I want to help her."

"But you can't get TOO involved with her okay? You can't…have feelings for her beyond friendship!" I insist.

"Since when are you so selfish?" Seth snaps, "I've been supportive of you Leah. It's obvious that you're in love with Jake, so I'm not going to hold that against you two like everyone else. Why can't you extend the same courtesy?"

"What the fuck are you saying, that you're in _love_ with her?"

"NO!" Seth yells angrily, but his snarl immediately falls away and he bows his head.

"She's off limits!" I growl back, not believing him for one second.

Seth growls but it isn't threatening like mine. "Jake told me last night that he's okay with me spending time with Ness. He trusts me and he's glad that I'm making her feel safe and happy. He said that he won't interfere. All I ask is that you offer the same kindness to us in return."

It was the only thing he needed to say for me to really get it. Renesmee Cullen and my brother were close friends now, but he was clearly open to it being more, if that was what SHE wanted.

"Fuck!" I shriek in frustration over the fact that I can't do shit-all about this. Without thinking I reach up and slap my unsuspecting brother hard upside the back of his head.

"OW!" Seth protests. "Nessie's got a right to be cared for, Leah! I'm not going to turn away from her now. You should be happy! You get to have him all to yourself!"

"I want him to myself but I don't want to trade you for him, Seth!"

Seth rolls his eyes. "Don't be stupid, you could never lose me, Leah! Obviously!"

I ease off with a loud huff, disbelieving that my brother could be so hard-headed. "Does Mom know that she's here?"

"Yes, of course she knows. We went to visit Charlie."

I nod, cringing at the tone of annoyance in Seth's voice. "Does Mom know that you like her?"

Seth's nostrils flare and he glowers at me, pushing his hair off of his face. He then stretches a small elastic from his wrist and ties it back against his neck. He looks so much like our father in that second that a crippling sadness grips me in the chest and I sigh.

Seth notices my change in mood and pulls me into his chest for a hug. I grip his gray t-shirt tightly in my fist, willing the tears not to fall. Forcing myself to pull it together, I move away, rubbing my eyes with the heel of my palms.

Damn pregnancy hormones. I can't even stay mad. My emotions are all over the place right now.

"I just want everyone to be happy. Mom's got Charlie, you've got Jake, and now I've got her, even if it's just as a friend. I'm not jumping into anything, I promise," Seth tells me with a pleading sigh and droop to his shoulders.

"Okay," I relent with a shrug of mine. "Fine. I-I'll try Seth."

"Just give Ness a chance, all she wants is to know you, and remain a part of Jacob's life."

I'm still weirded out by that, though it kinda makes sense because I really want to know her too. Not as a friend, but…I just want to know what I'm up against in reality. I've only got an image of her in my head, but I don't know what she's like at all.

"She asked me to ask you if that would be okay. So I hope you'll be nice, as hard as that is for you on a daily basis."

I roll my eyes and suck my teeth loudly like the Caribbean fish vendor I met in Hawaii.

"And we need to find Embry a girlfriend. I think he needs to buss a nut to get out of this early mid-life crisis he's got going on," Seth tacks on.

I can't help the giggle that escapes me then. "He needs to go out of town. There's no one here for him if he hasn't found her already."

"We're going clubbing for a weekend. With Jake back, it's gonna be awesome."

I raise an eyebrow, I had not heard about this guys' weekend from Jake. "Oh?"

"Yeah, sometime next month, not now, so relax. We've gotta save up a little money first."

I know for a fact that Jake can't afford a weekend in Port Angeles or Seattle. "I'm going to need to find a job myself. Anything open around here?"

Seth snorts and shakes his head. "You could ask Embry I guess?"

I frown. "I don't think his mother would be comfortable with that. I don't think I would either."

"Yeah, come to think of it, Mom would probably strangle you."

I chuckle again. "Lord, I missed you." I reach over and pull my brother to me in a warm embrace. "I love you."

"I love you too Lee."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sue stops by with dinner and just the smell of her homecooking makes my mouth water.

She gasps when she sees me, and I run to her open arms like a little girl. "You look so radiant, Leah. How's my grandbaby doing?" She was surprised when she found out I was pregnant, but clearly the prospect of being a grandparent has taken over her reservations on that.

"Good, we're great!" I blush, basking in the glow of maternal love. Now I have some idea of what my mother feels for me, I feel bad for leaving like I did. I can only imagine how worried she was for me. I would have gone mad if my son or daughter just disappeared.

"I'm sorry I left and made you worry," I blurt out, tears stinging my eyes again. FUCK! Can I get a break from all the crying today?

"Oh honey," Sue tuts and pulls me in to her shoulder. She whispers to me in Quileute that she's happy to have me back. "You're a strong woman Leah, just like I raised you to be. Just promise me that if you ever leave again, it's because you want to, not because of these _men."_

I can't help but laugh. "Deal."

I help her bring the containers of food into the house and set them on the counter.

"This place is a dump!" my wonderful mother grunts as she looks around the barren kitchen.

"Mom!" I scold. "Please don't say that in front of Jake, he's really sensitive about our situation right now."

"As he should be, he has a lot of work to do before my grandbaby comes!"

I roll my eyes at how sweet and protective she's being of my little one. "We _know,_ lady! I need to find a job asap."

"I can ask Charlie to put in a good word for you in Forks. How about that?"

I smile. "That would be perfect." There had to be someone who would do the chief of police a favor like that. "Thanks. I take it things are still going well with you two?"

"Yes," My mother blushes and pushes her elbow-length raven hair off of her shoulder. She looks young and alive in a burgundy t-shirt that reads "Raise Them Good," which I absolutely have to steal, and a fitted pair of blue jeans. She busies herself serving out two plates of food for us. "We've been thinking about finally taking the leap and moving in together, for the New Year."

I roll my eyes. "Sue Uley, it's about fricken _time._ You practically spend most of the week in Forks anyways!"

"I know, I know…it's just…" she takes a deep breath, the spoon hovering over the casserole. "It's really _final._ It's like, really closing the door on my life here with your father. It's hard for me to imagine at the same time, not living in our house."

My shoulders slump and I sigh heavily. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm okay, really. It's just an adjustment. With the tribe moving up the mountain I'd still have to get used to the moving part. So why not? Charlie's wonderful and we've been so lucky to have each other. And he loved Harry as much as I did, and it helps that we have not forgotten him, that we still talk about him and include him in our lives. Charlie isn't asking me to give up any part of me for him."

I reach for her arm and squeeze it with affection, tears brimming my eyes. "Oh Mom," I sniffle. "That's really beautiful." I should just tie a handkerchief to my wrist since I can't stop the waterworks.

My mother's eyes are glassy too and she shakes off the tears with an embarrassed chuckle. "I'm excited. We're thinking of moving into a brand new house and renting out the one in Forks."

"That sounds like fun, house-shopping."

"And a pain in the ass. There's really nothing that catches my eye. No upgrades from what Charlie's got. In the end, we may just have to renovate it, modernize it a touch. Charlie's very old school, and he also doesn't care about those things."

"Well, as long as you make it comfortable for you," I tell her, looking at the house around me, trying not to cringe.

"Don't worry. I've got some money squared away that belongs to you and only you. If you wanted to go to college, I would have used that. Maybe you can use it for the house, or the baby's things. Whatever you need, it can help."

"Really?" I sob, overcome by the sudden news.

"Yes, really. Had you told me you were running away Leah, I would have given it to you to help you. But when you got to Hawaii, you found a job so quickly and you never asked for help, so I decided to hold off on telling you until you came to me with plans for something important."

"Well there's nothing more important than this, I figure," I gestured around.

"No, not at the moment. So just try not to worry okay? You're not alone in this either, the pack will help get this place fixed up in no time. Jacob just needs to set things right with the Council."

I nod. "He knows. We're going to have dinner with Billy and Renesmee. Get it all sorted. And then he's going to take Alpha away from Sam, for good."

Sue's brow dips at the news. "Sam's still family, I don't want to see him come to harm. But it's about time Jacob got his shit together. Now, let's eat."

I smile at my mother, shaking my head. We carry the plates to the table, where I already laid out water and forks while we were chatting. Talking with her makes me feel a lot better about the near future. With her in my corner, I can get through every challenge that I'm about to face.

**AN: Well, they're back home now. Up next we hear from Jacob. Hope you liked this chapter. Thank you all SO much for your reviews and insights, I love hearing them! Thanks for being here!**


	27. Protective

TWENTY-SEVEN

JACOB

Last night things with Seth and Embry were tense at first, as I apologized to them for leaving, and for how I'd acted towards them both before then. It was a humbling moment, which is not so easy for an Alpha to submit to, but I was honest and sincere. Embry was pretty easy to win over, and apologized for not telling me that Leah was leaving. He admitted that he would have wanted to know his girl was leaving him too, if the roles were reversed. He asked me to come back to the shop, because they weren't as good as I was, and missed my guidance.

I admitted to needing my shop back too, not just for the money, but because I missed my life with my pack. It was the reason I left Spain, after all. Embry warned me that Quil would be a hard sell, but I already expected as much. Seth and I gave him a run-down of everything that was going on with Nessie and Leah being back as well.

Seth surprised me, though. He came right out and told me that he's been staying with Nessie over in Forks. At first, I wanted to punch him in the mouth again, but I held back this time, barely. He explained that it wasn't a romantic thing going on between them, but that he needed to make sure that I'd be okay seeing them together.

My mind is still reeling from that honestly, but, what else could I do at the time, but agree and give my blessing? The reality is that Nessie having her own love life is my golden ticket. While I never expected her to like Seth, it's happening.

It makes me uncomfortable and almost guilty to think that he's being to her the kind of wolf that I can't. I don't want him to be my stand-in, but maybe that's not what he is at all. Maybe he's just a guy who can treat her right, plain and simple. At least, this is what Embry tried to reason with me. I did kinda lose it with the growling when Seth implied that it could be more eventually, if that was what they decided.

It'll just take some getting used to, but I'll keep my promise. Seth knows it's not romantic with me either, it's just me being overprotective of her in general. We'll be fine, eventually. We all will be. Honestly, I've got more important things to worry about right now – and Nessie's made it clear that she's her own woman.

When I make it to the Cullen residence, I take in how neglected it looks compared to its former glory when the coven was here. I keep driving past the main mansion and head deeper into the woods until the little cottage that is Nessie's first home, appears in the distance. It's got a bunch of vines covering the walls which gives it this fairytale charm. I put the Rabbit in park, and knock on the door.

"Come in Jake," Nessie calls from inside. I open up with a scowl.

"Why don't you have the door locked? You should be more careful." I scold her.

"I only just unlocked it, I knew you'd be here soon."

I find her in the small living room on the big off-white sofa with a book on her lap. She gets up and we move to one another, and embrace, and it still feels like the most natural thing in the world. I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that she's here and safe.

It doesn't escape my notice that Seth's scent is everywhere. And all over her. I try not the think too hard about it. I'm not angry, but it feels weird, and I'm going to have to exercise an enormous amount of self-control until I get over the shock and unease of them being so close. Biting my tongue is going to be hard as fuck.

She's wearing a simple white long sleeve shirt and jeans, with socks. Her red-brown hair falls around her shoulders in a mass of curls. I can see how relaxed she is and it makes me feel grateful for that small mercy.

"How have you been settling in?" I ask her, as we move to the couch and sit together, hands entwined on her lap.

"Good, really good. Seth has been keeping me busy – we've gone hiking, we drove down the coast to this bar, we went to a concert, the beach. It's been a great vacation so far."

"That's good to hear, I hope he hasn't been getting you drunk," I grumble under my breath.

Nessie laughs. "Of course not, Seth's just as overprotective as you can be when you're ready."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, is everything okay? With you and him? He mentioned you went for a run last night."

I shrug. "Yeah, we talked, and Embry too. Tried to settle things between us. I think we'll be alright eventually."

"That's good, you have to starting mending fences with the pack somewhere."

"True."

"Speaking of," she squeezes my hand before releasing it back into my possession. "Are we still on track to talk to your father?"

I nod, biting my nail. "Yea, are you still up for it?"

"Yes, I want to meet the pack and visit First Beach. I'd like him to know I'm here."

"Alright, tomorrow. We'll have dinner on the Reservation, I'll bring you over."

"Good. And I hope that you're okay with Seth staying here with me, and us hanging out."

I start to respond but I stop. I really don't know what to say to avoid upsetting her. "I'm trying," I admit after a breath, with an apologetic smile.

"Thanks Jake. Seth's really helped me get back on my feet, and being home as well. I guess I never really knew how much I missed it til I got back."

"Well it's true what they say, there's no place like home."

Ness smiles in agreement, but it's wistful. "It's going to be hard going back to Paris, too."

I stiffen at the implication, that I'm not sure she's even making. "Why?" I ask.

"Because, I don't know if a couple weeks is enough. But I mean, I probably shouldn't stay longer than I said I was. We all have our lives to get back to. You're having a baby, Seth will be looking for work, I have school. It doesn't even make sense me wanting to stay."

"But you shouldn't leave if you really don't want to."

She looks up at me in shock, "What do you mean? I've got my apartment and school."

"True, I know." I take a deep breath. "Don't mind me Ness, I just meant that there's no one forcing you to leave. If you change your mind about Paris, that's okay. Whatever you decide, I'm going to support that. I just don't want you to think that I wouldn't want you here. Whatever makes you happy, okay?"

"Really?" her eyes brim with tears and I'm caught off guard at the sight of them.

"Yeah I'm sure, Ness. Don't cry. This is your home, here with us. Maybe that's what you truly need from me as your imprinter, to give you some place you knew that you could always return to, when you're in danger, or when the world around you changes. I'll always be here, this is where I belong, but maybe that's true for you too. My Dad might have been right about that, funny enough."

"What do you mean?"

"He said that you belong with me, here, not with the coven. I told him this wasn't the kind of life you would ever want, the Res being so run down and dreary and wet and cold."

"Well, I don't know about the Res, but I love it here in Forks," she gestures to the cottage. "I don't know Jake, but thank you for giving me an option to consider. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Bug. Anytime."

Ness rolls her eyes and giggles, nestling her head against my shoulder and hugging me around my waist. I feel like I've done right by my imprintee: to truly accept her into my life rather than always trying to fit into hers. It makes me really happy too.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I spend another hour with Renesmee to have lunch, then make it over to the hardware and furniture place nearby. I check out the prices for the appliances we'll need for the kitchen, writing down the prices as I go. It makes me feel like shit because I can't actually purchase anything, but I'll figure it out. I know I can.

I may be broke, but I have no doubt that our little one is going to be the most loved human being on the planet. I hope it's a boy so that I can teach him how to swim and surf and fix cars and be a good wolf. But even if we have a daughter, it won't matter. I can do those things with her too. I just can't wait to see that little face, to count those ten little fingers and ten little toes, and smell that baby-soft skin.

Man, I've turned into such a sap for them, for my family. Now I truly know how Paul feels, why he happily lets Rach and Lotus wrap him around their fingers so tightly. There's really no greater feeling than knowing that Leah and the baby are mine.

I'm so fucking relieved that they are on the Reservation now, where I know she'll be safest. Although there's a lot of shit I'm going to have to deal with, regarding Sam and the Council, I truly believe because of our growing baby, that everything will be alright. We have a new life coming into our world soon, and there is no way that I will let anything stop us from raising him or her together with our family.

Marking Leah was the best decision for me the man, and for my wolf. It was the only way I could prove to her, the pack and Council once and for all, that I love no one else but her. I've given her something that she never thought she'd have, our child and our bond, so I can only hope she trusts me. I'm grateful that the wolf allowed me to do it.

After the store I head back to the Reservation and pop in by the autoshop. Quil is there, changing an air filter.

"Hey," I call out.

He stiffens and turns around, seeming surprised. "Didn't know you were back."

"I came yesterday."

"Oh."

"I just wanted to apologize for everything that has happened between us in the last few months. You're my cousin and my brother Quil, I don't want there to be any beef between us. I want us to respect each other's decisions and move on."

Quil scoffs and shakes his head. "So what's changed?"

I shrug. "Leah and I are having a baby."

His jaw drops. "What? But HOW?"

I shrug again. "Who knows Quil? It just happened, and we're very happy about it."

"So…where is she?"

"Here. So is Becca and Renesmee." Quil's jaw drops again and his face is now red. "I haven't told my father or anyone else but our pack, so please just…don't say anything until I speak to Billy. I just didn't want you to think that I value Seth and Embry more than you."

"I'm not a part of the Black pack anymore. The Black pack doesn't even exist anymore Jake, wake up, you left. Sam's the only Alpha now."

His words sting, and I clear my throat, refusing to let Alpha pride make my temper flair. "I'm back now, there will be only one pack and only one leader Quil, and it will be me, not Sam. I'm trying to make things right between us."

Quil shakes his head at me, seeming to finally catch himself. "What are you trying to pull here, Jake? You bring your mistress and your imprint back to the Res?"

I growl in warning. "Watch it Quil!"

"You have no authority over me, and I prefer it that way."

"You're being ridiculous. I'm with Leah, end of story. Nessie has her own love life. You have no reason to hate me Quil!"

Quil shakes his head again, as if he doesn't believe me. I know he doesn't, but he will see it for himself.

"Anyways, I'll be coming back to work as soon as Monday. I'm looking forward to being with you and Em again, like it used to be."

Quil scoffs. "It's never going to be like it used to be Jake. Maybe I'll find work somewhere else."

"Oh come on, man! Don't be like that Quil. Why won't you tell me what the fuck is really going on?"

"You wanna know what's going on? I don't respect you Jacob Black. And I don't need to be friends or brothers with someone I don't respect. We might be related, but that's all."

"All because I wanted something different to you?"

"You don't care about her, you just toss her aside like she's nothing!"

"That's not true Quil! I've tried my best, but I needed time to myself, to just be here at home. You can't fault me for that."

"You don't get it! She's yours, how could you ever need a break? How could you need time away?"

I have no clue what he wants me to say.

"And that's not all. You didn't just abandon her, you abandoned this tribe. Do you know how much Sam has done? He's gotten the government to give us the money finally, after all these years of promises. Everything's going to change, and he'll probably run for some type of office when it's over."

I'm floored by the revelation, but it doesn't surprise me, when considering the type of man that Sam has become over the years. He's very good friends with the Mayor of Forks. He's made all the right connections. He could do it, be in politics, and I'd be proud in my own way.

"I'm glad that Sam could do that Quil. I'm back now, and I hope that we can all work together from now on."

He snorts and shakes his head. "Whatever Jake. Welcome home." Quil turns his back on me and goes back to his work.

"See you Monday," I tell him, even though it's possible that I really might not if he's still angry by then.

I know making amends won't be easy, all that matters is that I tried.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How are you?" Leah asks when I finally get home. She's stretched out on the old couch reading her baby book, an empty bowl of what smells like pie next to her.

"We have pie?" I ask her, instead of answering.

"Yeap, Sue brought it," she chuckles as I go hunting through the containers on the counter. There's food left over and so I fix myself a plate before I indulge in the blue berry pie.

I go over to Leah, sitting in the spot that she makes for me. "Today was fine honey," I finally reply.

Leah wrinkles her nose at me, and points to my shirt. "You smell like her."

I quickly take my shirt off and throw it across the room. "Sorry, I forgot."

"It's nothing, I'll get used to it eventually, I guess. Seth smelled like her too. I don't know which one is more disturbing."

"I hope that you two can become friends Lee. She and Seth seem to mean a lot to each other."

"I know, and honestly, I don't even want to talk about that." She gives me what I know is supposed to be a reassuring smile, but her eyes don't hide that the idea of being around my imprintee freaks Leah out a little bit.

"On my way home I stopped at the shop. I saw Quil and he wasn't ready to accept me back into his life, so, there's that too."

"Sorry about Quil," she rubs my thigh affectionately.

"It's okay, I expected it anyhow."

"Well, I've got some good news?"

"What?" I look over at her, while devouring Sue's lasagne.

"Mom told me about a college savings she'd made for me, says I can have the money to do what I want with. So I was thinking we could fix up the house."

My brow wrinkles at the thought of her using her college fund for this dump. "Leah, you can always go to college some day, don't spend that money on my account."

"It's for OUR future Jake. Baby Black's future. Who knows when I'll be able to go to college?"

"You could go when the baby's old enough for daycare Lee. We have one right here, Kim runs it, so it'll be fine."

Leah shakes her head and gets up off the couch. "Don't be mad," I call behind her as she storms into the bedroom.

I continue to eat, because I know that this conversation isn't over. As if on cue, Leah comes back out and faces me with her hands on her hips. "I thought that we were supposed to be partners, Jacob Black."

"Of course we are, babe." I maintain eye contact with the hormonal she-wolf, because I know that if I even think about looking at the hard nipples that are waving to me right now from her chest, she'll bitch-slap the shit out of me. It's been like this recently, where she barks, bites and then cries, eats and sleeps. Rebecca cautioned me to maintain my cool, and make her see reason only when necessary – otherwise, let her have her way for the sake of peace. I'm not sure which way this particular conversation should swing though. I'm only trying to look out for her future, I want her to have options.

"So why won't you let me help you - help US! I've got the money we need, we can buy the furniture and the baby's stuff. Charlie will ask around to find me a job. We'll be okay. I really believe that."

"But I told you I don't want you to worry or exert yourself Leah. This is our miracle, we have to protect him."

"And I will, I promise. But I'm not made of glass Jake. I worked in Hawaii, I can work here."

"But you'll get bigger, and it'll be harder to manage."

"Then I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Look," Leah seems to soften, and sits next to me again, folding her leg under. "Just let me buy the stove, fridge and a couple other small things for the house, just enough to make us comfortable. Let me help you with this Jacob, please? You're taking on too much stress and I have a way to fix some of that. This is me loving you." She plays with the hair at the back of my neck, which Leah knows causes me to shiver with arousal.

I huff. I know when she's got me beat, and man does she know how to play dirty. "I'll agree but only if you promise to leave something back for college."

Leah kisses my cheek and rests her head on my shoulder. "Deal."

**AN: Sorry I took so long to update, I literally forgot lol. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Next up we hear from Rachel and Rebecca.**


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